Youngjae carried his bag, stood in front of the apartment he shared with Mark, hesitated to go inside. He shouldn't be hesitated to go inside his own place, just- He heard the laughter clearly even he was outside. He guessed those two inside were really having fun. He fished his phone out from his backpack and dialed.

“Hi, it's me- Are you with Bambam now? I'm coming-” He said once the one on the line picked up. For many things that he could do, he chose to walk away.

“Sup?” Yugyeom said as he put his bag from the seat next to him to the floor, “That's for you.” He gestured the iced Americano on the table.

Youngjae dropped his backpack on the floor. He sat on the stool then took a sip of the coffee.

“Thanks.” He murmured under his breath, he really didn't want to talk about it, he just didn't want to be there or alone.

“Again?” He frowned.

Yugyeom knew it, the reason why Youngjae was so down, “he really doesn't know how to stay away from thing that not belong to him?” He was angry, why Youngjae was always the one suffering. He didn't get it.

“Don't talk this way, he is your hyung.” Youngjae kept looking at his coffee. He's afraid that his would break down right here once he saw the worry in the younger's eyes, “beside, Mark isn't a thing, he isn't mine.”

“He's not acting like a hyung. And if Mark hyung isn't yours, then who is? He is your boyfriend, he is yours.” Yugyeom looked at Youngjae intensively, he hoped that his hyung could man up for once. If he couldn't, he wouldn't mind to do that for him. “I will call them.” He took his phone that rested at the corner.

“Stop,” Youngjae caught Yugyeom's hand and held it tight to prevent him to dial anyone, “It's not like they are doing anything wrong, just- I don't fit in.”

“You don't need to fit in, hyung! Are you getting the things wrong? Mark hyung is your boyfriend, even though they are still friend. Jinyoung hyung should learn when to back off, not staying with Mark at your place 24/7. And to be honest, I don't believe the whole friendship thing between them. There's no friendship between ex-couple, they broke up- not more than 6 months. Everything is possible.”

“Jinyoung hyung's with Jaebum hyung now. And I am still a friend of Jaebum- hyung. I have no right to against them being friend.”

“But you won't stick around Jaebum hyung,” he rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, “I can barely see you talk with Jaebum hyung since you broke up with him. And don't forget that, the reason you guys broke up is Jinyoung hyung. He just doesn't know what's his and what's others'. He wants everything.”

“Back to step 1, maybe there's nothing mine at the beginning. I'm being so tired in this- messed up relationship.”Youngjae felt like he was getting older and older, day-by-day. He felt used, he had already gave up and prepared for what's coming. He didn't want to fight anymore. He lost once, and twice as predictable. There's no need to fight, he could never win Jinyoung hyung.

Mark chose him becasue he dumbed by Jinyoung hyung and Jaebum chose Jinyoung hyung over him. He was always the back up plan.

“Don't say that, hyung. You still get me, I'll always be by your side.” Yugyeom couldn't stand his hyung acted defended, he hugged him tight, buried his face at his shoulder.

His Youngjae hyung should be the happiest among them, he was the carefree one, a ball of sunshine. When had his hyung become this depressed man in front of him? Although they were all friend, he couldn't help but hated those three hyungs who didn't know how to behave themselves.

“Glad that I still have you.” Youngjae patted Yugyeom's head lightly.

He really meant it. Jackson was always busy. Bambam was Mark and Jinyoung's side. And he would never talk about this with Jaebum. He realized that if it's not Yugyeom, there was no one that he could talk with. He really appreciated the younger.

“Can I stay the night? I don't really feel like going back.” Youngjae asked. Just like many times happened before, he didn't want to feel hopeless and worthless alone, it hit him very bad that he was just a back up plan. He needed someone to distract his attention to not think about it.

“Sure.” Yugyeom agreed right away. He was glad that he could stay longer with his hyung.

“Hey.”

“Hi, hyung.”

