amnesia

/am-nee-zhuh/

noun

 

1. unusual forgetfulness. You may not be able to remember new events, recall one or more memories of the past, or both.

 

---

 

“Mark, do you know the answer to this question?”

 

Mark’s eyes veer up to the front of the class, the most intricate math equation etched in chalk on the board.

 

Why ask if you know I can’t answer? “Sorry, no.” Mark mutters in a low voice, wondering for nth time why he’s even in this class.

 

“It’s okay, keep trying. Tzuyu, can you please answer this?”

 

“Yes sir.” A girl sitting in front of the class stands up, her long hair tied up into a ponytail.

 

Smartass. Mark leans back into his seat from the back of the classroom; the one place where no one bothers to talk to him. Mark looks down at his wrist. Almost.

 

*Ring*

 

Mark hops up from his seat, his backpack already hanging on his left shoulder.

 

“Do pages 57 to 59 for homework!” The professor standing at the table yells over the clammering of students moving.

 

Like hell I’ll do the homework. A smirk forms on Mark’s face for the first time today as he runs down the halls that are slowly becoming crowded as people exit their classes.

 

“Mark Tuan, I believe you have classes to go to.”

 

Mark stops in his tracks. He turns around, cursing under his breath, the crowd of students flowing around him. “Sir I have no idea what you’re talking about. If I am correct, classes are over.”

 

“Maybe for normal students Mr. Tuan, but you are not normal. Please head to your classroom.”

 

Mark glances around him discreetly, the students have mostly filed out of the school leaving Mark a straight beeline to freedom.

 

Ah it.

 

Mark turns around and sprints down the halls without a trace of hesitation, ignoring the shouting he hears from behind him. Mark runs with all his strength until he stands in front of his home, out of breath and sweaty.

 

. Mark grimaces as his head begins to pound. Maybe I overdid it too much. Mark brings up his hand to rub his temples as he slowly edges into his home.

 

Empty. There’s no way I could expect her to be home. Mark can’t even recall the last time he had a face to face chat with his mother, or the last time she ever addressed him as her son.

 

*Ring*

 

Ah , I completely forgot. Mark treads across the hall, the pounding in his head disappearing. “Hello?”

 

“Mark Tuan, did you forget that you have an appointment today? Are you at the school? Do we need to send someone to pick you up?”

 

, what was the point of running out of school anyway. “No I’m at home, I’ll just walk over.” Mark cuts the line and slams down the phone.

 

Stupid examinations. Mark curses under his breath as he walks out the door, the emptiness of his home staring down his back.

 

Mark can’t remember much about himself as a child; the doctors had said that memory loss was a large symptom of his disease and yet no one knew what he had. They didn’t know how long Mark had, so all they could do was give him check-ups every week. Participating in school itself, was an incredibly difficult task for Mark but that wasn’t nearly the hardest problem for Mark.

---

 

“Sorry I’m late.” Mark pushes open a white door as he says this, behind it a man dressed white and a large white machine.

 

The man looks up, a small smile on his face that disgusts Mark. “No, not at all. Please, change into your robes.” The man’s voice is laced with kindness, but Mark sees past the wall.

 

Everyone is the same in Mark’s eyes- they all smile and act as though nothing’s wrong, but beyond that mask are their real feelings. Their eyes can not hide the feeling of judgement when they gaze upon Mark.

 

Why bother smiling when I already know how you feel?

 

Mark walks past the man and through a bunch of blue curtains until he stands alone; a folded pair of hospital robes lying on a single chair. Wonderful. Mark undresses, the same routine every week, hardening the feeling of self consciousness that Mark had once felt.

 

Once Mark is fully clothed in his blue hospital robes, he walks back through the blue curtains and lies down on the white machine without being instructed to.

 

The man begins the examination in silence, not a single word spoken; something that Mark is grateful for. Doing the same examination every single week with no results has begun to bore Mark, even to the point of skipping appointments on purpose. But today is different.

 

“Mark, your pulse is unusually high. Did you do any sort of exercise before coming here?”

 

“Umm, I ran home and walked here but that was about an hour ago..” Mark racks his brain for any sort of explanation for his increased heartbeat.

 

“I’ll call in a nurse, she’ll run some blood tests for you, okay?” The man stands up, already having turned off the white machine.

