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sing until we dieHe walks first, jittery legs and shaking fingers, tapping incessantly on his thigh as he waves his driver goodbye (and to the horde of fans waiting outside). It's not until his apartment comes into view that he breaks into a run for the last few steps of the hallway, wrenches the door open with the desperation of a drowning man. Sungyeol's there to catch him when he falls, bonelessly, and he lets himself melt into the taller man like a lifeline in the middle of the ocean.
(Maybe he is, Myungsoo thinks, as Sungyeol holds him close and whispers and kisses assurances into his skin.)
He finally feels like himself again.
--
Myungsoo is living a lie - a lie so elaborate and all-encompassing and forcibly enforced.
From birth, he's given an identity, and they tell him what he's supposed to like, what he doesn't like. His career is decided for him, and right at the bottom of his data page is the name of his wife and how many kids they're expected to have.
L, the name chosen for him, likes tea and the colour black and girls, and is a famous actor in daily soaps and the occasional movie.
But Myungsoo loves coffee and coloured plaid shirts and boys (especially those named Sungyeol), and lives for photography and is nothing like L.
Some people, like Sungyeol, got lucky, he thinks, saddled with names and identities and characteristics that don't fall too far away from their own. Sungyeol is Alex and Alex works in a childcare centre and laughs a lot, geunine and infectious. Sungyeol loves kids like no other and smiles so beautifully it makes Myungsoo hurt a little inside.
But then he thinks, he's quite lucky too - L is assigned a roommate in his apartment and the day Alex moves in, is the day Myungsoo falls in love.
--
Morning comes too soon for Myungsoo, and he feels Sungyeol shift and mutter fitfully at his side. He clings on just a little bit tighter and buries himself under the crook of the other's arm. He breathes in and runs his nose over the exposed skin of Sungyeol's neck, closes his eyes tightly, and tries to trick himself into believing that he doesn't need to be L today and he can be just Myungsoo, who likes to laze and has horrible bed hair and loves Sungyeol.
He almost succeeds too, until there's a rapid pounding at the door and Myungsoo jerks upright because this has happened in his dreams and they take Sungyeol away from
him and then he's taken too -
"L-sshi! It's time to go to the drama set!"
His manager's voice drifts in from the shut door, and Hoya's familiar, and Hoya's good and he relaxes instantly. He croaks back an almost incoherent reply and gently unwraps Sungyeol's long limbs from him, shuffles to the door to open it for him.
Hoya's eyes fill with pity at the haunted look Myungsoo knows he carries, but doesn't say anything and for that he's grateful. He has known Hoya for years now - Howon at birth, and Hoya accepts his name the way Myungsoo can't. Sometimes, Myungsoo breaks down when L takes over too much of himself and Hoya silently sits beside him and pats his shoulders and Myungsoo knows he understands.
He pads back to his bedroom once he's washed up and leans against his doorframe, content with watching his lover sleep, all twisted into the duvet with a pillow replacing Myungsoo's warmth.
I love you, he whispers into Sungyeol's hairline and kisses his forehead lightly, and thank you.
--
He's hit with a bad feeling the moment he steps into the set, flurry of voices calling for him and telling him to look here and smile there and then there's Hoya's broad back, shielding him from the horde of reporters invading his set.
A hand latches on to his, and tries to pull him away from the mess and Myungsoo's internally screaming and desperately resisting until his captor speaks, low and soothing, and he nearly cries when he realises Sungkyu's the one holding on to him.
Sungkyu steers him into a room on his left and he flinches a little when an arm winds around his neck and then smiles sheepishly in apology when Dongwoo's smiling face comes into view. There's a knock at the door and Hoya comes in, tie askew and a little more frazzled than usual. He runs a hand tiredly through his hair, "they want an interview with you, Myungsoo-ah, over the scandal with Krystal the dinner."
Myungsoo offers up a half-smile, "I'll do it hyung, don't worry about it." Accepting dinner had been a mistake, and he felt wholly uncomfortable the whole time with Krystal staring little holes into his face and wishing he was at home curled up into Sungyeol instead. He'll go clear it up, no big deal, and he tells Hoya and Sungkyu and Dongwoo just that.
