How we met is thanks to my best friend. When I first met him, I never thought that we could be together. But after day by day spending time with him; getting to know him; laughing with him; sharing common interests with him, he just effortlessly be a person who is special to me. Then, he makes me falling for him again and again. His personality, voice, smiles, and laughs are like a drug and remedy to me in the same time. I'm not a cheesy person, but I couldn't help to think that he's similar to sunshine –my sunshine. He is my everything. I never thought I could love someone that much, but he's he. I really wish that we could stay that way, but God forbid. He's changed and I couldn't blame him after what he'd been through. I couldn't make him stay and I blame myself for that. I think my love isn't enough for him. I keep thinking what if I had never said those words to him. Or called him right away after I left, telling him that it was just anger which took over me. Or I should have been more patient towards him, understanding him more. What if. 

I want to be angry at hin. I want to think that he's a selfish little prick for leaving me and not thinking what I would feel. I want to hate him, I really do. No matter how I'm forcing myself, I can't. I just can't,

All I could feel is sorrow and loneliness. I have never felt this way before. I never think that the world could be so cold and black-and-white without my sunshine. I want his arms around my body as his warmth and heartbeat comfort me. I want his laugh in my ears because it's the best music. I want his sweet, adoring smile which is contagious. I want to hear his voice, him usually singing to me after our fight.

It's no use. I could never have him back in my arms ever again. I hope he's not beating himself. I hope he's happy with his own decision –I want him to be.