It’s stressful, Yongsun realises, having to deal with everything at once.

She’s too tired- with preparing for a comeback, several endorsements and a million other worries that come with being the leader of Mamamoo, too exhausted to deal with Hyejin’s sass, Wheein’s energy, and especially Byulyi’s grease.

She’s tired of being paranoid when Byulyi stares at her shamelessly in front of half a dozen cameras and countless pairs of eyes watching their every move, of having to react in one way or another whenever somebody’s around because they’ll and find out and she can’t ever let that happen.

But most of all, she’s tired of not being able to control the way her heart races when Byulyi smiles at her or stop how her cheeks go warm at her touch because then Byulyi will know.

So one day, Kim Yongsun snaps.

“Ye-ba,” Byulyi slides an arm around her waist, naturally seeking warmth and finding it in Yongsun’s presence. “Let’s go already, I’m cold.” She whines and rests her head on Yongsun’s shoulder. The fans in front of them squeal and reach forward with phones and cameras, the clicking of camera shutters and flashes of bright lights making Yongsun dizzy.

Wheein and Hyejin voice similar thoughts as they snuggle just a few feet away, holding each other.

It’s an anger that has been building up for far too long, kept inside far too many times and Yongsun struggles to keep it all in, struggles to not lash out at Byulyi.

Instead, she yanks her arm away as discreetly as possible so that the fans won’t notice but roughly enough to startle the younger girl and walks away.

She doesn’t spare a glance in Byulyi’s direction as they wave goodbye to the fans.

They don’t talk to each other the entire ride home.

“Yongsun, what was that?”

She doesn’t want to answer, the day’s events having drained her of so much energy that she feels like she can collapse at any minute.

Byulyi’s fingers take hold of her wrist in a loose grip and the anger comes back and claws at her insides again.

“Yongsun,” Byulyi looks at her with concern, gaze gentle yet firm, and she feels her heart speed up involuntarily again.

It’s too much.

“Stop that,” she snaps, pulling her wrist out of Byulyi’s hold. “Stop touching me like that.”

Byulyi takes a small step back, a hurt expression marring her face.

Yongsun feels a stab of guilt sink into her skin but she ignores it, the dam finally starts opening, and all hell breaks lose inside her.

“Its annoying and just- disgusting, okay?”

You’re lying.

“I don’t like it when you touch me like that.”

Another lie.

“This stupid ‘greasiness’ has to stop.”

Lies. They’re all lies.

“I hate it.”

Stop it, Yongsun.

“I tell you again and again to stop but you keep doing it- are you deaf or something? What, are you tone deaf now?”

Shut up, you’re hurting her!

“Maybe that’s why you can’t sing!”

The instant the words leave , bitter regret sobers her up, clears her of any remaining fury, leaving behind only a rapidly numbing realisation of her words.

Byulyi doesn’t move, doesn’t say anything at all. Instead she smiles, a sad sort of smile that makes Yongsun’s heart drop.

Byulyi’s eyes are anything but smiling.

“B-Byulyi, I-“

“I promise it won’t happen again.”

Byulyi takes a few steps back and bows, a foreign gesture so distant and formal that Yongsun feels clog up, opening up but no words come out.

Yongsun watches as Byulyi walks out of her room.

Something ends when Byulyi disappears from her sight and she hears her door close with a click.

And with that Byulyi seals the deal.

It becomes jarringly obvious that everything is different the next morning.

Byulyi is nowhere to be seen even though she is usually the first to be ready. Yongsun fights an internal struggle not to go and check up on her, worry fraying at her nerves as she paces around next to the car.

“Unnie! What happened?” Wheein asks when Byulyi finally heads down, the manager at her heels. Yongsun in a breath when she looks at Byulyi’s face. “Your eyes are so red. Are you sick?”

Byulyi shakes her head. “Stayed up late watching dramas.”

Bloodshot eyes avoid hers.

Byulyi walks past her like nothing is wrong, like nothing happened in the confines of Yongsun’s apartment, like Yongsun’s venom has not irreparably scarred her.

It scares her more than anything ever has in her entire life.

