Chapter 1 - PROLOGUE

Quarrel in the Blizzard

Only the sound of my feet crunching in the soft snow below was all I could hear. The wind, although soft as well, stung my uncovered ears that were probably red and numb by now. It was foolish of me to rush out so hastily into such a mercilessly cold area. My baggy, beige cloak and medium eye shields were working to keep me warm as well as a tiny umbrella worked to shield one from the pouring rain. I would surely die if I stayed out here any longer…

 

But I had to press on… My queen needed my assistance…

 

Suddenly my feet stumbled and it was then that I realized that my legs had lost all feeling along with my arms and face. Before I could stop myself, my body fell to the snowy ground. The cold flakes sent a large shiver down my spine and entire body. The sensation was so powerfully painful that I remained stationary, wondering if I could even move after it. I tried lifting my head and I was successful. My vision was shaky and threatening to go out like a candle, but I could see her. Her back was turned to me and she was facing the entrance to a cave.

 

I opened my mouth and moved my lips but sound failed to exit. I reached my hand out toward her as if to telepathically make her turn around and see me.

 

M-my queen… Even my thoughts were full of fatigue but I pressed on shakily until I saw her blurred figure turn toward me. This was enough for my fading mind and my arm dropped back to the ground along with my head. My still-open eyes met with the gathering snowflakes as the rest of my body faded away from my nervous system.

 

She saw me…surely she will come console me…

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Amalya
#1
Chapter 7: Interesting story and interpretation of the music video. I found this through a recommendation site and it was a pleasant enough read. ^_^ I would have loved to have seen more details sprinkled in to really help bring the world to life, but it moved at a decent speed and conveyed the story overall. I was a bit confused about the Queen being a witch and would have liked to have seen a bit more of the time before he was going to find her, so that we'd have some sort of reference to look back at, but otherwise, you mostly explained everything. I did want to know about Dongho though. Did he know how to fight already or did the queen controlling him grant that combat prowess that was otherwise able to easily defeat two knights? >.> Or were they simply bewitched with the ability to fight in turn, and it started to go away when they rebelled against her?

But oh the timeless tale of love breaking through even the most powerful of spells. haha I was honestly surprised at how quickly Minhyun and Minki recovered from their respective injuries but that's how it goes sometimes, I guess. I did notice a bit of repetition in your writing where you used a descriptive word twice in the same sentence, but typos were almost nonexistent, and you made me chuckle at a couple parts (Minki and Minhyun talking about speech patterns was odd but entertaining).

All in all, good job for finishing and thank you for sharing.
ChronicallyKorean
#2
Chapter 4: KEEP IT UP I LOVE THIS STORY SO FAR