"I can stand him

             not loving me --

I can't stand him

        loving her."

                                                        --Lang Leav

There are so many things I want to say to him. So many words and phrases that eventually formed into sentences, and time and time again, I would fall into this great urge to tell him. So I did. Most of the time.

From--

"Hey, do you wanna try for an audition? We'll rap together, and even do collaborations."

"Let's write songs together from now on, okay?"

To--

"Hyung, are you okay? You don't seem well."

"I miss you, hyung."

I was able to say those sentences to him without faltering. Except one.

"I love you."

Those words -- no matter how I get the urge to say them, I can't. I won't. Because he won't return my love back. How the heck did I know? Well, if the girls he's dated before didn't count, then I know what will.

But I love him.

I loved him ever since we started doing raps together.

I loved his chubby cheeks, his silly jokes, and even his long-sleeved shirts.

I loved how you can cheer him up just by saying you'll treat him ice cream.

I love him. I don't think it'll ever change.

I love him eventhough he breaks my heart by bringing up a girl's name whenever we talk.

Then I'll see him smile.

A smile he's never given me before. A smile he reserves only for that one girl that he likes.

It , really. Knowing that from the start you'll never have a chance. Even if I tried, I won't compare to all the girls who like him.

Sometimes, he puts his arm around my shoulder, like he doesn't want to let me go.

Then my heart would skip a beat, then it'll beat a little faster than normal.

Other times, we'll just go to my room, make impromtu raps, and just act silly.

"Do you think my voice is too high?" I ask.

"Nah. It's good. It's cute." Then he'll smile. The brightest smile I've ever seen. It's enough to make my heart squeeze.

Be still my heart.

"You only say that because your voice is too manly."

"It's the truth, Jiyong. Your voice is cute like a girl's."

I don't think it's enough to get my hopes up...but it is. I hope everytime he looks at me, when he teases me, when he starts being so touchy with me in our concerts or live tours.

Only to be dragged back down to reality at times I see him with his girlfriend.

It's funny how he's the one to put a smile on my face yet he's the one to make me cry;

funny how I always wish him good luck with his relationship, yet I also want it to fail;

funny how he always breaks my heart, but I still love him with every piece of it.

A/N: This story is set in their earlier days, maybe around 2006-2008? And sorry, I started off the story with angst >__< I hope you liked it!