Baekhyun hated it. He hated it so much. The way he fell so hard for his roommate, it hurt his soul. He was only looking for someone to split rent with. That's all. Nothing more, really. He put an ad online. The first one to respond seemed to fit everything Baekhyun wanted. A quiet person who didn't throw parties or bring people over. They spoke for a while, talking about finances, but also just random things. Baekhyun was expecting someone his size who had a small voice and was shy. However, when a tall, broad shouldered young man stood in the door frame, he almost slammed it closed. The person he had been messaging, Park Chanyeol, was anything but petite. He had large glasses, large eyes, and a wide smile. With him, he brought huge duffel bags and guitars. Apparently it was only half of what he had. 

After Chanyeol had settled in, he and Baekhyun got along quite easily. As Chanyeol had said, he was quiet, and seldom had people over. If he did, it was either his mom, sister, or sassy friend Sehun. Most of the time, Chanyeol played his guitar, ukulele, piano, or had his headphones plugged in while he created songs on his computer. Whenever he sang, Baekhyun always became entranced by the song. His roommate had the voice of an angel. Day by day, Baekhyun fell harder. When Chanyeol would step out of the shower with pants that hung low on his hips, or when Chanyeol laughed at Baekhyun’s bad puns, or at his phone. Baekhyun liked the way Chanyeol’s ears turned red when he caught Baekhyun staring at him when he sang. Baekhyun liked the quiet nights they spent on the couch listening to music. Baekhyun would be reading a book and Chanyeol would have his eyes closed, humming to the music. 

Two years after Baekhyun and Chanyeol became roommates, Chanyeol received an email telling him he got a job somewhere far from where they lived. It was a famous music company that was interested in Chanyeol's work. When Baekhyun heard, he tried to be as upbeat as he could, but inside, he was breaking. He knew their time would end at some point, but he wanted to hold on just a little longer. 

So now, Baekhyun stood over an emptied out duffel bag. He had taken all of Chanyeol’s clothes from it in a fit and flung them around the room. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he stared at his feet, fists clenched. Chanyeol said nothing. The silence hurt Baekhyun. Why couldn't Chanyeol just stay?

“Baek, what's wrong?” Chanyeol asked in a soft voice. 

Baekhyun shook his head. His lip quivered and he looked anywhere but Chanyeol. 

“Baek,”

“Don't go.” Baekhyun said, voice shaking. 

“What?”

“Don't go. Please…” Baekhyun tried to keep his voice steady. There was so much he wanted to tell Chanyeol, but he was choked up. 

“Baekhyun, you knew this would happen. You said in your ad it was only temporary. I mean, you found yourself a decent job, and I have too.” Chanyeol sighed. 

Baekhyun fumed. Chanyeol didn't understand. “Did these two years mean nothing?”

“What are you talking about.”

Baekhyun felt a wave of exhaustion washed over him. He wiped his eyes and shook his head. He was done fighting it. He knew it was temporary. Yet he still held on, even to the end. This was the end, he thought to himself. He fell onto his bed and turned his back on Chanyeol. Neither said a word as Chanyeol went and began gathering his belongings. Baekhyun watched the way Chanyeol bent down to grab his clothes, he watched how Chanyeol’s glasses slipped down his nose each time. Tomorrow would be the last time Baekhyun would see this side of Chanyeol. No doubt he'd be famous in a matter of months. He already had many followers on social media platforms. Baekhyun would be just another face in a crowd of millions. He'd just be someone that helped Chanyeol in his journey. It wouldn't be hard for Chanyeol to find a special someone. The public was already throwing themselves at Chanyeol’s feet. That's what hurt the most, Baekhyun concluded. 

When Chanyeol finally zippered his duffel bag after repacking, he began speaking. 

“Baekhyun, are you awake?”

Baekhyun said nothing and shut his eyes. He wished he were sleeping. 

“Baekhyun, I know you're awake. Your breathing is irregular.”

