If only he had the chance.
If only he had a courage.
If only … Yes Lee Seokmin. He had a reincarnation and hopefully he could meet Soonyoung again. It was totally fine when he could befriend with him. But Soonyoung he met in this life quite different with their past life. Soon young sometimes gapped himself from Seokmin.

Seokmin tidied his book. He glanced at Soonyoung who took a seat far from him. The class had been ended a while ago but he kept sitting there and did nothing. Seokmin clung his bag onto his back and came closer to Soonyoung’s spot. The sunset light rayed their beautiful from the window cranny which fell on Soonyoung just made it as a beautiful view he ever seen.
“Hyung?” Soon young turned his face and made them looking at the eyes. His pupils trembled. He bit his lip. Seokmin barely touched his lips if only Kei and Yuju did not burst themselves into his class and dragged him forcefully. The latter just saw him and gave a weak smile. Seokmin could feel his heart bleeding after seeing his weak smile. He had promised once about Soonyoung but why he never remembered the promised he made. His body just wanted to be by his side but his logical mind forced him to not hurt the bunny cheek man.

Seokmin was a wedding singer. He worked under Jihoon’s agency. He usually took a job as a wedding singer if Jeonghan asked him for it and compelled Jihoon to do so. But Soonyoung was originally work with Jisoo, Jeonghan’s spouse, as a manager in his company. So it needed coincidental occasion to bump them together. Just like the recent one. There was a wedding reception from Jisoo’s business partner who had married with his new wife and Jeonghan shall take over the core. He asked Seokmin to do the job. As usual, Jeonghan would urge Jihoon to fulfil his request with one stipulation, redeem the fee of Jeonghan’s leasing service for his wedding reception. And the latter just agreed it. No one knew he caused Jisoo to give some money to his organiser and recovering the employee’s salary of Jeonghan by means of using his own savings. Jisoo never complained about it unless Jeonghan recommended him for corrupting then he could be a monster who mad for a month. But no, Seokmin never heard Jisoo getting mad at Jeonghan. He wondered how they were reunited in this life. He wondered if he had a chance to be Soonyoung’s mate just like Jeonghan and Jisoo. But no, with the sad outlook he ever heard, he was afraid to see himself hurting him in the same way he used to do in the past.

Seokmin wandered around the venue. Occasionally he sought for Soonyoung’s sign. Whether he would attend or not since Jisoo usually asked him to join the event and would be acknowledge as adopted child of Jisoo and Jeonghan. And there, he was chatting with his co-worker. Seokmin smiled and came closer to them.
“Soonyoung?” The chat stopped. Soon young turned his eyes to Seokmin and then his co-worker left them both. Seokmin cleared his throat.
“You again.” He said coldly.
“It’s not you again, it’s Seokmin.” He gave a sweet smile to him. Soon young chuckled. “Singer again?” He asked and took a glimpse at Seokmin.
He nodded. “Just like usual. A singer for a wedding. I wonder if who will be my wedding singer when I marry someone.” Seokmin smiled sheepishly. Soon young just hummed. “Yuju or Kei?” He offered an option. The latter shook his head. “Neither of them.”
Soon young tilted his head as if he thought hardly. “Eunbi? Soojeong?” In his head honestly, there were plenty girls’ name who close to Seokmin or even adored him but the latter did not notice it, since the girls only bumped themselves to Soonyoung and begged a tips to get Seokmin’s heed.
Seokmin beamed. “Neither them.”
“Then who?” He asked calmly. “You.” He choked. Seokmin looked at him worriedly while the latter suddenly snickered and gave an unimpressed look. “So funny.” He left Seokmin who dumbfounded at his weird behaviour. A tapped on his shoulder by Jisoo retrieved him out from his daydreaming. Jisoo smiled weakly as he guided Seokmin to his spot before the wedding started. His eyes began searching his presence but he did not get him. Perhaps he sat somewhere out of his sight. He breathed out heavily.

