yoongi doesn't believe in the kindness of people. call it self-preservation, cynicism, or fear, he is of the "every one of their own" mindset. friends of his (the few that he has had since high-school and cherishes dearly, it's a secret though, they can't know how much he actually cares) make fun of that paranoid character of his (they like to play psychologists with a doctorate on the complex subject that is min yoongi, especially namjoon, that boy just loves using long, impressive words to explain yoongi's character to him, as if the older man doesn't already know what he is), often joke about their hyung growing old in the sole company of his cats (he has three so far, all rescued from various ditches around seoul, yoongi loves them, they don't judge him and allow him to feed them and occasionally pet their now healthily glowing fur). and yoongi may laugh along with them, take part in the running joke they've made of himself, and he tries to hide a grimace of discomfort, to ignore the tight grip just below his lungs, a grip that threatens to turn into a burn and crawl up his throat, then spill from his eyes in an unstoppable flow if he makes the mistake to feel offended.

yes, min yoongi doesn't like people, he's suspicious of their motives, their perfectly placed smiles, their gentle ice cold words. he would rather stay home and eat instant ramyun with namjoon (that's his ideal scenario of a fun night) instead of having to socialize with strangers for the sake of avoiding being labeled ~anti-social~. but even though he likes being alone, min yoongi doesn't fancy being lonely. he wishes he were... different; more open to new experiences, warmer, less hostile (or defensive, as he prefers to call it). he sometimes wishes he had led a different life (one with a stable family, where he would have grown up besides loving people, people who wouldn't have turned their backs on him when he needed them the most), but then he thinks that in a different life perhaps he would have never met the few friends that he has now (despite their faults, namjoon, taehyung and jungkook are the only people he trusts).

on the good days, yoongi is more or less chill to be around, fun even. he can hold a conversation and make fun of namjoon's questionable fashion choices, even write lyrics that are not about depressing issues (as taehyung calls reality). but there are the bad days too, the days yoongi doesn't want to leave the house, when the selfish part of him spawns scary thoughts. on the bad days yoongi curses the world, curses the circumstances that led him to question twice and thrice the sincerity of people (taehyung believes that his hyung brought it all to himself, and that he can transform his life into something better if only he finds the guts to attempt it) (but not everyone wears the same brand of rose-tinted glasses as taehyung). on the bad days, all yoongi wants (and is physically able) to do is drink his coffee black (it takes too much strength to go to the fridge and fetch the milk) and lay on his couch buried under his cats (if they allow it) and his impossibly soft woolen quilt (if the weather is cold enough).

when his mood levels swing to the lowest pit of borderline despair one early november day, yoongi feels like screaming: he opens one of the kitchen cupboards (more like pulls it with such force that the door bounces off the cupboard next to it and hits him on the head; yoongi does scream then) and scans the insides for the instant coffee jar. it´s nowhere to be seen though, and it's only after a few minutes of descriptive language being yelled at the empty corner of the self (it is specifically destined for the coffee jar) for the young man to recall that he let jungkook have it because the boy was a freshman in university and was freaking out so much over his first midterms and projects due that caffeine was his only salvation (that, plus both him and yoongi were too lazy to go buy a new can). yoongi is such a caring hyung, really. so caring that he´s gonna force the kid to buy him instant coffee, the fancy flavoured kind, not the one that comes in those cheap 1+1 packages, oh hell nah.

with a final kick to the bottom row of cupboards (because nothing calms you more than a throbbing big toe), yoongi grabs a random jacket from the rack beside the door and off the apartment he is in under one minute, dragging his miserable existence to the outside world (eww). he walks with his head lowered, hoodie thrown over his eyes so that he only sees the legs and shoes of the other pedestrians. he doesn't feel like making eye-contact with any living creature that is not one of his cats, so he walks straight ahead, quietly mumbling random lyrics under his breath in an attempt to keep his anxiety under control (namjoon would have given advice, probably something among the lines of we are all insignificant in the grant scheme of the universe and therefore we should appreciate the microcosmos each one of us possess, but screw him and his pseudo-philosophic 1$ self-help 101 books bull, what does he know anyway, he's not the one with zero social life and three adopted cats, what the hell...).

