Taeyeon groaned when someone poked her cheeks. Her eyes opened. She blinked while seeing the ceiling. It felt weird, until she was aware that she probably slept on the couch while remembering her breaking up moment with Baekhyun.

“De javu…”

“De javu what?” Sunny’s lip was really near her ears, so Taeyeon jerked.

“I could sleep forever if you scare me like that, Sunny!”

“Wake up, then,” Sunny gigled and put the magazine on the table, “Let’s go out!”

Taeyeon sat down, “Do you come here to soothe me after  breaking up with Bambam?”

“Nope,” Sunny’s face came closer, “I know you too well.”

Taeyeon couldn’t help, but smile. After separating herself from Baekhyun, she did anything as it used to be. She learned her department in college, broadcasting, and DJ-ing until evening. She busying herself, although her friends keep asking her out. Once she ever thought… if it’s Heechul who asked her out, may be her stubborness would give up.

It flowed day by day, until she’s aware with two things. First thing, she paid attention to her hoobae in campus and he was also her fanboy, Bambam. Before dating with Baekhyun, Bambam declared his self as her loyal fan. He keep sending gifts, liking all her post or pictures in social medias and writing tweets or post about his support for her. She’s thankful.

Second thing, she felt Heechul avoided her. No more lunch, dinner, hang out or spending time to watch a movie. It’s like… there was a wall named ‘busy activities’ between them. Taeyeon thought, Heechul was too focus with his work.

It continued. She was also killing the time by doing activities and responding her hoobae, Bam Bam. He was truly loyal. He didn’t care if Taeyeon was with Baekhyun or not. So, Taeyeon tried to open her eyes and heart to let Bambam in. Maybe, just maybe, the junior was her right person. But…

Taeyeon didn’t feel all things that Sunny told; heart beating rapidly when seeing or touching Bambam, feeling anger when he was with a random girl, missing his presence when they separated or just a random desire to think about him.

Finally, Taeyeon told herself that it was bad for her and also for him. They should break up. But she didn’t have a heart to end her relationship with Bambam. He was too kind and loyal. Moreover, they could manage it until 2 months, longer time comparing with Baekhyun.

But Taeyeon had to do it anyway. She preferred something hurtful in reality than something beautiful in fantasy. And, the decision made her feeling better. Especially when Bambam said,

“All right, I see, Noona.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. Thank you for this great experience.”

Taeyeon smiled and said something that made the boy in front of her blushing, “You’re a wonderful person, Bam Bam.”

“May I have a request, Noona?”

Taeyeon’s gaze was too deep until Bambam bowed his head, “Sss… sure?”

In contrast, Taeyeon didn’t sure. She imagined the boy would asked her, “May I hug and kiss you, Noona?”. She didn’t want to do it. No when he had a special feeling, while she had not the same.

“Let me adore you? Forever, maybe?”

Taeyeon couldn’t help but reached his hand. She squeezed it and didn’t care with Bambam’s pale face. She mouthed ‘thank you’ and tried not to cry her feeling out. She just mesmerized with his consistency. If only she liked or loved the boy…

“Heechul is with our unnie, Son Dam Bi.”

Taeyeon was awaken from her day dreaming. No Bambam in front of her. There was just a voice, Sunny’s voice which told her…

“What???”

Taeyeon widen her eyes. She repeated a light information that came from Sunny; Heechul is with Son Dam Bi.

Suddenly, she didn’t remember how to breath well. Inhale and exhale. Her mind was blank. She hoped all of this was just a dream, something that would fade away when she woke up. But her wish really flew when she screamed because Sunny pinched her nose.

“So, I lost him. Didn’t I?” She asked her heart, “What the hell with me? Who am I for him?” once more, she asked her poor heart.

~