It had always been ‘Kyukyu, I love you.’

The first time I met them, it was in our eighth grade and I was the new transfer student that had no friends. I was well-liked by the girls but I was put in some sort of pedestal and only ever talked to me to ask me out, I would rather be alone than talk to airheads; guys looked at me with annoyance and disdain for I was thought to be full of myself, had an air of arrogance, and someone who thought himself to be too good to talk to anyone but in reality, I was just anxious. I was new to the neighbourhood and didn’t know anyone.

Every day, I would go to the cafeteria to eat lunch, under the gazes of admiration from the female students and judging looks of annoyance from the males. Tired of all the attention and scrutiny, one day, I decided to eat at the courtyard near the library instead.  With my packed lunch at hand, I settled myself on a bench near a Kousa dogwood. I would later wonder why I didn’t start going there sooner; perhaps I would’ve met them earlier.

Our meeting was really just by chance. One day, on my way to my usual spot at lunch break, I happened to see three boys holding something above their heads, sometimes passing it around amongst themselves, and another boy, who I recognized to be from my class, with a look of desperation on his face struggling to retrieve the item. That desperate child was Kim Jongwoon; he would later become one of my bestfriends and we usually call him by the name ‘Yesung’.

 ‘Ah, bullying.’ I thought then. I was about to help him get his item back when one of the three boys threw it farther than he thought. “Ddangkomaeng!” Yesung cried as he ran towards the object, the other boys laughed boisterously as they watched him. From behind me, I heard a soft gasp and a small thud. I turned towards that direction and I saw through the falling sheets of paper and the books on the floor a blur of a figure running to catch the falling object, Yesung ran to him, in the verge of tears.

“Hey! Luckily for you, that boy caught it!” I heard one of the boys say cheekily before leaving, the others snickered after him, as I made my way towards the two.

“Here, um…” the small boy with a high-pitched voice said as he handed Yesung the item he caught, “here.” This one is Kim Ryeowook, another classmate, would also later become my other best friend.

“Thank you!” the Yesung grinned in delight, happy and obviously relieved; he looked to the object on his hand, “Thank you for rescuing my turtle! I don’t know what I’ve done if anything happened to him.”

Not really sure what to say for the situation, I cleared my throat to let them know of my presence. Both of them looked at me, Ryeowook gave me a sheepish smile and a ‘thank you’ when I returned his books; Yesung looked at me with his brows furrowed in mild frustration as he tried to remember where he had seen me prior to that meeting.

“Oh!” Ryeowook and I turned to Yesung, he was pointing an accusing finger, “You’re the new student!” I just nodded; I was still anxious and didn’t what to reply so I just left soon after.

After that very day, I paid more attention to my class. I observed that neither Ryeowook nor Yesung talked to anyone and just kept to themselves; neither one of them looked my way either. I would then go to the courtyard at lunch break in hopes to meet both or either of them but I didn’t actually meet them until a week later. I spotted Yesung by the fountain in the middle of the courtyard and watched him happily dip his turtle in the water. I didn’t know what to say to strike a conversation with him so I stayed seated in my place. A few minutes later, I saw Ryeowook walking from the library, carrying his lunchbox; he saw Yesung and went towards him. They greeted each other and sat together by the fountain, Yesung introducing his pet to Ryeowook. From his seat, Ryeowook saw me and approached me.

“Hi, I don’t know if you remember me from last week, I’m your classmate Ryeowook,” he said as he gave me a shy smile. I kept quiet and just nodded at him in acknowledgement. “Would you like to join us for lunch?” I still didn’t answer but I got up from my seat and let him lead me to the fountain where Yesung was still seated with his turtle now out of the water.

The three of us sat together in silence. It was awkward because not one of us knew what to say. I did see Ryeowook open and close his mouth several times as he attempted to start a conversation.

“Ugh, I hate them,” Ryeowook and I both looked at Yesung who was glaring at three figures; they didn’t notice us so they just walked by without bothering Yesung. “They think they can harass me just because there are three of them and I’m alone and have no friends.”

“Why don’t you have any friends?” Ryeowook asked.

“They think I’m weird because I bring my pet turtle with me,” Yesung answered grudgingly; “I can’t leave Ddangkomaeng at home though! My brother might play with him and forget to return him to his tank. What if our dog eats him?”

“Well, I don’t have any friends either,” Ryeowook admitted. “They don’t like me because my voice is too high and I carry sheet music around all the time.”

‘So neither of them have friends,’ I thought back then, ‘they’re like me.’

“Shall we be friends then?” Yesung asked; they looked at each other for a while then Ryeowook gave a wide grin and eagerly nodded. “We’ll form an outcast club!” Yesung laughed and as if it was a contagious virus, Ryeowook started laughing as well, giving a nod of agreement.

“Can I join?”

They both stopped laughing to examine me.

“You can’t,” Yesung gave me a frown; “You’re not exactly an outcast.”

“You always have people flocking after you!” Ryeowook exclaimed in agreement

“But not a single one of them is a friend.” I confessed. Both of them gave me looks of bewilderment.

“Well, it’s an outcast club,” Yesung insisted, “You still can’t join because you’re popular even when you don’t have friends.” Ryeowook looked at me and then at Yesung, wanting to say something, he turned back at me, his face etched with guilt. 

“By not letting me join, you’re casting me out,” I told Yesung, “making me an outcast, therefore eligible to be a member.”Yesung pouted and didn’t say anything after but begrudgingly agreed; Ryeowook just laughed.

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“Kyukyu, I love you,” Ryeowook told me as we were alone, waiting for Yesung. Yesung didn’t bring his own packed lunch and would buy food from the cafeteria g