his feet carry him to a small corner coffee shop while yoongi is lost in his mental voodoo-stabbing of namjoon. the air outside the shop is rich with the scent of freshly ground and filtered coffee (and... is that vanilla cupcakes?), yoongi's life elixir (if he were voldemort, his philosopher's stone would have produced americano instead of the actual potion, taehyung had reasoned one day, poor kid had binge-read all seven books in two days after news about the play sequel of harry potter and new movies were announced, no sleeping, no eating, only two bathroom breaks per day allowed) (yoongi had told him to seek help but taehyung's response was a very inhuman screech before he ran off to watch all ten seasons of supernatural in five days instead). he pushed the door open and hesitantly got in (new environments were a great challenge for yoongi), breathing deeply the beautiful smell. yoongi stood queuing, quickly deciding on a grande coffee mocha (extra espresso shot and chocolate flakes on top of the whipped cream, yes please). the barista offers him an understanding little smile and scribbles everything on the styrofoam cup. "rough day?" he says, yoongi only offering an awkward laugh instead of a verbal answer, his arms immediately crossing over his chest defensively. he's positive he looks like some sort of an artist who has just survived a manic episode (damn namjoon and his romanticized beliefs about artistic inspiration, yoongi has been brainwashed).

he tries to make himself invisible while the machines work to ground coffee and beat the milk to the perfect degree of frothiness, cold fingers digging in his pockets for money. and that's when yoongi realises he left the house without taking his wallet. there's not even loose change to be found in the deepest corners of the jacket. "oh no..." he mutters, panic quickly swelling in his chest, cold sweat breaking on his back. he can feel the eyes of every person in the shop staring at him, silently judging the hell out of him. making a fool out of himself was certainly not high on his wish-list that particular day (or ever, to be honest) yet he had somehow managed to get himself into the most humiliating situation ever (later jungkook would roll his eyes and call him out for always exaggerating, that brat). nevertheless, yoongi was ready for a vortex to open up and him into another dimension right about now.

"um, excuse me, hey..." he tries to attract the barista's attention (his name tag reads "jimin") in the least attention-attracting way possible, hoping that his whisper reached the guy's ears and only his. fortunately, the odds were in his favour that day, and jimin turns to face him, his bright smile and droopy eyes expectant as he waits for the customer to speak. yoongi feels blood rushing to his face as he fumbles with words. "is it possible to, ugh, cancel my order? I don´t... have enough money." he might as well have been violently pushed onto a TED talk stage to deliver a speech on quantum physics. yoongi was an audio engineer, and the only electives outside his faculty he took were a couple of psychology and computer sciences courses, he has no connection to physics whatsoever, oh god-

yoongi snaps out of his desperate, irrelevant thoughts as he realises that he hasn't been kicked out yet. he was expecting the guy to refuse to change the order, even throw him out himself, not even bothering calling the security (he seems shorter than yoongi but those muscles of his peeking underneath his t-shirt look like no joke. at. all). but, surprisingly, quite the contrary, unexpectantly, jimin's expression shifts into one of worry and he then shakes his head (his dark brown hair sways in a way that yoongi finds captivating).

"that won't be an issue, sir. you are our 100th customer today, your drink is on the house!" he finally says triumphantly, his cheeks pink, and it's such an obvious lie that yoongi feels bad protesting against it. he mumbles multiple thank-you's, nervously pulling at a thread on his sweatshirt, too embarrassed to meet other man's eyes (embarrassed and extremely confused because he cannot comprehend what just took place, if it was an act of genuine kindness or if he looked that pathetic that the guy simply pitied him). the steaming cup is placed before him with a soft "careful, it's hot" and another warm smile that looks real. there's something about it that yoongi cannot explain, something special, a unique glint in jimin's eyes that yoongi hasn't seen on a stranger for a long time. he finds himself believing in that smile; for once, he allows himself to accept a person's kindness as it is, trust their intentions. what happens next leaves him even more confused (the good kind): he smiles back (albeit hesitantly, but hey, baby steps). the protective sleeve around the cup has 100!!! :D scribbled on it (yoongi keeps it pinned on his fridge with a magnet, and only smirks cryptically when namjoon asks about it). "have a good afternoon," says jimin and yoongi thinks that it'll be good indeed.

yoongi may dislike people and have trust issues, but maybe (just maybe, don't put too much pressure on him, he hisses, scratches and bites) there is hope that not everyone is out to get him.

one of my favourite headcanons is yoongi having cats. he loves them and they love him. barista!jimin follows, then pop culture geek!taehyung

i'm still bangtan trash