The ceremony was ended. One by one of the guests left the venue and got back to their home. And here they were, Seokmin carried his backpack and glanced at a figure who standing at lobby and  approached him. “Hyung?” He titled his head and checked on him. “You need a drive for home?” He asked. Soon young hurriedly unplugged his earphone off from his ear.
“No, I'm fine. I will go home with Jisoo hyung and Jeonghan hyung.” He smiled.
Seokmin nodded. “Oh, really fine.” Another one just followed nodding. “Yeah.” Then it broke a pause between them. Seokmin did not know how started a chat to him. He was doubt of himself. A car stopped in front the lobby. Seokmin knew it was Jeonghan’s car.
“Hyung?” He called him before he took a leave. “Yes.” Soonyoung's eyes surprisingly fell on Seokmin’s eyes and gave a goosebumps to him. He caressed and stretched his nape which somehow it was totally not itched. “Do you have a time on weekend?” He carefully asked him.
Soon young shrugged. “Perhaps yes, why?”
“Could we go out?” Seokmin grimaced awkwardly while the latter squinted at him.
“I can’t give you the answer today. Soon, I will give the answer.” He waved a hand and got into Jeonghan’s car and left him twice without any further or impressing reaction.
While along the way to home, Soonyoung just daydreamed and tapped his chin while fixing his eyes on the street. Jisoo found it weird to see their Soonyoung being like this. He used to be cheering up the mood in the car but this night was different from the other night. Jisoo glanced at his serious boyfriend and rubbing his hand gently to have a look at him.
“Soonyoung, are you okay?” Jeonghan asked while stealing a glance at Soonyoung between his driving. “Yes, hyung.” He mumbled but it was obvious to them that he was literally not okay.
“Something bothers your mind?” Jisoo asked. He puffed which literally made a dew and ran his finger to draw a thing on it. “Actually, yes.”
“May I know what is that?” He asked discreetly as he did not go far to step on someone’s privacy. “Seokmin.” He answered.
Jeonghan cleared his throat like he felt it was overall strange and deja vu. “O-okay.” He mumbled. “What’s the matter?” He asked again. Jisoo just heard them calmly and still remained as if he was not wanting himself to mock Soonyoung to the corner and preached him.
“I’m hurt.” He whispered.
“Huh?” Jeonghan reacted. His hand spun the steer to turn the left. His mind totally fixed on driving and hearing Soonyoung’s story was a sidelines. Soon young shed his tears secretly. Lucky to sit behind Jisoo’s seat, so none of them could notice how the pain tortured him.
“Whenever I'm around him, I feel a pain inside me.” He patted his chest gently, calmed his heart on his way and not wanting to get them to stop the car somewhere before they parked on their house just for hearing his cry. “I don’t get your point. Explain more detail.” Jeonghan commented.
“Heart broken? Is it the correct word to explain it?” He doubted of giving the keyword to his hyungs. “Then, don’t go closer to him.” A stab slashed his poor heart. He never knew this night was a night he heard a straight-forward answer for him.
“I want but he asked me before.” He said, part of lie, part of doubt.
“Ask what?” He knew he just increase tensed Jeonghan’s strict law and motherly instinct to prevent the son to get more pain. “To go out with him.” He gulped as if he was aware of Jeonghan’s bullet answer. “Then refuse it, it’s as simple as that, Soonyoung.” He chuckled angrily.
“But hyung…” He offended and tried to make an excuse.
“What with the buts?” Jeonghan fought back. Jisoo rolled his eyes as he started to hear Jeonghan and Soonyoung bickering over something.
“My heart feel the ease too in his eyes.” He pouted and slowly lowered his tone.
“You are not allowed…” Jeonghan’s word was cut by Jason’s touch on his arm. “Jeonghan, just let him. Once.” He suggested. Jeonghan could not say no if his husband asked him to.
“Ok.” He said as he obeyed his husband even he was totally disagreed at the idea to say yes on Seokmin’s offer. They got back into silence until they reached their home and Soonyoung made his first move to get into the house in a rush and Jeonghan was calmed by Jisoo. This night would go long and fine.

The next day on Jihoon’s office room, Seokmin found his spot to mope about Soonyoung guy and he occasionally flip-flopped his cellphone. Sometimes his did it to the magazine to cease his boredom. “Stop staring at your phone.” Jihoon hissed him when actually the sound he made was so noise for a person like Jihoon who was busy enough to check on some e-mail and prepared an arrangement or contract.
“I wish I have Soonyoung’s phone number on mine.” He mumbled alone.
Jihoon chuckled. “Yeah I wish you could stop moping around like that.”
“It’s my mistake after all.” Seokmin said plainly.
“What mistake?” He asked curiously without willing to take a glimpse of his little brother.
Seokmin panted heavily. “Letting him go and hurting him so much in my past life.” He rubbed his nape just like he was shy totally yet regretted to do it forcefully. So random.
Jihoon “That was cruel. If only Seungcheol did it to me, I did not want to meet him anymore.”
“You are more cruel and evil, hyung.” Seokmin gave him a black look.
Jihoon shook his head. “I’m not.”
“Yes you are.” Seokmin still insisted at his argument.
“Who cares.” Jihoon clicked his tongue here and there. The younger one only puffed his cheek. There was a long silence since Jihoon pivoted himself in his duty. He rolled his small on the mouse and PING! There was new notification that caught his attention. “Oh, Jeonghan hyung sent an email in a sudden, once in a blue moon. What deal we need to solve?” Seokmin instantaneously moved himself to be right beside Jihoon’s table and tried to sneak the message.
“Another wedding?” He asked. Jihoon shook his head. “Nope.”
“Then what?” He eagerly forced Jihoon to spill the message for him. The small guy did not answer and kept reading the email that Jeonghan had sent to him. “He agreed to let you and Soonyoung having one hangout. That’s all.” He glanced at Seokmin. The latter shocked and in a second later, he shook his head unbelievingly at the news he heard. He was happy yet “Why it’s difficult now to have him on my own?” He grumbled.
“Being someone’s destiny is not a simple deal. Moreover, you’ve hurt him.” Jihoon said and gave a solemn look to Seokmin. “Thanks for your reminder.” He sulked and left the room, while Jihoon was totally stunned and blinked his eyes owlishly.