Dongwoo frowns a little, almost uncharacteristically, "they're vultures Myungsoo-yah, and they'll be ruthless with you. Are you sure you'll be able to handle it?"
He smiles in reassurance, but he also sees the little worried glances Sungkyu and Hoya shoot each other. He'll be fine (he thinks).
Myungsoo fidgets and sits restlessly on the couch, gaze flitting as he tries to think of an answer - acceptable for L and something that Myungsoo can agree to too. Hoya insists on sitting in for the interview, cutting an imposing figure from across the room, but Myungsoo can't seem to draw any comfort from him in any way, blinking red lights from the recording cameras glancing into his eyes - it's going live, they said, and Myungsoo's been digging little crescents into his palms ever since.
One of the men sitting across him half-raises an eyebrow at the length of time he takes to reply, and Myungsoo grips the couch cushion hard as the question repeats itself in his head: if not Krystal, is there anyone in your life right now?
L is mysterious and dark and silent, but Myungsoo is nothing but honest and he doesn't want to lie - ironic really, when he's been lying his whole life. But Sungyeol flashes across his mind, beautiful and untouched by the vileness of this world, and he thinks of how Sungyeol pulls on his arm out in public, hugs him openly like they do belong together and smiles - sometimes all teethy and wide, and some slow and wicked. He doesn't want to hide anymore - Sungyeol deserves more than that, they deserve more than that.
The name Sungyeol slips off his tongue without another thought and instantly the set descends into chaos and Myungsoo backs and shrinks into the couch like a wounded deer, flashing lights and yells and shouts and he can't see Hoya anywhe -
He's relieved when Dongwoo appears at the edge of the crowd and beckons hurriedly for him to make his way there, and Myungsoo shoves and pushes and nudges his way through the throng of reporters where Dongwoo and now Sungkyu stand. Sungkyu's brows are knitted and his mouth set in a hard line, and Myungsoo finds himself pushed gently into the arms of two other men he's never seen before without another word and through the back door of the set.
"No - wait, where are you taking - where's Sungyeol - Sung -" he babbles nearly incoherently, frantically as he's escorted down darkened hallways and stairs. They finally emerge from the building and Myungsoo barely has time to take in the roads before he's pushed into a nondescript van that peels off from the curb almost immediately.
The air in the van is thick and suffocating, the driver intimidating in his silence. He knows he's done for, and he's heard that the government deals with rebels without mercy - and he's certainly qualified to be one. He trusts Dongwoo and he trusts Sungkyu, and he hopes with every last bit of hope he has in this world, that Sungyeol is safe in their arms.
The van jerks to a stop and the doors slide open, and Myungsoo nearly flings himself in relief unto Hoya who meets him with the broadest smile he has ever seen Hoya with.
"I'm glad you're here with us now, Myungsoo-yah," Hoya says, eyes crinkling into crescents, and Myungsoo is confused because Hoya doesn't ever call him Myungsoo outside of his apartment and Hoya doesn't like showing emotions.
"Hoya -"
"Call me Howon. I'm not Hoya here, and you will never need to be L again." Hoya - Howon, says this with a kind of radiating certainty and assurance and Myungsoo really wants to believe him. Howon slings an arm around him and brings him down a series of steps, and talks about a mile a minute about something but all Myungsoo can think about in that moment is Sungyeol and where is he and is he safe.
He chews unconsciously on his lower lip and almost draws blood, and his grip on Howon's bicep becomes almost bruising.
Howon pries Myungsoo's fingers off himself gently, and smiles, eyes brighter than they have ever been, "you'll see him soon."
They reach a room, housed in the middle of the mansion, and Howon knocks twice at the door, letting himself and Myungsoo in before waiting for a reply. There's a man in the room, and he turns at the sound of the door knocking.
"Myungsoo-yah,"
He can feel the beginning of tears as he takes in the cherry red locks, tall, slim figure and the smile, which in that moment, made Myungsoo feel like it could rival a thousand suns.
"Welcome to the rebellion," Howon whispers from behind him, and gives him a little push forward.
He takes three long strides forward and finds himself back where he belongs, and he thinks he might be okay now, they might be okay now.
Sungyeol.
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