My eyes were almost begging me to stop scrolling through my tumblr dashboard. It was already eight in the morning and I haven’t slept since six in the morning yesterday. Yes, okay, twenty six hours without sleep; no big deal. With all the deadlines and papers for work, sleep can almost be considered as a luxury for me this week. I just finished one of the documents I need to give to my boss on Monday; and now instead of sleeping I’m just passing time on this site.

I was tired, definitely, but I just can’t seem to find the will the turn off my laptop and go to bed. I was staring at the continuous scrolling through my dashboard on my laptop screen when I felt my breath knocked out of my lungs. No joke. Uh, maybe that’s a bit exaggerated. But... still.

“Omo. .” I whispered, feeling blood rush to my cheeks.

It was CL. Well at least that’s the name she put on her tumblr profile. She’s been my crush—I guess you could say online crush; but she’s the only girl who has got my attention right now, so... I don’t know—for six months now. Ever since I saw her photo when I followed her because of one of my fandoms, I just knew I was in for a bit of excitement and a bit of a mini heartbreak because of an online fancying.

What made me blush and feel like I just drank a whole gallon of coffee is her post. Oh, it’s nothing;  just a photo of her working out in the gym. Again.

No big deal, really. No big deal, except my hearts beating so fast. What the hell, even?! I’m going crazy. I must be going crazy.

I almost felt ashamed of myself as I realize how big of a crush this is. At the same time, I felt my mini-heart break into mini-pieces at the thought that I will never get to meet her considering that she’s from—oh... wait. I don’t know where she lives; but whatever. I’m in like, Narnia, so we’ll never meet regardless.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHH”, I screamed my soul and lungs out when I felt something on my shoulder. Oh god,is this what sleep deprivation does?

“Aish! Do you really have to scream as if I’m gonna kill you? You’re gonna make me go deaf, Dara!”

“It’s not my fault! Can you at least give me a clue that you’re here before putting your head on my shoulder like that?! How do I know you’re not some kind of a ghost or poltergeist or something?! BOM! It was you who almost killed me of heart attack!”

“Aigoo. That’s too much! GO TO SLEEP! See? You’re not normal. You’re overreacting. YOU. MUST. SLEEP.” Bom replied, slightly pushing me out of my seat. When I did not move, I saw her glance at my laptop which I immediately closed knowing she will not let this pass once again.

 “Go to sleep. You look like a hungry dog when you were looking at CL earlier”, Bom laughed before running to the kitchen to avoid Dara’s annoyance and anger.

We have been housemates for years now since we graduated from college, we work in the same company, and just basically breathe the same oxygen molecules probably—or however you can describe bestfriends or whatever. So, of course she knows about my girlfriend—I mean, my dreamgirl for six months now. Ew, who am I?!

When Dara woke up, it was to a singing-while-cooking-for-lunch Bom. She went to the kitchen to wash her face.

“Oh! You’re already awake? Dara you were awake for more than 24 hours, and you only slept for four hours?!”

“Your singing woke me up”

“Ahh. My voice is beautiful, I know”

“Ehh...”, Dara responded scratching her head

“Hey!”, resulting to a slap on the arm from the other girl. “Are you ready for tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow? What’s the event?” Dara asked, washing her face

“DARAAAAA! You don’t remember? The blind date I set up for you?!”

“That’s already tomorrow night?!?!”

“OF COURSE! Don’t tell me you made other plans!”, Bom exclaimed

“I didn’t. I just forgot about it. I still can’t see why I need to go on a date though, Bom. I’m happy being single.”, she stated, walking to the table to eat Bom’s cooking

“No you’re not. You just settle to drowning yourself with work. Besides, if you really are happy being single you wouldn’t be drooling over that CL over the internet. You don’t even know where this girl’s from”, Bom said, rolling her eyes. “You need a real girlfriend. It’s been years since you’ve tried dating!”

“Hey! I’m not drooling! And what’s wrong with that?! It’s just a crush!”, Dara said defensively. “I don’t think dating is for me. I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’m not sure I can handle it.”

Bom helped me prepare for my blind date, and now I stand in front of this restaurant deciding whether I should go inside or just run back home. I’m wearing a black lace dress and red pumps which Bom chose for me; I curled my hair and carried only a black purse.

I breathed deeply and went inside, scanning the room for a girl in a red dress. She just texted me that she was not here yet and that she’s probably gonna be late but I was still nervous and wanted to make sure she’s not in the room. I don’t think I’m ready to see her just yet.

I sat in a table next to the window and checked my phone when a waiter came up to me. “May I take your order ma’m?” He asked. “Just water please; I’m still waiting for someone.” I said, and he nodded before walking away.

I sat and waited, cheking my phone every now and then. After fifteen minutes, I started getting nervous and texted Bom.

