Yesung stood behind a tree a top of a hill. He leaned on it with hands on his pockets as he watched a wedding about to take place. His gaze never left the groom who kept fidgeting in front of the altar. He’s nervous, who wouldn’t be? This is a wedding ceremony wherein you’ll be bounded to a woman and create your own family.

                He didn’t care about the setting of the place. For all he knows, this is a white wedding, because everything’s white, as if emitting a pure aura. He, however, was wearing a black overall. He’s mourning over the love he lost, a love he let go because he’s a coward.

                The ceremony soon started. The music played and everyone stood up, their eyes in the direction of the flower-decorated arc. The groom smiled brightly when he saw his bride, being escorted by her father. Yesung clutched his hand inside his pocket; he willed his tears not to fall. Everything would’ve been ok if it weren’t for the mistake he did 3 years ago.

~FLASHBACK~

                It was raining hard outside, Yesung sat on one corner of the café with a cup in hand. He mindlessly watched the people outside either running or taking their time with an umbrella. He’s waiting for someone, well not just someone. He’s waiting for his lover, Kyuhyun.

                The door opened which revealed a slightly wet young man if not for the umbrella he folded. Yesung stared at him and waited to be noticed. The man’s gaze landed on him and soon, a smile made its way to his face.

                “Jongwoon!”

                Kyuhyun made his way to Yesung’s table and sat comfortably opposite his lover. “Sorry I was late. Did you wait long?” The latter offered him a handkerchief to wipe away the traces of rain on his forehead. He gladly accepted it, happy that his boyfriend was being affectionate.

                “I just got here. Work got you busy?” Yesung asked as he took a sip from his coffee. A waitress came and gave Kyuhyun a cup of hot chocolate, the one the former ordered beforehand. The latter gingerly took a sip and sighed contentedly.

                The brunette looked at the man in front of him confusedly. Yesung averted his eyes and turned to the window beside them. “What’s the occasion? You only do this when there’s something” Smart. That’s what Yesung thought when he heard Kyuhyun. Of course the brunette would ask; this action of his is not normal. He couldn’t answer; he couldn’t look at him in the eye.

Saying that this moment is the last to you whom I loved so much
Even if you try to turn it back
Even if you hold onto me crying
I was the one who said no and bid our farewell

                When the brunette didn’t receive an answer, he tried again. “Seriously Jongwoon, what’s all this for? I’m happy for the coffee but your silent treatment is killing me” He drank from his hot chocolate while his eyes examined his latter’s face for any reaction. Yesung turned his face and stared at him straight in the eye, expression blank but his eyes were the complete opposite. It was an emotion Kyuhyun couldn’t put his finger on. He placed his cup down on the table and waited for the man to speak up.

                Yesung sighed. This was harder than he thought it would be. His lover now looked worried, for he didn’t speak to him that much. Usually, he’s the talkative one, although he’s older than him by 4 years.

                “Let’s break up”

                Kyuhyun’s face fell. Yesung thought he must’ve revealed the words too soon for the other’s liking. He’s got no other choice but to do it, he can’t think of a way to break up with the latter without him being hurt too much.

                Then the brunette began to laugh. “That was a joke right? You’re joking right? That was funny but please don’t joke on something…” He stopped laughing when he saw the look on his lover’s face. “…like that”

                Tears start to form on the younger’s eyes. “Why?” was all he could say. The lump on his throat was beginning to grow heavier. Yesung still has that face of indifference. It was frustrating, for Kyuhyun of course.

                “You’re young Kyuhyun. You have a future ahead of you. Your future with me is uncertain and I don’t want that for you. I can’t give you something only a woman could do for you”

                Kyuhyun clenched his fist in anger. Tears freely fell from his eyes. “I told you a million times that I don’t need any of those. If you want to have a kid we could always adopt. Please don’t let go. We can work this out please Jongwoon” He extended his arm and held onto Yesung’s hand gently.

                “It’s not that simple Kyuhyun. We’re both guys, we can’t apply for adoption even if we want to. Besides, we’re in a society where homouality is not entirely accepted. I’m tired of being mocked and insulted. I can’t take it anymore. Let’s just end this so that both of us won’t have to suffer anymore” The first half was true and the rest was all lies. He couldn’t say that to Kyuhyun though, it would ruin the chances of the latter agreeing.