Byulyi stops touching Yongsun unnecessarily, stops the gentle caresses and careless skinship. Byulyi locks away that part of her, throws away the key in her deepest of dreams and wakes up everyday feeling lost and empty.

Yongsun quickly realises the severity of the situation when Byulyi doesn’t hold her hand or sit next to her during the interview. There are no intimate touches, no bright smiles, and no adoring words to fluster her.

“We should mix things up,” Kim Ho Doon, their CEO, says as they leave. “I know it’ll be weird at first but we have to get used to it.”

They change positions and it’s weird looking into Hyejin’s eyes instead of Byulyi’s.

Yongsun looks away when Byulyi leans into Wheein’s neck and laughs.

“I’m going out to get something to eat.” Byulyi announces when they’re all resting in the dance studio.

“Could you get me some chocolates?” Hyejin smiles.

“Oh,” Wheein looks up from her phone. “Instant noodles, please!”

Byulyi flashes a thumbs-up and Yongsun’s breath hitches when she turns to look at her.

“Do you want anything unnie?”

“Ah- just a drink, maybe- anything works,” she stutters, unprepared for the question.

Byulyi nods and leaves.

“That’s weird,” Wheein says. “Usually she doesn’t ask you what you want. She just gets you the same thing she’s getting.”

Hyejin voices her agreement but Yongsun doesn’t hear her, doesn’t keep her eyes off the door, Wheein’s words echoing in her head.

Days pass.

Byulyi still laughs and talks to her and it feels like nothing has changed, but it has.

Yongsun hates it.

A quiet sort of panic settles inside her when she finds Byulyi gradually getting more and more distant. She showers Wheein and Hyejin with affectionate touches, the kind she used to bless Yongsun with and she is terrified.

Now she is the one who can’t stop touching Byulyi. She has taken to grabbing her hand in public and leaning into her whenever they are beside each other but Byulyi doesn’t reciprocate.

Instead she gently pulls away from Yongsun with a startling solemnness.

Byulyi doesn’t want to touch her anymore.

Yongsun lives through sleepless nights, loss tearing at her, keeping her awake, crafts apologies in her head that will never leave her lips.

“Did something happen between you two?” Wheein approaches her backstage, arms folded across her chest but concern brewing in her eyes.

“I said something stupid.” Yongsun closes her eyes, the memory making her head throb. “Something I can’t take back.”

“Try talking to her. Hyejin and I are worried,” Wheein glances away to look at Byulyi napping against Hyejin. “She’s not eating much and…”

“And what?” Yongsun’s tone is laced with worry. “What’s wrong?”

Wheein looks conflicted, eyes shifting between Byulyi and Yongsun. “I don’t think I should-“

“Wheein, please,” She pleads. “I need to know- I need to make this right again.”

Yongsun is desperate.

“Please.”

“She cries in her sleep.” Wheein mumbles, looking at the floor. “She slept over at our place yesterday and she was crying and shaking-“ She looks up again. “I don’t want to see her like that ever again, unnie.”

Yongsun breaks down in Wheein’s arms.

Byulyi comes back home to her apartment one night to find Jjing Jjing pawing at her the moment she walks in.

“Whoa,” she mutters and squats down to pet the dog. “Jjing Jjing? How did you get in here?”

Yongsun takes a deep breath and walks out from her hiding spot. Byulyi doesn’t move, her eyes never leaving the older girl as she stands in front of her.

Yongsun fidgets under her intense gaze.

“How did you get in here?”

Byulyi is blunt and cold and all the bravado Yongsun has been building up leaves her in a flash.

“I had the spare key.” Yongsun replies meekly.

“Oh,” Byulyi sounds surprised, as though she had completely forgotten that she had given it to Yongsun once upon a time. “You can throw it away if you want.”

Yongsun’s breath hitches but she ignores the prickling in her eyes at Byulyi’s dismissive words. She is there for a reason and she isn’t going to back down now.

“Can we talk…?”

“Of course,” Byulyi says, standing up and walking past Yongsun, being careful to subtly dodge the hand that reaches out to grab her arm.

Honestly, it’s petty and Byulyi feels a little stupid and a little childish all at once but she is just so tired and angry with Yongsun that she doesn’t care.