Bom, she’s still not here. I’m nervous, what if I get stood up?

After only a few seconds, I felt my phone vibrate. I hoped that it was the girl saying that she’s about to be here, but it was Bom’s reply.

Relax. Not even thirty minutes have gone. She’ll be there. Just relax and wait.

I read the text over and over to calm my nerves. I didn’t reply; I became too nervous to even text. I just stared outside, admiring the night lights. I have always admired this restaurant because of the view outside and the atmosphere it has. The street outside looked quiet except for a few people who look like they’re going home from work; they look tired of their monotonous home-work/work-home routine. A girl—at least I think it’s a girl, she was too far that I can’t recognize her face—caught my attention. She was just getting off of a motorcycle and removing her helmet; when she did, I got to confirm that she was indeed a ‘she’.  She had long gray hair and was wearing a leather jacket and pants. That’s too much leather. I never really like leather clothes, but somehow I can see that she made it work and was totally pulling it off even though I’m a bit too far to analyse it.

I looked away and stared at the sky; I was getting even more nervous by every minute that passes and I just wanted to calm myself down. The sky never fails to do that for me. I was grateful that there were not too many clouds tonight, or the stars wouldn’t be as visible as they are right now. The night sky looked like it had a billion stars just from the spot where I’m seeing it; but who knows, I have never really been good at estimating. I just know that the sky looked like it was straight from a painting.

I felt my phone buzz, and I almost jumped from my seat as I was gotten out of my reverie. It was Bom.

Dara, come home. I’m sorry.

When I read the text, I immediately knew I was stood up. I hurriedly got up from my seat, grabbed my stuff, and ran outside. I hailed a cab and directed the driver to our house. When I got home, Bom’s arms were already waiting for me.  I hugged her and heard myself sob involuntarily.

“Dara, I’m sorry; my friend just texted me that her friend didn’t want to go to the date anymore. I’m sorry; I never knew this would happen. I’m sorry.”

I sobbed, “It’s not your fault. It’s okay, I don’t even know why I’m crying. I’m destroying all this make-up”, I tried to laugh. “Maybe I’m just tired and disoriented.” I said as I got out from the hug. “I’m going to bed. It’s fine, Bom. Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry, Dara. I shouldn’t have convinced you to go.”

“Hey! I said it’s fine. You were only thinking of me, I understand that. It’s not like it’s the end of the world. I’m fine, I’m a big girl unnie!”, I said, plastering a smile on my face to convince Bom.

I turned my back on her and went to my room. I opened my laptop and went to tumblr to get things off my mind. Why is this even bothering me?! It’s not like I want a girlfriend or anything, right?! Maybe it’s just that I feel like nobody will ever want to be with me. Why did the girl even call of the date? Did she already see me and was not interested? Did she just say she’ll be late but was already there just to see if I was okay-looking? ...and decided I wasn’t?

As I scrolled through tumblr I saw physical fitness posts and definitely felt bad. Of course. Psh. Yeah yeah, I get it. I haven’t been to the gym for forever now. I’ve been too busy with work and can’t even think about going to the gym to exercise. I pulled my shirt up and poked my tummy. I used to have abs, tsk. Where is it now?! Aish. I refreshed my dashboard to get rid of this fitness bull then saw that I have received a message. My heart skipped a beat, ohmygod this is exciting! I’ve never received a message before. I don’t even have a lot of followers; is it praise for my oh-so-beautiful blog? Is it hate message?—heck, even that gets me excited, as long as it’s a tumblr message—Or is it tumblrbot?

I clicked the envelop button and waited for it to load. My jaw dropped when I saw the message. It was my own message staring at me in the face, those letters judging every bit of my being.

Hi CL. I’ve been following you for a long time and I just stopped by to say that I think you’re very cute... and hot ;)

What the ?! I didn’t even remember putting a wink in there .What the hell?! Underneath it is CL’s icon, and her reply.

Oh hey, thanks for following me. I see that we like a lot of the same stuff. Thank you. I think you’re very cute too J

Turns out I didn’t message her on anon. What the hell?! How stupid can I be? I heard my keyboard crack when I smashed my head on my laptop. Why am I this stupid?! I will never butcher my sleeping schedule again. I should never be allowed to decide for myself after staying up and working for more than 24 hours. Why did even Bom let me go to tumblr the other night?! She’s my unnie, why didn’t she hit me in the head with a bat and force me to go to sleep?! I wanna fly to Canada and hide.

Okay.

That’s it. I’m never going to tumblr again. you, tumblr. Goodbye. Thanks for the embarrassing experience.

...eh

Oh hey, thanks for following me. I see that we like a lot of the same stuff. Thank you. I think you’re very cute too J

What the hell, though?! She doesn’t think I’m hot?

Tomorrow, I’m going to the gym.

-end of chapter-