WHEN YOU IGNITE MY FLAMES

Jimin fuels the desire in Yoongi. Yoongi fuels the fire in Jimin. As they drown in droplets of gasoline, they burn. In their love, they burn. In flames, they burn. – @charmingusta.

Story | Profile

Hello @charmingusta,

Before I jump into my review, I would like to thank you for being the first person to ask for a review. I was getting a little discouraged when nobody applied.

Anyway, I took into consideration the fact that English isn’t your first language and you’re not fluent, but I have to say, your writing isn’t bad for someone who isn’t fluent in English. I’m quite impressed. You asked me to focus more on your grammar and choice of words, which I have but I also focused on your punctuation and I’m going to start by saying: you’ve used too many semicolons.

When a semicolon is being used, it is to link two independent clauses to connect closely related ideas, link clauses connected by conjunctive adverbs or transitional phrases, link lists where the items contain commas to avoid confusion between lists, or to link lengthy clauses or clauses with commas to avoid confusion between them; like I just made right here. I would go back and edit your paragraphs, when it comes to writing we don’t use semicolons very often, I suggest changing your semicolons into periods or commas. 

I would also suggest being careful of adverbs and adjectives to make your writing sound pretty. Even if they make your writing sound pretty, it doesn’t make an impact and it’s very uninspiring. Which is quite disappointing, I see a lot of potential for your writing and your story. Adverbs are verbs kryptonite, thus weakening your writing; show the scene, don’t tell it.

Be careful with passive voice and using overly fancy words. Sometimes simple words can be the best way to describe to describe a scene, a character, emotion, etc. Also, the way you phrase things on paragraphs may be hard for the reader to understand, so I would recommend you to rewrite certain paragraphs.

I’ve added a few examples on what you can fix. You decide if you want to fix them, I’m only suggesting. I’ve highlighted them in, blue (adverbs) yellow (hard to read) or red (very hard to read).

Your writing: “Flame and fire is one; it is a match made in heaven aft