For a lot of their work relationship, Park Jimin has been, to Min Yoongi, an idol of sorts, an object he had put on a pedestal, admired from afar but never taken the time to know. Now he regrets letting his fears decide his actions. Had Yoongi been brave enough, Jimin would have been a friend instead of a crush. Perhaps, had he gotten to know the man instead of just dreaming about him, now, rather than meeting up to break off something he never had, he’d be telling his friend about the person he’s potentially falling for. For a lot of their work relationship, Park Jimin has been, to Min Yoongi, an idol of sorts, and he regrets it.

The barbeque shop is bustling. Soft country music plays in the background as Yoongi walks through doors, and he can’t help but chuckle at the tune. He spots Jimin instantly. The younger man is sitting in a booth alone, his head swaying to the beat. Yoongi remembers hearing once that Jimin used to be a dancer, and he wonders what it would have been like to see Jimin dance.

“Hyung,” Jimin says with a smile as Yoongi approaches the table. “You made it.”

“Mmm,” he replies back. Dread slowly fills his gut as he slides into the seat in front of Jimin, as he remembers the reason he’s here.

“It’s nice to see you, hyung,” Jimin tells him, and the words feel cautious, as though there is more the younger man means to say but doesn’t.

They don’t speak for a bit. Jimin sips on the cherry red drink he ordered before Yoongi’s arrival, and Yoongi peruses the menu in an effort to delay the inevitable and find the right words. Sitting across from Park Jimin, he’s acutely aware of what drew him to the younger man in the first place. There’s a beauty to Jimin that Yoongi thinks shines from the inside out. If beauty is truly skin deep, then the sun lies within Jimin, illuminating from the inside, displaying ethereal beauty outside.

Yoongi’s regrets (so many regrets) and disappointments (so many disappointments) float about his mind, reminding him of how different things could have been. Pictures flash in his mind, one after the other, showing missed opportunities. He had so many chances, and he did nothing, and now, now he has to hurt someone who, at one time, was the person he wanted to love. Yoongi doesn’t regret choosing Taehyung, even now, with his thousand-year crush in front of him. He knows Taehyung is the one. But still, he wishes there was another way.

“I’m glad we could finally meet,” Yoongi is the first to break the silence.

“Me too, hyung.” Jimin looks up as he answers.

“I’m sorry if it seemed as though I was ignoring you. I honestly wasn’t. I was, uhm, dealing with some things, things I needed to settle before meeting with you,” Yoongi stutters out.

“I know, hyung. I know.” Jimin’s reply startles him.

“Y-you know?” He stutters again.

“Mmm, yes I do,” Jimin says with such confidence that Yoongi’s not sure where to take the conversation.

7 HOURS EARLIER

“Eww!” Taehyung’s exclamation breaks Jimin’s concentration. “Cereal called and wants to have you arrested for crimes against breakfast foods.”

Taehyung’s breath tickles his ear, having come to stand behind Jimin to rest his head on Jimin’s right shoulder.

“What crimes? What I do is perfectly normal,” Jimin assures his friend, raising his hand to bop Taehyung on the nose. He’s rewarded with a soft chuckle.

“I’m pretty sure that there are laws against pouring milk before the cereal. It’s a crime against humanity, to be honest.” Jimin loves Taehyung’s theatrics. It’s one of the many reasons why their friendship has spanned from middle school to grown-up jobs.

Taehyung unhooks himself from Jimin’s back, and Jimin watches as his best friend walks toward the counter and grabs the bag of wheat bread, pulling out two slices and placing them on a paper plate.  Taehyung turns to face the fridge, and a minute scowl flitters across his handsome face, as though he’s forgotten something. Jimin can’t hide his chuckle when a silent “Ahh” leaves Taehyung’s lips as he spies the orange marmalade on the counter next to the toaster.

It’s a ritual of sorts, the precise way Taehyung spreads the fruity jam on his bread. His friend’s head is bent over the two slices, his brows drawn together in concentration as he carefully and evenly distributes the orange jelly to the four corners of the bread, making sure not to miss any real estate.

“I don’t think my cereal habit is any stranger than your marmalade spreading habits,” Jimin announces, half teasing.  

He controls his laughter when Taehyung looks up from his breakfast glancing in his direction almost indigently.

“Au contraire, mon frere,” Taehyung says as he turns to face Jimin properly. “My spreading technique is merely a way to optimize the taste of the jam, ensuring that no matter where my pretty lips land, each bite I take will be filled with gooey marmalade goodness. What you’re doing, however, messes with the milk to cereal ratio, leaving the grains either too soggy or not soggy enough. Which, Minnie, is a crime.”

“You’ve given this a lot of thought, I see.” Jimin can’t lie. While he isn’t about to change his cereal pouring habit, he has to admit that Taehyung has presented a good argument.

“Of course. It’s a serious issue,” Taehyung says with conviction as he bites into his jammed bread.

PRESENT

“Not that I don’t find your breakfast routine with your roommate riveting, because I do,” Yoongi interrupt, “but how does this relate to you knowing what I am about to say.

“Hyung, have patience. My story has a point, and I need to start from the beginning so you get why this is important to me. Why, despite it all, I still like you but will be willing to let go.”

“Well, .” Yoongi means to only think the statement, but the words jump out. “How? How?”

“Hyung, I said patience. Okay?” Jimin chides, and Yoongi nods in utter confusion.

“Sorry, please continue. Also, your roommate is one hundred percent correct; milk before the cereal is just weird Jimin.”

