Around Christmas time is a joyful kind of feel. Where your surrounded by family and friends around the Christmas tree, drinking hot chocolate and laughing about the good ol' times.... but not for Jeonghan. A day before Christmas Eve he was sitting at the bar drinking, alone. Why you ask? Because every year he spent his Christmas with Jisoo, but this year he wasnt here to spread the Christmas Joy with him. And no he didn't die of some terminal illness, or flew off to another country for a brighter future. Jeonghan cheated. Like a piece of he cheated. In his pathetic defence he said he was drunk and angry at Jisoo for whatever he did, but murders dont escape  the harsh punishment of prison for saying they were angry. 

Jisoo broke up with him that day 2 months ago and here Jeonghan was drunk with no Jisoo and he had no one to blame but himself. He tried multiple times to apologize, but jisoo refused to even look at him. Who could blame him? He's been with Jeonghan for 6 years and to have all that be thrown away by Jeonghan's sudden attraction towards someone else was a complete waste for Jisoo to even bare, but none the less Jisoo still spread the Christmas joy with his family and friends even though the thought of what Jeonghan could be doing right now still haunted the back of his mind. 

The bartender refused to give Jeonghan anymore alcohol since he was already long gone and getting violent. He immediately threw a wad of cash at the bartender and walked out of the bar into his car to drunk to even put his keys into the ignition. Jeonghan just laid back in his car seat, knowing he wouldnt be able to start the vehicle, and called the first person that popped into his head. 

// 

Seungcheol loved Jeonghan, that was no lie. It was no secret that the long haired boy was  the reason Seungcheol woke up in the morning, the reason for his smiles and laughs but he knew very well it wasn't the same for Jeonghan. And it hurt, it hurt him so much to wake up every morning to see Jeonghan staring at the ceiling with no emotion. The smile that woke him up every morning now faded into a lonely expression and he knew exactly why. He felt guilty, because he did this to him. it wasnt just that one night. It was almost everynight... for a year. A whole year Jeonghan cheated on Jisoo with Seungcheol. At first it was something Jeonghan was technically forced to do. Seungcheol was a broken man, he had recently broke up with his former fiance because she found someone else. Jeonghan being the so called 'kind' person he was decided to comfort his close friend Seungcheol, then it slowly drifted into something more intimate. Jeonghan realized what he was doing was wrong but his apparent big heart couldn't just leave a grieving Seungcheol all alone and now that he was caught the guilt was eating him alive, because Jisoo didnt deserve this. He loved Jisoo so much and not even he could understand why he did this, why didn't he think this was wrong before it got out of hand? He didnt like Seungcheol, he never did. 

"Hey..." Seungcheol said as he reached over and caressed Jeonghan's pale cheek. He looked over at Seungcheol and gave him a lifeless smile. "Hey..." He responded, with a very worn out throat. Seungcheol knew this was wrong, to keep him here like this. He barely ate. Barely left the house. And even when he would leave the house he would just  go drink at some bar. "I don't feel good." Jeonghan said as he got up and walked towards the restroom. Seungcheol's eyes followed him out the door. Today was Jeonghan's first Christmas Eve without Jisoo, and Seungcheol didn't know how he would handle it.

//

Today was Christmas Eve. Jisoo sat at his  table alone, drinking coffee and staring at the steam rising up from his white mug. Usual he would wake up Jeonghan and drag him out of bed over to the Christmas tree so he could open at least one gift he got for him. Even if Jeonghan was annoyed and tired Jisoo's thoughtful gifts never failed to put a smile on his face, but that wasn't gonna happen this year. Although, unlike Jeonghan, jisoo was able to go out with his friends and still have a good time. He still felt an empty void in his heart when he would go home and lay in his bed alone. 

He decided to cancel any plans he had today with anyone because for once he just wanted to stay curled up on his couch, watching sad romance movies, and crying. With all his friends trying to cheer him up, although he appreciated the attempt, made him feel suffocated. For once he just wanted a day to himself. A day where instead of distracting himself from his problems he can freely just let out every emotion he had held in for these past two months. So he did exactly that. He watched every Nicholas Sparks movie while he laid on the couch sobbing his eyes out. 

//

It was now 4 o'clock.