 

“Yeah sure…” Mark mutters, but the man is already out the door, leaving Mark behind in the empty white room.

 

He sighs. Well this is wonderful. Mark can’t decide whether he’s happy or upset about this strange event.

 

Mark waits, and waits, but no nurse comes. It’s been like 15 minutes... Mark’s patience grows thin and he stands up from the white machine and walks out into the long hallways.

 

The hospital is a buzz, nurses and doctors running through the halls, patients lining the walls and filling up the whole waiting area. Mark is confused, wondering where the sudden surplus of patients came from.

 

A nurse rushes past him, but Mark quickly grabs onto her arm. “Hey, where did all these patients come from?”

 

“There was a huge explosion at a nearby office as well as a high school, I don’t have time to be talking to you!” The nurse throws off Mark’s arm and is engulfed within the crowd of people.

 

What a pain. At this point, Mark is considering whether or not he should just go home. There’s no way anyone will have time to give him a blood test, let alone figure out why his pulse is so high.

 

Mark sighs and looks around at the crowd, the sight itself horrid. People yelling, screaming, splatters of red filling Mark’s eyes, but in the corner, he spots a young boy standing alone.

 

The boy is around his age, dressed in hospital robes, leaning on an IV stand attached to his arm. The boy himself is pale, black hair almost hiding his deep brown eyes.

 

Amongst the chaos that surrounds the two of them, it’s as though time has stopped. Mark nearly jumps out of his skin when the boy looks over in his direction, the boy’s eyes bright, dark bags lining them.

 

. Mark looks down, his face feeling red, his already fast heart pounding out of his chest. Mark had never seen someone’s eyes so bright, so filled with honesty; not a single ounce of judgement hiding behind his face.

 

Suddenly Mark feels a sharp pain in his temples, his face grimacing as he lifts his hands up to his head. , not this again. Mark falls to his knees as he bites down on the side of his cheek, the pain not showing signs of subsiding. Mark tries to get someone's attention, but everyone runs past, ignoring him.

 

“Hey, are you okay?”

 

Mark still holding his head in pain, slowly looks upward to the voice. Who…

 

The figure standing there is neither a doctor nor a nurse. It’s the young boy with black hair and brown eyes. Mark curses under his breath about his current state, how humiliating.

 

“Do you want me to get a doctor?” The boy crouches down to meet Mark’s eyes, his eyes filled with a sense of worry; a feeling Mark had not felt directed to him in a long time.

 

Mark shakes his head, letting out a sigh as he finally feels the pain fade. The boy sits down against the wall, side by side with Mark.

 

“Are you sick like me?” The boy speaks up, his head is not turned in Mark’s direction, but instead, it is staring straight ahead into the wave of running people.

 

“Y-yeah..” Mark stutters.

 

“What do you have?” The boy’s face turns to meet Mark’s eyes. “Sorry… am I digging too deep?”

 

“Ah.” Mark speaks up, his face lighting up. “No, it’s okay. They don’t know what I have, so I can’t really answer that question.”

 

“Oh..” The boy whispers as he turns back to face the wall.

 

“What do you have?” Mark mutters, the conversation slowly bringing life into his voice.

 

“Coronary Heart Disease.”

 

Mark can see the sadness through the boy’s eyes as the name rolls off his tongue. “But you’re so young!” Mark bursts, that’s unfair!

 

“They said I was born with a weak heart to begin with... I don’t know. They won’t tell me much.” The boy’s voice almost hushed to a whisper.

 

“How long did they say you have?” Mark doesn’t ask this question lightly. It’s a question he would very well like to know about himself as well.

 

“They said if I don’t get surgery, my best is two months.”

 

Two months?

 

“They also said that the surgery will only have a 30% success rate.”

 

30 percent...

 

“You can do it...” Mark mumbles, quickly shutting his mouth in hopes that the boy doesn’t hear his words. But he does.

 

“Thanks.” The boy smiles at Mark, his already bright eyes gleaming with the reflection of the lights. “You too.”

 

“Mark Tuan?”

 

Mark looks behind him, searching for the voice that had interrupted their conversation.

 

A lady stands there, holding a tray, a small smile on her tired face. “We need to give you a blood test.”

 

Mark nods as he gets up onto his feet, the pain from his head completely gone. “Hey, what’s your name?”