Jimin throws his head back, his body shaking with laughter. Looking at the man sitting across the table from him, Yoongi thinks it odd that he came here to break his non-existent relationship with Jimin but feels like he may leave having made a genuine friend. Life is indeed mysterious.

“Figures you’d take his side,” Jimin shoots back playfully.

“Huh?”

“Trust me, hyung, when I get to the end, everything will make sense.

5 HOURS EARLIER

From:Taetae

Minnie, Minnie, Minnie

He texted me

Then he called because he wanted to hear

My voice

What does this mean?

Does he like me?

Do you think he likes me?

To:Taetae

Grumpy cat hyung?

From:Taetae

Mmm

To:Taetae

Is taetate in LOVE

From:Taetae

He wants to go to breakfast

But I already ate

☹

To:Taetae

He doesn’t need to know that

Just say yes

From:Taetae

Pancakes!!!!!

He wants to have PANCAKES

I stan him forever

To:Taetae

Ways to kidnap Tae

From:Taetae

This sadly

Is not a lie

I told him yes

I’m nervous

Why does he want to hear my voice?

To:Taetae

It’s a lovely voice

He’d be stupid not to

Tae you’re worth someone liking you

You know that right?

Don’t be nervous

From:Taetae

I just feel like I’m not enough

Like I’m missing something

You know

My last relationship went sour

I like him, but what if that’s not enough?

What if I’m not enough?

To:Taetae

Kim Taehyung

You listen up

You are more than enough

Suho was, is an idiot for not

realizing what he had

From:Taetae

I love you Minnie

My heart is beating so fats

*fast

  To:Taetae

Fat heartbeats are good

😉

From:Taetae

Haha very funny

What about you Minnie?

What about the hyung from work?

To:Taetae

Uhm, we’re meeting today

For lunch

From:Taetae

WHAT????!!!

Why did you not tell me?

I feel so betrayed

To:Taetae

I didn’t want to jinx it

I’m going to tell you everything when I get home

Though

From:Taetae

Pinky swear?

To:Taetae

You have your pinky out, don’t you?

From:Taetae

Pinky swears don’t work

Otherwise

To:Taetae

Fine

Pinky swear

From: Taetae

😊

To:Taetae

Love you weirdo

From:Taetae

Love you too tiny one

PRESENT

“So, your roommate went on a date with the guy he likes?” Yoongi asks

“Mmm, he was so excited, too. Like a little kid.”

Yoongi can’t shake the feeling of dejavu. It all feels familiar, but he’s not sure why.

“Wait, am I the hyung at work that you like?” Yoongi is a bit taken aback by the revelation.

“Yes and no. I’ve been crushing on you for a while, hyung, but I wasn’t sure how you felt. You’d give me signs that maybe you were interested, but then you’d just as quickly act like what you said or did never happened. So I just kind of watched and waited, hoping for a clearer sign. But watching my best friend fall in love gave me the courage, I guess. It’s why I asked you out. I figured if you weren’t interested, you’d turn me down and I’d have my answer. But-”

“But I said yes,” Yoongi cuts him off.

Even then, when Jimin was listed as the thousand year crush in his phone, even then, when Jimin asked him out, he knew, he knew he was developing feelings for Taehyung. He knew, but he still said yes. That’s one more regret added to the pile.

“Mmm,” Jimin hums, “you said yes. I was so excited but also scared. It’s why I didn’t tell my roommate. I didn’t want to jinx it by being too happy.”

“I wasn’t trying to play you. I crushed on you, too. Hard.” Yoongi can’t help the ironic laugh that escapes. “You were like a light illuminating my darkness. You made me want to wake up and go to work. The mere thought of seeing you made every day the best day. You felt so beyond my reach, like a painting in a museum where all I could do was look but never touch. The thing is, Jimin, you helped me every day without knowing it. I have so much to thank you for.”

“So much more than you know, hyung,” Jimin tells him with a bitter laugh. “I may have given you the best gift of all, and in doing so, I unknowingly ruined my chance. The thing is, I’m not even mad. I know that this is right, how it’s meant to be. I just- I just wish I hadn’t waited. I wish I had taken the first step sooner because things may have turned out differently. But now we’ll never know.”

Yoongi is not sure how to respond.

“You still haven’t figured it out, have you? You really are clueless, aren’t you, hyung? That’s so cute.”

There’s a gnawing feeling in the back of Yoongi’s mind. Everything Jimin’s has told him feels familiar. He stares at the younger man for a bit and watches, fascinated, as a myriad of emotions plays across the man’s beautiful face. It’s odd that he hadn’t noticed it until now, that Jimin wears his feelings on his face like a billboard, informing anyone paying attention of what he’s thinking. Yoongi realizes now that he just never paid attention. He may have seen Jimin every day, but he never took the time notice anything about him.

“I have this feeling that when the answer is revealed, I’m going to feel stupid for not seeing the signs,” Yoongi tells him, and Jimin chuckles and shakes his head.

“You are, you really are. It’s also going to be awkward for a bit, but it doesn’t have to be. I’m telling you this now so that when you finally get it, you won’t feel weird, so that we, we won’t be weird. Please, let’s not be weird, okay hyung? I just want us to be friends and be cool and not be weird, okay?” Jimin is pleading, almost begging, and Yoongi has no other option but to give in to the man’s request.

“I’m not sure what could happen that would make anything weird between us, but I promise that I will not be let that happen. But if the situation is awkward, I promise that I will not let that come between us, that we will find a way to maintain our friendship.”

“Okay.” The tiny lines of worry that once scattered across Jimin’s face start to retreat, and Yoongi takes that as a good sign.  “Would it be too much to ask for a pinky swear?”