Jisoo had finished watching most of his movies. He continued to listen to whatever sad relationship songs he had on his phone as he laid on the couch, going through the old pictures he had of him and Jeonghan on his phone. He glanced up and saw what time it was. "Barely...?" He whipsered. As he was going through his gallery he saw a particular picture that made him sit up. The tears started flowing helplessly through his eyes. He shut them closed and gripped his phone tightly trying to keep his tears from falling, but he couldn't. He threw his phone in frustration and laid back on the couch hands covering his face. He couldn't stop crying. 

The picture he saw was from a year ago. It was a picture of him and Jeonghan kissing under the mistletoe with Seungcheol next to them, holding it. He already knew what picture would have been after it. It was a picture of Seungcheol giving Jeonghan a peck on the cheek with Jisoo laughing in the background, boy does he wish he was laughing right now. Jisoo ended up crying himself to sleep, his phone vibrating on the floor.

//

"He hates me..." Jeonghan was laying on his bed, finally back at his house. His friend, Seungkwan, tried comforting him. "Hyung he doesn't hate you. Please just eat, go out, do something..." He said hoping the older boy would just listening to his wishes. "Im not hungry..." Jeonghan's phone, that he held loosely in his hands, feel to the floor. He was hoping this time his calls would be answered. He was going crazy. He just wanted to hear Jisoo's voice. He missed his smile, his laugh, his touch, everything. Seungkwan sighed and pick up his phone from the floor tossing it onto the bed. "I'll get you some water." He said as he started walking out of the room. "Im not thirsty..." Jeonghan mumbled. He sat up on his bed and threw his blanket off of him in frustration. He ran his fingers through his hair, jaw clenched. He hated this. And the more angry he felt at himself the more terrible he felt for Jisoo. The last words jisoo told him that day still echoed in his head. His eyes looked so cold, and betrayed. Everytime he tried to remember his smile it would fade into the cries of pain he felt that day. 

He continued to cry. He didn't hate Seungcheol. It wasnt his fault. He should have stopped it before it became a habit. He didn't hate him... he didn't, but he couldn't stand being near him. Seungcheol was the walking reminder of his guilt and he hated to think of his friend like that when it was fully his fault. His hands covered his face as he cried. Seungkwan walked into the room with a glass of water and placed it on the nightstand near Jeonghan's bed. He sat on the edge and stared at his sobbing mess of a friend. He knew whatever he would say wouldn't help so he just placed his hand on his shoulder, knowing any other form of comforting wouldn't work. The only person who could make him feel better would be Jisoo, but he highly doubts he's just gonna bang the door down and rush in to save him.

Jeonghan wiped the tears away from his face as he looked over at Seungkwan. "Sorry... you don't have to be here if you don't want to..." He said avoiding eye contact. "It's fine. I want to be here." 

"Don't you have school work..." Seungkwan completely forgot he had a project to do. "Well... i guess I'll just stay for a few more minutes." Jeonghan attempted to give him a reasurring smile, but he only managed to give a very small tug on his lips. "It's okay... I'll call you if anything happens." He said as he patted Seungkwan on the head. "Alright hyung... I'll get my stuff." He walked over to the living room to get his bag and coat. As Jeonghan watched Seungkwan leave his room he felt his phone vibrating. "Jisoo?" He thought as he quickly grabbed his phone and checked who it was. His hope immediately faded when he saw Seungcheol's name. "Of course..." He tapped the green button and pressed his phone up against his ear. "Yeah..." 

"You busy? Do you want to go out today? Christmas is your favorite time of year! We could go eat somewhere? Or I don't know wherever you want." Christmas was his favorite time of year only because it was Jisoo's. He felt the tears forming in his eyes again. He stayed quiet. "Jeonghan?" Seungcheol was confused by the sudden silence, until he heard sniffs coming from the other side of the phone. "I'm sorry it's probably to soon? I'm stupid sorry, I'll go over if you want?"

"Just leave me alone." Jeonghan thought. He wanted to tell him that so bad, but he couldn't put his hatred on him. He couldn't. "Alright hyung I'm go-" Seungkwan stopped and noticed he was on the phone crying. "Who?" He mouthed as he pointed to the phone. Jeonghan continued to cry and shook his head. Seungkwan immediately took the phone out of his hand. "Seungcheol?" He asked. "Who's this?"

"It's Seungkwan!" He looked over at Jeonghan, who was laying back in his bed buried inside his pillow crying. Seungkwan rolled his eyes and started walking out of the room. "Seungkwan... dont..." Jeonghan tried to say, but before he could finish his sentence he heard the slamming of the door and already knew Seungkwan was gonna yell at Seungcheol for calling him. 

