Taekwoon was stuttering when he ordered his first drink. It wasn’t until his third drink that he could order his usual cosmopolitan (his sister was the first one to ever take him out, and he got used to cosmopolitans, it was too late to go back now) without stuttering. According to his best friend Jaehwan, he was a different person when he was drunk. He was drunk the first time he hooked up with a boy. He was also drunk when he lost his ity. He couldn’t muster enough courage to go talk to boys he was attracted to without some alcohol in his system.

He had rosy pink cheeks, shiny eyes and unkempt hair by the time Hakyeon came to talk to him. The boy had sun kissed skin and his eyes were shining too, but from the full glass of beer he was holding in his hand and didn’t drink from in the 10 minutes they talked, it wasn’t from the alcohol. He made sure not to spoil the occasion of making a comment about Taekwoon’s cosmopolitan, a comment which would have normally made Taekwoon crawl under the table with cheeks the color of his sweater, but he didn’t, because it was actually funny once he was his drunk alter ego. It didn’t take much time before Taekwoon’s half drank 4^th cosmopolitan was on the table along with Hakyeon’s untouched beer and they were on the dance floor. The loud upbeat music playing was far from Taekwoon’s usual style, but he was having too much fun for the bitter comments he would’ve normally made under his breath.

It had been 8 months since Taekwoon last kissed someone. It felt good to feel close to someone again. He was about to spend the night alone watching another action police drama when Jaehwan forced him to go clubbing, and he couldn’t really say no. He was starting to feel lonely. Forced out of his black clothes by his friend and into a red sweater and pale, tight jeans he was pulled into the subway and a fancy Gangnam club without being able to say a word.

So when his drunken state started grinding against Hakyeon, he made a mental note to thank Jaehwan later. There was a hickey on his neck by the time he took Hakyeon by the hand and started dragging him towards the door.

Hakyeon followed him, laughing.

«Calm down, we have all night» screamed Hakyeon to be heard over the music, tugging on Taekwoon’s hand to make him stop. Taekwoon’s smile fell and he nodded seriously, trying to come down from his hyped state. He was too excited.

He knew he normally wouldn’t have done that but he couldn’t help it. He grabbed Hakyeon’s neck to bring his lips to his for the second time.

Hakyeon tasted like mint chewing gum and his lips worked slowly on Taekwoon’s overexcited ones, calming him down and making the pace of the kiss slower. He soon took the lead and was biting softly on Taekwoon’s bottom lip. He opened his mouth for him, letting himself be controlled. Taekwoon wasn’t usually one to like touching. He never liked being touched, but with Hakyeon he didn’t mind and he even touched back. Hakyeon’s hands were all over him, and he felt great. Taekwoon ran his hands through his hair and tugged on it slightly. It was when he moaned that he knew he couldn’t take it much longer.

«Let’s go» he said, pushing Hakyeon away. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Hakyeon nodded, his eyes were full of lust too.

He turned around to face Taekwoon once they were outside. The cold wind hit the younger boy, making him shiver.

«Are you sure you want this?» asked Hakyeon, concern in his eyes. «You won’t regret it?» Taekwoon wanted to scowl. It wasn’t real concern that Hakyeon was showing. He didn’t have to pretend to care about someone he met an hour ago.

«Drunk me makes decisions sober me wishes he could make. I’ve never regretted something I’ve done drunk, because then I’m the person I’d like to be. I’m braver and I do things I want to do» admits Taekwoon, sighing. His words were slurred together, but to him it was a thousand times better than his stuttering.

Ever since he was a kid, Taekwoon was always a pushover. He rarely did things he wanted to do. He did what people wanted him to do and let himself be manipulated over the years. He started distancing himself from people and he couldn’t remember when exactly but he lost his socials skills by always being by himself. He tried making friend in college, but he stuttered and blushed and he didn’t know what to say and always assumed everyone hated him. But when he was drunk, he was what he wanted to be. He was confident, he was loud and talkative and he laughed and smiled, and he didn’t stutter. He knew what to say and he didn’t blush for stupid reasons.

