lamenting
History
warnings: of nearly 9 years and angst (??)
i also think this is angst and dont question the mc's age ok. i will fight you if you say they can't be out of university. it's a story. they're 20 turning 21. kyungil is like 29 going on 30
...
Song Kyungil was beautiful, so very beautiful. Song Kyungil was also very much out of your league and just about ten years older than you. You tried to focus on the computer screen as you tried to forget about history's leader. You sighed as you continued to work on editing history's upcoming music video, working as the new film editor was such a tiring job especially for a fresh out of uni kid such as yourself.
You weren't getting paid much either, well you were actually. You got paid quite a good amount but you could barely afford anything with all the money going around for bills and .
A loud snort escapes your nose as you watch Sihyoung dance. He's a good dancer but jesus christ this looks so similar to his 'funny' dance. You also watch Jaeho dancing, you decided not too long ago (after witnessing and being the victim of his horrible y dance and just his plain dancing) that you could never think of jaeho's dancing as just dancing but something on it's own level.
You rub your eyes and check the time. A squeak escapes your throat because it's 7 ing 30 in the morning. You think to yourself, How long have I been working on this for? You try to retrace your steps but come up blank.
Then your mind provides you with a tiny bit of information that you've actually been here all weekend working on it (and a few extras that have been dumped on you for the weekend, like the sound editing, the cover making and organising their comeback. that last one wasn't even part of your job). You stand up and immediately your back and legs make an awful cracking noise and you feel really sore.
Have I been sitting in the same chair, in the same spot all weekend? You think, and you're probably right. You pick your bag off the floor and stumble into the shower room and shower. You clean yourself up and get out, freshly changed and now tired as hell. You stumble your way back into the small lunch area and try making yourself a coffee.
Key word: try. You fail rather terribly at it, burning your hand as you try pour in the hot water. An anguished noise tears itself from your throat as you clutch your hand and try shoving it under the tap which you manage to turn on. It's more hot water and you whimper as you hold your hand as someone comes running in. You don't bother looking at the person as they grab your hand and shove it underneath water again but this time it's cold and lot more refreshing that hot water.
Surprise fills your body as Song Kyungil's worried voice fills your ears, "Are you alright?" You merely nod and he doesn't look too convinced. He lets go of your hand to go to the fridge and pull out an icepack which you take gratefully.
Kyungil asks you again, "Are you alright?"
With a soft smile you tell him, "Yeah I'm fine, just a tiny burn. Nothing too serious that will stop me from doing my job properly."
He looks very concerned as you try making another coffee. He quickly takes the electric jug out of your unburnt hand and pours some water in and asks if it's enough; you nod as you pull some milk out from the fridge. He puts the jug back and takes the milk from you pouring it in as well. Kyungil stirs the coffee before he picks it and up and says, "I'll help you get it back to the studio." You nod while picking up your bag.
You lead kyungil back to the studio you've been working in and when you turn on the lights you see the mess (the mess you didn't realise you had while working over the weekend) that's littered on the tabletop. Your face goes red as you try and clean it hastily. Kyungil just sets your coffee down and helps you clean up much to your surprise.
"How long were you here for?" He asks you after you finish putting the last your your left over ramen in the bin.
You don't really want to answer him, but you do anyway. You tell kyungil how long you've been in the studio working on their new come back, music video and doing the final edits on their songs. "I've been here since friday. I haven't gone home since."
Kyungil frowns at you, "You should have gone home and gotten some rest."
You wave somewhat dismissively, "Doesn't bother me, the studio's more of a home than my actual place. plus i'm nearly done, won't kill me to stay for a few more hours or an extra day."
"You really need to get some sleep." He states gently but it's laced with worry.
"Don't worry about me, aren't you running late for practice now?" You try to shoo him away but he refuses, which makes your heart beat a little faster. Just a tad bit, not too much, you try to reassure yourself and calm down your beating heart. No way would your crush develop into an even bigger one.
"No. I'm not going until you go home and take better care of yourself."
You frown as your heart speeds up even more, "I'll just take a nap here then. Plus it would be too much of a hassle going home right now because I'd end up falling asleep in the cab anyway. Let me be, I'll finish then go home." You whine. Kyungil looks at you uncertainly and then he finally gives in and sighs.
"You win, this time. You gotta go home afterwards, ok?" He's just about out of the studio before he adds, "If you're not done by the time we finish, I'll be dragging you out of the studio myself."
You yawn as you wave to him. You slump down in your seat and take your coffee in your good hand and take a sip. You put the coffee mug down and get back to work, ignoring the fluttering feelings in your chest that bloomed from Kyungil's apparent concern.
...
See, this is why Song Kyungil was out of your league. You thought to yourself somewhat bitterly as you looked upon the woman next to him. You were a child still, compared to him, 21 compared to 30. You'd be too young for him anyway, he'd prefer someone closer to his own age. You bit your lip as you congratulated the couple and there in Kyungil's eyes you could see the same concern from those months ago in his eyes.
"Are you alright?" Kyungil asks peering down at you.
"Yeah I'll be fine, I'm just going through a few rough patches right now." You tell him, a sad smile on your lips.
"Is it work again? I swear if you keep staying in, I'll tell them to stop you." a smile plays on his lips, but the worry and concern is still there.
You tilt your head to the side and laugh half heartedly, "I doubt they'll listen to you since I'm becoming one of the best editors here."
And Kyungil's lips twitch into a sad smile, "I know."
With that said, you turn away from the man you grew to fall in love with and try fall out of love with him now. As you turned away, you didn't see the concern and worry in Kyungil's eyes turn intensify. You especially never saw the longing in his eyes as his eyes followed your retreating form. With a tug from his girlfriend, he looked down and smiled at her. He too tried to throw away his feelings that he harboured. As he turned around to leave, he couldn't help but think that he was a coward.
...
word vamit here again. ugh my life. this is just me lamenting my as well. 15 years. i mean man, i could have gone for anyone else in history but noooooo i had to go for the leader who is 15 ing years older than me.
i wanna get a new phone but mom won't let me. i tried to compromise with her, but no. says its not the right ing time.
i wanna bleach my hair but mom won't let me. says you're gonna damage your hair. your too young for that. well its my ing hair not yours.
well anyway, this is the first of my song kyungil drabbles and . there's gonna be reader inserts, ships (more like kyungyoung) and just band fics.
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