What Ifs

mayormaynotbeatruestorykillmenow

Jongin: I remember I dreamt getting you before.

To say that message didn’t make the insides of Kyungsoo tingle will the biggest lie of her 23 years of life. 

The thing is, if Kyungsoo had received this exact message during her freshman year of high school, then her life right now would be different. Everything will be different. But just like the old saying, everything happens for a reason. Maybe her ex-bestfriend, Jongin, revelation happens for a reason too because you can’t just say like that after many years of no communication.

Kyungsoo and Jongin were attached to the hip from middle school all the way to freshman year of high school. No, they weren’t childhood friends but they might as well be with so many secrets they share. They had traditions, which includes bubble tea after school every Tuesday (because Tuesdays are early dismissal), Jongin will always wait for Kyungsoo so they can walk home together, and Kyungsoo will always make sure Jongin is not alone during lunch. They experience the magic of puberty together with Kyungsoo turning into a beautiful swan and Jongin into handsome prince.

When high school started, everybody thought they were a couple but they both knew they were just bestfriends and nothing else. In fact, Kyungsoo was there when Jongin asked out his first girlfriend. Kyungsoo remember waiting with him by the gates for Baekhyun. Baekhyun was part of their group of friends and Kyungsoo was more than supportive when Jongin admitted his little crush. She knew Baekhyun would say yes because even if Kyungsoo doesn't say it often she knows her bestfriend is indeed good looking.

 Jongin is one of those skaters who seem shy when you first glance at them. He always make sure that his hair was perfect, his bangs were comb to the side, and always wear brands from obey, supreme, and the likes. Back then, girls were always after skater guys because they were the “thing” then and anybody who dates one is considered “cool”.

Plus, Jongin had those snake bite piercings on his lips and that made every girl drool for him. To bad he was busy trying to learn new tricks with his skateboard to even realize that.

It was a surprise to Kyungsoo when Jongin told her his crush but they’ve always been supportive of each other and Kyungsoo didn’t think of anything bad with Jongin having a girlfriend. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, everything that could possible go wrong happen.

There was a lot of jealousy involve and Baekyun couldn’t accept the fact that Jongin’s bestfriend is a girl and there was so many “we’re just bestfriend” and “I’m your girlfriend, Jongin”

At the end, Kyungsoo decided to distance herself from Jongin and she told him if he needed anything, she’s always there for him.

While Jongin was the ideal “skater dude”, Kyungsoo was the cheerleader every athlete in the school would look at every time she passes by. Kyungsoo had long beautiful blonde ombre hair back then, she didn’t dress up to stand out but she knew what to wear to make her curves stand out. Jongin influenced her style as much of her outfit consist of typical skater girl without being an actually skater. Her wardrobe consists of crop tops, an oversize cardigan or jacket (Mostly Jongin’s jackets), high-waist skinny jeans, and a pair of converse or vans. Although she was in the cheer team, she didn’t considered herself as a “girly girl” but more like a “badass female with a feminine side”.

With the “unofficial” break up with her bestfriend, Kyungsoo had time to mingle with other people. She was in her freshman year of high school after all and there’s no harm into making new friends.

One of these new friends is a football player name Oh Sehun. Sehun is not the typical jock that doesn’t study and always trying to create trouble. Sehun is very much into his studies and is always nice with anybody that approaches him. They first met when Kyungsoo stayed for a bit after cheer practice and bump into Sehun on her way out of the locker room. There was a lot of “I’m sorry” and “are you okay?” It wasn’t until the next day when Sehun approached her during Algebra class to ask if she was okay that they started talking.

Since Jongin was busy with his girlfriend, which Kyungsoo very much understand, she had more time to pay attention to Sehun and grown fond of the guy. Soon enough their normal conversation turned into teasing then into flirting and finally after talking for a while, Sehun asked her if she wanted to hang out during the weekends.

Kyungsoo still kept talking to Jongin. Nothing really change with their relationship but the fact they hung out less because Kyungsoo didn’t want drama with Baekhyun. Kyungsoo did mention about Sehun to Jongin and his bestfriend always assured her that he will support her no matter what.

Kyungsoo knew Sehun liked her and she feels the same. But when puberty hit her, she started realizing her feelings more and she understand now why people thought she and Jongin were a couple. They would do things only couples were supposed to do like hug everytime they see each other, Jongin always slinging his arm around Kyungsoo whenever they walk, Kyungsoo always resting her head on Jongin’s shoulder, and going all out to celebrate their birthdays. They were some occasion that their curiosity took over their young mind and Jongin ended up touching Kyungsoo’s s.

She admits she thought of the idea of having Jongin as a boyfriend and maybe she does feel attracted towards her bestfriend but she always pushes those thoughts because she couldn’t risk their friendship just because of what she feels.

They never really talk about what would happens if they just start dating each other. Jongin never mentions anything so Kyungsoo just kept those feelings buried deep deep down.

That is one of the many reason why she said yes to Sehun when he had asked her to be his girlfriend but Kyungsoo will never tell anybody that.

But she really did like Sehun. Sehun was always a gentleman, he listens when she rants about anything, will make her laugh when exams are taking a toll on her, and will always tell her he loves her before they say good night.

