Hi guys sorry for the long wait. I would like to thank all my suscribers and those who left comment .you really made me day!!

Chapter 5 –Pressures.

May 1999

Hyesung was standing infront of Lee Soo Man in his office, he didn’t know why Lee Soo Man told him to come to his office without telling his members.  

“Did you hear about the new trainees who are supposed to debut this coming November with Brian Joo and Hwanhee?” Lee Soo Man asked as he pointed at the seat infront of his table telling Hyeung to have a seat which Hyesung rejected by shaking his head saying he preferred standing. It is as if he’s telling the old man he’s not going to stay there for long anyway. “They were supposed to be members of Fly to Sky right?”

Hyesung didn’t answer, he was just staring at Lee Soo Man’s eyes waiting for the main point of this meeting.

“I cancelled their contracts” The old man said and pointed at Hyesung, “You know why?”

Ofcourse Hyesung knows why , everyone in SM knows it already. 

“They’re homosexuals.” The oldman answered his own question knowing Hyesung would not answer. 

“So?”Hyesung asked nervously, “This has nothing to do with me”

Lee Soo Man smirked at him and answered, “You think I didn’t know? “

Hyesung licked his lips nervously , he was sweating uncontrollably.  He held his breath as he felt his heart pounding. His shoulders slumped in defeat when he heard the old man saying . “I heard you have identity confusion? You got lots of bisexual friends in US.”

It’s not identity confusion anymore. Hyesung was already done with that shit. He knows what he really is now. It’s crystal clear. He’s bisexual.

“If you want to stay as Shinhwa member” Lee Soo Man said as he propped his chin on his hand. “Do something about it. Make a scandal with other girls, I don’t care. I’m not gonna let bisexual artists in my company disgrace us and you know why.”

As soon as Hyesung got home, all the members welcomed him with warm smiles. Eric being playful and  extra clingy to him, ran towards him  to give him a hug . Hyesung tried to avoid him by changing direction while glaring at Eric but the leader was so giddy following him. When he felt Eric hugging him from his back , he angrily pushed him which made Eric to fall on the floor. Everyone was shocked with what they saw. They know Hyesung hates skinship with Eric but Hyesung was a bit harsh tonight.

Hyesung rub the nape of his neck while clenching his teeth. He lowered his head and covered his eyes with his hands. He didn’t want to cry but he couldn’t help it. 

He could see Eric staring at him, still on the floor, with his eyes wide open. All the members quickly ran to him asking why he’s crying. 

He shook his head telling them he’s just tired but he knows no one would believe him. They know he’s a crybaby but he never cried when he’s tired. Eric stood up and grabbed him by his shoulder but he shook it off harshly.

“What the hell Hyesung!” He heard Eric shouted angrily. “Tell us what happened! You’re making us worry for you”

“I said I’m fine Eric!” Hyesung shouted back with his veins popping on his neck. His hand tightened into fists while sobbing. “Just stop asking me! I’m okay! I’m fine!”

 He could see his members’ unrelenting stares but no one dared to speak. They know how sensitive Hyesung could be but this is the first they see him really destroyed and devastated. He gave a dismissive wave of his hand as he dragged his feet to his and Eric’s room.

As he closed the door he could still feel the members stares, who wouldn’t stare at him when he sobbed like a child infront of them. He threw himself on his bed and curled up trying to cry with out a sound but everytime he remembers the fear and pressure, a loud whimper echoes the room.  He cried until he ran out of tears, but his body continued to cry and he laid there shaking uncontrollably until he fell asleep.

--

The sound of the alarm clock woke him up, he could feel his heavy eyelids dropping but he shook his head trying to wake himself but as soon as he gained consciousness he remembered his conversation with Lee Soo Man.  He could feel the pain in his chest again and the tears are beginning to form in his eyes so he shut his eyes and told himself he’s gonna be okay. Suddenly he felt arms hugging him from his back and he didn’t have to turn around to check who was it because he knows it was Eric. 

Eric loves hugging him when they sleep and Hyesung loves pretending to be asleep whenever Eric hugs him but this time, he didn’t want to pretend anymore. He just wanted to make things right so he pushed Eric’s arms  away from him. He jumped off his bed and watched Eric who was mumbling in his sleep. He sighed heavily and turned to walk away.

May 1999

“Oppa” Shoo, a nice and pretty member of S.E.S, was sitting infront of him. He could see her fidgeting in her seat while glancing at Eugene and Bada trying to ask for help. They were at a bar in Gangnam celebrating the success of S.E.S new album and Ji Hoon’s new drama. He didn’t know when did he start hanging out with S.E.S but what he knew was Ji Hoon and Eugene are dating.

“Yes Shoo?” Hyesung said while pouring soju in her shotglass. He heard from his friends that Shoo likes him but he wasn’t interested in her. 

“Hyesung Oppa.. I like you!” Shoo finally said it and everyone began teasing them. Kangta stood up and told Shoo to sit beside Hyesung which she happily complied while Hyesung was staring at his shot glass thinking this could be the right path he had to take. Lee Soo Man has been torturing him to make a scandal with any girl in SM Entertainment. He just needed to make one relationship scandal and then it’s done. No one will question his sexual preference. 

