'N Sync - It's Gonna Be Me

A playlist, Seungwan believed, was a mirror to its own creator. She twiddled the cassette in her hand, wondering what kind of person Nam Taehyun was. Her knowledge about him was close to zero. He clearly loved music – that was something she perfectly knew about her classmate – but, what else? Was he the serious type or the goofy type? Did he love reading or prefer gaming? She bet he was not keen to do sport, though, his body was as skinny as a stick. So, who is Nam Taehhyun and why did he choose ‘Badass Motherer’ as his mixtape’s title?

“‘Badass Motherer’? Really?”

Seungwan shrugged, putting the cassette into the tape. “It is not mine. It’s my friend’s.”

“Is it a he or a she?” Seokjin toyed with her, she knew that. Her cousin was born two years before her. She always told him everything, from her day to her deepest secrets; from school to love life. His father was her mother’s older brother. Uncle Seokmin passed away when Seokjin was a freshmen in University, while his mother died of childbirth – he was supposed to have a little brother – ten years ago.

Seokjin was the only cousin she had from her mother’s side. They began to get close when Seungwan moved in to their grandma’s. He also knew about Nam Taehyun and how awkward their relationship was, though, she was still a bit reluctant to tell him about the owner of this Walkman. Her cousin would be freaking thrilled if he knew the owner of this Walkman. “By the way, is your car okay?”

“You mean ‘do I have to take the bus again tomorrow?’” Seokjin sat up. “Yes, you have to take the bus again. Maybe for a couple of weeks –”

“What happened?”

The thing about Seokjin was: even though Seungwan entrusted him with almost everything, her cousin did not. He rarely told her about his day or friends, that guy had always kept it to himself, which drove her crazy. Seokjin did not tell her a thing other than his car broke down and he couldn’t fetch her tonight. Now that she knew something was amiss, she demanded the truth.

“Well, I was on my way to campus. The thing is, I was super-duper late and you know how far our home is from campus, so I took the highway. The road is clear, I could count the cars with two hands for God’s sake. But then this ing Mini Cooper struck me from the back, I crushed into another car, and voila! My car is a wreck now.”

“Did you punch the owner of that Mini Cooper?”

Seokjin grinned that grin of his. “I did. In my head.”

At least he’s okay. She could not imagine what their grandma would feel if Seokjin got into a really bad accident. That kid had been placed under her wings for ten years; their grandma would be mourning day and night if something happened to Seokjin. He got some scratches here and there, Seungwan noticed, probably from the shattered windows. But other than that, Seokjin was still as flawless as she last saw him.

Seungwan had forgotten the cassette. She was not paying attention to the familiar tunes coming from the tape, thanks to Seokjin and his tragic story. Being Taehyun’s classmate for two years, the girl had some imaginations of what kind of personality he might have. In her mind, Taehyun was this rebellious musician with eccentric sense of music. He would go to gigs where indie bands performed, maybe bought some of their vinyl just because, and had Thom Yorke as his role model. The fact that he chose an ancient Walkman over the latest iPod generation almost made her believed that he was the kind of guy she had imagined –

 “Every little thing I do never seems enough for you – wait, is this N Sync? He listens to N Sync?”

“It’s not a he, okay?”

Seokjin scoffed. “Of course it is! It’s Taehyun’s.”

The next day Seungwan told herself that she should give this Walkman back to Taehyun, face to face. She actually planned to give it back through Seungyoon, but then that was not polite – well, according to her life rules. After all, it was an opportunity to get to know the boy better. By September, their chance of getting closer would be small with all the preparations for college entrance and final exams.

She found herself strange for getting so worked up on this. Seungwan could just let this go, accepting the fact that they might not meant to be close, like she always did before. But here she was, staring at her reflection in the mirror as she formulated her speech to Taehyun. Her cousin once asked her if she liked ‘that Tae-tae boy’ seeing how ardent her curiosity was when it came to him. It could have been an easy question; she could have told him flat-out no, but truth be told, she did have a crush on Taehyun.

How did it come to this? She didn’t know either. Curiosity killed her in the most bittersweet kind of way, she believed. The opening ceremony of their school festival would start in an hour. Seungwan hoped the school festival would be better than last year. She hoped she wouldn’t blow her only chance too.

***

He would just ask Jun Yeol ahjussi on Monday.

The bus driver must have saved his Walkman for him. That ahjussi knew how precious the Walkman was to him. It never occurred to Taehyun that he would leave his most valuable thing anywhere. Taehyun had always been a careful lad, he rarely lost his stuff because he was always careful but now, he just left his baby in a public transportation, which made him mad.

When he got home last night, his mood went down the hill, and his poor sister had to be his punching bag – not literally, of course – for the night. “Are you crazy? Stop fussing and please take a shower. You stink.” Well, he could careless.

