warning: death mention

9:00 AM

“Mark, wake up.”

The sunlight hit Mark’s face and he shifted to pull his blanket over his head, blocking out the offending rays.

“Mark Tuan, you have to work in an hour.  You really need to wake up now.”

Mark just snuggled deeper into his sheets and pretended he couldn’t hear anything.

“Maaaark!  This is for your own good, get up!”

Mark reluctantly pulled his blanket and faced the morning sun.  “Jinyoung… how many times have I said I don’t need you to wake me up every morning?”

“If I wasn’t here you would’ve been fired a long time ago.”

Mark sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.  “I was planning to wake up in five minutes anyway.”

Jinyoung laughed heartily at that statement.  “Sure you would’ve, and then you would’ve slept another five minutes after that as well.”

Jinyoung had enjoyed sleeping in, but he probably couldn’t live with himself if he was ever late for anything.  Mark was much the opposite in that respect.  Jinyoung was always early, Mark was always late.  Between the two of them they had always managed to reach right on time.

“Yeah, yeah okay.  I’m up now.”

“Don’t forget to brush your teeth and take out the trash.”

“Okay, mom.”

This just earned more laughter from Jinyoung.  “Ah seriously Mark, you never change.”

Mark smiled fondly at him before he got out of bed and shut his blinds.

12:00 PM

“Tuna salad?  Again?”

“I never asked for your opinion on my lunches.”

Mark sat in his workplace staffroom with a tuna salad sandwich bought from the mart across the street for the third day in a row.  He never had time in the morning to make his own lunches.

“You know, if you just woke up earlier you could actually make yourself a decent lunch.”

“I happen to love tuna salad sandwiches.  I’d eat them every day for the rest of my life and I wouldn’t complain.”  Mark said as he dramatically took a bite of his sandwich to prove his point.

“Ha!  You and I both know that’s a lie.  You’d probably never want to see a tuna salad sandwich ever again in less than a month.”

Mark was being stubborn, he knew Jinyoung was right.  Jinyoung had spent a long time breaking down his exterior until he became one of the few people Mark felt comfortable to be himself around.  Jinyoung thought of him as a challenge, he loved to read people and Mark was unreadable.    

Somewhere between the days, weeks, months, and eventually years Jinyoung spent breaking down his walls, they had fallen in love.

“Humph, whatever,” Mark shoved the last piece sandwich into his mouth and took a huge swig of orange juice to wash it down.  “I need to get back to work.”

“I know.”  The tone of his voice was somber but he was still smiling.

Mark wanted to reach out and smooth his hair, caress his cheek, and kiss his lips.

Instead, he silently got up and walked away.  He took one last look at him before he turned off the lights in the staffroom and closed the door.

2:00 PM

“Mark!  Mark!  Over here!”

Mark looked up to see Jinyoung waving at him through the store window.  Mark set down the box he was moving and went to go meet Jinyoung as he walked through the door.  “Jinyoung, I told you it’s not a good idea to talk with me while I’m at work.”

“Aw, but I missed you!”  Jinyoung was pouting at him and Mark felt his knees go weak.

“It’s only been two hours.”

“Sorry… but seriously there’s nobody in here.”  Jinyoung smiled at him as if to assure him there was nothing to worry about.

“That doesn’t make a difference.  My manager is in back, if he catches me slacking off…”

“Mark, there’s nothing to do when you’re not around.  Maybe after work we can do something like go see a movie?  I kind of wanted to see the new historical one.  Or we could go out to eat; I think a new ramen place opened up!”  Jinyoung was much too excited for his own good.

Mark would have loved to go out, but there was always something in the back of his mind telling him not to.  Jinyoung had always been the one to make him the happiest, but he knew he had to learn how to be happy on his own.

“Actually, I think I’m just going to head home after work.  I’m really tired.”

“Ehhh, Mark!  You’ve been ‘really tired’ all week!  Is something the matter?”  Jinyoung looked like he had just been betrayed.

“You know, we can’t just hang out like this all the time.  It’s not right, I mean… it’s not… I’m not quite sure how to say it.”  Mark fumbled over his words.

“Mark, do you not want to hang out with me anymore?  Do you… hate me?”  Jinyoung looked so sad and all Mark wanted to do was pull him into a warm hug and try to make things right.

“Of course not!  Jinyoungie… I love you.  You’ll always make me the happiest person I can be, but what we have now, I can’t keep this up any longer.  We need to sto--”

“Mark, who are you talking to?”  His manager had snuck out into the storefront without him hearing.

Mark spun around to face him. “Oh!  Ah, sorry.  I was talking to…”  Mark’s words stopped before they left his lips.  There was no point in lying.  “I wasn’t talking to anyone.”