He grabbed Shoo by her shoulder and whispered in her ears, “Really? Okay , let’s go out then?”

Everyone’s eyes grew larger and began to congratulate the both of them. 

June 1999

“You’ve been dating Shoo since last month?????” A drunk Eric appeared in their living room in the middle of their Movie Marathon.  Everyone turned to Hyesung with their wide eyes waiting for his reply, “Ya! Bastard! Answer me? Is it true?”

Hyesung raised his eyebrow as he looked at Eric, “What is it to you????”

Aish Paboya .Of course it would matter to him. He’s your leader right?? It’s his obligation to know what kind of shits and stupid things his members do. He told himself while having a staring battle with drunk Eric.

“Ji-hoon is dating Eugene right?” Eric asked with his gritted teeth, “Is that why you asked me not to date her?? Because your fucking friend likes her??? Is Ji Hoon more important to you than me? You’re my bestfriend?!” 

Hyesung was taken aback. He inhaled a sharp breath when he saw Eric balled his hand into fist. 

“Hyung!” Junjin was the first to stop Eric. He ran towards Eric and grabbed his arms thinking Eric would hit Hyesung, “Calm yourself hyung.. “

“You!” Eric shouted while pointing at Hyesung, “You should have told me the reason. You should have made it clear why you stopped me  from dating Eugene! You should have-“

“Aren’t you being too sensitive Eric?” Hyesung answered while glaring at Eric. He walked towards him with clenched jaw, “You were the one who insisted will do anything for me. Right?”

Dongwan, Minwoo , Junjin and Andy turned their heads to Hyesung. Their eyes were wide open and the confusion was written all over their faces. 

“Hey children” Minwoo stretched his both arms sideways trying to push Eric and Hyesung away from each other, “We don’t have any idea about what you’re fighting about. But we can talk this out”

Dongwan went to Hyesung’s side trying to grab Hyesung’s arms that were itching to throw a punch while Andy was beside Eric grabbing him by the shoulder while saying, “Hyung..hyung… stop this.. please!”

“Traitor!” Hyesung didn’t expect to hear it from Eric. The muscles on his face tightened and soon his face turned to crimson with fury. 

“Bwoh?!” Hyesung shouted at Eric’s face, “What did you just call me ?? A traitor??”

“Yes!” Eric answered  as he yanked towards Hyesung grabbing his collar, “Why did you not tell me? I thought you stopped me from dating Eugene because you like her and as your bestfriend I gave way. Because you are more important than her!!!”

That made Hyesung shut up. He didn’t expect to hear those words too. The anger was quickly vanished replaced by unexplainable good feeling. His eyes no longer glaring at Eric. His shoulder dropped in defeat as he thought to himself, how could a person change his emotion so quickly. How could Eric make him angry, happy, excited, surprised , jolly and sad so quickly.

“I’m sorry” Hyesung bowed his head avoiding Eric’s deadly glares, “I’m really sorry. I didn’t know Jihoon likes her”

“Then why did you stop Eric from dating Eugene?” Dongwan asked as held Hyesung’s hand, “Why Hyesungie? Did you really like Eugene?”

“Ani”Hyesung shook his head not knowing what to say. What kind of lies would he give to his members who have been honest and loyal to him from the start. 

“Then why hyung?” His eyes grew larger when he heard Junjin’s voice. It was low and steady not like the usual chirpy tone. He looked at Junjin and saw him staring at him like he knows something. 

“I –I don’t like Eugene” Hyesung  said nervously while scratching his nose with his index finger, “I don’t like her for Eric. She’s not that nice. If you just try to know her better you’ll see her true color”

Hyesung almost crossed his fingers infront of them. Of course it was a lie. Eugene is one of the sweetest, nicest and adorable girls in SM Entertainment. He just didn’t know what to say. Im sorry Eugene… I’m gonna treat you better from now on. He thought.

He saw Eric’s clenched jaw loosen up as he listens to his explanation. He saw how Eric sighed heavily and pushed Andy and Junjin away from him before he went to their room.

“I’m sorry about this guys” Hyesung told the members. Everyone just nodded and gave him a hug and goodnight kiss.

JULY 1999

[Hyung, Do you have time? Can I have a drink with hyung tonight? Don’t tell the children] 

Hyesung stared at his mobilephone as he read the message for the third time. He didn’t know why but he suddenly felt fear when Junjin sent him this message. Does their dongsaeng have problem? Is he suffering? Everyone noticed how Junjin became distant this past few days. The hyungs tried to talk to him but he just gave his best smile and twinkling eyes while saying “I’m junjin.. hyung. I’m the happiest person alive!” Lately, they always find Junjin dazed and confused. Their dongsaeng sometimes walk around at night for almost an hour , doing nothing but staring on the ground while walking back and forth in the kitchen or living room. 

[Ok, Ssamdong Bar at 11 in the evening] After sen