She needed him like he was a drug. Her addiction was at the peak when he was with her. Tangled sheets, soft giggles and lustful kisses those are the three things that keep her alive but two words made all the things that she feels alive, dead inside.

“I’m sorry.”

The silence after those two words were overbearing, it followed by a shattering sound of a porcelain china mug, bouncing off the floor like it was making melodious music but in reality, it felt more like how your heart was aching and breaking at that moment.

“Why?”

The only words that you managed to squeak out from you ever so trembling voice that eventually turned into a full on sob by the time he reached out to the door and left. You pinched yourself on the forearm, blurred visions, pounding heart, hoping that it is all a dream. Yes, you must have been dreaming. He loved you, he wouldn’t leave you, why would he, right? Then you began to sob. Your knees gave way as bent down to pick up the shattered pieces of your favourtie mug, you knew it wasn’t a dream as one of the porcelain piece sliced through your dainty finger and blood trailed down to the floor. Your sobs grew louder and it eventually became hysterical. You clenched your chest with your hands and you felt the ache that your heart is feeling right now and you swore, you swore to yourself that you will never get addicted and loved someone like that anymore.

It took you quite some time to be over it. In the beginning, everything you do reminds you of him and the love you both shared. You avoided going to a certain park because it made you remember the time when he first held your hand under the big oak tree and that made your pulse rate increase and how crimson your cheeks turned as you walk past people while being hand in hand with him. Cafes, you had a love hate relationship with cafes. It reminded you of the times where you had to take up extra hours just to pay the remaining school debts and all the times he waited for you to end your shift just to make sure you’re back home safely and it reminded you of the time when your caramel latte was too sweet that he would willingly drink it up for you despite him not being a sweet tooth himself. Every time you passed by a café, it remind you of all those moments and it hurts every time you think about it. God knows how long since you have had a caramel latte. Bookstores reminds you of him, everything just had to have him in it. You realized that half of your lifetime revolves around him. You managed to avoid all of those for the longest time which made you end up in a slumber in your dimly lighted room, dwelling on the past.

“You need to get out, have some fresh air.” Your friends often says to you. When they came over to keep you company every now and then.

“I don’t feel like it.” That was your usual response, waving them off and sliding back under the duvet, shutting off from life.

“You need to snap out of this right now.” Your mother said one time when she visited you. Her heart breaks when she sees you every time. Her precious baby, being in this state makes her feel small and worthless because she knew she couldn’t do anything. It’s all up to you.

“It’s been almost 2 months now. You need to move on.” Your mother sighed as she soothes the back of your head.

“I loved him so much but he left me for someone else. Wasn’t I good enough for him?” A single tear shed down you cheek as it multiplied under your mother’s soft touch. You sobbed, again. It was the fifth time this week. You did improve a little bit from everyday to 5 time per week but the feeling of betrayal and loathe didn’t disappear.

Months passed and it’s already been half a year. You have had enough and you decided to overcome this whole situation and head out. I didn’t know what to expect but you managed to get out of bed, took a long bath and got dressed up. Looking into the mirror you saw yourself, half dead but you looked slightly better than the previous months, gaining your courage to fork out a small smile and whole bag full of courage and head out the door.

You breathed in the smell of fresh air as you stepped out of your apartment. Baby steps, you reminded yourself as today the goal is to go to a supermarket to do some grocery shopping without bursting into tears in the cereal aisle. 6 months was too long and you knew it. Your slumber was over and you have to faced it. You walked down the street, reminiscing all the moments, realizing on how much you have had missed being outside. At this moment, you didn’t need him to be there with you. You have overcome your addiction, it took you 6 months or maybe it will take you more than that but you’re not going to fail and a relapse will not be an option. The market trip was a success but mother nature wasn’t giving in. you carried your grocery bags out just to find that the the tears of the clouds has blessed the earth and you didn’t have an umbrella nor any shelter near you at all.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” You muttered out. It will take quite some time for the rain to calm down. You sighed, closing your eyes to take a small breather. Maybe you could just walk in the rain, or maybe run? The first option would be a torture but the latter seems fun. Oh wait, you forgot about the bag of groceries you had with you. You let out a frustrated groan and you suddenly heard a slight cough of attention  behind you. You turned and you’re face to face with a man, he looked familiar but you just didn’t know where you saw him before., it must be the hair. Metallic grey, faded into blonde it was the trend these days, right? That is why he looks familiar but you couldn’t grasp it. The way he looked at you it seems like he gave out that cold aura that was mysteriously comforting making your heart beats slightly faster than average.

“I’m making my way back and I have an umbrella. Do you want to share and walk together?” The low tone of his voice surprised you and he have a little lisp when he talked. 
“Do I know you?” You questioned him honestly because you really don’t remember him.

