(1) on 'the badness'

Tonight is one of those nights.

Taekwoon can't get to sleep, because it's too loud, despite the fact it's almost completely silent at this time of the night. The only real noise he hears is Hakyeon's breathes as he sleeps, and the ticking of their clock on the wall. They're not keeping him from sleep though; it's the "fake" noises of his mind, all the thoughts and pictures that are bouncing around. Kind of like dreaming except he's awake.

Taekwoon leaves the bed, carefully so he won't wake Hakyeon, and sits in the closet. It makes him feel a bit safer, eventhough he doesn't really know why he's afraid right now. There's nothing to be afraid of, he thinks. Maybe there is something, he just can't see it. Only feel.

The closet is small and cramped. Taekwoon curls up, hugging his knees to his chest in order to make a little more room. He leans against the wall and tries to think about something else besides the afraid feeling. Hakyeon's always told him to think about good things when he needs to calm down.

He tries. He thinks about the day he had - they went to the pet store downtown to see the talking parrot, had strawberry shortcake for dessert after dinner, and took a warm bubble bath together. Those are all good things but thinking about them makes him feel worse somehow.

His grip around his knees tightens. He doesn't know what to do. Usually during nights like these, thinking about those good things help him and he's able to calm down enough to get back to bed. It's not working tonight, and he doesn't know why. Maybe Hakyeon would know, but Taekwoon doesn't want to bother him. He's had a lot on his plate - he's behind on work, his car broke down last week, his parents keep annoying him. Taekwoon isn't sure what they're annoying him about, but he know it's just adding to Hakyeon's stress.

He'll just have to get through this alone, and hope it'll be over soon.

(2) on autumn

Taekwoon really likes autumn time. The weather is cooler, which is much better than the heat of summer. The sun is almost always hiding now. The leaves turn pretty and he likes the crunching sound they make when he steps on them. Halloween is everywhere, the stores sets out decorations and candy and costumes and the television plays horror movies all day. Autumn is his favorite time of the year.

Halloween is also his favorite holiday. Taekwoon doesn't understand most holidays but he thinks Halloween is a good one, because of all of the candy and he liked to dress up when he was younger. He also actually likes watching some of the horror movies, but he can't watch them alone and Hakyeon gets too scared at them. He hides his face behind a pillow throughout the entire time and squeezes Taekwoon's hand too tight. Taekwoon secretly loves it though. It's nice knowing that there's something that scares Hakyeon but not him, since he's usually the scared one.

And he knows ghosts and monsters and such aren't real, but he also likes to pretend that he's protecting Hakyeon from them when he snuggles close to Taekwoon in bed afterwards. He doesn't get to do much protecting, since Hakyeon is usually the one protecting him. It's a nice feeling.

(3) on christmas parties

He hates Christmas Eve, because every year his mother throws a huge Christmas party and makes him participate in it. He has to help with food preparation and decorating (red and white twirly streamers, wreaths and stockings), and she makes him wear a dress shirt that is too uncomfortable and itchy for his liking.

The dress shirt is green, which just makes him dislike it even more. Although his mother tells him, "It's not green, it's mint green. There's a difference." Taekwoon doesn't think so.

Then there's the actual party he has to attend, which is where a bunch of his parents' friends and their children come to eat the finger foods him and his mother prepares, then they