"Seungcheol! Stop! Okay?! Just leave him alone your making it worse!" Seungcheol was tempted to hang up. "Give the phone back to him." He said with a stern voice. "No! Dont you realize your making him worse?!" He stayed silent. "You can't make him happy so stop trying! He doesn't love you! He loves Jisoo! The only person that can make him happy is Jisoo! He's lays in bed, crying everday and night because he misses him! He doesn't eat, he doesn't leave his house he just sits there and cries because he wants Jisoo! Dont you understand? He doesn't love you so stop already!" They both stayed quiet. "Hello? Are you there?" Seungkwan said annoyed. 

After a long moment of silence Seungcheol finally spoke. "I'm gonna get him a gift." 

"Oh my god did you not hear anything I said?" Seungkwan said, livid. "I think he'll like it." Seungkwan couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Are you not listening to me? Leave him alone!" He said infuriated. "I have to go bye."  Seungcheol hung up the phone, leaving Seungkwan to stand there hopelessly as he looked over at his friend slowly falling apart.

//

Seungcheol looked down at his phone. What Seungkwan had said honestly hurt him, because he knew it was true. But he couldn't help himself. He just wanted to make him happy. What Seungkwan said also struck something in him. He realized he was dragging Jeonghan along a road he wasnt supposed to be on, and it wasnt good for Seungcheol either. He was trying to repair something he didn't have the right tools for nor the knowledge of how to use them. He cant be pulling himself and Jeonghan at the same time. He's been so busy with trying to fix Jeonghan he didn't even realize he himself was to one who needed fixing. Although he was hestitant he decided this decision would be best for the both of them. He knew letting Jeonghan go would be painful. He looked at his phone with a single tear and a sorrowful smile. He knew what he was doing, this time, was right. This year was Jeonghan's first Christmas Eve without Jisoo, and Seungcheol knew exactly how he would handle it.

//

Jeonghan stared blankly at his wall.

It was 9:30 pm. 

He had already cried all his tears out, and nibbled on the food Seungkwan had dropped off. He had offered to stay to give Jeonghan company but he insisted that the younger boy "enjoy his youth" and stop worrying about his hyung. Jeonghan had managed to get up from his bed to watch TV in the living room, which is the most he had done on his own without being forced or dragged by someone else. He sat there quietly looking around the room. He still had pictures up of him and his friends from a couple years back. He smiled at them, genuinely. He missed being happy. 

He continued looking at all the individual pictures of him and his friends until he stopped at a picture of him and Jisoo. It was taken at Jeju on their 4th anniversary. He walked up to the small picture frame and held it in his hands. He gripped the edges of the frame and slammed it onto the floor, watching the fragile glass spread across the wooden tile.  He collapsed onto his knees, face buried in his hands. Looking at the image shattered below him, he reached over and pulled the thin picture out of the frame. He looked at it. He was immediately filled with an overflowing sadness, knowing he would never see such a smile again. Not Jisoo's and not of his own. He stood up from the cold wooden floor and walked over to his bedroom. He laid down on his bed and smiled at the picture one last time. His silent words echoed in his lonely apartment.

"I love you jisoo."

//

Jisoo woke up to the sound of his phone vibrating. He walked over to his phone that was still lying on the floor and glanced over at the time. 

9:10 pm

He looked at the caller ID.

Seungcheol.

He gripped his phone. Why was Seungcheol calling him? What made Seungcheol think he could speak to him? Part of him wanted to answer the call and let out everything he had held in, another part didn't want to answer at all. He took a deep breath and answered the call.

"Wha-" he closed his eyes, trying to stop himself from crying. He swolled the lump in his throat. "What?" He said with a shaky voice. 

"Jisoo... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It was my fault. All my fault. I'm sorry." 

He stayed silent.

"Jeonghan loves you. He loves you so much. I had no right to take him away from you. I had no right." 

He took a deep breath. His jaw opened and closed with nothing coming out. He didn't know what to say... he had nothing to say. He stood there and listened quickly.

"Please don't hate Jeonghan. Please."

Jisoo couldn't stop the helpless tears from falling.

"Jisoo-"

"Don't."

Seungcheol stayed silent.

"Don't call me ever again."

"Jisoo please."

"Please, what!" 

Jisoo finally cracked.

