Himchan was going to take a vow of silence. A new comeback, a new Himchan and that new Himchan would be a silent one.

Forever.

Okay, it wasn’t the best plan he’d ever thought of; mostly because he’d only managed to put it into action for 30 seconds earlier before he felt he had to tell Daehyun that if he was a star the industry would be richer than it is now because people would be paying so much to never ever have to see his ugly face in again (there was a context to this, he didn’t really care to remember what it was though. What was important was that he insulted Daehyun.)

They hadn’t even technically comeback yet, the teaser images having only just been released for ‘Carnival’.

“They always choose the ones with Himchan and Yongguk holding hands or with their arms around each other or something,” Jongup had commented when they first saw the final photos.

“What do you mean choose? Every photo we took, those two were holding hands or some other stupid like that,” Youngjae retorted, rolling his eyes.

“Um, you might have forgotten but both Himchan and I are right here,” Yongguk spoke up, raising an eyebrow at Youngjae.

“Yeah Youngjae, don’t be so rude,” Daehyun chastised, “leave them alone, we all know Himchan is just trying to get in Yongguk’s shirt, cut the poor guy some slack.”

“I’m going to cut you until you go slack permanently if you don’t shut the up,” Himchan threatened but Daehyun just smirked, unperturbed.

That damn interview.

Just thinking about it made him want to slap himself again. Was he born without a filter between his brain and mouth? Sure, he’d always been a bit of a loud mouth but this was ridiculous. Maybe he should get a literal filter put in. Like a coffee filter. Just inserted under his brain.

“Hey? Himchan?” A hand waved in front of his face, bringing him back from his thoughts and into the studio. Yongguk was giving him a concerned look from his spot beside him, arm still stretched out in front of him to try and get his attention.

“Sorry what?”

“I asked you a question 5 times, are you okay? What were you thinking so hard about?”

Himchan shrugged, “coffee filters. Anyway, what was your question?”

“I, uh I was just asking you if anything is up. You seem kind of… distant lately.”

Great. He was being weird enough that even the incredibly dense (when it came to emotions at least) Yongguk had noticed. Well, he should notice. It was his fault for giving such a boy answer honestly. Jesus, what kind of stupid band was he in any way?!

“Why are you such a boy?”

“What?!”

Himchan resisted the urge to slap himself across the face (again), instead rising from his seat, waving his hand dismissively.

“Nothing. I’m going to go make some dinner.”

He was definitely getting a filter put in his brain.

Okay, so, full disclosure, maybe Himchan had had a little thing for Yongguk for like…years now. But it was tiny, to the point of insignificance. It just meant he sometimes said stupid stuff he shouldn’t. But once he fixed that little hiccup it was seriously not an issue at all.

“Hyung, I think the rice is burning.” Jongup broke Himchan from his thoughts. Himchan cursed under his breath, quickly turning off the gas and assessing the damage.

“Um hyung?”

Himchan looked up, surprised to find Jongup looking kind of nervous.

“What’s up? Did you want food? It’s not all burnt, I can salvage enough for both of u-“

“No no not that. It’s about Valentine’s day.”

Himchan was startled by that response, only staring at Jongup for a moment before slowly prompting the boy to continue; “what about it?”

Jongup took a deep breath, “well, I was just thinking that maybe, on Valentine’s da-“

“Wait,” Himchan interrupted, suddenly realising where this was going, “Jonguppie, you know you’re my favourite but I don’t really think of you like that. I’m really fl-“

“Huh? Think of me like what? I was going to say you should ask Yongguk hyung out.”

Himchan froze, only managing an “oh.”

“wait, am I actually your favourite?” Himchan tried not to let show how relieved he was that Jongup changed the subject.

“Of course you’re my favourite Jonguppie!” He exclaimed, ruffling the other male’s hair.

“You shouldn’t pick favourites hyung,” Daehyun scolded as he came into the kitchen.

“You’re my least favourite,” Himchan retorted, glaring at the other man.

“Still a favourite,” Daehyun smirked. Himchan just continued to glare.

“Do you remember that time when you nearly pushed me off stage whilst we were performing ‘Crash’?” Yongguk asked out of nowhere. Himchan hadn’t even noticed him remove his headphones.

Himchan raised his eyebrows at the other man, “yeah? Why are you bringing this up?”

“I don’t know. You were so annoyed that day, I still don’t know what I did.”

 Himchan remembered that incident very well; he hadn’t been trying to push Yongguk off stage but he had almost managed it in his annoyance. It had been that day that Himchan had realised he felt a little more for Yongguk than he should. Which wasn’t Yongguk’s fault but also at the same time was all Yongguk’s fault and he’d been so annoyed about it that… he’d almost killed them man. Which would’ve been a slightly bigger issue, he had to admit.

