She stared at the laptop screen until the words on the page made no sense at all. She had been writing lyrics and composing for weeks, working with the company songwriters everyday and by herself until alarming hours of the nigh. She knew she was overworking herself, everyone kept reminding her that sleep was a thing that existed and that she needed, but she just couldn’t stop, no when her group’s future was at stake.

After releasing the statement about the Incident, as Hyejin liked to call it, the harsh opinions of the country fell not just over her, but over her company and group as well. She was cataloged as brave and confident, but also as shameless, embarrassing and even disgusting, and the contrast of opinions was actually a good thing, it meant that with the correct strategy, the group had something to grab unto to keep their careers steady.

So she was avoiding everything that was not work for a Comeback that was not yet confirmed, their CEO wanted to keep her in the shadows for a while, out of the public eye to calm things down, making the rest of the members busy with individual schedules on TV, CFs and modeling. But Byul didn’t want to wait or hide, she had taken Hyejin words at heart and wanted to show everyone that it was ok, that she was not disgusting at all. And the only thing that would force her boss to let Mamamoo comeback soon, was to present him songs so good that he just couldn’t deny it.

“You’re still here?” her unnie and friend, Esna, asked from the door of the small practice room where Byul had been practically living.

“Unnie… yes, I’m just trying to get something done before I leave”

“It’s that jazzy track? The one you couldn’t get the lyrics right?” She asked again, walking inside the room and taking a sit next to the younger girl.

“Yeah, everything I write for it seems too generic and simple… but at the same time, the melody is smooth and soft so writing something too serious doesn’t seems right either. I can’t get to the middle point.” Byul rambled as she looked at the screen and played the instrumental of the song at the same time, trying to make them fit.

“Mm… you know, there are two big general themes people write about”

“Love and hate… yeah, I know”

“And this is a love song, right? So if you find it generic and simple, it’s because you’ve heard this story before in other songs” the songwriter thought for a moment before adding. “Most love stories are similar, you have to find a particular way of telling yours for it to be a good song”.

Byul sighed and nodded in understanding.

“I’ll work more on it” she said, as she set the instrumental from the beginning again and started humming the lyrics.

“Now? You know, maybe a good night of sleep could help you get it right. Maybe even take a break outside… eat something other than noddles?”

“But the boss has rejected every song I’ve pitched to him, says that they are no good enough”

“He hasn’t really…” Esna admitted, shaking her head “He says that because he just wants to keep you hidden for a while, you know that… Eventually most of the songs will end up on an album. But for now, don’t be too hard on yourself”

Byul casted her gaze down and nodded, feeling a little defeated.

“Ok…”

-

“What do you mean?” Byul asked in shock to her boss, who was sitting next to her in the recording studio where she was busy recording demos the whole morning.

“I mean what I just said” he stated calmly, as if Byul wasn’t throwing daggers at him with her gaze “We will be debuting our new girl group in a few months and a think that the song you send me yesterday it’s perfect for them. It’ll be their prerelease track… if you say yes.”

“But… I wrote it for us, for a Mamamoo comeback, you know that”

“That’s not happening anytime soon, and it’ll be good for you, it’ll bring attention to your name in a positive light”

“I just…” the rapper felt like she was being punched in the stomach, and even though logic told her that her boss was right and she was being unreasonable, tears started forming with no much control. The CEO noticed and was about to say something when the girl just stood up and excused herself out of the studio, with a quick “It’s ok, just do it”.

The way from the studio to the closest bathroom was difficult, as she had to avoid workers and trainees that bowed at her and gave her curious glances when they noticed her demeanor.

She wanted to lock herself in a cubicle and cry her eyes out. She had been doing that frequently and had manage to keep it a secret from everyone, smiling brightly and blaming red eyes on her new contacts. No one could know that she was feeling like on the daily, because she had already give them so much trouble.

The news her boss had given her weren’t so bad, she knew… But still she had to cover her sobs with her forearm as she finally reached the bathroom. Just pain that didn’t have a clear source.

-

“Yongsun, the filming will start now, come on” she hear her manager voice and a knock on the van’s window, where she had been napping for the past 30 minutes waiting for the next session of We Got Married filming. It was really exhausting to cramp like five hours of filming every two weeks to have enough material to last for a few episodes. Just that day, she and Eric had had three different dates in different places with different clothes, all while trying to seemed into each other.

The girl stretched her neck to the side and let out a yawn. Just when she was about to get out of the car, her phone rang, showing her boss number. Yongsun answered immediately, thinking it had to be something important, since the CEO would usually call their manager for casual stuff.

“Hey, Yongsun”

“Boss, is there a problem?”

“I just want you to keep an eye on Byul… I talked to her today about using one of her songs for the new girl group, and she didn't took it too well. I’m a little worried” He thought for a moment and added “Have you notice anything? I know she’s been working a lot, but today she seemed really down”

The leader felt a sting in her chest, uncertainty about what to respond.

She knew Byul pretty well, well enough to notice when the younger girl was having a tough time, even though she always tried to hide it… and since the aftermath of the Incident it was clear that her best friend was not ok. But she also knew that to bring that up to her boss would be almost a betrayal, Byul liked to deal with stuff in her own time and alone if possible.

“She must be tired, I’ll force to rest and keep an eye on her. Don’t worry” she answered with confidence.