Hakyeon nodded, taking Taekwoon’s hand in his again. His car was parked down the street.

«My place is fine?» asked Hakyeon, and Taekwoon could remember his guardian (that was a pretty long story) telling him he couldn’t trust strangers.

But she was also the same person who told him he needed to have fun and stop worrying and overthinking.

«You didn’t drink?» asked Taekwoon to make sure, because he didn’t want to end up dead on the side of the road.

«No, don’t worry. I don’t like drinking» said Hakyeon with a smile to reassure Taekwoon.

Taekwoon opened the car door. He fumbled with the belt for a minute and Hakyeon leaned over him to help him. He felt his whole body warm up.

«Do you live very far from here?» asked Taekwoon after a few minutes of silence. The car radio was playing so very slow, y, baby-making song.

«We’re close» said Hakyeon under his breath. There was so much tension between them, the effects of the alcohol still making his blood boil in his veins. Taekwoon when he was drunk was usually thinking clearly enough to remember safety rules (drinking and driving don’t go together!) and walk (almost) straight. He usually could make full sentences and think straight.

So he could still remember about the person who was waiting at home for him to come back. He took out his phone.

To: OUR JANGMI

I wont ccome home tonaigjt

He saw the typos but he was too lazy to correct them, so he still pressed send. Jangmi was used to it. She was used to him writing nonsense all the time.

«Is there…someone waiting for you at home?» asked Hakyeon carefully.

«There is. Not my girlfriend or anything! It’s my…mom I guess» said Taekwoon.

Taekwoon’s parents divorced when he was 7. His dad dated a woman named Jangmi for about 3 years, a woman Taekwoon absolutely loved. She was nice and always had fun with Taekwoon, treating him like the kid he was. She was the one to show him how to swim. When they broke up, Taekwoon was devastated, because she was his only reason to still see his father and she cared about him like his mom did.

And he started dated this awful woman, causing Taekwoon to only stay with his mom.

And when his mom died, when he was 14, he concluded a deal with his dad after a few months of living with him and of becoming depressed more and more every day. He would live with Jangmi as long as he gave her money. She was like a second mom to him, but also like a friend, a sister and a friendly roommate. His older sister being away at college, he had someone to talk to. So he still lived with her, even once he became an adult because he couldn’t make friends at college and he was afraid of being alone. 

«Nothing I have to worry about?» asked Hakyeon, referring to Taekwoon’s ‘mom’.

«No. Nothing you have to worry about» he answered. His phone vibrated.

From: OUR JANGMI

Okay, be safe, and you better not be late tomorrow.

Hakyeon was pulling into the underground parking of a fancy apartment building. It was the kind of place a student probably couldn’t afford by himself.

Taekwoon fiddled with his jacket in the elevator. He bit his lip, he was starting to get nervous. His last cosmopolitan dated at least an hour before and he knew he’d never be able to do this without alcohol.

«Do you have beer?» asked Taekwoon when they entered Hakyeon’s apartment.

It was filled with modern furniture and the ceiling was high, leaving space for gigantic windows showing the city. The feeling was very different from Taekwoon’s house and he felt slightly out of place.

«Aren’t you drunk enough? I don’t like the idea of doing this with someone who’s not completely here» said Hakyeon, frowning.

Taekwoon shrugged, looking down. He could do it. If he told himself he could do it, he’d end up believing it.

So he walked up to Hakyeon and grabbed his face in between his hands, bringing their lips together.

Apparently, Taekwoon wasn’t good at a lot of things. Jaehwan affirmed he couldn’t socialize to save his life. He was also nicknamed fashion terrorist by Jangmi, betraying him and his love for black clothes. He wasn’t good at finishing dramas, he barely ever got past the 10^th episode. He wasn’t good at expressing his feelings either. He wasn’t good at remembering things, he kept forgetting Jaehwan’s birthday (was it in May? April? He couldn’t remember) and he kept losing everything, from his homework to his phone to his shoes to his wallet.

