Myungsoo thinks it is impossible to ask for more. That he couldn’t and shouldn’t, because his life is more than complete with Sungyeol being with him. He still can’t process the times when they touch, kiss, and hold each other. Everything for him is surreal. Everyday is surreal.

 

“Perfect” is an understatement to how it all were.

“Perfect” is how people defined them being together.

“Perfect” is how it feels like.

 

People would say how they suit and how beautiful they are as they pass by them, fingers tangling each other’s.

How some would giggle whenever Sungyeol, being the shameless being he is, steals kisses from him in public places.

How they would stare dreamily whenever Sungyeol is doing his usual stupid routines that make myungsoo claps his hand like the retard he is because of excessive laughter.

How everything is like rainbows and unicorns and Myungsoo, Myungsoo thinks it is perfect.

 

To Myungsoo, Sungyeol is the sun. Sungyeol is the moon. Sungyeol is the universe. Cause to Myungsoo, Sungyeol is everything.

To Myungsoo, all he could see is how Sungyeol’s face glows bright as he smiles at him. How Sungyeol’s beautiful hands touches him. How sungyeol is like this, and how Sungyeol is like that.

To Myungsoo, all that existed, all that he felt, breathed, wanted, saw was Sungyeol. It is all Sungyeol, Sungyeol, Sungyeol and Sungyeol, nothing else was there, nothing else mattered.

 

 

“I love you Yeol” Myungsoo muttered attaching himself to Sungyeol calming both of themselves from their high.

 

And Sungyeol smiled at him, that smile that always makes his entire being painful. Cause Sungyeol is too bright that he could die. “Mmnn. Me too.”

 

And Myungsoo always believes it. Cause Sungyeol loves him and Sungyeol would never lie to him.

 

So he never really mind even if Sungyeol stopped returning his hugs. Even if Sungyeol wont kiss him with less lust that every kiss is rushed, needy, and painful. Even if he is rarely together with him. And even if he is always ALWAYS busy. Cause Sungyeol would whisper “me too” whenever he says his iloveyous.

 

Myungsoo is good with it. Myungsoo can endure it. Myungsoo is happy.

 

But maybe he isn’t fooling anyone when he said that he never minds it. Cause he does. A lot.

 

Cause actually, he is hurting. He is in pain.

 

His chest hurts. His chest burns. Like it would explode and no matter how much he claws on it, it wont hurt any less. But all those hurts were forgotten (He decides that he can endure and prefer all of those pain) when he coughs up and a petal was found on his hand. He don’t know what part of him hurts anymore. Because he feels like he is being burned. And his whole existence is in pain. His whole being is almost dead.

 

He is as good as dead and better off dead

 

 

That is the first time he cried. Cause it is official.

 

Sungyeol should have just cheated on him, fooled around, treat him bad, or what more s! He can endure that.

He would so much prefer that.

Cause right now, the petal in his hand is the thing that scares him the most.

 

 

 

Sungyeol doesn’t love him anymore.

 

 

 

After that incident Myungsoo didn’t sleep. He cant sleep. And he found his ghosts haunting him.

 

And they never left him.

 

What ifs are the ghosts inside Myungsoo’s mind. These ghosts always ALWAYS keep on feeding his mind. They are scary. Myungsoo is scared but no matter how much he reaches out, no one is there to help him. He wants help. He needs help.

But there are none.

 

 

The taste of petals is bitter, Myungsoo concluded. But the feeling of Sungyeol’s light pecks, the taste of his mouth is far bitterer that his chest drums so hard that it aches and the urge to shower Sungyeol all the petals he is keeping inside is real.

 

And it piles and piles and piles and they are so painful and heavy.

His chest is painful and heavy.

 

He wonders if Sungyeol even realizes those petals everywhere their house.

 

Or maybe Sungyeol knows and he doesn’t care.

 

 

Myungsoo comprehended that he cant bear it anymore that one night that Sungyeol came home, kissing him awake, fumbling with his clothes and having his hands all over his body. Myungsoo wants to stop him but the moment Sungyeol is above him, sliding into him all he could think of is iloveyousungyeoliloveyoupleaselovemebackagain and he feels like choking because the petals and his tears wants to make their way out.