 

“Jinyoung, Park Jinyoung.” The boy also stands up onto his feet, pulling on his IV stand for support.

 

“Jinyoung… I’ll be here again next week. Let’s talk again then.” Mark flashes Jinyoung a quick smile before leaving.

 

“Yeah, see you again Mark.” Jinyoung returns the smile, his eyes barely visible.

 

Mark turns away and heads into the examination room, shooting a small wave without looking back at Jinyoung.

 

Jinyoung… what a strange person.

 

---

 

Mark bites his lips as he stares up at the white building towering over him, it’s already been a week..

 

Mark feels as though time had passed quickly, but in reality, every second of it was grueling. The long hours of talking that Mark had not understood a word of and the ages he had spent lying on his bed with his phone.

 

Ahh screw it. Mark would never admit to himself that he felt somehow nervous coming to the hospital.

 

‘See you again Mark.’ The boy’s words are still echoing in Mark’s head.

 

Mark bites down on his lip yet again and walks into the crowded facility. As he walks to the front desk just metres away, he’s already scanned the whole waiting room for Jinyoung. No luck.

 

“I’m here for my check-up.” Mark takes out a single white card from his back pocket, handing it over to the lady sitting at the desk.

 

The lady doesn’t even bother to look up at Mark as she swipes his card from his hand and scans it. “Head to room 207, there’s already a patient there right now but just wait for them to leave.” The lady hands Mark back his card and continues to stare deeply at her computer screen.

 

Mark can only sigh and take back his card, used to receiving this kind of attitude. If Mark had been sitting there, he’s sure he would be in an even worse mood.

 

Mark meanders his way through the bustling hospital, bumping into random patients occasionally while searching for Jinyoung. He’s not here.. Mark sighs, realizing that he probably should’ve arranged a place inside the hospital for them to meet.

 

After walking for several minutes through the 3 story building, Mark reaches the white door, the numbers 207 plated on the closed door. Mark sits down next to the door on an open chair and stares up at the bright lights. Maybe he’s waiting for me somewhere? Mark shakes off this stupid thought as he recomposes himself. There’s no way, he’s probably already forgotten me.

 

A sharp click that sounds among the shuffling of patients draws Mark’s eyes up to the open door next to him. A boy slowly shuffles out, his eyes covered by his long black bangs, and just for a moment, time stops again. The boy’s barely visible brown eyes are glazed over in a dull pain, his arms trembling as they cling onto an IV stand and for a second, Mark can feel a voice yelling inside.

 

Jinyoung.

 

A cough sounds and time starts to move again but unfortunately, Mark doesn’t have time to adjust, as the boy slowly falls down onto his knees, his hands sliding down the stand.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Mark quickly jumps up from his seat and kneels down beside Jinyoung. Jinyoung doesn’t answer, his eyes scrunched in pain as he continues to cough violently. With each cough that echoes through Mark’s eardrums, Mark can barely stand the pain that shoots through his heart.

 

Mark lifts his hand up to the trembling boy’s back but for some reason he hesitates slightly, his hand flinching away from Jinyoung. Wha?... The strange feeling lasts only for a few seconds before his hand is Jinyoung’s back, the boy finally seeming to calm down.

 

“M-Mark…” Jinyoung looks up and straight into Mark’s eyes, one of his eyes still flinching in pain from the sudden attack.

 

“Jinyoung… what just happened, are you okay?” Mark helps pull Jinyoung up and aid him to the seat that Mark had been sitting on moments ago.

 

“It was just a sudden attack. My chest was feeling really tight.” Jinyoung runs his hands through his slightly damp hair as he stares forward, patients walking past them as though they aren’t even there.

 

“Is that part of your disease?” Mark mumbles quietly. The fact that Jinyoung had this disease still hadn’t sunken in yet.

 

Jinyoung nods.

 

“I forget things.”

 

Jinyoung turns to face Mark.

 

“I wake up and sometimes I can barely even remember what I did the day before, it’s just a part of my disease.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Silence fills in the space between the two of them until Mark shoots up from his seat next to Jinyoung. “Mark? What’s wrong?” Jinyoung pulls on his IV stand in an attempt to pull himself up.