"Jisoo. Please. Jeonghan isn't-"

"I don't care. I don't care about Jeonghan. Not anymore. Don't call me and tell me he isnt doing well, because I'm not doing any better. I'm not going to run to his side when he needs me anymore. He has you for that."

"Jisoo that's not-"

"Don't say anything Seungcheol. You have no right to speak. I don't want an explanation as to why this happened. I don't care for one. So if your calling to tell me this was all your fault I don't want to hear it. I don't care if Jeonghan lies in bed and does nothing but drown his own regretful sorrows. I hope he does. I don't want to see Jeonghan ever again and I definitely don't want to see or speak to you. So Seungcheol I'm asking you one last time. Do not call me ever again because I won't answer."

"Jisoo wait-"

"Tell Jeonghan I said bye and that he will not be able to contact me ever again."

"Jisoo can't you just hear him out? You don't even have to forgive him! Just please talk to him! Your the only one who could-"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because... I won't answer."

He hung up. His tears have all faded away. He no longer felt any pain. He stared blankly in front of him. He walked over to his bathroom, phone loosely falling out of his hand. He didn't care about Jeonghan.

He completely stopped caring.

//

It was 11:38 pm

"No... what? No this can't be- please tell me this isnt- oh my god. I'm sorry- I cant- i..."

Seungkwan's phone fell to the floor. "This can't be happening... this isn't happening. Please tell me this isn't happening." He fell to the floor, uncontrollable tears falling from his eyes. "No. No please! God no!" 

Jisoo was found dead on his restroom floor from an overdose. Seungcheol went to talk  to him face to face but he was to late. Jisoo was already gone.

"Jeonghan..." Seungkwan whispered as he saw the blurry picture focused right in front of him. 

Jeonghan.

What is going to happen to Jeonghan when he finds out about Jisoo? 

"Sir? Hello? Are you still there?"

"I'm sorry. I can't speak right now." He hung up on the nurse and got up from the floor. He wiped away his tears and looked over at his car keys. He had to tell Jeonghan. He had too. He knew Jeonghan wouldn't be able to handle it well. Especially with the state he was in right now, but he had too.

He had too.

//

Seungkwan didn't bother to call and just drove to his house. The whole ride was suffocating him. How will Jeonghan feel when he finds out about Jisoo? What if he gives up on his life completely? What will Seungkwan do? How will he even handle his best friend fall apart, torn up and completely broken? Should he even tell him?

He finally reached Jeonghan's house. He sat in his car to scared to move. He looked over at the time.

11:57pm

"I wonder if he's even awake." Seungkwan mumbled. He took a deep breath and opened the car door. He took the spare key from his  glove compartment and exited his car. He hesitantly walked over to the front door and unlocked it.

He closed the door behind him and slowly walked over to Jeonghan's door. He knocked lightly.

11:58pm

"Jeonghan..." He said in a gentle voice. "You awake?" With no response he knocked on the door a little lighter only for it to open slightly. He walked in to the room quietly and stood at the edge of Jeonghan's bed. He called his name softly. "Jeonghan?" 

No response.

"Jeonghan. It's Seungkwan."

He gently placed his hand on Jeonghan's chest but something felt strange... something felt wrong. "Jeonghan?" Seungkwan pulled the covers off and saw Jeonghan's pale lifeless body. His eye widen. He looked down and saw blood dripping on the floor from Jeonghan's wrist. 

11:59pm

He stared at his best friends lifeless body.

"No. No please! Why! Jeonghan why!" Seungkwan burst into tears. He laid his head on Jeonghan's heartless chest and cried. "Why is this happening? Why!" Seungkwan yelled in frustration. 

He placed his hand on Jeonghan's cold cheek. His hand trailed down to his chest. He felt no heartbeat. The tears started flowing again as it had been declared that Jeonghan was dead. Seungkwan continued to cry onto his chest. He looked over and saw a picture held tightly in his hands. He reached over and pulled it out his pale fingers. 

His tears continued to flow as he looked at the disappearing memory in front of him. If only he could go back in time to that moment when both his friends were still happy and alive. He looked up slowly at the clock.

12:00am

It was Christmas Day. Jeonghan's favorite holiday. Not because of the presents, family, or because he was religious. It was because of Jisoo. 

Jeonghan loved Christmas, because he loved Jisoo.

(a/n: ahhhhh im so bad at writing angst ;P ha but i hope you enjoyed, i want to get better at writing angst so i could do more in the future... btw that cover took me forever and now im gonna sleep forever bye ily)