It was not an weekend, it was literally an evening weekday but Jeonghan and Jihoon had brought their boys to tag along with them. At least if we were caught by them, they were not lonely to get ashamed by their little brother. They were at the cafe and already ordered the drink for them. Soon young was already stood by at his table. Seokmin also there but none of them were knowing that 4 people were stalking at them. And now Jihoon handed him a long chocolate coat. “What is it for?” Seungcheol asked cluelessly. “Watching Soonyoung and Seokmin, you stupid.” Jeonghan scolded at him and hit his arm then Seungcheol rubbed his pain in silence.
“Hey, I'm still having business please. Jisoo too. We are busy.” Seungcheol hollered at him. He ruffled his own since he was wondering how Jisoo could be alive to have a wife like him.
“Yes, agreed.” Jisoo nodded and gave a thumb up for Seungcheol but kept checking on his watch.
“You’ve been ignoring me for a week, Jisoo, oh please do you still need me or not?” Jeonghan whined around and Jihoon rolled his eyes as if he scoffed at his best friend or his favourite partner in crime. He kept whining and gripping Jisoo’s shirt and made a pout.
“Why I should have you as my spouse…” Jisoo was about to complain before Jeonghan glared at him deadly. Jisoo covered his mouth with his palms.
“Should we divorce?! I will marry Jihoon then.” Both of Jisoo and Seungcheol panted synchronous. “WHAT?!!! Why my Jihoon.” Seungcheol fussed him. A smack on his arm pained him. The latter just groaned after getting a smack from his soon-to-be wife. “Because if you hurt me like Seokmin does, I will prefer to marry Jeonghan hyung.” Jihoon glared at him.
“Why are you both so mean to us?” The boys sobbed while their soulmate, Jihoon and Jeonghan, only gave an evil smile. Now they stalked the boys in the Sherlock Holmes style yet they made everyone around the cafe who were in the same floor assuming it as a cute act.

-soonyoung’s pov-

Here I was again, it was likely unexpected thing from Lee Seokmin. He indeed sat right in front of me. Also, we distinctly possible had a date even we weren’t. The drink and the meal was prepared even before I’d come. He was still thoughtful like he used to be. I still remembered how he was being thoughtful when we were still a college student. But we were all grown up now. So did the feeling. I glanced at the singer who performing a song that teased me a lot.

the further I turn away to forget you
the more I miss you
what should I do
even when you say it’s not right to
keep avoiding you
you are the only one for me

