Namjoon's sitting on his knees right now, awkwardly glancing from his editor and the hot guy sitting across from him. Hot Guy has an ultra-professional smile on his perfectly sculpted face, and Namjoon's not sure if he wants to punch him or sleep with him. Yoongi rolls his eyes at his friend's obvious gawking.

"Can you listen to me instead of being a horndog?" Well, thank you for that honesty. The novelist doesn't even bat an eye at the other's comment, but Hot Guy looks slightly disturbed at the complete lack of filter. Oh, a normal person!

"Anyways," Yoongi continues, "this is Kim Seokjin. He'll be your housekeeper from today on, which basically means that he'll by your mommy."

Hot Gu - er, Seokjin - actually doesn't respond much to that remark and Namjoon tilts his head in curiosity, to which the housekeeper just shrugs. Interesting: a hot male housekeeper that doesn't mind being called 'mommy'. The realization that Yoongi meant that as an insult to him comes a little late and Namjoon holds a hand to his chest, offended.

"I don't need a babysitter-"

"A mommy," the editor cuts in, "and yes, you do need one."

"I can take care of myself well enough."

"Oh yeah? What did you have to eat today?"

Namjoon stares blankly for a minute. Has he eaten anything? A lightbulb blinks above his head and he raises to fingers to snap dramatically.

"Excuse you," he laughs triumphantly, "I've had a great big helping of ramen."

"What else?"

Silence.

Yoongi actually facepalms himself - wow, he didn't know that actually happened in real life. Seokjin just makes this incredulous face at him like he can't believe that Namjoon is even an adult.

"You do realize it's 3PM? You should've had more than ramen to eat."

"Well, I mean, I woke up at 12, so..." and he realizes that he's really not helping his case, so Namjoon shuts up. "Why can't you help around? Why are we hiring a housekeeper to tend to me specifically?"

He can practically see the vein pulsing on Yoongi's forehead and begins to slowly back away - oops, too late. The shorter male's already standing and has his foot deeply lodged into his shoulder. He's got the expression of a pissed off gangster as he presses even harsher. 'One never forgets his delinquent roots,' Namjoon calmly thinks as he stops breathing from utter terror.

"Kim Namjoon," his Daegu accent is out now, "if ya wake me up at 3AM 'cause ya can't figure out a goddamn toaster one mo' time, I WILL END YA."

For such a funny dialect, that was a very intensely horrifying speech. Namjoon lets out a shaky laugh, thanking all the powers of heaven when Seokjin politely peels the ex-gangster off of his new client. Hahahahahahaha, there's a pretty footprint bruised onto his shoulder now, ahahahahahahahahahaha.

"HOUSEKEEPER SOUNDS LIKE A WONDERFUL IDEA; THANK YOU, EMPEROR YOONGI. HOW WONDERFUL! WONDERFUL! AHAHAHAHAHA." Namjoon repeats the word a couple more times until Yoongi seems satisfied and half-pushes him out the door. "WONDERFUL."

When the dust settles, the novelist sees that his living room has been cleaned and there is a heavenly scent wafting from the kitchen. His drool trails on the floor behind him as he seats himself down at the kitchen table.

Wait, he had a kitchen table?

Wasn't it a manuscript-holder-thingy?

Between realizing that he had furniture in his house and appreciating the fact that Seokjin was donning a pink apron, Namjoon finds himself in front of a God-given array of food and - oh, Lord have mercy - it tastes like an angel and a Victoria's secret angel were having on his tongue.

"You're magic."

"No, but I am Seokjin," the housekeeper dries his hands nonchalantly, "so I guess I'm close to that?"

Namjoon didn't even know that he was hungry, but when the delicious soup graces his taste buds, he's practically inhaling the food in front of him. Within ten minutes, his rice bowl is completely empty and every side dish has disappeared. He wants to ask for seconds, but Namjoon is getting a little drowsy. Funny - he hadn't voluntarily gone to sleep in months.

"I would say that this tastes like Mom's cooking," Namjoon burps happily, "but that'd be an insult to you."

Seokjin offers him a chuckle before going back to doing the dishes and hot damn, he is so attractive. Seeing no harm in it, Namjoon steels himself to flirt with him....when Seokjin's phone rings.

He excuses himself to the bathroom to take the call, but ohohoho Namjoon hears everything. And he means, EVERYTHING.

"Yeah, off," Seokjin's definitely talking to a girl because there's some high-pitched sobbing on the other end, "look, are you rich? No, you're not. Can you help provide for my family? I don't think so. You're just some little girl that's wasting my precious time, alright? I don't have time to date anyone because 1) I could be making money and 2) what a horrible waste of money. So buh-bye."

OHOHOHOHOHO.

When Seokjin emerges from the bathroom, Namjoon doesn't know what to do, so he pretends that he's reading the newspaper instead of totally eavesdropping.

"Sorry 'bout that," his cute smile seems a lot more sinister now, "is there anything else that you want me to do?"

Well, he was going to say, 'go on a date with me,' but he really wants to keep his balls.

"No, I'm fine, thanks. When are you coming in, again?"

"I'll drop by around 6-ish every day except for Fridays. Is that good with you?"

"Perfect, thanks for coming."

Seokjin is opening the front door to leave when he turns around with another professional and devastatingly handsome grin.

"The newspaper is upside-down," he hums as the lock clicks behind him.

Namjoon's ed.