 

“I forgot I have a check up, it’s in this room so if you want to wait you can.” Mark turns around and gives Jinyoung a small smile. “You’ll be okay right?”

 

Jinyoung nods and returns Mark’s smile, a weight lifting off of Mark’s shoulders as he walks into the white room; all vision of Jinyoung blocked out by the thick walls of the hospital.

---

 

Man, it’s finally over. Mark sighs as the doctor leaves the room. He leans back and cracks his back, the loud sounds vibrating throughout the room. I doubt he’s still waiting. Mark looks up at the clock that hangs over the door. 2:00 Mark hops off the examination table, the rumbling in his stomach reminding him that he still had yet to eat.

 

Mark walks out of the open room, the halls oddly quiet. Mark feels hope fill up in his heart as he anticipates Jinyoung’s waiting figure, sitting down on the chair. But Jinyoung isn’t there. He sighs. I shouldn’t of expected him to wait…

 

“Mark!”

 

Mark turns to the voice, an overwhelming feeling of joy bursting inside of him. Jinyoung.

 

Jinyoung smiles at the end of a hall, a small white bag dangling in his hand that waves to Mark.

 

Mark makes his way to Jinyoung, an idiotic smile plastered on his face. “Jinyoung, where did you go? Gosh, you scared the heck out of me.”

 

Jinyoung chuckles as he holds up the white bag. “You haven’t eaten yet right? I got us some stuff from the cafeteria.” Jinyoung smiles, proud of his accomplishment. “Let’s eat.”

 

Mark returns the younger’s smile. “Yeah, let’s.”

---

 

“Why here of all places?” Mark chuckles at Jinyoung’s choice of scenery. The two sit under the staircases located on the side of the hospital. The area secluded and empty from all patients and nurses.

 

“Well uhh…” Jinyoung looks down at his feet, visibly squirming in his shoes. “I uh… I had something to talk to you about.”

 

Mark laughs, “Would any other place not work?” Mark is amused at the sight of Jinyoung’s shrunken manner and he grabs inside the white bag to pull out one of the rice balls. “So? What is it that you need to tell me?” Mark mumbles, as he stuffs his mouth full with rice.

 

“Umm… it’s about my surgery.” Jinyoung fiddles with the chords of his IV stand, “my surgery is set for this Monday.”

 

Mark stops chewing, and swallows, the lump of rice slides slowly down his throat. Monday? Mark can barely believe his ears. “This Monday!?”

 

Jinyoung squeezes his eyes shut, grasping his hands together till they turn white. “Yeah.”

 

“Why so soon? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Mark spits, they can’t do this to us!

 

“I was told last week, just after you left. I also wanted to tell you earlier but…” Jinyoung stops short, Mark notices the boy is biting down on his lip.

 

“Yah Jinyoung…” Mark can’t bear to see the young boy look like that. “Hey, we’ll get through it together, I’ll be there when you go in, and I’ll be there when you come out, okay?” Mark lifts up Jinyoung’s chin with his free hand, shooting the boy a somewhat encouraging smile.

 

“What if I don’t come out Mark? There’s so much I want to do and I only just met you and-”

 

“Yah Jinyoung.”

 

Jinyoung blinks back the tears forming in his eyes.

 

“You’ll make it, I’m sure.” Mark clenches Jinyoung’s hand, you have to make it.

 

“Yeah, I have to make it.” Jinyoung echoes, smiling back wearily.

 

---

 

 

Mark groans as he drags himself out of bed, his alarm piercing through his eardrums. The moment Mark turns off his alarm, his phone goes off. , such a pain. Mark unconnects his phone from it’s charger and picks up the call.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Mark, we’ve got some bad news.”

 

“What, what’s wrong?”

 

“The blood tests indicate that your disease is on the rampage. We’re going to need you to stay in the hospital for a few days before it goes back to normal.”

 

“Oh, okay.”

 

“Just pack some essentials. The nurses have already prepared a room for you. Just come in anytime today.”

 

“Yeah… thanks, see you later then.”

 

“Take care Mark.”

 

, I don’t have time for this. Today is Monday- the day of Jinyoung’s surgery. Mark glances at the time. Ughh it’s already 10. Jinyoung’s surgery is in an hour. Mark changes his clothes at lightning speed and runs out of the door at top speed. Just wait for me Jinyoung.

