End
Face behindIf I was alone I will never feel sad, it will actually be a situation I would like to be on, were the words Suho used to said.
Opening the door to find an empty home was a slap on the face. He had being away trying to close a deal with a big company and during that time he only thought about his family.
Suho had gone to the store and buy them excitedly their gift. For his tall and handsome husband a little turtle made of a special rock that was super smooth as keychain. For his twin sons he had brought a same size shirt with different designs. He was sure they were going to love it and thank him with warm hugs and kisses. Or so he thought.
While putting the luggage in his room he quietly began taking all his stuff out until he got into the bag of gifts. He began ripping out the prizes tags and then putting them back in their bags. When it was time to takes his dirty clothes to the laundry room, he suddenly feel a wave of feelings hitting his chest. The clothes could wait until tomorrow.
Suho had experienced being alone many times, he has lost count and was used to it. He didn't mind and he actually knew before hand that his family were not going to be there to welcome him home since his husband had decided to take their sons out to the river for fishing and the weather was a little bit bad for them to be in the road. Kris being the mature husband he was, called Suho's phone to inform him of his decision of staying there one more day until the weather was better. Without double thinking, Suho agreed immediately and didn't thought much about it.
The room feel bigger, he looked at his bed and he believe it had grown another meter. Suho got the big horizontal pillow that was often for decoration of the bed and position it vertically in Kris' side of the room. He position the blanket on top of the pillow and his own side. When he was done, he turn the air conditioner to be cooler and went to turn off the lights. He was about to turn the lights when he thought that he didn't want to sleep in the dark for today. He was afraid a psychopath would enter his home and do something to him when he was alone, so he went to the kids room and got the tall lamp and positioned next to his feet to be able to see the whole room.
He turn off the light but the sleep had long gone. He stood up and went to get an ice cream while he dial Kris' phone number. He thought his husband wasn't going to answer since it was already 2 in the morning, but his husband actually did.
"Hello? Joon? Did something happened?"
"No... Nothing happened"
"Why did you call me then?"
"I just wanted to informed you that I had safely reach home... That's all"
"Oh... That's good"
A deep silence was the continuation, until the awkwardness was too much for Suho to deal with and he decide to end the call.
"Well... Bye..."
"Why did you call? You never do when you come back..."
"I already told you. It was to inform you, that's all. Night"
"Alright... Good night, love"
Suho didn't know what happened in that moment but he putted away the ice cream and went to sleep. His heart feel like an emptiness was swallowing his normal composure and then vomiting it in the form of nasty negative thoughts. Why was Kris so awkward? Did he find someone new and with better personality than him while fishing?
He knew that he wasn't the most interesting person in the world. He didn't talk that much. He was strict. He was always feeling better being alone than with company. If his husband and him fought, he didn't feel the pain of the separation. His husband was always the one trying for their marriage, for the lack of showing feelings of Suho. He was never the person to show his feeling to the public or the ones around him, it made him feel weak people were seeing his soft spots, so with time he learned to either act as if he didn't care or feel at all or he actually was too used to acting that he didn't feel at all.
This time was different, his feeling were multiplied for all those times he didn't feel anything and was making him feel the silence stronger than gravity. While laying down in the bed with the only light coming from the lamp, he began missing the laughs of his kids. How when he was so tired after arriving from his work trip, they will come jumping to his stomach and hug him while confessing how much they miss him and love him. He missed how Kris would laughed from the door and join the kids in the hug and kissed his lips tenderly.
Thinking about the small little gestures of his family made his eyes watery and a deeper sense of lost grow on him. He hold his chest with one hand while the other clean the already spilling tears from his eyes. He had seriously being mistaking all this time. He wouldn't be fine being alone, in reality he was looking for a warm hand to reach him from the darkness his own defenses had created and never let him go. That was probably why he stayed for so long with Kris. Kris was a understandable man, almost to perfection, Suho didn't knew what the hell did Kris saw on him but whatever it was, he hope it will make Kris be with him forever.
Salty drops began reaching his ears as he was laying to his side, hugging a soft puppy doll that Kris had gave him on their first date. He still had it hidden all the way to the back of the closet with the other things, Kris had gave him all their time together. His heart was so heartbroken he just silently cried until he felt asleep.
The next morning he wake up with the smell of pancakes and a weight on his stomach that wasn't there last night. He got annoyed really quickly and was about to yelled when he open his eyes and saw his two twins on top of him, tangle like a Koala around him. He smile and carried them with him while he stood up. He took them to their room and with the blanket get them looking like rolls.
When he got to the kitchen, the first thing he saw was the broad back of his tall husband. His husband sensing his presence turned around and greet him with a smile.
"Hello my sleeping beauty"
Suho grimace at the cheesy words and walk pass Kris to get a cup and filled with tea. When suddenly Kris hugged him from the back and whisper 'you don't know how much I love you'. Suho fought to hold his smile back but then Kris turn him to face him and kiss him tenderly. Suho's suppressed smile won and came back to life, awarding Kris with a rare smile paired with sparkling eyes from Suho.
"Are you fine? I was worried sick for you when you called me yesterday. I thought something had happened to you that I couldn't sleep even five minutes thinking about all possible situations"
"Kris, you worry too much"
"You already know why. You acted different..."
"I didn't"
"You never inform. I'm the one that informs."
"I don't know what your talking about. I got home drunk and don't remember anything, so shut up."
Kris smile softly and kiss Suho's forehead.
"Okay. Just know that I love you so much that I will not be able to live without you"
Suho's eyes began forming tears again by the sudden relieve in his heart. He knew he was always being cold to Kris but he couldn't change. He felt weird being all lovely and showing his emotions for everyone to judge. But it was different, he wanted to show Kris at least a little bit of his love but the words wouldn't came out, not even a simple 'me too'. That was the reason the tears form, he wanted to convey his feeling for his already husband but he couldn't. He felt hopeless and useless.
He decide to use his actions instead, as his mouth was not able to form any words like always in this situations. His hand reach Kris' cheek and he caress it while looking at him straight in the eyes. He smile shyly and kiss Kris pink lips hoping it will convey his deep and complex feelings.
Separating he went and got Kris' cup, filled it with coffee and prepare it as how his husband like it. When he was done, he hug Kris silently from behind while Kris made the pancakes. Suho began giving small kisses to Kris' back until his kids footsteps were heard and Suho separate from him. He went and got the Twins' plates ready in the table and pour their respective favorite drinks of each one. When his small twins got to the table where Suho was at, they began trying to get on the giant chair for their small bodies but ended up with Suho carrying them to their chairs while acting annoyed but at the end, patting their heads and kissing their cheeks fast.
If Suho had putted more attention to Kris, he could had seen the big smile Kris had on his face by the shy acts of love from his petite and cute husband. How just by looking at Kris' face one could understand how much he treasure Suho. How he understood almost all of Suho's actions and knew that regardless of saying cold words and sometimes being a little bit hurtful by his lack of response, Kris knew Suho had a big heart that wanted love but didn't know how to pass his own love in another way than with actions. Kris felt special as he was the only one, with their children, that had seeing the face behind the mask of Suho. From the start Kris knew the pros and cons but Kris didn't care and accepted all of his husband.
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