Baekhyun still didn't respond. 

“Just hear me out, ok?” Chanyeol took a deep breath. “When I leave, remember to text me. I beg of you. Keep me sane. I won't be able to have quiet nights after tomorrow. I probably will eat dinner on my own at midnight. It will definitely be out of a package or takeaway. Maybe being a singer will prove to be too much for me. Even if you don't text every day, week, or even month, just contact once and awhile, yeah? Remind me that I can return here, to this apartment, to the quiet nights and home cooked meals. Remind me that I can return to you, if you will allow me to. If you don't hate me by then.” Baekhyun heard Chanyeol sniffle. “I just want to know I have a home to return to.”

With that, Chanyeol turned out the lights and Baekhyun heard the other bed creak. Soon, Chanyeol’s soft snores filled the room. Baekhyun wanted to say something, anything, to reassure his ex-roommate that he was always welcomed back, but the words were caught in his throat. Tears fell down the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes and drifted off to bed. 

The next morning, Baekhyun woke up at 12:09. Chanyeol was already gone. He had left at 8:00 to catch a bus. Baekhyun didn't like the silence. He didn't like the emptiness of the other side of his room. He didn't like how it felt as though a limb had been severed. There was a noticeable nothingness that he wanted to fill. He his phone and docked it into a set of speakers Chanyeol was unable to bring. Baekhyun scrolled until he found his special playlist. He pressed shuffle and, immediately, Chanyeol’s soft voice filled the apartment. A guitar played in the background. Baekhyun felt nostalgia rush over him.

He remembered when Chanyeol recorded the song. It was called Pink Daydreams. He remembered doing everything he could to annoy Chanyeol. He had made noises with pots and pans while he recorded. Somehow, though, Chanyeol managed to incorporate the senseless banging into a mellow beat. Baekhyun sat on the couch and stared at the black tv. The lyrics floated through the air. 

When I sit and think of you,
I dream pink daydreams
Everything is nice and new
I love the way your face beams
Your cheeks hold a pink hue

I'm dreaming pink daydreams
Thinking of you
You and your pink hue

Baekhyun felt the tears well up. He stood and paused the music. For a long time, he stared at the album cover. He remembered that, too. Chanyeol held a black camera, face obscured by the lense. When Baekhyun looked over, Chanyeol had been lying on the floor, pointing the lense up. Baekhyun had smiled at Chanyeol’s weird actions. When his roommate stood up, he walked over to Baekhyun and showed the picture. Baekhyun was caught mid-laugh. 

“Delete it,” Baekhyun had complained.

Chanyeol shook his head. “It'll be my new album cover.”

“But I look so ugly.”

Chanyeol had laughed, but said nothing more. 

---

It had been a year and a half since Chanyeol left. Baekhyun still listened to Chanyeol’s new tracks, which seemed to be getting darker with each song. It was a 180° turn around from Pink Daydreams. His current song, Return, seemed to be about an unrequited love. 

I love you, but I could never say it
Then the time came and I had to leave
You turned your back on me
And you couldn't, you wouldn't, see the tears

Baekhyun was watching the daily news when he first heard the song. Chanyeol was in an interview with the newscaster about the inspiration behind the lyrics. At first, Baekhyun thought it was someone Chanyeol had met on his journey to stardom. That was until Chanyeol described the person it was about. 

“So we all know you're openly biual, Chanyeol, and there's a rumor that this song is about a relationship you had with a previous male lover. Can you confirm this?” The interviewer asked. 

Chanyeol laughed. “This happened before I became famous.” Chanyeol said. “There was this guy I fell in love with. He had the most beautiful smile and his personality was so radiant. We spent a lot of time together. Two years, actually. He was my roommate, and we shared an apartment together. We had a lot of quiet nights and he would cook his favorite curry recipe while I played whatever instrument I could get my hands on. That's how I got the inspiration for Pink Daydreams, too. He's on the album cover. Sometimes I would mindlessly sing while looking at his back. I tended to look at his back a lot. The last night before I left, we had a fight and I never got to see his face again, well, smiling face.” Chanyeol smiled sadly. 