“You were just being you.”

Himchan didn’t realise how mean that sounded until he saw the mix of hurt and confusion on Yongguk’s face.

“No. Wait, I don’t mean that- aish never mind. I can’t explain it right. You did nothing wrong, I’m sorry for nearly killing you all those years ago.”

“Hyung,” Junhong said, “can I talk to you about something?”
Himchan looked up at the younger boy in surprise, “haven’t we discussed that for all intents and purposes I am basically your mum?”

“You have to be the world’s deepest voiced mother ever. Plus, I’m an adult now, it seems like a weird way to look at things.”

“Just because you’ve got abs now doesn’t mean you’re an adult,” Himchan thought about it, “although it does seem weird you considering me as a mum when you’ve got abs like that…”

“Anyway, hyung, I just wanted to say that I think maybe it’s time you told the truth.”

“About what?”

Junhong paused, eyeing Himchan carefully before finally answering.

“About Yongguk hyung.”

“Wait, what about Yongguk? Have the other guys been saying weird stuff again because he’s not on drugs he just doesn’t sle-“

“No not that. About how you feel about Yongguk hyung.”

Himchan stared at him for a moment then sighed, “I make one stupid comment and suddenly you all think I should ask Yongguk out; it’s not like that Junhong. I just said something stupid.”

Junhong gave him a pointed look and then sighed, “if you think it’s best to tell yourself that, then I guess there’s not much I can do.”

“Hey! You’re not a cute kid anymore but don’t you start acting all high and mighty! I’m still your Hyung!” he yelled at the tall man’s retreating back.

Next thing Himchan knew, it was February 14^th, also known as Valentine’s Day.

Himchan had decided; his aim for Valentine’s day was to avoid Yongguk at all costs. Also to keep an eye on Jongup and Daehyun because he was pretty sure there was something suspicious going on there and considering that Daehyun hadn’t even asked him if it was okay he was not just going to let it go.  Jongup is too precious for this.

“hey, Hyung, we’re all going out, we’ll be back later.” Junhong announced as he put on his shoes with Jongup, Daehyun and Youngjae.

“Wait, what? Why? Why am I not invited?”

“Ummm…”

“Because you’ll kill our vibe, we’ll see you later,” Youngjae retorted, ignoring Himchan gving him daggers with his eyes and leaving with the other 3 close behind him.

“Wait- JONGUP DON’T LET DAEHYUN GET YOU ALONE!”

“YOU’RE NOT HIS ACTUAL MOTHER HYUNG” Himchan heard Daehyun yell through the door.

Himchan was muttering about how disrespectful they’d all gotten when it dawned on him; only 4 of them had left to go out.

Himchan swore under his breath; damn kids, they’d plotted this.

Well, he wasn’t just going to sit here and wait for Yongguk to appear and for him to inevitably say something he’d regret. No. He was going to run the away.

He only got as far as the doorway though before Yongguk immerged from his room, nearly running into Himchan in his half asleep state.

He was wearing clothes (small mercies), but it just boxers and a t-shirt. His hair was sticking up at odd angles and his eyes were still half closed, blinking sleepily. Himchan wanted to punch himself in the throat; why did he have to be like this.

“Oh, Himchan, what’s up with the other kids? They came in and said something about going out or something but I wasn’t really awake so I didn’t really understand.” Yongguk’s voice was also gravelly and slow from sleep and Himchan found himself having to work even harder to resist the urge to punch himself in the throat.

When he made no move to talk, Yongguk gave him a perplexed look, “Himchan? Are you okay?”

And then Himchan did something infinitely worse than punching himself in the throat; he spoke.

“NO I’M NOT FINE HOW CAN I BE FINE WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS LIKE THIS LOOK AT YOU I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT ANYMORE!”

Yongguk looked very awake now and very shocked.

“I… What did I do?”

.

“Nothing. Nothing, I’m sorry, it’s nothing. I’m just going to go out for a bi-“ Himchan started to turn towards the door but Yongguk grabbed his arm.

“No, wait Himchan, I need you to tell me what’s wrong.”

“There’s nothing wrong.” Himchan gritted out, speaking through his teeth.

Yongguk sighed, “Himchan, we haven’t had a normal conversation in almost a month. Unless it’s about work, you barely say anything to me and you only spend time with me when you absolutely have to. I just want to know what I did wrong.”

Don’t speak Kim Himchan, we know what happens when you speak. No filter. You have no filter. And because of that look where you are now. You should’ve just put that coffee filter in your brain, it’s about the smartest idea you’ve had in the last week at least. Well too late now, just say silent and wait for him to give up.

