The clean spring smell of her skin drowned me every time I got near her. Every time she embraced me closely, she provided me her warmth; every time I felt like a complete nobody after a meltdown, she made me feel like someone. Someone important. Just special. The tender crook of her neck as I kissed her, bit her softly, tasted her again and again drove something to my senses. I didn't know what. The raw need to have her was something inexplicable. What kind of monster was I? To want someone so much to the point of destroying myself? What was I?
But her moans as I kissed her, spreading butterfly kisses over her skin down to her collarbone, were magical. I'd to have her. A taste wouldn't be enough, I knew. I wanted to have everything of her. I wanted to drive myself into her, just to feel her with me—that she wasn't a dream I conjured up, many million-trillion of times.
That summer I met her was something I couldn't imagine leading somewhere. I knew nothing could happen between us—as we were so different from each other. I just thought she was.
just another girl. But her feistiness that she shown the moment her lips parted made my insides swirl with a strange feeling. I didn't know why, but I started teasing her, coaxing her temper just to see her flare up for my selfish reasons. Loving something this cynical was nothing I ever done, but God, I loved it.
And when she did manage to control her temper, I would try to spark it again, like a child poking the hearth of a dying fire, amazed to see it revived by a single .
I knew I'd to have her. To discover her. To own a little piece of her heart.
Not because her body was nothing I have seen, or the shapes of womanly curves she displayed were unlike dead-pencil-stick-drowned models, but it was an animal instinct, a thriving need of carnal feeling.
The deep burning summer in her honey-colored eyes congealed a burning passion waiting for me to alight. The first kiss was a craze to both of us. No gentle touching, no soft tender words were exchange the minute our lips locked. But just rough-I-need-you-now love. For every second that I touched her, I berated myself to go slow, to slowdown on her, but her voice, yes, her voice was something to die for. Every single cell in me screamed for the little mewls she made. It startled me on how she made me react. I was a beast in disguise. Her sudden gentle reassurance made it worse.
Our sweat mingled on each other as the cool evening sun shined through the parted leaves we hid behind for a small nap. How long the time has passed since we made countless love? I could care less. As long as she was in my arms, I wouldn't care a wit of what happen to the world or to me.
She moans hitched as my mouth found her taught peaks. "Is this what you want?" I asked kissing her on the spot, my hands raising her black tank top inch by inch. The feel of her skin burning me alive.
"You know what I want, damn you." She said breathless, her hands clinging to my messy blonde  hair.
She flinched as I bit her giving her a smug smile. All she did was glared. Those golden globes flared for me as I her.
Love that drives you over the edge shouldn't be this hard. But then, why, oh why did many of our stances had to be ripped at the seams, later to be sewn back? To know the feeling of desperately wanting that certain someone back after losing them hurts like a wretched feeling of your heart being tare into two, abusively hurting yourself for letting them go.
The hardship to make this relation last was not because our lust for each other, but, maybe we care about each other. Deep, deep down. Maybe it isn't all lies. But how do you know that you're true to yourself? That you're not playing with emotions?
"You just know." She breathed out, hugging me close as we ed. She went on repeating it softly in my ear as I felt her waves rippled through me. "You just know…"
Feathering kisses over her cheek, I inhaled her scent and sighed longingly, placing back my cigarette on my mouth. "Tiffany…"
Feeling her breathing calming down, she nodded on the curve of my neck. "I love you, Kim Taeyeon..." She gently ran a hand up and down my back, soothing my sudden tenseness.
Deep down inside of me, I knew I wasn't cheating this life by having her. Maybe it was a bit selfish, but this life of hers and mine only comes once in a lifetime. Eleven years have passed since I met her, so what if twenty years come? Then thirty? And another thirty? So what? I'll still love her to the end. This undying crazed feeling she drives in me tittering over the edge every time I see her and have her in my arms will be burned in my mind forever and for always.
Stepping on the dying bud I flicked to the floor; I took her hand in mine and brushed the wet black  strands off her forehead. I kissed her and reciprocated her smile. "I love you more, Fany-ah."
No, I don't regret for a second that I love her.
It wasn't lust that started this, it was her .