I was in the middle of a photo shoot when it occurred. The fact that Jung Shin was the one who brought the news to my ears does not help either, especially since he shouted from across the room, letting every single person in the studio heard what he had to say. To my embarrassment.

“SOO JUNG IS DATING KAI???!”

The second I heard it, my smile was gone in an instant. Something very obvious, that the photographer notice it right away. “You look shocked.”

I was in a daze for a few seconds until Yoo Min noona, the photographer, called my name louder, “Earth to Kang Min Hyuk.”

“Ne?” I turned my head to her, “Sorry, was my expression bad?”

“Not just bad, you look like you just have your heart broken into a million pieces. Did Jung Shin bother you?”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just, I think I heard he said something.”

“He did.”

“Did he?”

Yoo Min noona put down her camera, smiled, and approached me, “We can always continue this later if you need time.”

“No, I’m fine.” I tried to get back to my professional mode, but as she had predicted, I failed miserably. This news is clearly shocking.

“Come on, you obviously need to take a deep breath.” She tapped my shoulder, “Just, a word of advice, think first before you call her.”

“I wouldn’t.” I shook my head in determination. There is no way I would call Soo Jung just because of this unconfirmed news.

“You say that now. But your ego might go up and you would want an explanation from her. And there is nothing wrong with asking for an explanation, but my advice, do it with a cool head.”

“Noona..” I pleaded. She should not give a time for myself. She should just continue taking pictures and pushes me to work because a time alone would only lead me to think the worst about this situation.

“Min Hyuk-ah, I’ve known you since you were still a teenage boy. I saw you fall head over heels with this girl since the first you saw her in that script reading session. And I saw you both grow apart because of your schedule.” Yoo Min noona told me, “I know you still have lingering feelings for her and that’s alright. But I think, if you really care about her, let her be happy.”

I hesitated. I know a part of still want to win her heart back. I still want to believe that Soo Jung and I still have a chance. That one day, we will meet again in a different circumstances, and we will be able to make this work. But if she is already with Kai, I completely lost.

“You’re right, noona. I think I’m going to cool my head for a little while.”

“Okay, that’s good. We already had a lot of good pictures anyway. So you’re good to go.” She smiled, “Ask Jung Shin to come in here, will you?”

“Sure.” I nodded, “After I kick his head for shouting such bad news to everyone in the room.”

Yoo Min noona laughed and left me. As I walked to where Jung Shin was sitting, I saw him still attached to his phone, perhaps still looking for legit pictures of Kai and Soo Jung dating. I hated that view so I snatched the phone away from him.

“Ya!” He shouted. “Oh, Min Hyuk-ah.” He was surprised to see me standing next to him.

“Yoo min noona asked for you.” I coldly told him.

“You alright?” Jung Shin asked, “Do you need water? Coffee? Beer? Or, soju?”

“Come on, don’t do that.” I groaned, a bit annoyed by his overly concern demeanour, “Don’t pity me like that.”

“I don’t pity you.” Jung Shin shamelessly shook his head, “You just, you look so god-damn awful.” And before I shouted back at him, he already ran away to where he was needed.

And I was left alone in the waiting section. I still have Jung Shin’s phone with me so with full curiosity, I opened it. And there they were, wearing matching glasses and black caps and black sweaters and black coats, in a parking lot of a building, just the two of them.

She looked genuinely happy.

Suddenly, there was a pang in my heart, like it was bombarded with machine guns and grenades are exploding, making it bleed. But at the same time, I felt numb. It was like holding a hot ramyeon pot, so hot that you don’t feel a thing, except for the burn it left when you put it down. This feeling is exactly like that.

I, once again, look at her happy smile. There was a picture where she looked at him so intently while holding his hand. The look that used to be mine.

Aside from my heart, my ego was hurt too. Kai had always been a shadow in my relationship with Soo Jung. Not that he was a third person or that she cheated on me. Soo Jung was always faithful. But Kai, somehow, was always there to fill the gaps I was not in. Soo Jung opened up to him about things I was not allowed to know. At the beginning, I tried to understand because they have known each other since a long time ago and I am not the kind of person who takes away someone’s friendship just because I felt insecure.

But then again, letting her go was my fault. The last few months of our relationship was filled with her crying and me begging for her understanding. And it hurt me so bad to see her like that. I did not have the heart to see her cry any more than that. A boyfriend should be able to protect his girlfriend and to be there for her whenever she needs. But I was never there. Kai was.

The inevitable truth.

When I think I am calmed enough to talk, I decided to call her. I am secretly wishing that she was not available so I would only have to talk to her voice mail. But she picked up the phone, not even saying hello.

“Min hyuk oppa…” I heard her voice for the first time after a while. She still sounds very angel-like, with her soft and soothing voice. But from her tone, I know that she knows what I am calling her for.

“Congratulations, Soo Jung-ah.” I forced a smile even though she could not see it.

“You read it.”

“I didn’t. But Jung Shin told me and I saw the pictures. I did not read the news.”

“I’m sorry.” She choked. I am too familiar with this tone, when she contained herself from crying because she would want to look tough in front of me. But I knew her.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say sorry.” I chuckled. “Are you crying?”

“No…” An obvious lie. I know.

“Come on, I call to congratulate you. You should be happy.”

“But what about you?” Jung Soo Jung, even in this kind of mess we are in, you still think about my happiness.

“I am happy if you are.” I assured her, “So be happy, okay? Be happy with him. He is a good guy.”

“He is..”

“And he loves you.”

“He does..”

“And you love him, too, right?” And there goes my heart, bleeding again.

“I.. I…” She hesitated for a while.

“You know what? Don’t answer that question. I don’t want to know.” I cut her before she finds the courage to give me an answer. Because whatever her answer is, it would hurt me anyway. “Just, promise me to be happy, Soo Jung-ah.”

“I promise.” I heard her crying from over the phone. Why do you always cry whenever you talk to me, Jung Soo Jung?

“Okay..”

“Okay..”

And I hung up.

I am not the one who cries. But today is an exception. Today I allow myself to cry because I just realise that I love this person so much, and I let her slip away.

the end