hey!! your request is finally finished~ ^-^
thank you so much for requesting and please read the comments from 1 to 6! they are quite long so, I didn't write them in 7 comments! :) hope you like it, and please do tell me your idea~~
(Comment 6)
Your writing is quite well since you honestly give enough information and explanation about different things, I believe you can still explain more, especially the emotions, like when Sana met Jungkook in the library, it was really well-written that how they met for the first time but I needed more from Sana’s emotions!
The plot of your story is quite nice, we have a good girl here, who is perfect in everything, but falls in love with a boy who she knows is not a good man, and is not the suitable perfect one for her, but nevertheless she falls, hard! And then all the dramas came, that depended on your skill to how to plan them up and show them to your readers, I said you could have given more explanation about some parts, and I still believe that there were a couple of scenes you could write more about, but in all honesty you have that good talent of one writer, but you need a little more practice on your writing, maybe you can read some very famous stories in English so that you can improve to a perfect writer cause you are already good to make a plot like this, really interesting! :)
The plot is not unique, honestly, but with your talent you have made it to a quite nice success, this story manages to attract the attention of many, since different scenes and plots are made pretty well, it has this combination of fluff and angst and also romance, and it is really heartwarming in my opinion, I enjoyed reading it, even though I am not a fan of straightness, but the couple was so cute!
(Comment 5)
Give more details about your characters and not just a bunch of adjectives related to them, in general, I believe your story needs more explanations, for people and also the different places! Detail is what makes the story more effective and as long as the author is not able to paint a picture of their story in reader’s imagination, she/he is not good at writing! (don’t take it personally, I don’t mean you are not a good writer, in fact, you actually are!)
However, as I have said before, you need to improve your ability about your characters’ development, I need more about your every character that show up in the story, I want to know what they really are, I want to be able to imagine them in my head just like how you do, but I can’t, since despite the explanation you have given about Jungkook and Sana, the two main roles, there is still much vagueness about them in the story, from what I have read I kinda understand and can conclude that Jungkook could be a caring person, just like how he reacted once he found her crying! But everything happens because of a reason, right? I know this story was mostly from Sana’s side, but I believe you could widen his character and at some points Sana’s character a little more to us! All in all, I didn’t manage to meet the characters that well, it could be better!
(Comment 4)
Hmm, the good thing about this story is the flow, it wasn’t rushed that much, they met, got close, started speaking directly and then fell in love at a nice speed, despite it being actually a one-shot as you said in one of the author’s notes! It is really nice how you made it having a kinda slow pace, this is one of the attributes of the story, making it flow within the limited word count of 10k! :) however, I found the last chapter a little surprising, not rushed, I’d say! Like how all of a sudden, she had to leave to Japan? All of a sudden, she decided to leave Jungkook for a childish reason to stop talking to him and having him as his lover! It would be better if you could give a little information about all of these in the previous chapters! like, her parents weren’t even close to her nor even contacting her at one moment, and then at the next moment all of a sudden, his father called her that she needed to go back to Japan? Yes, she was sick, but the fact that it all happened too rushed and surprisingly wasn’t quite nice!
(Comment 3)
Story’s beginning is really good, I really like how it starts, it gives a little about how the situation is at the moment or what condition it has, so great job on it! But beginnings like this require lots of attention and you need to be careful not to make mistakes when using different tenses and not to use a wrong tense!
The ending, which I count as an open ending, was good as well, I like how unlike maybe most of the romantic stories, they didn’t end up having all those lovey-dovey moments, just like how you yourself explained in the forword of the story, this story didn’t take the romance genre on a way too high level, so the ending didn’t sound boring to me!
About their exchanged notes, I got to admit that it was a little bit vague? I mean I’d like to know why Sana decided to do that all of a sudden, or how Jungkook found it was actually Sana who had engraved the letters on the desk! And all, I think this part also needs a little bit clarification! But I like this exchanging style too much Haha xD
(Comment 2)
The first thing that comes to my mind about your story, (especially chapter one) is that you have too many tense (though it’s not a major problem for readers), and also there are some grammatical mistakes related to tense you need to take care of, like:
“Sana was everything a girl wants to be, she’s prim and proper. She’s pretty, she’s smart. she just seems so perfect…”
You are explaining a girl’s character that does not exist anymore, as you, yourself said, “Sana WAS everything a girl wants to be”, she is not anymore, she is not pretty nor perfect so you have to use the past tense here!
So, the right form is this:
“Sana was everything a girl wants to be, she was prim and proper. She was pretty, she was smart. she just seemed so perfect…”
There are also more like this problem, especially right after this sentence, but I can’t write more!
In my opinion, you can ask a beta reader to help you out with all the errors that are in your story! There are also some spelling errors as well, fix them to make your story a lot sweeter!
(Continuous of Comment 1)
But things other than that is nice and everything, as well as the credits, are written nicely! Also, (I was about to forget lmao) I admit I really the fact you have given your own thoughts about the story’s vibes in the lines after that cute video you have added in the forword! So, this part kinda covers the second part of the forword where you explain about your previous plot (which I’m still against xD)!
(Comment 1)
Hey!
“Back To Square One” in my opinion is a catchy and unique title, it attracts attention even though it sounds a little cliché at the first sight, but because of its feature that makes the reader think a little, the more you get into it and the description, the more you know that it is not offering a cliché story, however I have yet to see how it is related to the plot of your story since I haven’t read the fiction fully yet, as it is not how my comment reviews work! :) (it actually turned out so related and awesome for your story as I read your whole fiction! Awesome)
As for the description, the fact that you have decided to give a small glimpse of the whole story is really nice and is what I like about one story, I’d say, but I feel like it is not as interesting as the title, you could add some of the small emotions to show the vibe of the fiction! like, is it fluffy, angsty or absolute romantic? How is it going to be? Show what Sana’s life is going to change to? Not completely, though, as I said, a small glimpse! So, a little change might do well!
I actually didn’t like the introduction you had given about the story in the forword, cause firstly, there are some grammatical errors you need to fix, and secondly it is guiding the readers toward something else than the story itself, since you are saying you didn’t have the intention to make the story like what it is now and instead you wanted something different that you have also explained about in there, I know it is kinda like an author’s note, but it is guiding in a wrong path, nevertheless!
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