“Do you keep in contact with this person?”

Chanyeol shook his head. “I wish, but he hasn't contacted me since. I've sent him a few letters and texts, but he hasn’t responded.”

“How tragic. Do you want to meet him again?”

“If at all, I would love to share an apartment with him again. Maybe when I stop making music.”

“Well, we hope you continue for a while.”

Baekhyun stared at the tv, wondering if he heard that right. The rest of the noise became muffled to Baekhyun’s internal screaming. Chanyeol had really fallen in love with Baekhyun. Baekhyun had believed it was one sided. But really, both had fallen for each other. If only Chanyeol had mentioned that. 

Baekhyun grabbed his phone. He dialed chanyeol’s number and waited anxiously for his ex-roommate to pick up. 

After a few rings, Chanyeol’s low baritone came from the other side. 

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun blurted. 

“Baekhyun?”

“Are you serious?” Baekhyun breathed, and then hung up. His heart was beating fast and he could feel it in his chest. Next to him, his phone lit up with texts from Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol: Baek
Chanyeol: Baek
Chanyeol: what the hell
Chanyeol: after all this time and what the hell
Chanyeol: you could've at least prefaced this
Chanyeol: or not hung up
Chanyeol: I haven't talked to you in so long
Chanyeol: please Baek
(1) missed call
Chanyeol: Baek pick up
(2) missed calls
Chanyeol: Baekhyun I know you're near your phone
(6) missed calls
Chanyeol: Baekhyun pick up 
(10) missed calls
Chanyeol: I miss you
(1) voice message

Baekhyun stared at his phone. He didn't want to talk to Chanyeol. He was too scared. He lifted his phone from the couch with a shaking hand. Unlocking the screen, his message app was getting notifications that continued to go up in number. All of them from Chanyeol. He went into voicemail. Chanyeol’s name glared at him. It was a neon sign. It said “listen” and “don't listen” at the same time. Baekhyun’s head said no, but his gut said yes. He was conflicted, and the more messages that came from Chanyeol, the less he could decide. 

His finger hovered over the play button. 

Baekhyun turned his phone off and tossed it on the couch next to him. Not yet, not yet.

Everyday, Baekhyun would pick up his phone and tell himself that it was the day to finally listen to Chanyeol’s message and reply. Each time he did, though, it felt like he was reopening a scar. He felt the tears come on, regretting the way they had left off and of what they could have been. He knew he should fix it, call the guy, and talk, but  he couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

A few months passed since Baekhyun had called Chanyeol. Baekhyun never actually confronted the problem head on and let it fall to the archive of his mind. It was only when he heard on the news that the renowned singer-songwriter Park Chanyeol was quitting. He claimed he didn’t want to be famous, and if everyone could respect his decision. He said he knew stalkers and anti-fans would continue to follow him, but he would deal with it when the time came. 

Baekhyun snatched up his phone and dialed Chanyeol’s number without a second thought.

Ring
Ring
Ring
Click

“Baekhyun, you better not hang up on me.” Chanyeol said.

Baekhyun in a breath, speechless. What was he doing? Why was he calling Chanyeol? After all this time of avoiding him and not answering calls, why now? Maybe it was because all of the pain Baekhyun had was because Chanyeol had left him to become famous. Chanyeol chose to leave Baekhyun to sing and be on stage. Now he was leaving the stage, and for what reason? Chanyeol hadn’t said on any interview other than “personal reasons.” For reasons unknown, it pissed Baekhyun off. He had a whole speech he was preparing while the phone rang. Now nothing came to his mind.

“Baekhyun, answer me.”

“What do you think you’re doing.” Baekhyun breathed.

“What?”

“All this, and you decide to quit the music business.”