His manager looked a bit puzzled but he got over it quickly.  “Next time you want to talk to yourself, you can talk and restock at the same time.”

Mark took one last look out the window before he went back to his work.

5:00 PM

 “Aren’t you going home?”  He heard Jinyoung’s voice from behind him.

Mark didn’t even turn around.  “I just need to run some errands.”

“Errands, since when do you run errands?  Running errands had always been my job.” He giggled a bit, amused at the thought of Mark being a responsible adult.

Jinyoung had spoken in a light tone but Mark didn’t feel like laughing.  He didn’t even feel like smiling.  “Someone has to do them, Jinyoung.”

“Hey, what’s with the long face?  Lighten up.”

Mark stopped dead in his tracks and turned around.  “Listen… Jinyoung,” He glanced up at the expression the younger was giving him and immediately put his head back down.  He couldn’t handle Jinyoung’s dejected frown.  “This needs to stop.”

“Mark, what are you talking about?  Don’t you like my company?”

Of course, he loved Jinyoung’s company.  He cherished every moment he got to spend with him but seeing him like this day after day wasn’t good for him.  It was slowly tearing him apart.  “I can’t see you like this anymore.”

“Just because things are not exactly the same doesn’t mean—“

“No!”  Mark turned back around and started walking away.  “Just leave me alone!”

“Mark, you don’t mean that.”

No matter how quickly Mark walked Jinyoung was always there behind him.  No matter what he did, Jinyoung was always right there beside him.  A constant presence he clung to when he should’ve been pushing it away.  “I can’t do this anymore!  Jinyoung ple—“Mark turned to find nobody behind him.

The clouds rolled in and concealed the sun. 

8:00 PM

It had rained for the past three hours.  Mark didn’t have an umbrella but he had been wandering down streets and alleyways mindlessly.  He desperately needed the time alone.  He was completely drenched by the time he found himself at a familiar site.

He wandered in knowing very well he shouldn’t be here but he couldn’t stop his feet from moving himself forward. 

The weather finally cleared up as he walked through the aisles of graves he knew all too well.  There was always a build up of anxiety as he got closer and closer to his destination, no matter how many times he had walked the same path.

When he got to the grave he was looking for he bent down and brushed his hand over the letters engraved, lightly tracing his fingertips over the ‘P’that began to spell out ‘Park Jinyoung’.

He barely noticed when the waning rays of sunlight peaked through the clouds to greet him one last time before nightfall.

“Mark…”  He wasn’t surprised when he heard Jinyoung’s voice.

“I’m pathetic, aren’t I?”

“Why would you say that?”

“It’s been three years and I want to believe you’re still here.”  He felt tears in his eyes, but the fact that he was still sopping wet masked them well. 

“I am still here, I’d never leave you.”

“You’re not really here Jinyoung.”  Mark refused to look up at him; he just stared down at the grave in front of him.  “Yes I can hear your voice but you’re not really here. I can’t touch you, smell you, kiss you.  I can’t keep living like this.  You’re not real; to keep on holding on to hope that doesn’t exist would be to live a lie.”

“Mark…”  Mark finally looked up to see Jinyoung walking towards him.  He heard no footsteps.  “I was selfish.  I know we can’t keep doing this, but I just never wanted to leave you. It’s my fault; I should’ve known my place.”

“Don’t apologize.  I wanted this as much as you did in the beginning.  I just didn’t realize it would become so painful after a while.  The ways I want to be with you… we have to accept that’s over with.  We both need to move on.”

Mark heard the cemetery staff calling for everyone still left to make their way home, as the place would be closing when it became dark.  “I need to go,” His voice cracked and it took a lot of willpower to hold back full-blown sobs that were eager to be let loose.  “Jinyoung… I’ll always love you.”

Jinyoung smiled at him, a smile full of regret.  “I’ll love you, always.” Jinyoung turned around and stared up at the darkening sky.  “I guess it’s finally time for me to go.  Just remember, even if we’re not meant to be together now, our love lasts forever.”  Mark heard him take a deep breath one last time before he tore his gaze away and stared up at the sky.  “I’ll be waiting for you.”

So many thoughts of regret ran through his mind in that moment.  He wanted to reach out and grab him and never let go, but of course, he couldn’t do that.  He just stared as Jinyoung disappeared with the setting sun.

Night had fallen and the light was gone.

9:00 AM

The sound of Mark’s alarm shrilled throughout his bedroom.  He reluctantly pulled the covers off of him and turned to hit the snooze button.

He tried to settle himself back in bed but something felt off.  The sun was shining through his blinds, illuminating his entire room. 

That’s when he realized it was silent.

His eyes scanned every corner of the room just to make sure.  He was completely alone.

There were no more lies hidden amidst the shadows.