She was someone I had admired for a long time. She was my ideal type. She was my best friend. I had always loved her as more than a friend, but I didn’t want to risk our friendship so I never confessed to her. I decided to keep this secret locked inside my heart.

She was someone who understood me like no other. She was the voice to my silences. She would say the words I couldn’t say out loud. I was the rationality to her insanity. I was the one who made sure I kept her on the right path. We were the exact opposite of each other, but that’s what made us complement each other so well.

She was special. She was incredibly charming. She was confident in who she was. She had an aura around her like no other. No matter where she went, she was always able to turn heads without even trying. She was a girl a lot of guys wanted, but she was the most faithful person I had ever met. Despite all of the attention, she made sure to stay true to who she really was. That’s what I admired about her. No matter what, she never changed.

At least that’s what I thought, until she met Taeyong. I didn’t blame her for falling in love with him. He treated her well and they spent a lot of time together. She seemed to be happy with him. I’m not sure if I was truly happy for her or if I was always faking my smile whenever she talked about him. All I know is that I always felt something tugging on my heartstrings whenever she looked at him in a way she’ll never look at me. I silently wished it could’ve been me, but I didn’t want to be selfish and I knew she didn’t love me like that. So I just endured the pain that my heart had to go through.

When she told me Taeyong was cheating on her, I could feel the anger surging through me. I couldn’t believe someone would treat her like that. He didn’t deserve her. I slowly ended up disliking him as their relationship went on, but I respected her decisions even if I didn’t agree with them. She was an intelligent woman, but her faithfulness could be fatal for her.

 ‘I don’t know what to do, Jaehyun. I feel like I’m losing him,’ she said desperately. ‘It’s my fault. I must’ve done something wrong, don’t you think?’ she asked me. ‘No matter what happens, I don’t want you to blame it on yourself. None of this is your fault, okay? Sometimes things happen which are out of our control,’ I said as I embraced her. She silently cried in my arms and I wished I could protect her from all evil in this world.

I could slowly see him draining all of her energy and happiness. She didn’t smile as much as she used to. She didn’t talk as much as she used to.  I knew she was trying to do everything within her power to keep him with her, but I knew it was futile. It hurt me to see her try so hard and get nothing in return. It hurt me to see her wither away just because of some guy who didn’t know how to treat her right. I couldn’t stand seeing her in so much pain.

When they finally broke up, it pained me to see her so lifeless. She had given him her everything, so when he left, he took it all with him. She thought she didn’t have anything to offer the world anymore. It was horrible to see a girl, who was once so strong and confident, so vulnerable and weak now. It hurt to see the person I love the most, broken and in pieces. He had broken her and all I could do was pick up the pieces and try to mend them again. I was here to fix the mistakes that he had made. I was here to heal her scars and wounds.

‘Let’s go out tonight,’ I proposed. ‘Go out? You’re usually not the type to go out late at night,’ she said confused. ‘I know. I just feel like it,’ I vaguely explained. I hoped taking her out would take her mind off of things. ‘Well, alright then, if you really want to,’ she said with a soft smile.

Sometimes I would see hints of her old self return. Like that soft smile she had just given me. The progress was slow, but I was satisfied with every little step forward. I just hoped that one day she would be happy and carefree again.

The club was lit up with neon lights and the room was getting hot because of all the bodies pressing against each other. I had lost count of how much I had drunk already. I looked over at her and saw that she wasn’t in a much better state. I shook my head. I was disappointed with myself. I was supposed to take care of her, but I got drunk together with her instead. I guess I wanted to forget about all of it. I wanted to drink all of my pain and sorrow away. I bet she felt the same way.

I walked towards her and lightly touched her shoulder to get her attention. She turned around and smiled brightly. A smile I haven’t seen in a while. It saddened me that the only time she was able to let go was when she was drunk. ‘Jaehyun! Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you,’ she slurred her words. ‘Let’s go outside to get some fresh air,’ I suggested. I grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the exit while I tried to keep the both of us standing on our own feet. Once we made it outside, a gentle breeze hit our faces. ‘It was so hot in there,’ I complained. ‘Really? I didn’t even notice,’ she said surprised. ‘How much did you drink?’ I asked her. ‘I can’t remember…’ she looked at me with a guilty expression. I sighed. My head was spinning and I started to feel dizzy. The alcohol was definitely kicking in. ‘Do you always drink this much?’ I wondered. ‘I guess so? It helps me forget,’ she answered.

‘Forget about what?’
‘Him.’

I looked at her surprised. It had been a while since she had mentioned him. She was known to get emotional whenever she was drunk. Thinking about him must’ve made her relive some of her memories, because several tears slowly ran down her cheek. I could slowly feel my anger rising. After all this time he still managed to make her sad. ‘Why did you let this happen to you?’ I asked as I slightly raised my voice. ‘What are you talking about?’ she asked shocked.

‘It hurts me to see you like this. You were always this strong girl who would never let anyone bring her down. Look at how much of a wreck he has made you. It’s 3 AM and you’re bawling your eyes out because of some guy. You were never this vulnerable. What was so special about him that he was able to change you so much? Why did you ever allow this to happen?’ I ranted.

‘I would love you way better than he ever did. I would never let you get hurt like this. I would never betray your trust. We went through hell and back together, but yet you can’t see that I would do anything for you. I don’t care what happens to me. Hurt me all you want. I just want to see your smile again. The smile that lit up my day. That smile that I fell in love with. I don’t want to see you wiping tears from your face. I don’t want to see your make up ruined because of this guy. He’s not even worth it. Why did you give your everything for a guy who barely gave you anything at all?’

I took a deep breath as I finished my rant. She looked at me shocked. ‘Jaehyun… You’re in love with me?’ I looked at her and sighed.  ‘I didn’t mean for you to find out like this, but I’m fed up. I’m tired of seeing you get hurt like this. I want you to finally realize what’s been standing in front of you this entire time,’ I said as I looked at her. She looked confused. ‘I don’t know what to say, Jaehyun. I didn’t know– I’m so sorry,’ she stuttered. ‘I have been in love with you for a long time. It hurt me to see him break you like that. I would never let that happen to you, you know that right?’ I asked. ‘I know that, but… All of this is so sudden. I didn’t think you loved me like that.’

‘I don’t need you to answer me, right now. We’re both drunk and not thinking clearly. I just want you to think this over. It doesn’t matter if you’re not able to return my feelings. I just want to see you happy again. That’s all I’m asking. So please, forget about him, because there’s a guy standing in front of you who could give you so much more,’ I said desperately.

She looked at me as more tears started streaming down her face. I walked towards her and embraced her. ‘It’s okay, don’t worry about me. I just want what’s best for you.’ I held her in my arms as she cried. My shirt was slowly getting wet, but none of that mattered. I wasn’t quite sure who she was crying for, but I couldn’t help but share her pain. A tear silently escaped my eye as I looked up at the night sky. The moon had never looked this sad before.