“I’m tired of the limelight.” Chanyeol said simply.

“But you wanted this so badly. For two whole freaking years, Chanyeol.”

“But there’s something I want even more than to be famous.”

“And what is that? Why would you throw away your childhood dream, Chanyeol?”

“Baekhyun, I want quiet nights. I want a homemade curry dish. I want to live in a cramped apartment. I hate these dinner parties with companies. I hate having to always be cautious of what I do.” Chanyeol’s voice was raising in volume. “I want to make music without all the glam and lights. I don’t want three hours of sleep every night. Covering up my dark circles with make-up is exhausting. Sitting in interviews is so boring. I want to be sitting on a couch playing my guitar while you read. I want to return to your apartment. I want to return to you.” Chanyeol blurted. His voice was shaking.

Baekhyun inhaled sharply. 

“If you will allow me to, please.”

Click

Baekhyun hung up, heart beating fast. Chanyeol couldn’t be serious. He would throw his entire career away to sit with Baekhyun in a cheap apartment. How absurd. 

Ding
Chanyeol: I’m sorry

---

The idea of Chanyeol no longer being famous didn’t sound as absurd when he arrived on Baekhyun’s doorstep, soaked in rain a few weeks later. Thunder clapped outside and rain pattered on the windows. Chanyeol had a dripping rain coat and his boots were full of rain water. His hair was soaked and he looked exhausted. When Baekhyun opened the door, he was tempted to shut it. He was suddenly reminded of the first day they met when Chanyeol had introduced himself, except not sopping wet. Chanyeol grinned as Baekhyun ushered him inside. 

“Hey, Baekhyun.’

“Chanyeol, you could’ve at least told me you were coming.”

“I assumed you blocked me.”

“Why would you think that?”

“You ignored me.”

“Oh.”

Silence. Chanyeol shed his raincoat and pulled his feet out of his boots. His socks were wet, so he peeled those off of his feet and left them hanging on the rim of his boots. The sweatshirt he wore was damp, but most of his pants were soaked. Baekhyun went and fetched a pair of his larger sweatpants. Although they were still a bit too short on Chanyeol, they worked. 

Chanyeol sat down on the all-too-familiar couch as Baekhyun rushed to get an electric blanket. Once everything was settled and Chanyeol was wrapped up in a heated blanket, neither spoke. Baekhyun couldn’t look Chanyeol in the eyes, and Chanyeol was busy staring at the floor.

“I’m sorry, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol said after a while.

“For what?”

“Leaving.”

“But you were following your dream.”

“It’s not all it’s hyped up to be.”

“Oh.”

Pause.

“I missed you a lot, you know.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah.”

“I did too.”

Chanyeol inhaled and exhaled. “Am I allowed to return?”

“I saw that one interview. It was about ‘Return.’”

“Oh.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you still feel that way even though I’ve ignored you?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you stay?”

“Definitely.”

“Then can we start over?”

“How?”

Baekhyun turned to Chanyeol and Chanyeol turned to Baekhyun. Both stared at each other’s faces for a bit. Baekhyun couldn’t get over how tired Chanyeol seemed. It was different from the Chanyeol he knew when they shared an apartment. Performing really did take a toll on someone. Either way, he still liked the way Chanyeol’s large, puppy dog eyes found his. He liked how he became captivated in them. He liked the little smile that quirked on Chanyeol’s lips that brought him back to reality.

Baekhyun stuck his hand out and Chanyeol took it. He definitely liked the way Chanyeol’s hand enveloped his in warmth.

“Hi, I’m Baekhyun.”

“Hi, Baekhyun. I’m Chanyeol. I will be sharing an apartment with you for a while.”

“Please, stay awhile.”

“It would be my pleasure.”

“Welcome home, Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun liked the way Chanyeol’s strong arms wrapped around him. He liked it how they felt so safe, so comforting. He liked knowing that they’d be around for a while longer.