☂ ☂ ☂

 

 

 

Wonwoo at his lips slowly, keeping his eyes on the boy in front of him with more than a twinge of trepidation. Mingyu is silent, and apparently he’s stupid as well, because he doesn’t even react to Wonwoo’s confession. His fingers pause on a page, but only for a moment before he’s going back to reading his book and humming a song tunelessly under his breath. Wonwoo isn’t entirely sure that Mingyu isn’t deaf or suicidal.

 

“Did you not hear what I just said, Mingyu?”

 

The younger boy hesitates for a moment, but then he turns around to face Wonwoo and nod once slowly. His passivity only serves to aggravate Wonwoo; he wants to strangle him. Wonwoo grabs Mingyu’s wrist, baring his teeth fiercely because Mingyu still isn’t getting the point.

 

Now, Mingyu isn’t the most observant person, but it has been years— even he has to have noticed the way Wonwoo’s canines end in sharpened tips, or how his skin is always abnormally pale. The way Wonwoo disappears for days on end from their shared apartment when the temperature gets too high, or the way Wonwoo’s eyes sometimes glow a little too red to be natural.

 

Wonwoo doesn’t want to hurt Mingyu by dragging him into his dark world. Mingyu would only end up tainted and broken if Wonwoo continued to stay, so Wonwoo tries to end things in the simplest, most truthful way possible, because Mingyu deserves the truth, even if it’s frightening. It’s too dangerous, way too dangerous for Mingyu to be around him, and Wonwoo hates himself for letting things get this far in the first place.

 

Wonwoo pulls Mingyu up from his place on the couch and presses him against the wall roughly. Mingyu winces, but his dark, warm eyes are devoid of fear. He holds Wonwoo gently by the shoulders, gaze soft but firm. Exasperated at Mingyu’s lack of self-awareness, Wonwoo shrugs Mingyu’s hands off and leans in, pinning him harder against the concrete and breathing deeply against his neck. The scent of Mingyu’s blood so close sends Wonwoo’s mind into a downward spiral; it's as potent and sharp as the first time it happened three long years ago. It’s only a matter of time before Wonwoo loses himself, and when that happens, both of them will be crushed, Mingyu beyond repair.

 

“I could kill you right now, right here if I wanted to, don’t you understand that?” Wonwoo murmurs softly before dragging his teeth over Mingyu’s collarbones. He grips Mingyu and presses his fangs painfully into Mingyu’s skin, because Wonwoo needs Mingyu to understand that this isn’t a ing game. The longer he stays, the more likely Wonwoo is going to be selfish, and Mingyu hurt.

 

“Just leave, Mingyu. Leave!”

 

Mingyu continues to stay silent, and Wonwoo groans. He pulls away while slumping down to the floor, pressing his hands to his eyes and asking himself, why why why did he have to be weak that one time and let Mingyu into his life (and heart)?

 

There’s the sound of fading footsteps and a distant door slamming, and Wonwoo is in agony. He gasps for air, unable to breathe, because Mingyu is gone and without him, Wonwoo isn’t whole.

 

He runs his fingers through his hair and pulls at the dark strands harshly, closing his eyes. A scream rips from Wonwoo’s throat, and it’s a while before he is able to properly compose himself. He wraps his arms around his knees, tucking them up under his chin. Wonwoo doesn’t know how long he stays in this position, but it’s long enough to make his back stiff and legs numb. He stays still, and thinks of Mingyu’s smile, the way his lips would lift into the prettiest grin whenever they were together. It almost tears him apart, how much his heart is aching at the thought of never seeing it again.

 

A sudden pressure weighs down on Wonwoo’s shoulders, and he looks up. Mingyu drapes the thick blanket carefully around Wonwoo, and Wonwoo is speechless, because Mingyu hasn’t left— he is right here, right here in front of him again.

 

Mingyu cups Wonwoo’s cheeks gently and brushes his thumbs across them, and Wonwoo has to fight hard against the urge to lean into Mingyu’s touch and pull him closer.

 

“I don’t care what you are, Wonwoo, because I love you no matter what. Wherever you go, I’ll follow.” Mingyu says quietly, and he presses his lips to Wonwoo’s forehead. They are warm against the older boy’s cold skin.

 

Wonwoo grasps tightly onto Mingyu’s arms, and he’s short of breath, because Mingyu is fleeting and Mingyu is ephemeral, and Wonwoo is the worst person for him to ever be with.

 

“Don’t be a ing idiot—”

 

Mingyu cuts Wonwoo’s piercing words off with an urgent kiss. Wonwoo immediately relinquishes the tiny shred of self-control he has left and kisses back. It’s scorching, inelegant and coarse, a mess of clashing teeth and swollen lips, but inherent in the kiss are all the words Wonwoo can’t bring himself to say and all the feelings he can’t seem to express. Wonwoo can feel the heat of the blood coursing through Mingyu’s veins, and it sets his throat on fire, an inferno that burns and overwhelms.

 

Mingyu pulls away first but not for long. He curls up in front of Wonwoo, seated between his legs and face pressed against his chest. Wonwoo realises that Mingyu is shaking, and his cheeks are streaked with the telltale sign of tears.

 

Mingyu is just as dependent on Wonwoo as Wonwoo is on him.

 

“I love you, isn’t that enough?” Mingyu whispers, and his voice cracks despite his efforts to keep it steady. Wonwoo’s lips twist into a tortured scowl and he glances down. The despair in Mingyu’s tone is enough for Wonwoo to know that Mingyu isn’t alright, and that deep down inside, he knows that what they have is doomed.

 

Wonwoo wraps his arms around Mingyu and rests his face against the younger man’s shoulder, shutting his eyes.

 

The two of them are broken hearts teetering on the edge of oblivion, both pretending to fix whatever’s left of their shattered souls with the other’s presence, both never acknowledging the persistent hollowness their shared kisses and touches will never be able to overcome. Their shared dependence is nothing more than a temporary balm, only capable of providing the briefest of respites. Wonwoo knows this all too well— since their very first meeting in fact, but Mingyu is everything he needs and more, so Wonwoo ignores and buries his conscience.

 

“Am I not enough?” Mingyu’s voice is barely audible, muffled by the cloth of Wonwoo’s jacket, but Wonwoo can hear him all too clearly.

 

Mingyu deserves someone who can love him properly and not hurt him, someone who isn’t liable to lash out and erupt at any given moment, but Wonwoo is cowardly, selfish, and not strong enough to leave. it all.

Moonlight streams through the translucent curtains, dimly illuminating the room. Wonwoo holds the weeping boy in his arms tighter, bracing his heart, and dreading the moment he’d have to let go.

 

 

 

☂ ☂ ☂