 

 

He was able to hold back the petals but not his tears.

And Sungyeol, stupid Sungyeol kisses his eyes, kisses his tears away only to bring more.

 

“Im sorry” he mutters and Myungsoo pretends to not hear, cause he doesn’t want it. Cause that is even more painful.

 

Myungsoo decided that night.

 

 

 

At most times, like today Myungsoo would stare at the crimson red petals and his heart would swell at the realization that he loves Sungyeol that much. That much that he cant even consider trying to get rid of how madly inlove he is. Cause if that feeling would be gone, nothing would be left with Myungsoo. Cause Sungyeol, it is Sungyeol, he is his whole world.

 

Roses fits Sungyeol perfectly he thinks, Cause his personality is red, burning with passion, beautiful and dangerous.

 

It was painful thinking back of the times and comparing them to what is all happening right now. Maybe he could have wished Sungyeol would stay in love with him. Maybe he could have asked for more and never settled to wanting a simple life with Sungyeol. He had all what he had always wanted, a simple life with the guy who makes his world, he should have wished for it to be constant, for it to be consistent.

 

He remembered how that tall famous guy had shamelessly pointed at him at their university’s hallway and declared to the world that “Hey Kim Myungsoo. Im gonna make you mine”

That THE LEE SUNGYEOL, is gay and is into him.

 

How Sungyeol is so flushed when he next saw him.
How Sungyeol’s first pick up lines was “Hey babe are you tired cause you’ve been running in my mind for months already”

How Sungyeol pinned him into the lockers and kissed the daylights out of him.

How Sungyeol looks breathtakingly perfect but only stares at him like he is the perfect ones on their first date.

How Sungyeol looks serious when he is up to something.

How Sungyeol face scrunches after waking up.

How Sungyeol smiles so wide when he gives him presents.

How Sungyeol would pout as he literally begs to stay at home instead.

How Sungyeol’s long eyelashes feels nice against his skin.

How Sungyeol is still perfect for him, even now that all of these s are happening.

 

 

His chest is in pain, another wave of petals. He coughs out a handful of the annoying red roses.

 

 

 

 

Bye Yeollie I love you.

 

 

 

He pointed the gun on his ribcage, the painful part that produces these messed up s that made his world crumble.

 

Sungyeol’s face haunted him. That perfect pretty face of his dumb dumb Sungyeol. And he cant stop himself from smiling. Thinking of how sick he is.

 

A bang was heard. And reds are everywhere.

 

Everything is starting to blur, and he hates that he is such a crybaby and can he atleast see Sungyeol again?

And it seems ridiculous.

 

BUT

 

He saw Sungyeol out of nowhere, face flushed, saying incoherent words, words that he cant comprehend no matter how much he tried.  He wonders if death makes people deaf and delusional and he wants to laugh. But wet droplets fell on his face and and-

 

And all Myungsoo can think of is: why is Sungyeol crying. The cool cool Sungyeol who hates being seen crying.

 

His breathing constricts and the weird feeling of petals feels empty. The heavy feeling is . . . gone. The petals are . . . gone

 

And Myungsoo smiled. Convincing himself that this is not because he is dying that the petals are gone. This is all because Sungyeol loves him, him being gone is making Sungyeol realize that he loves him. SO he hopes, hopes and hopes.

 

“I love you Yeol”

 

Sungyeol is opening his mouth. He looks frustrated and it seemed like he is screaming. And myungsoo, Myungsoo makes himself believe that it is Sungyeol saying “I love you more Soo” like those old happy times, and he closes his eyes.

Convincing himself that he hears that “I love you Myungsoo don’t leave me don’t leave me” before his consciousness slips and never comes back

 

 

 

 

Myungsoo fits the color red. Red which is Sungyeol’s color. Sungyeol stared at the redness that designs myungsoo’s paleness and the pure white sheets. Blood and roses against his pale pale beauty.

 

“Perfect” is an understatement to how it all were.

“Perfect” is how people defined them being together.

“Perfect” is how it feels like.

But “Perfect” is nowhere it is like

 

A/N: HIIII HELLO!! Thank you for reading. Feedback? Comments? Drop them cause they are so much appreciated! idontevenknow how and why i did this XD