“Ok, I’ll leave her to you then”

With that, her boss left her with anxiety during the rest of the filming. Eric noticed, but didn’t ask her about it, her manager noticed, and she bombarded her with questions during the travel back home.

“I swear to god, Yongsun… I cannot handle another serious situation so soon. Just tell me what it is… Are you… are you and Eric actually dating? Or… do you hate him? You hate WGM? You just have to hold on for a couple of months, we…”

“Unnie, relax. It’s just that the boss call me because he thinks Byul is particularly sad lately. He asked me to check on her, that’s all”

“Then why do you look like you wanna jump off the moving car”

Yongsun sighed and dropped her head heavy on the back of her sit.

“It’s nothing, I just hope she’s ok” she said, and then closed her eyes in hopes her unnie would stop bothering her.

-----

The knock on her door was shy, almost as if it didn’t want to be heard. When Byul opened the door and saw a nervous Yongsun standing in front of her, she knew why.

“Hey…” she greeted her and gave her space to enter the apartment. “What’s up?” Their relationship had gotten a bit better with the weeks, but it was almost impossible, in Byul’s mind, that they went back at how things were before.  

“Well I… I heard that one of your songs is going to the new group” she went inside and held up a few bags for Byul to see “I know that you’ve been working hard for our comeback… so I brought some food you like to cheer you up”

Byul froze on her spot for a few seconds, her eyes going from the bags to Yongsun to the floor, she felt her lips quivering slightly as a sharp pang settled right in her chest, bit her bottom lip to control it. ´No no no no…´ she repeated in her head, this couldn’t happen to her now, no in front of Younsun, who was looking at her with concern.

“Byul?” the girl asked, left the bags on the closest plain surface and then got close to her, giving small steps, careful.

She was crying again, biting her lip didn’t help at all and just made it sore, shaking uncontrollably as she couldn’t control herself anymore. There were soft hands lifting her chin and cleaning her tears before she notice anything, and any embarrassment for being a crying mess was gone instantly. She was so tired of trying to fix her mistakes and failing miserably, so tired of hiding her mental state from her members and staff, of waiting for her mother to called her and tell her that it was ok, that she didn’t hate her like she said that time, that Byul could visit home and give her a hug. And so she told everything to Yongsun, cuddling on her bed, incredulous as how she had end up spilling all her problems to the one that had been the source of her initial pain.

“I just… I didn’t want to feel lonely, you know? After that night, I thought I even lost you as a friend.”

Yongsun shifted on the bed. Having heard Byul spill her heart to her made her guilty, scared because she didn’t trusted herself that much, it had taken a lot from her to reject Byul that night, instead of tackling her to the bed and kiss her. And the girl, snuggled against her neck, talking so softly, and now completely trusting Yongsun with everything, made her think… Why did she reject her so firmly in the first place? When she felt so absolutely loved when they were together, and she felt so in love in return.

“Unnie? You fell asleep?” asked Byul, unaware of Yongsun troubled thoughts.

“No… I was thinking.”

“Did I bored you? Sorry, we could watch a movie and maybe actually eat the food you got me.”

“No… I mean, yeah… but…” Yongsun was nervous, was she really reconsidering what she wanted the relationship with the girl in her arms be? Wasn’t she being selfish, wanting this now that Byul seemed to be handling things better?

“You ok?” a concerned Byul got out of the warm embrace they were in and turn around to look at Yongsun eyes, hovering above her. The younger girl’s eyes were still red from crying, and Yongsun was sure that she would be able to taste what was left of her tears if she just lean in a little, maybe just graze her lips on the soft skin of Byul cheek.

“ it” she said so fast and low that Byul could no process what was happening, not even after Yongsun had turn her around in the bed, her back now pushed in the mattress and a breathless and breathtaking girl of top of her, kissing her with all her might, like if that was the only chance she would ever get to hold her. And after she came to her senses, Byul tried to take it easy, kissed her back slower and sweeter, because she was not letting her go ever again, not when they fitted so perfectly together.

“Hey…”she said after gently pulling out of the kiss to breath “slow down, I’m not going anywhere”

Yongsun was blushing, panting and blinking repeatedly as she noticed she lay completely above Byul, trapping the younger girl with her body. She was about to move a little to the side, when she felt arms keeping her there, eyes playful and a smirk almost too annoying. She buried her face on Byul’s neck to avoid the eyes and the smirk and to hide the dumb smile that took over her.

“I’m sorry it took me a while” Yongsun whispered against the warmth of the other girl, her hands clinging to her shirt and entertaining the idea of it not existing at all. She really needed to calm down.

“It’s ok. I’m sorry I tried to confess while drunk… not really romantic” Byul heard and felt a giggle in her neck, kissed the cute girl head and hugged her tightly. “It’s too soon to say that I love you? I mean… we just had out first kiss”

Yongsun rose from her hiding spot, realizing her dumb smile wasn’t going anywhere. She leaned in and gave a few kisses to Byul’s cheek, still a little salty. She wanted to be there for the girl, help her overcome her problems and holding her tight if one of them was just too much for her, and so she decided that fear was not going to stop her of doing just that.

“It’s ok, we’ll just have to kiss a lot to make up for the lost time” she said, matter of factly.”Cause I love you too”

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Wow that got really cheesy.
I'm sorry it took so so so long to upload this, I had kind of given up on it, but got some inspiration lately. So there it is.