Last time, Youngjae didn't stay the night at Yugyeom's place.

Mark called him and asked where he was at 8. He agreed to go back when Mark offered to pick him up. If he told Mark he's staying out, there would be a lot of explanation and he just chose to follow his instruction, to back home. He could see the disapproval in the younger's eyes when he left. He felt bad to hurt the one who really cared about him. Yugyeom had been avoiding him after that day. He knew that Yugyeom just want to wait for his anger to disappear, he didn't want to put his flame on him even he was the one that made him feel that way.

“Are you still mad at me?” Youngjae sat beside Yugyeom, asking him in a soft voice. They were all at the bowling. Today was their group hangout, he looked forward for this day, because he could finally meet Yugyeom with him ignorig him. He had been trying so hard not to disturb the younger, but without him, he really felt like loner.

And what made the situation worse was Jinyoung had a fight with Jaebum, he was staying at their place for the last two days. He needed to fake his smile everyday once he opened his eyes; he needed to witness how close they were. To not disappointed Mark, he pretended he was okay with that everytime when Mark asked about that.

“I will never mad at you hyung.” Yugyeom said, still not looking back to Youngjae. He knew that what's happened last two days, he knew what's Youngjae suffering from. He didn't understand why he didn't call him even when things were hard. He thought that he was trustable for the older.

“You are.” Youngjae placed his hand on Yugyeom's lap, “Don't be mad at me. You know that I only have you now-”

“Yeah, I was.” Yugyeom sighed, how could he resisted his hyung, “I am not now.” He looked into Youngjae's eyes. How could he still be mad when Youngjae was right in front of him? He knew that nothing would change even though he was mad at hell, at least he could be by his side. He missed his cresent shaped eyes, he missed his loud laughter. They hadn't met each other not longer than a week, but he felt like a year had passed.

“Good.” Youngjae smiled.

“What are you two talking about, babe?” Mark approached them sat on Youngjae's lap, and wrapped his arm on his shoulder. He was asking Youngjae, but looked straight to Yugyeom.

“Nothing.” Youngjae replied, took his hand back.

Yugyeom didn't understand Mark hyung, not even a little. He acted like a jealous boyfriend when Youngjae was around others. But if he really cared about him, he shouldn't spend that much time with Jinyoung hyung. Or he just wanted something that belonged to him after losing Jinyoung hyung.

He looked back fearlessly, he did nothing wrong. The atmosphere was so heavy around them; the others stopped what they're doing and looked at them. Jackson and Jaebum were buying snacks for them. Bambam stood next to them, sighed as there was nothing he could do.

Jinyoung stood at the far end watching them; it was not the best time for him to get involved.

He was never a dumb to not know what's happening; just he couldn't fight against his weak. He knew that he was the problem of their relationship; he really needed the care from Mark. He loved Jaebum. But he forgot there was a whole five blank years between them, people changed. Jaebum wasn't the clingy boyfriend he used to know, they were not the one that they used to be anymore. He was not confident, he didn't like Jaebum love him or not. He didn't know why they would be together again. He felt like he worth nothing all the time, he felt like Jaebum only chose him because Youngjae gave up first. Jaebum never shown the enough affection he needed to him, to keep his confidence in place. 

“Let's choose the bowling ball.” Bambam held all the courage he had and walked closer to them. He dragged Yugyeom up and away from them. Yugyeom didn't looked away as he walked off.

“What's wrong with you? You act like you want to beat the out of Mark hyung.” Bambam whisper softly.

“I wish that I can.”Yugyeom gritted his teeth, said under his breath.

“Yugyeom, are you-” Bambam looked down and clean the ball. He didn't finish his sentence. He hadn't decide to know the answer or not, “forget it.”

Don't get involved. You will get hurt eventually.

Younjae was too weak to try; Mark was too scared to say; Yugyeom was too dense to see.

Love was a spirl that dragged everyone in and experience all the damn over and over again.