Yongguk seemed to sense Himchan wasn’t going to say anything else and he sighed again, “I’m no good with this stuff Himchan, you know that. All you’ve said is that you’re annoyed by my existence, possibly because I’m a boy? But I don’t even really get what that means so I don-“

“It’s not that.” Himchan sighed, finally turning to face the leader. “It’s not you. It’s my own issue, so let’s just drop it okay.”

“Is it because of that interview? I’m not bothered by it; you don’t need to worry.”

Himchan groaned, “that’s great, honestly, I’m so glad you’re still thinking about that. Let’s not bother to remember things I say; I say stupid things okay. I have no ability to think before I speak and honestly it’s a wonder I have managed to not tell you that I like you because I’ve said just about everything else. So let’s just forget everything and move on and pretend it’s fine.”

There was silence for a minute and Himchan thought maybe Yongguk was really going to do as he’d said.

Then, Yongguk asked, “wait, what do you mean you like me?” and Himchan realised his mistake.

Double .

“Remember that bit where I said ‘let’s forget everything I say’?”

Yongguk gave him a disapproving look and Himchan sighed, “okay fine! Yeah I said I like you! What about it?!”

“As in, you like me as a friend or a leader or do you mean more like you like me as.. uh…”

Himchan groaned, “this is so ing awkward and you’re just making it like a thousand times worse by being so dumb and awkward yourself oh my god! I like you like I want to kiss you and stuff but like I also want to spend every waking moment with you and cuddle you and wake up with you and like do everything with you but not just because we’re in a band together, like I want to be with you because it’s you and not because I have to be and I want you to feel the same way and oh my god am I still talking please punch me or something so I shut up jesu-“

He didn’t punch him (probably for the best, they had a comeback soon, it would be bad if he started it with a broken nose) and he didn’t even just run away, as Himchan had pretty much expected him to do. No, Bang Yongguk pulled him forward by the arm he was still holding, and pressed his big plush lips against Himchan’s.

When Yongguk pulled back, Himchan stared at him in shock.

“You punched me didn’t you. I’m unconscious right now. That’s what’s happening isn’t it.”

“What?! Why would I punch you?!”

“Why would you kiss me?!”

“I thought you said you wanted that?!”

“I did! I do! But like I didn’t think you would!”

“Why wouldn’t I?!”

“Because that’s not what people do when someone’s just confessed unless they like reciprocate!”

Yongguk gave Himchan a confused look, “but I do reciprocate?”

Himchan gaped at him, “I’m sorry, what?!”

“What you just said, all the things you described, I want that too.”

Himchan opened and closed his mouth a few times, “you know, from anyone else I wouldn’t question it because I am gorgeous, but from you I’m concerned.”

“And you say I’m dumb,” Yongguk rolled his eyes, “wait here a minute.”

Himchan stood there whilst Yongguk disappeared back into his room. He reappeared a minute later with a rose in one hand and the other behind his back.

“Daehyun gave this to me yesterday and told me to give it to you,” he said, handing the rose over.

Himchan laughed, “wow, so romantic Yongguk.”

“Hey, I figured you wouldn’t believe I bought it so I thought I’d be honest,” he defended himself. “And anyway, I had bought this for you.”

His brought his other hand out from behind his back to show Himchan the bottle of wine in it.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Himchan couldn’t help but cringe a little, “Valentine’s Day doesn’t suit you Yongguk but damn do you know me well.” He smiled, leaning in to lightly peck him on the lips, “Happy Valentine’s Day to you too.”

“…so we got lunch there,” Junhong was dutifully recounting the day’s events for Himchan, who had demanded a full run down. “Then Daehyun and Jongup went to the movies-“

“wait,” Himchan interrupted, “as in alone?!” Across the room, Daehyun slid down the couch in an apparent bid to hide himself. What bothered Himchan more, though, was the slight blush that found its way to Jongup’s face.

“Jung Daehyun I will kill you!” Himchan declared, lunging for the vocal who quickly took shelter behind Junhong.

Junhong glared at the leader, who shook his head, “this isn’t my fight, I’m not that dumb.”

“Could’ve fooled me, you did agree to date that,” Youngjae retorted, gesturing to the visual who was still trying to attack Daehyun.

Yongguk shrugged, “smarter than dating Jongup.”

At that Himchan whirled around, “that’s all you’ve got to say?”

“You wanted to get in my shirt and I’m already used to hauling your drunk around anyway, so it seemed a good deal?”

Himchan glared and Yongguk laughed but came over and enveloped him in a hug. Himchan buried his face in his shoulder, trying to still seem annoyed, “you’re the worst.”

Yongguk laughed again, “I know.”

I don't know about this I don't know if I hate it or not I'm really not sure but I can't keep editing it so here it is.

I'm hoping it is okay (talk it up Ellen jesus)

Anyway, thank you for reading!

I love you! <3