“What is it-“ she turns around and stops. “Yongsun?”

Yongsun’s fists are tight at her side. Her eyes are screwed shut and she’s biting her lips and holding back her tears but her efforts fail and all Yongsun manages to do is to hold back her sobs and feel fat water droplets fall on her feet.

Yongsun is crying.

“I’m sorry-“ she takes a shuddering, shaky breath and makes a futile attempt to hide behind the sleeves of her shirt, and the cotton does its job of soaking up her tears. “I’m sorry, I was so stupid and I’m sorry…”

Byulyi takes a step forward but Yongsun puts a hand up, halting her in her tracks.

“Yongsun-“

“No, no you have to listen first. Please,” Yongsun exhales to calm herself down. “Just- just give me a chance to tell you what I need to even if I don’t deserve it.”

Byulyi looks unsure, one part worried about Yongsun and the other wanting to escape the conversation but she hesitantly nods.

“Everything I did and said that day was stupid. I was being insensitive and foolish and I regret every single word that left my mouth.” Yongsun manages to speak without stuttering. “They were all lies. I was just frustrated and tired of everything and I took it all out on you when you were just trying to talk to me and-“

She chokes back another sob.

“And I hurt you, Byulyi, I hurt the person I care about most and I can never forgive myself for that.” Yongsun’s knees buckle.

Byulyi is at her side instantly, and by pure reflex, pulls Yongsun into a hug, holds her tight as she wails. Yongsun’s arms fling around her neck as her body sags against Byulyi.

“I’m sorry Byul,” she tries to speak, but her voice is heavy and clogged with a flood of emotions. “I’m so sorry-!”

Byulyi pulls her closer and Yongsun responds instantly, pressing her body to Byulyi’s as close as she can, the familiarity of Byulyi’s body warmth, of Byulyi’s scent reviving her with relief she hasn’t felt for what seems like years.

They stay on the floor like that, with Jjing Jjing pawing at them, with Yongsun crying and Byulyi holding onto her.

Byulyi speaks up after Yongsun calm down.

“I…” She says. “I thought a lot about it after what you said. And I guess the only reason why I wasn’t outright furious with you was because what you said was partially true.”

Yongsun freezes.

“Anybody would get tired of that kind of touchy stuff after so long. And it’s true that I can’t really sing- I’m a rapper.” A bitter laugh escapes her. Byulyi stares at the wall, not wanting to pull away from Yongsun because despite all the hurt and anger, Yongsun’s embrace is something she has really, really missed.

“No.”

Yongsun breaks away from her hold, holds her face in trembling hands, red eyes wide and clear and it takes Byulyi’s breath away.

“Don’t say that. Don’t think like that.” Yongsun’s shaky voice pleads with her. “Don’t believe those lies.”

She brings their faces closer and Byulyi can feel Yongsun’s breath hitting her lips.

“I love your greasiness. I love the way you make me feel,” Yongsun whispers. “I love when you look at me like I’m the only thing that matters.”

Byulyi can’t look away.

“You make me feel like I could love you in every single lifetime we meet when you touch me like that.”

It all comes out in one heartfelt confession.

Yongsun’s words are uttered in sincerity, and each word breaks Byulyi a little more.

“And your voice,” Yongsun sighs, “I could listen to your voice all day and I’d never get tired of it. You are such a talented singer with so much potential…”

She trails off.

“So much potential that I’m scared one day will come when you’ll finally leave us.”

Byulyi gasps. “I would never-“

“I know. I know you wouldn’t,” Yongsun bites her lip. “But you can. You’re our anchor. You could leave and you’d still be as strong as you are with us.”

“Yongsun…”

“Wait, no, that’s not the point here. The point is that you are more than what you think you are. And I’m sorry for making you think that you’re not.”

Byulyi lets Yongsun’s confession sink in the ensuing silence, ponders over everything that has happened, takes in Yongsun’s nervous frame in front of her.

“Will… will you forgive me?”

She has only one thing to say to that.

“How can I not forgive someone so pretty?”

A/N:

It turned out to be a lot angstier than I thought it'd be and not really answering the prompt? I'll write another one that's more in line with the prompt soon.