                “No please! We’ll work this out. Please Jongwoon! Don’t leave me! You know I love you so please don’t leave me” Kyuhyun pleaded, tears falling endlessly from his eyes. He didn’t care that his voice was loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. Nobody uttered a word, it seems they respected the privacy of their conversation.

Hurting, you try to hold me back
But I’m a cowardly man
Who doesn’t have the confidence to give happiness to anyone

                He didn’t hold onto Kyuhyun’s hand as much as how the brunette held onto him. If only he knew how much he wanted to hold him in his arms and say he’s kidding and everything he said earlier was a joke. If only the sad reality of life were lies. If only… There are a lot of “if only’s” running through his mind right now but he need to compose himself. He can take the mask of indifference the sooner this is over with.

                “I’m really sorry Kyuhyun but our journey together ends here. I hope that you’ll be happy. Let’s never meet again” With those final words, he pried Kyuhyun’s hands off of his and hurriedly left the café. If he stayed a second longer, the brunette might see him break down and cry. He’ll be suspicious of his decision and everything he planned would be put to waste.

Even if we are ever to regret our breakup
I can’t do anything but give you our farewell

                Kyuhyun didn’t- couldn’t move. He was too stunned. Did Yesung really break up with him? Did he really leave him? For good?  Everything was too much for him that he even thought it was a dream. He thought he needed to wake up from this nightmare. But of course, life is a . He’s awake; he knew that from the beginning. If this was a dream, he wouldn’t feel a pang on his chest when his lover told him they should break up.

                Yesung, his lover, left him broken. His eyes started to blur once more as tears formed. He didn’t hold back this time. He cried, wailed even, for his loss. He didn’t care if there’re people inside the café. They must’ve heard the break up earlier. He was oblivious of the stares people were giving him. Most were of sympathy while one person of annoyance. The manager quietly apologized to the customers and turned to talk to Kyuhyun to ask him to leave but one of the regular’s told her otherwise. So for 15 minutes, Kyuhyun cried then left tiredly. He apologized to the customers and especially to the manager.

                Meanwhile, out in the rain, Yesung’s tears fell endlessly. No one noticed because the rain became his façade, he can blame the rain for the water in his eyes. He doesn’t want to break up with Kyuhyun; he loved the man too much. If only their parents accepted their relationship, everything would’ve gone smoothly. The world was against their love for each other. He knew then that they weren’t meant to be and it’s time to let each other go. But why does it have to hurt so much? It felt as if his heart was gripped tightly, his chest punched and his eyes rubbed many times.

                He didn’t notice that his feet brought him up hill. He knelt down to pray to God, if he even existed because his life is too messy right now to believe in him. He prayed for Kyuhyun to be happy despite not being with him. He prayed for Kyuhyun to forget about him. He prayed that someday, Kyuhyun would be able to forgive him. He chuckled humorlessly when he realized that everything he did so far was always for Kyuhyun. He forgot how it feels to do something for himself. Even his prayer earlier is for Kyuhyun. How nostalgic, he thought.

Don’t love someone like me again
Don’t make someone to miss again
One who looks at only you and needs only you
Meet someone who loves you so much
They can’t go a day without you

~END OF FLASHBACK~

                Yesung willed himself not to run and stop the wedding. It took a great amount of reasoning for him to do that. It was hard, yes he admitted that, but this is what he wished for 3 years ago on the exact place. He wished for Kyuhyun to be happy and now he is. The bride was 3 or 4 steps away from the altar now. Yesung decided that it’s time for him to go now. If he stayed more, he might break down. He’s a coward, he realized that 3 years ago. He turned to his heel and walked away. He missed the look Kyuhyun gave him.

               Yes, Kyuhyun noticed him. He still loves the older but he thought the latter doesn’t anymore. He turned to his bride and smiled widely to her. “Maybe this is my happiness now. Goodbye Yesung and thank you. May you find your own happiness yourself” Kyuhyun thought before turning to the priest in front of them.

Don’t cry in pain
Counting the time that’s passed
Don’t miss a foolish love that’s already passed
One who looks at only you and needs only you
Meet someone who loves you so much
They can’t go a day without you