The lyrics was tearing my heart apart by hook or by crook. I never knew that pretending all alone was hard for me. It was me avoiding Seokmin. I never let my heart to get more pain any longer. It was okay to love him all alone, not letting anyone knew how much I loved him but it got harder than I thought. Without any warning, I swivelled my eyes to not look at Seokmin, neither the singer. Even went deep into the song was a big no to whoever suggested the idea to my mind. I exhaled heavily. Seokmin automatically turned his eyes on me.
“You okay?” He tilted his head and I shortly shed a tear who daringly showed up in this kind of situation. I nodded. “Yes.” There was a long pause between us. He came back staring at the singer on the stage. Perhaps he totally adored her. On the spur of the moment, I could feel his staring while I was enjoying my drink.
“Hyung.” I just hummed not wanting to stare back to his eyes. I was once getting dazzled in his eyes’s magic. I found an universe there. But i never found his heart there. Probably I was fool enough to believe he could love me in this life. Yet, no, he never loved me back in the same way and I started feel the numbness taking all control on my heart.
“Do you like someone?” I just nodded. I sipped my warm cappuccino. “Do you love someone?” I did not dare to answer him. I remained being all silence. I did not dare to look at him. I put my hand on the table and turned my eyes to another way. He suddenly seized my hand.
“Why you don't answer me?” He asked as he was squeezing my hand gently. I removed his hand slowly and began staring at his eyes. I wished I would not drop into his affection any longer. “I’ve once loved someone. I don't know whether that person love me back or not. It is no longer important to me, Seokmin-ah.” I exhaled heavily. I still tried to look tough at him. “As long as I love that person, it is fine. I will not ask more. At least I just hope I would not see him in the next life.” I beamed as I saw a furrows at the corner of his lips. I gulped. “Why?” He enquired of it. I bet he would notice that all bull I had said before related to him. Actually, he was the topic I bragged in.
“It is like you hope for no more scars. You will be lonely but there is no scars to wound you. None will dare to hurt you. Everyone will love you in the same way, you will not expect more.”
“Scars?” He looked askance at the idea I told to him. A sweat rolled down on my temple. He lapped his chin on his clenched hand and wanting me to talk more.
“Yes.” I nodded. “Hyung, how if I want to heal your wound, perish the scars, release you from your negative side?” He asked monotonously. I scanned every single things inside his eyes. I found doubtless in him. But I felt uneasy thing in myself. An invisible knife seemed to lacerate my weak heart again. “It won’t work. Because it will remain forever.” I fortuitously smacked my own self of the truth. I shall not lie that I never forget him. I shall not deny my heart that there was always a place for him to live in my heart. No matter how much the life took me with its drama and flow, I always found myself who desperately yearning for Seokmin’s love but there was no certain answer for me.
Seokmin caressed my cheek silently. My body suddenly turned into stiff. I could not deny how I miss he could touch me softly like that. So deeply in love, likely, he would not love unconditionally. “Hyung, don’t you give a try?” He asked in his soft yet brought some flustered to my stomach. I shook my head a no answer. I offended myself to have a false hope. I refused myself to dig more sadness on this kind of feeling.
“Let’s state it as a punishment from heaven, Seokmin-ah.” I said. I got up from my seat and left him all alone. I came out from a cafe. From the other side of the cafe, I saw his sorrowful face. I wished I could hug him but no. My body summoned me to leave the cafe immediately.
I’m sorry, please don’t try finding a way to meet me in the future, I said to myself as I left the cafe. It was raining. It was like a deja vu. Rain poured on me. The wound opened. I walked my pace limply. I did not know which one was my tears or the raindrops. The big light suddenly came out from nowhere and it hit me hardly. I felt my body was light as raindrop. But a second later, I was seeing a white light guided me into the new place. It was calm and I saw someone. It was a grandma who traveled in every dimension. She was the one who put me in this life.
“It’s been a long time, Kwon Soonyoung.” She greeted me in her sweet smile. I saw her wrinkles that somehow looked so pretty in my eyes. “Will you let me drinking all of it?” I asked to her. She just nodded and laughed prettily. “I will forget him, right? I won’t love him anymore right?” She handed a teapot and a glass. “You must forget your pain. The next life will be tougher than before.” I saw a red-string tied up around my pinkie. I immediately drank the liquid out of the teapot and suddenly fell down.

-soonyoung’s pov ended-
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Seokmin still buried his face onto his palm. He could not lift up his head. Furthermore, he could not walk on his feet. He regretted it all. If only he could ask Soonyoung to stay longer to sit in front of him. If only he grabbed Soonyoung and being so much greedy that time. Soon young would be still right beside him. Seungcheol and Jisoo were beside him as being his brother, they comforted him. They were wrapping their little brother. They had the same sorrow now. They longed for Soonyoung’s smile. If it was only a nightmare, they wanted to wake up early, they did not want to face any nightmares like that but the reality slapped them hard. Soon young had passed away since the night he left Seokmin alone in the cafe. A car hit him hard. A car that was driven by a drunk driver who unable to control his limit of driving carefully.
“Let’s go home, Seokmin.” Seungcheol persuaded him to leave the place. But he insisted to stay and staring at the picture frame. He still wanted to see Soonyoung’s smile on the picture. It was a simple smile but Seokmin wondered how innocent and happy he was in the photo.
“I’d not yet properly said to you. Why you don't give me a chance to tell you how much I love you, how much I want you in my life, how much I feel guilt in my heart to let you suffering like that?” Seokmin sobbed hard. Jisoo just patted his back. His heart suddenly deadened in the same time Soonyoung passed away and left him alone. He buried his heart along with Soonyoung. He could not love anyone else in the same way he loved that person. In the next life, let’s not dispart, love, i am unsure of being lived alone without you by my side, Seokmin mumbled beneath his nose. He got up from kneeling in front of Soonyoung’s photo. He smiled at him and dragged along by Jisoo and Seungcheol to get back to his apartment and continued his life with the numbness inside him.

Happy 1st Anniversary Seventeen !!

this is anyway a bonus story for you and don't listen to ballad when you read it

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