If Jongin’s relationship with Baekhyun put somewhat a barrier between them, then Kyungsoo’s relationship with Sehun built a wall in between them.

Long gone were the traditions of bubble tea every Tuesdays, no more text or calls, no more hugs, and no more birthday together. They would occasionally say hi when they pass by each other and that’s that.

When junior year came, Kyungsoo found out Jongin and Baekhyun broke up but she was still with Sehun. She wanted to go to him and ask him if he was okay but she didn’t know to approach him and how to start a conversation with him.

There was a lot of what ifs back then and as graduation came, Kyungsoo had no news about Jongin’s whereabouts….until a few days ago.

Suho, who was self proclaim as their group’s leader back in high school plan a reunion. Kyungsoo was happy to be able to see the rest but deep down she knew she was more than excited to see Jongin. When the day of the reunion came, Jongin wasn’t there and she was more than disappointed so out of nowhere, without thinking for one second, she messages Jongin and ask him why he didn’t come.

Jongin reasons that he had an exam the following day and needed to study. Kyungsoo took the opportunity to ask how he’s been doing. Everything was going well, Jongin updating her with his life and Kyungsoo doing the same. The topic of their conversation was somehow brought back to their high school days.

Kyungsoo bites her lips as she begins replying to Jongin’s message.

Kyungsoo: and how’s that?

Jongin: Kyungsoo, please don’t make me say it.

Kyungsoo: Jongin, I know you inside and out. Well I used too but I’m pretty sure you’re still the same you.

Jongin: Well remember there was that time that we took your mom’s van and you let me touch your s? Apparently that and I ended up dreaming about you. All I can say it was very good dream.

Kyungsoo: WTF KIM JONGIN!! DETAILS NOW!

Jongin: Uhm in my dream we ended up doing it in the car that night and it was all wet too.

Kyungsoo: OMG! What? Why? Uhm howwwww?

Jongin: I wish I went with you to prom

Kyungsoo: I wish you asked me to prom. Looking back now, I wish things were different.

Jongin: Everything happens for a reason, you know.

Kyungsoo: Yeah yeah but I blame myself for us drifting apart.

Jongin: Don’t be. Things happen and we were young.

Kyungsoo: but still there’s so many what ifs.

Jongin: if it makes you feel any better. Your s are the only s I’ve d that hard.

Kyungsoo: you’re still a pabo head kim jongin. atleast I’m your first at something.

Jongin: I wish you were my first with everything but I was a chicken then and I didn’t realize my feelings for you.

Kyungsoo: Only if you said all of this before then things would have been different. To make you feel better, you’re not the only stupid one. I kinda had a crush on you but I put the thought away because I didn’t want to risk our friendship.

Jongin: Haha, we were really stupid teenagers back then.

Kyungsoo: I’m surprise with all the stupid things we did, we didn’t kiss or anything.

Jongin: If that were to happen, then getting you would’ve been next.

Kyungsoo: I wouldn’t mind to be honest. I trusted you with my life back then kim jongin

Jongin: so much what ifs

Kyungsoo: Since we’re talking about this, have you ever thought of having with me?

Jongin: Everytime I see you and after realizing my feelings, I would always imagine you under me but when I look at you with Sehun and how happy you guys were, I didn’t have the guts to tell you and I didn’t want to ruin your relationship. That’s why I forced myself to stop talking to you.

Kyungsoo: Pabo

Jongin: I know I’m being selfish but I’m still curious.

Kyungsoo: of?

Jongin: of having my dream come true. I know you’re still but Sehun but if I had a chance, I’ll take it in a second.

Kyungsoo: well it’s probably you’re lucky day because Sehun and I broke up. But I do know, you’re dating Krystal now and I’m not going to be and ruin that.

Jongin: Ahh timing has always been a to us, huh?

Kyungsoo: You can say that again. But if ever comes the time you and Krystal break up and I’m available, come to me. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve never dream of having you touching me more than a bestfriend would.

Jongin: I want you right now

Kyungsoo: I can’t believe even after all these years I would still want you but you have Krystal now.

Jongin: Krystal has been with many guys but I’ve always wanted you. No matter how much I try to forget about that dream or not remember how your good your skin felt under mine, I can’t.

Kyungsoo: Jongin, you’re with Krystal and no matter how much I love you, I can’t be the reason you cheat on her.

Jongin: I’m sorry. I just really want you Soo more than anything in this world.

Kyungsoo: I want you too but maybe when time let us we’ll get there.

Jongin: k, all this talking is . Send me a pic of your s instead ;)

Kyungsoo: that’s still considered cheating, no?

Jongin: c’mon Soo you said it yourself, you wanted to live a crazy life.

Kyungsoo: HA that’s not what I meant. Even if I send you a pic, I don’t think you can handle it. I’m not trying to brag or anything but my girls have matured really well these past few years ;)

Jongin: don’t say things like that! You’re making me want you more and make you feel good in ways Sehun hasn’t

Kyungsoo: uhm that’s going to be challenge.

Jongin: try me

Kyungsoo: Break up with Krystal then.

to be continue...? lol guys I can't take like this right now and i'm too old to be having this in my life.