He wasn’t even sure how it happened, or when it happened. When was that turning point in which he started to long for his company more than usual, or feel the need to laugh at his lame jokes and in return make him laugh with his. When did he started to unconsciously look for excuses to be physically close and touch his hand or slick his rebellious pink hair back. 

How did he started to think that his soft voice was like a calming soothing breeze, lulling him to sleep during those seldom times when they shared a room during their tours. Why was he now so enthralled by just one boy – one man, he corrected himself, as they have seen each other grow and mature for the past ten years, even though sometimes it felt more like a lifetime than just a decade – reading a book, as he usually did when they had time to kill between dry rehearsals and the shooting of the stage performance. How was it possible that just looking at him pass the page or rub the spine of the fiction novel he was so engrossed in, simple gestures and rooted mannerisms, could become the most enticing and captivating actions he had the pleasure of witnessing another human do. He was already so deep and he hadn’t even paid attention to the rise, to the unfolding of this emotion so ingrained within his body that if he didn’t know better, he would think it was inherent to his self to feel this way about the man just a couple of feet away from him. He was so screwed.

“Ah, Hyung! Why did you eat the entire bag of chips? I wanted some too!” Taemin wined as he entered the waiting room and saw the empty bag at the coffee table, startling Jonghyun from his reverie.

“Seriously, Jonghyun, I don’t know how you manage to be that skinny and still stuff your face with that garbage you call food. Life’s too good to you, I swear.” Said Kibum entering behind Taemin and sitting across Jonghyun on a chair.

“Now what am I going to eat until we finish the recording?” Complained Taemin while he threw the bag into the garbage bin and took a seat beside Jonghyun, on the other side of Jinki, who stopped his reading when he heard the commotion caused by Taemin’s complains.

Jonghyun was not even aware of doing that, of eating the entire bag by himself. He remembers Taemin helping Kibum with his segment on Heart a Tag, talking about his accessories and stuff that only Kibum would be able to get Taemin to talk about. Then they were leaving and he was left alone with Jinki, who was very invested in the book on his lap; one of the things he did when trying really hard to maintain himself entertained and awake for the next hour or so until they we’re called on stage again. From that moment on, he’s vaguely conscious of the hypnotic way in which Jinki was biting his lip while Jonghyun tried to distract his desire to glue his eyes to Jinki’s face and watch for the eternity and beyond the way in which his lips were getting rosier and prettier. Apparently the distraction was to eat a whole bag of chips, and it hadn’t even been worth it because, also apparently, it didn’t work at all.

“If you’re that hungry, Taemin-ah, I guess I could check Minho’s bag. He must have some snack hidden somewhere there,” suggested Jinki while putting his book aside. Taemin made a face at the suggestion though.

“Oh no, Hyung, I rather wait until we’re out of here than venture in Minho’s variety of snacks.”

“He probably carries around chicken on a plastic bag, so good decision, Taeminnie.” Key added while re-watching the material he had recollected so far.

“If you were hungry, you should’ve told me and I could’ve gone and see if I could get something better than chips, Jonghyun-ah.” Jinki offered to Jonghyun with that easy soft smile that he always had towards s when he was being a caring leader. Not that he was not a caring and kind leader all the time, Jonghyun thought, and not that his smiles weren’t always sweet and beautiful, he corrected himself again. Jonghyun was starting to feel his cheeks get a little red, but the warmth spreading through his face and his chest had less to do with the embarrassment of having eaten all the snacks and more with the fact of being the subject of Jinki’s smile, even when that was a common occurrence within their team. He really had no idea of how he got to this point where all Jinki had to do was smile in his direction and Jonghyun would get that silly lovesick face he knew he gets when he’s in love. Because that’s what he was, he realized. In love. In love with his bandmate, in love with one of his best friends. He was so screwed and so in love with Lee Jinki.