Beep beep beep beep...

The heart monitor cuts through the silence as I lie next to the open window near my bed--enjoying the gentle breeze from the night air.

I begin an endless task of counting stars.

I hum the tune I know so well but have forgotten. I can't seem to stop. I don't want to stop. It puts my mind at ease and fills my heart with joy. It gives me peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Jonghyun?"

I finish writing down the last two lines of a song before I look at my mother.

"Don't you think it's time?" She asks but it wasn't a question. She knew. She knew it was time for me to go. She knew I would go--like she knows everything. More like, she knows me too well.

"Neh..." I say.

I put on my coat and tie my shoes as my mother and sister give worried looks.

"Gwenchana. I'll be back late, so don't stay up. I'll just be going for a walk." I force a smile.

More like drowning my sorrows in soju and walking it off.

As I leave the house, I feel my legs pulling me to the hospital. This would be my first time going.

My first and my last.

I almost didn't go. I avoided it for fear of seeing pain and suffering. For fear of seeing weakness and sadness.

Or maybe it was fear for myself. I must be a coward to visit for the first time at the last moment. A coward and selfish.

Fear and selfishness--aren't those both weaknesses? In the end, I wasn't the stronger one like I had planned. I wasn't brave either.

In fact, I would consider myself a failure.

Forgive me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hana, how are you today?"

I force my eyes to focus on the nurse that I've seen so many times.

"I'm...tired. How much longer before I can rest? For...forever..." My voice is nothing less of a monotone.

The nurse looks at me with the same look of pity she always gives me. opens and then closes--as if she decided not say things that would be lies.

"No, 'You'll get better, Hana. Stay strong' today?"

The nurse gives me a sad smile as she shakes her head. "Not today." Was her reply.

I close my eyes and smile for the first time in months.

"That's a good thing." I say.

I hear the nurse sigh as I feel myself drift to unconscious. I hope to not wake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As I walk into the room, it felt like someone pounded my heart with a hammer before they stabbed it and then pulled it out. As dramatic as it sounds, it's still not enough to describe how I felt.

I walk over to the bed and pull a chair over. I sigh as I sit down.

"I don't pray often. But I never stopped praying for you, Hana. I pray for some miracle. Please, come back to me."

I take her hand in mine and beginning humming her tune--our tune. I just hope I get to tell her it's ours. After months, I finally finished the song.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hear a soft humming next to me. I feel something warm in my hand. A familiar touch and yet I can't remember it.

I begin to hum the tune and I hear the tune stop next to me. A small gasp replaces it.

I feel the warmth in my hand move. My hand is being squeezed and I realize someone's hand is holding mine.

The humming I heard before joins mine and I open my eyes.

I turn to see a familiar but forgotten face.

"Why are you here?" I ask.

"To see you before...to see how are."

I shake my head. "You were going to say 'before I die'. Am I right?"

"Hana-ah, you remembered the tune we were humming earlier."

"Neh." I smile a little. "I don't know why but I do. It makes me so happy to hum."

"Why is that?"

His voice gives off the tone of knowing the answer.

"For the same reason I'm happy to see you. "

The smile that appears on his face seems sad as he kisses my hand.

"I love you too"

Those words that come out of his mouth almost makes me want to live. Almost.

"My heart remembers that I love you. My brain...even remembers you a little. I'm glad you came before my memory is gone completely...Jonghyun oppa..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I begin to cry when she gasps out her last breath...my name.

"Hana?! No! I finished our song! You have to wake up! Fight it! You can't leave me!"

I lay my head on her chest and cry uncontrollably.

All this time of avoiding reality amd then it slaps me in the face. It's like it's grinning at me and saying "you should have come sooner, Jonghyun".

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up to see the nurse.

"She was tired and wanted to leave. Now she can rest and be happy. Don't feel bad. Suffering from brain cancer is a terrible thing. The best thing you could have done was to visit her in her last minutes and you did that. I think just being here and holding her hand was the most love anyone could ever give her in her life."

"Thank you. Please, don't take her away yet. I want to let her hear our finished song." I sniff.

"Of course." I hear footsteps walk away.

As I hold Hana's lifeless body in my arms, I cry harder than I've ever cried in my life.

I begin to hum the song you kept telling me to finish.

*Flashback*

"Oppa, you're always humming that song. When will you finish it?"

"It's incomplete, Hana-ah. I just need to finish the lyrics and I promise you will be the first one to hear it. It just need an ending."

"The tune makes me happy to hear, nonetheless. I hope it's a happy ending."

*End flashback*

"Maybe next Spring
We'll be together
When our lives are ready to become a life
I'll be your stength, don't worry
I'll keep my beautiful flower from withering
Just be happy and smile
We'll be together..."

I cry harder as I struggle to finish the end of the song.

I cradle the body in my arms and kiss her countless times all over her face.

"Maybe next Spring..."

A/N: I'm terrible T_T Thanks for reading ♥