That Walkman was worth a huge space in his mind. It had loyally served him for eight years. Eight years of togetherness that could not be compared to any other relationship. His sister and bandmates found him weird for treating that-ty-Walkman-of-his as if it was a living thing. He always justified this habit as an act out of love towards his stuff. Or maybe his love towards figurative language and the world of poetry.

Nevertheless, he loved that Walkman and he wanted it back. Safe and sound.

“Do you want me to drive you home too?”

His older sister, Nam Yeonju was four years older than him. She dropped out of university to pursue her modelling career, leaving once-her-mediocrity life for the glittering life she lived in now. Their parents, just like any other, were opposed to her decision. They were not against her career, though; their parents were pretty supportive of her dreams, Taehyun reckoned. Her dropping out of school was the problem.

Yeonju was only nineteen when a famous New York model management found her. He knew how influential that management was, Taehyun wouldn’t blame her sister for being tempted. It might be her one and only chance to become a supermodel, so why the hell not? But coming from a modest background, he understood why their parents did what they did.

“I don’t care if you want to be a doctor, an artist, or anything; I will support both of you and I want you to know that. But never – I repeat – never… abandon your school.” Their father once said, and he agreed. What she did was reckless and stupid, but she’s still his sister; loving her was something he couldn’t resist.

Taehyun unbuckled his seatbelt. “No, Seungyoon brings his motorcycle. He’ll drive me home.”

“Ah, why? I rarely come home but you don’t want to spend your time with your noona –”

“It’s not that. I want you to catch up with mom and dad, you are sorely missed, you know…”

“But Taehyun-ie –”

“Bye, sist!”

People were already swarming the school yard when Taehyun arrived. He scrambled through the crowd, uttering numerous ‘sorry’ along the way. The scorching sun made his journey to the backstage felt uncomfortable, he thanked himself for bringing extra t-shirt today. The decoration of the school festival this year was a lot better than last year’s, he noticed. Lanterns were lining from each standee to another; everything was red and orange, a tribute to the Fall season; and there was an actual stage in their schoolyard, which was new.

For the past three years, Taehyun and his band had to perform in the school auditorium. It was quite alright though he and his bandmates found the atmosphere was too formal when they performed there. He would kiss the life out of Jinyoung for bringing a stage to the schoolyard this year. When he finally came to the backstage, Seungyoon, who was standing with a girl by his side motioned him to come quick.

Clad in white t-shirt and jeans, the girl turned around and showed the white, familiar box to him. My Walkman.

“Hey, Seungwan said you left your Walkman on the bus last night,” Seungyoon said, eyes filled with mischief.

Son Seungwan looked at him expectantly as she pushed his Walkman into his direction, “The bus driver told me to keep it and give it to you myself.”

“Ah, thanks –”

“You know, your mixtape... I... kind of loved it.” She scratched her neck, blushing furiously as she walked backwards.

Taehyun murmured another 'thanks' and sighed. She thought he loved boy bands.

***

“I know this sounds crazy but you have to know that the mixtape is not mine, it’s my sister’s. She switched my cassette with her old one, and I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m so stupid for not noticing it; you find me weird too for explaining this to you – I also find myself weird, so it’s okay, really. But I feel like I should explain this to you? I don’t know why, I just have to, and thank God you’re taking the bus today.”

Seungwan was shocked. Or maybe ‘shock’ was an understatement. She was about to get into the bus when Taehyun called her out and offered her a seat next to him, which was extraordinaire. Once she sat, Taehyun started to explain the ‘Badass Motherer’ and now her mind went blank. What am I supposed to say? It was her first time hearing Taehyun talk so fast and that long. She was not sure what reaction he would want to see out of her. The fact that he misinterpreted her words last Saturday made this situation a little bit awkward. What did he want to hear from her?

“Do you... you know... like to make mixtapes?” She blurted.

Taehyun crossed his arms, “yeah… Why?”

“Can you, uh, lend me one?”

She honestly didn't know what she just said but she was sure her words just made him rise his eyebrows; probably wondering why in the world she was suddenly interested with his mixtape.

The boy took a cassette out of his Walkman, pushing it to her. “I just made this last week, you should listen – the songs are freaking sick.”

It took her a few seconds to register that Nam Taehyun, the object of her curiosity, was lending her a mixtape. His very own mixtape. 

A/N: I know you want to kill me for this super late update when I said I would update this once a week but hey I have legit reasons:

1. My wifi died for almost two weeks

2. University 

I won't promise anything again, knowing how busy I am with school and stuff, and I hope you understand kkkk. And thank you so much for the upvotes and comments, I really appreciate it! If you're wondering who is Yeonju, she is the girl from SNL Korea and she looks a lot like Taehyun imo.