02. Welcome back (Part I)

Bobby awoke in the middle of the night. He ran a hand across his forehead beaded with sweat as a series of shivers shook him from the inside, and his eyes remained wide open in the darkness that enveloped him: he had had a nightmare, it was always the same; it haunted him tormenting his sleep and he remembered every single detail.

He got up from the couch and staggered, feeling his legs about to give in and was forced to sit down again. He noticed the pile of folded clothes on the table, so he reached out and grabbed the pack of cigarettes sticking out from his jeans pocket. He took one to his mouth and lit inhaling deeply the pungent smell of tobacco, feeling his throat burning like it was on fire – a huge and tremendous warmth growing inside him.
He closed his eyes. He emptied his mind. He smoked. One, two, three cigarettes until he lost count. He did this until the first ray of sunlight found a chink in the curtains where it could infiltrate, illuminating with its faint light a part of the floor.

"This isn't how it was supposed to go" he whispered to himself with a sad sigh, full of nostalgia and melancholy for the past.
"I have to get out of here" he said stoutly, then he put on his own clothes.

He was about to leave, he had his hand on the door handle but suddenly he stopped.
"Are you leaving?" that was Jinhwan's voice, "you would have gone without even saying goodbye?" he couldn't believe it.
 

"Yes" Bobby replied simply hurting him even more with his sincerity, then followed a few moments of complete silence.

"Did I wake you up?" Bobby asked, turning toward him.

"No, I have to go to work soon. I always wake up at this time, it is my habit” Jinhwan explained.

"What kind of job?" Bobby asked.

"I am a teacher, I teach at the university" Jinhwan replied.

"Cool" Bobby commented, "and what about the others?".

"Hanbin is the vice-director of YG Financial Group" Jinhwan answered and paused, "Donghyuk is a pianist, Yunhyeong and Junhoe are the models of Park Creations" he continued to explain.

"What about Chanwoo?" Bobby smiled remembering the younger and his cute chubby cheeks.

"Chanwoo is about to marry Hayi, they love each other very much. They are almost like children to us" Jinhwan said, pointing to some photographs placed on the shelves depicting all four together.

Bobby turned around and saw a row of photographs that included all of them except one person, one and only was missing: himself, so that was the precise and exact moment when he realized that Kim Jiwon was no longer part of their lives, he was like a ghost. 
"They're recent photographs, all of them" Jinhwan began to speak again, as he had noticed a sudden change in his expression, "that's why you're not there”.
"Sure" Bobby bit his lower lip and clenched his jaw, his heart squeezed in a deadly grip.

“Do you want to know how your sister is?” Jinhwan asked, but the other shook his head in denial.

“No, I know how she is. My little sister visited me every fifteen days when I was in prison, unlike you that you've never deigned to show yourself for five years. Not even once" Bobby told him, and there was so much anger and bitterness in those words full of grudge.

"Trust me, I'm so sorry about that, but at a certain point...I just couldn't do it anymore” Jinhwan apologized, but no such excuse could justify an absence lasting a good five years. Jinhwan did it to protect himself. 

"Can I tell the others that you're back? This news will make them happy" Jinhwan asked with a slight smile that took shape on his angelic face, he was also trying to change the subject of the conversation.

"No, I'm planning to leave South Korea very soon" the other shook his head, "I have to settle some affair, and then I'll leave".

"Are you leaving?" Jinhwan's voice trembled in the air, “where do you want to go?”.

"Yes" Bobby nodded in assent, "perhaps in the United States, maybe New York. I don't know, but I'm going to leave”.
"Here there's nothing left for me" he muttered almost talking to himself as he touched the photographs in which he didn't figure. 

"It's a way to punish me?" Jinhwan asked in a hushed whisper, "are you looking for a way to punish me?".

"There's nothing here for me!" Bobby exclaimed turned with a jerk, "you have forgotten me, all of you, even you!" he said, pointing the finger on him, on his chest, right where Jinhwan's heart was beating so fast.

"This is not true, and you know it!" Jinhwan argued.

"Do you remember the last time we met, before I was arrested?" Bobby asked, and the other could see the despair etched in his eyes.

Jinhwan nodded feebly: "You asked me to marry you".

"What would be your answer?" Bobby's heart was pounding in his chest.

“You know what would be my answer” the oldest said remembering the ring he had kept, but then it had to be replaced with that of Hanbin.

"I just want to hear you say it. Do I ask too much?" Bobby was praying him in some way, trying to suppress the urge he had to get closer, to wipe out that distance that separated them and simply kiss him. Even to steal that kiss, if it was necessary.

Jinhwan remained silent, then he told him the truth he has chosen to bury in his heart for five long years: "It would be a yes".

"You married Hanbin because you loved him or because you couldn't marry me?" Bobby had never felt so vulnerable.

"I married him because I loved him, and I still do" Jinhwan made it clear, he didn't want him to doubt the affection he felt toward his husband.

"No, you did marry him because I was no longer here with you. That's why, that's the only reason!" Bobby lost his patience.

"Life has been going on even if you weren't there!" Jinhwan shouted back, and in that moment he looked so much like an angry angel.

"And then I want to go on with mine" Bobby answered drily, "and I don't think you can be part of it" he added shortly, before leaving as he had arrived.

Bobby went to the old, abandoned little house hidden among the trees that stood on the banks of Han's river. He watched it from distance for a while: it had remained the same, it hadn't changed like everything and everyone else; it was so shabby, run down and dirty that it seemed about to collapse at any moment.

The cell phone rang, he picked up the call: "Hello?".

"Jiwon, it's me. It's Mino-hyung" he said, and Bobby became suspicious when he heard someone giggling on the other end of the phone.

"Who else is there with you?" Bobby asked.

“It's just Taehyun, my partner in crime” Mino explained, “but how are you, man?” he asked him uncertainly because he was afraid what it could be the answer.

“I