But apparently, kissing was one thing he was good at. He went slowly, waiting for Hakyeon to take the lead, because that was something else he was good at, being dominated.

From the way Hakyeon slammed him against the wall in the hallway, halfway to his room, Taekwoon was very good at it. He moaned when Hakyeon hand reached under his sweater, his hands cold against his skin. His arms circled Hakyeon’s neck, bringing him even closer as their lips moved in sync, Hakyeon’s tongue slipping into his mouth.

Taekwoon stuttered and wasn’t good at many things, but with some alcohol in his system, he could be whoever he wanted to be.

Taekwoon woke up with someone’s arms around him in an unfamiliar room, and it was at that moment he knew he messed up.

«D-did I s-sleep ove-over?» he asked, his voice laced with sleep. He tried sitting up but was held back by Hakyeon’s arms around him.

He blushed as memories of the night before came back to him.

Hakyeon was waking up. He smiled before letting go of Taekwoon, not realizing the other boy was panicking.

«What time is it?» he asked, his eyes still half closed.

Taekwoon took a look at the alarm clock. He ran out of bed, grabbing his clothes from the floor.

He was late. He was so late, and Jangmi had specifically told him not to be late. Getting dressed as fast as he can, he realized Hakyeon was also getting dressed hurriedly.

«, I’m so late» said Hakyeon, and Taekwoon looked at him for a second after he pulled his shirt over his head, pausing.

His drunk self had taste. He could remember the night before well enough to blush, Taekwoon wasn’t the type to get drunk to the point where he forgot everything. He could admit Hakyeon was beautiful, his sun-kissed skin looking so touchable. His lips were pink and looked so kissable, and his hair was in a mess and Taekwoon knew he had pulled on it a lot during the past night. For the first time in his life, he had slept over at his one night stand’s house, and for the first time in his life, he wanted seconds.

«Are you okay?» asked Hakyeon, fully dressed. «I’m sorry, I would’ve made you breakfast but I’m meeting my father this morning and I’m late» he added in an apologetic tone.

«It-it’s fi-fine» said Taekwoon, and he mentally cursed at himself for not being able to control his stuttering. He didn’t want Hakyeon to see him that way, looking stupid.

«Oh, so that’s what you meant yesterday. I don’t mind. You’re still cute» said Hakyeon, and Taekwoon looked down, blushing.

«I-I have t-to go» said Taekwoon and he followed Hakyeon out of the apartment.

They didn’t have time for goodbyes as they were both running.

Taekwoon ran to the closest metro station he could find. He had to meet Jangmi because she was getting married and he was about to meet her fiancé. His legs were bobbing up and down from nervousness as he sat in the subway, hoping it would go faster. He would be more than half an hour late.

He was running as soon as he got out of the subway. Jangmi was going to be so mad.

They were meeting in a café where Jangmi liked to go. Taekwoon tried to tame his hair as he ran, running his fingers through it in a desperate attempt to make himself look presentable.

He opened the door with too much force and ran inside, panting. He looked around and found his guardian sitting at a table with two men sitting in front of her. He bowed and collapsed on the chair next to Jangmi.

«Ya, you’re late» said Jangmi. «And why is your hair a mess? Did you even wash your face?» she asked and Taekwoon finally looked up to find himself staring into Hakyeon’s eyes.

«W-what a-are you d-doing here?» asked Taekwoon with some difficulty. The more people around the more trouble he had constructing full sentences.

«My dad» said Hakyeon, pointing to the man besides him.

«You two know each other?» asked Jangmi and she took hold of Taekwoon’s shoulders to make him look at her. She tried to comb his hair with water, probably doing a much better job than when he tried before.

Taekwoon’s cheeks were taking a light shade of pink. How was he supposed to explain how he knew Taekwoon?