He looked back and you and gave out a small chuckle. He looked through you with those small hooded eyes that changes into an eye smile when he gave out this prominent gummy smile that made your heart flutter for a bit.

“You’re from apartment 4B, right? I’m from 4C. I saw you once or twice before with your boyfriend, I assume. I mean he wouldn’t mind if I accompanied you home with this rain and all, right?” He said and you can sense the genuine gesture coming out from him but it made your heart sank when he said ; saw you once or twice before with your boyfriend, I assume. You gave out a sad smile.

“He wouldn’t mind because he doesn’t exist in my life anymore and yes, I would gladly take up that offer and I’m so sorry for not recognising you. I’m not good with faces.” That was a lie. You were too blinded before to even notice your neighbours. Shame on yourself. The man then took the grocery bags out from your hands and opened up his umbrella, making sure that you did not get wet on your journey back to the apartment. Upon reaching the 4th floor, you took your bags from him and gave a slight bow, thanking him before putting in your keys into your door. Before you pushed it opened, you heard his voice.

“I didn’t get your name.” He said.

“Y/N” You answered, looking back at him.

“It was nice meeting you, Y/N. I’m Yoongi. I’ll see you around.” He smiled and waved at you before he closes his door and you were left standing there looking at his apartment door. 4C.

“Yoongi from 4C.” You whispered to yourself and you caught yourself off guard, smiling.

No I can’t, you snapped back into reality, sudden remembrance of the swear you have sworn to yourself 6 months ago. You quickly took you things and head back in, closing the door behind you. You paced around your apartment. You didn’t know why you feel so unsettled but you managed to calm yourself down with some hot brewed tea and you nestled back to the corner couch looking outside the the windows of your closed balcony, listening to the sounds of the rain.

Your run ins with Yoongi has been frequent for the past weeks, the first few times were awkward encounters in the lifts but it turned into something that you look forward to sometimes. Both of you do meet up from time to time to the park or to the cafes; you soon got used to it going to the places that you avoided but you still had that boundary and guard up when you’re with him. You just didn’t want to let your guard down and be hurt again but you’re really thankful of this new friendship you made.

It almost been a year without him and you feel like you’ve healed. It was only a past memory and you’re over it but as they say, some memories are meant to go but some will come back haunting you.

“Y/N, let me in.” The door banged and your heart dropped hearing the voice of someone whom you thought you’ve forgotten. You shut your eyes, not believing it but the sound grew louder.

“Y/N, please I beg you, please let me in.”

You didn’t know why but your shaky hands reached out for the door knob and twisted it opened. You soon regretted your move as you faced the man that broke you. You looked at him, not knowing what to do and he stumbled into your apartment.

“What do you want, Namjoon?” you said, trying your best to control your trembling voice.

“I want you back.” You were taken aback by his words. He came close to you and lightly touched you cheeks, making you shut your eyes.

“You missed this, don’t you?” He said as his rested his forehead on yours but you pushed him away.

“I did Namjoon, I missed it so damn much. It’s been a year, a whole ing year since you left me and you suddenly came back here just to asked me if I missed this? Are you sick in the head, Joonie? You left me for god sake! You left me for her! And all you said was that you’re sorry and now after a year you’re back? And you want me back? Let me guess, she left you, right? She ing left you like how you left me. Karma’s a , Namjoon and she’s onto you. Get the out of my apartment. I don’t want your sorry here because I didn’t deserve someone like you.” You screamed out to him, venting out all that you have pent inside your poor heart.

You wanted closure and this was yours. Before he could even answer you, you pushed him out and closed the door behind you. You slid to the floor, resting your back against the door and cried. You didn’t know how long you were crying but you had to stopped as you heard a ring from your phone.

“I heard everything, do you need some company?” Yoongi voice across the line soothes your aching heart for that moment.

“Yes, I’d like that.” You said while choking back a sob.

He came over and you came crashing into him as he pulled you into a warm embrace.

“Was he the reason why you put your guard up with me?” You pulled away and locked your eyes with Yoongi. You bit your lips and nooded hesitantly. You were unsure of your feelings and you began to tear up again and avoided his look. He then pulled you up against him making you gasp in shocked and whispered softly into your ears;

“You are so beautiful, he is so stupid to leave you but I’m the lucky one now because I got to know you and I’m taking a gamble here of telling you how I feel, Y/N. You can’t seem to get out from my mind.” It took time for you to realize on what he was talking about and you froze at the last sentence he said. You pulled away from his embrace again and rested your forehead against his and you nodded.

“You can’t seem to get out from my mind too.” You made eye contact with him, heart racing, stomach churning and soft smiling against him.

“We’ll take things slow, Y/N, just for you, I promise, I’ll let you fully heal and thank you for letting me in.”

End.