Without you

Jaebum was still, immobile and motionless in front of the entrance of the room he shared with Youngjae, wondering if he should go in or not. He wanted to do it but he also wanted not to. He felt hurt and confused, because he couldn’t understand in any way why Youngjae - his Youngjae - was so cold and so distant to him, it was as if there was an actual wall to divide them from each other. It was a searing pain that enveloped him in its coils and clutched his heart in an icy, strong and cruel grip.

At first Jaebum knocked but since no sound came from the other side he decided to rest his hand on the handle, pulled it down and pushed the door forward. Youngjae was lying on the bed, his eyes were shut, he was listening to music and hadn’t noticed the slightest presence of Jaebum. It didn’t matter what Jaebum would do or say, Youngjae could neither see or hear him. 
Eventually, Jaebum stretched his fingers to him and touched his shoulder. Youngjae jumped and turned around finding out that Jaebum was there, his leader and his friend. 

“Hyung…” Youngjae muttered removing the earphones, “why are you here?” he asked looking down and avoiding eye contact. 

“Do I need a reason to stay a while with you?” Jaebum looked at him with an intensity that revealed everything he was feeling towards him, “I miss you, I miss you so much” he told him in one breath, it wasn’t easy to bring out the truth but he managed to do it anyway. 

“I’m right here…” Youngjae replied raising his head a little, biting his lower lip and looking him straight in the eye. 

“Really?” Jaebum asked in such a sarcastic tone because he didn’t believe him, “to be honest, I don’t think I deserve it” he added shortly after. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Youngjae swallowed hard.

“You know what I’m talking about” Jaebum pointed out a bit too harshly and almost scaring the other.

Youngjae was silent and lowered his gaze again because he was unable to sustain the intensity of his. Jaebum motioned him to come closer and although reticent Youngjae did it, sitting up on the edge of the bed and leaving his legs dangling. 

“You’re cold and distant” Jaebum said who was begging to know the whole truth behind bis ugly lies.

“No, I’m not” Youngjae was denying the evidence. 

“Yes, you are” Jaebum insisted gritting his teeth, “why are you doing this?”. 

Jaebum put his hands on both his shoulders and then he traced along his skin with the tip of his thumb, putting them on the sides of that pretty face. And Youngj