Hakyeon made a brief explanation, saying they met at the club but they didn’t know each other more. He then looked at Taekwoon intensely and mouthed ‘your mom?’. Taekwoon shook his head, and Hakyeon looked relieved.

Hakyeon’s father was a very nice man. He seemed to be careful of Jangmi, always glancing at her with a smile. It made Taekwoon happy to know that he would take care of her well. Somehow Jangmi kept coming back to Taekwoon, making the other boy blush. She liked praising him, and he never really understood why. After an hour, Hakyeon and his dad probably knew way more about Taekwoon than they wanted to. Jangmi told them how they ended up living together while adding some unnecessary details about how cute he was as a kid. She told them about how he was studying to becoming an elementary school teacher; not forgetting to describe how sweet Taekwoon was with kids. She listed Taekwoon’s multiple talents, from singing to soccer and even asked them not to misunderstand him just because he looked uninterested most of the time, it was only because he was shy. Taekwoon hated it when people talked about him, he felt uncomfortable the whole time, especially because Hakyeon’s eyes never left him once. He looked down at his hands and drank way more coffee than he should have out of nervousness.

Taekwoon could feel Hakyeon’s soft gaze never leaving him as they were walking out of the café an hour later.

«Can I talk to you?» asked Hakyeon. Taekwoon looked at Jangmi and she motioned for him to go, so he nodded. He followed Hakyeon to his car and sat in the passenger’s seat.

«I think you’re cute» said Hakyeon once they were both seated in the car. Taekwoon could feel his cheeks burning. Why was Hakyeon telling him this? «And I know you think people only like you when you’re drunk» continued Hakyeon. Taekwoon couldn’t even look at him.

«Why a-are you tell-telling me t-this?» asked Taekwoon, looking at his hands. He hated himself for not being able to express himself properly. He hated himself for his inexistent social skills and most of all for not knowing what to say to Hakyeon.

«Because I want to ask you out? This is kind of awkward, I’m sorry. I’m just saying… The drunk version of you is funny and cute but I like you a lot this way too, and it makes me sad to know you don’t believe in yourself because I am sure you are wonderful. I’d like to get to know you…if you want to» said Hakyeon. «I haven’t had that many one night stands in my life but I can tell you I was never so sad in the morning before after realizing it would be just a one night stand and nothing more» continued Hakyeon.

Taekwoon smiled when he realized that Hakyeon talked a lot, because it meant they would complete each other. Taekwoon didn’t like talking. He liked to listen.

«Can I kiss you?» asked Hakyeon, and Taekwoon’s eyes widened. His heart was beating like crazy, and he didn’t know how to react.

«I….I’ve n-never been k-kissed when s-sober» he managed to say, and Hakyeon chuckled.

«Can I be the first one? That’s even more meaningful right?» asked Hakyeon, and Taekwoon looked down, nodding.

So Hakyeon reached over to Taekwoon’s side of the car. He cupped his face with his hands and brought him closer. Taekwoon’s cheeks were burning. Hakyeon finally pressed their lips together, and Taekwoon barely lasted 3 seconds into the kiss before he pulled away. Tears were dwelling up in his eyes.

«I d-don’t understand» said Taekwoon, and Hakyeon chuckled softly.

«I feel attracted to you. Something is pulling me to you and I can’t help it. I like you. That’s all you need to understand. Please have some faith in yourself. You’re a wonderful boy» said Hakyeon, and Taekwoon chuckled nervously, trying to dry his tears.

«I-I’m sorry» he said. «I-I’m getting th-therapy for the stuttering b-but if it d-doesn’t go a-away I’m a-afraid you will g-get tired of me» said Taekwoon, struggling to talk for that long. He hated not being able to say what he wanted to say.

«Please, Taekwoon. I won’t get tired of you. Let’s get to know each other and try, okay? What can you lose?» asked Hakyeon, and Taekwoon breathed in and out slowly before nodding.

He didn’t even have any time to react before Hakyeon was grabbing him and pulling him into a kiss again, and this time Taekwoon didn’t push him away.