---

 

When Mark finally reaches the entrance to the hospital, it’s 10:30. Mark stands in front of the entrance, trying his best to catch his breath.

 

Something’s not right. Mark feels sweat form on his forehead, his heart still beating out of his chest. , I don’t have time to be idling here.

 

He takes a step forward. . Mark can feel his vision blacken, his head pounding; a massive headache setting in. No… Jinyoung needs me… The boy takes another step before stumbling over himself. Mark pants, , everything’s going wrong!

 

“Hey, are you okay?”

 

Mark barely registers the nurse bent over him, his eyelids slowly closing by themselves. “J-Jinyoung…” Mark attempts to stand up, but his legs give out on him and he falls back down to his knees.

 

“Doctor, this boy needs help over here!”

 

No! Jinyoung… Jinyoung! Mark bites his teeth together in one last effort. But fate is against him and he falls over. .

 

Everything goes black.

---

 

Where is he? Jinyoung feels more nervous than he ever has in his life.

 

“Jinyoung, we need to head into the operation room now.” Two nurses who had been waiting in his room since ten begin to move his bed.

 

“Ah… okay.” Jinyoung lies down hesitantly, his eyes staring blankly at the hospital ceiling. Where could he be? Jinyoung feels his heart ache. Something didn’t feel right, but Jinyoung was helpless. Mark I’m scared.

 

The nurses begin to wheel Jinyoung’s bed out into the halls, heading directly for the operation room. Jinyoung takes a deep breath and clasps his hands together, his eyes shut tightly. Mark… please be okay. With each passing second, anxiety for himself, and for Mark course through him.

 

Mark, thank you.

 

And with that, Jinyoung is wheeled passed the doors, and into the operation room.

---

 

“Thank you for taking care of me!” Jinyoung bows to the nurses as well as to the doctor that had saved his life.

 

“Take care Jinyoung.” They smile brightly at Jinyoung.

 

It had been 2 weeks since Jinyoung’s surgery was a success. After the surgery, each and everyday, Jinyoung wonders where that boy went.

 

Mark.

 

Jinyoung jogs down the halls, his sneakers sliding across the floor, It feels like ages since I ran around like this. After a while,Jinyoung reaches the main hall, a bunch of patients filling up the waiting room.

 

“Thank you for taking care of me!” Jinyoung bows to the secretary.

 

To which the secretary smiles, “Don’t forget to come back for check-ups, Jinyoung. Take care!”

 

Jinyoung walks out the automatic sliding doors, the fresh breeze hitting Jinyoung’s face. Jinyoung closes his eyes and takes in a breath. It feels good to be alive.

 

Jinyoung opens his eyes and walks forward, a familiar identity walking past him. Wait. Jinyoung whips around, latching onto the stranger’s arm.

 

The stranger turns around, eyes wide open. Ah. “Mark!” Jinyoung calls out, unable to believe his own eyes.

 

“Huh? How do you know my name? I’ve never seen you before…” Mark mumbles, shaking Jinyoung’s arm off of his.

 

Jinyoung feels his heart drop, what? What’s going on?

 

-

“I forget things.” Jinyoung turns to face Mark. “I wake up and sometimes I can barely even remember what I did the day before, it’s just a part of my disease.”

-

 

Ah. Jinyoung stares down at the ground, Mark simply staring confused at the figure before him. That’s what happened… he forgot.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Jinyoung nearly whimpers at the sound of Mark’s nostalgic voice. He looks up, his eyes beginning to water. “Ah sorry, never mind.” Jinyoung gives a small smile, quickly wiping his tears as Mark stares right into his eyes.

 

“Ah, it’s okay.” Mark gives a small smile. That smile… Jinyoung’s heart aches as he watches Mark.

 

“Let’s start again shall we?” Jinyoung smiles. “Nice to meet you Mark. My name is Jinyoung. Park Jinyoung.”

 

“Ah, nice to meet you. Do you come here often? Let’s meet again sometime.” Mark says as he gives yet again, another smile.

 

“Yeah let’s. I uh, I got to go.” Jinyoung turns on his heels just as he feels the tears stream down his face.

 

“Yeah, see you again Jinyoung.” Mark says and he watches the small figure, slowly walking away from him.

Jinyoung… what a strange person.