Like every other morning, I got ready for school and left just 10 minutes before the bell would ring. It was an 8-minute walk from my dorm to my college, so it was actually doable. Just two minutes to get to class. It's not like it's the first time I have done this, so I was very sure this was realistic. 

On my way to school, I always reminisce old times. It's such a bad habit, because I know I'm basically living in the past by continuously thinking of the past. I'll slowly try to stop it, but it's still difficult. 

Just a few moments into thinking and I was already in front of my college. I went in through the spinning doors and made my way to the second floor, where I had my Financial Management class. It sounds horrible, but it's actually one of my favourite classes. The teacher is super nice and she explains everything in a way that makes it all sound easy (at least to me). I used to be really bad with numbers, so including math, but this teacher somehow found a way to make numbers look easy. Some may argue with me, but it is definitely one of my favourite classes I ever enrolled in. 

I entered the classroom just mere seconds before the bell rang. I greeted the teacher and scanned the class room to look for my friends. I saw two idiots waving at me, so I spotted them easily. I laughed and made my way towards them. They kept a free seat between them for me. I took my jacket off and sat down, smiling at the two idiots whom were my best friends. Timothy (or as I like to call him; Timmy) and Yasmine (or as I like to call her; MINE. I'm joking, I just call her Yas or Yasmine). I met them at college and it clicked instantly. The three of us are actually so different from each other, but we somehow matched. We can make each other laugh like no other and we can cry together. I know I always have their shoulder to cry on and they can always have my shoulder to cry on. It's only been about seven months of knowing each other, but I already know this is gonna be a long-term friendship. 

~

Class ended and lunch started. I was so relieved and hungry. Tim, Yasmine and I went to the cafetaria and looked for our usual spot. Our cafetaria is huge and after every few steps, there are stairs with just a few steps that leads to a part that is just slightly elevated from the previous floor. It goes on like this for about 5 "elevations", which is why there's always a seat somewhere. We always go all the way to the back, where there's barely anyone. 

"Okay, what did you guys make this time?" Timothy asked, referring to the bento boxes we were placing on the table. It's a daily thing where we prepare bento boxes for the three of us. Yasmine prepares two and I prepare two. The bento boxes are slightly bigger, because we all eat a hell of a lot. It takes up some time, but it saves money. We could also go and buy food from the cafetaria and save time, but that would just be wasted money. I'd rather spent an hour or so cooking a bento box for the three of us, instead of wasting a minimum of four dollars in the cafetaria every single day. 

"I cooked some rice, made an egg and salmon salad, some chicken terriyaki and some vegetables," Yasmine said. She opened the boxes one by one and it looked so good, I almost started drooling. "What about you, Ariel?" Yasmine asked, smiling.

"Well, Yasmine, and Timmy, I cooked some rice, made tamagoyaki, beef terriyaki and some vegetables as well," I said, opening my bento boxes too, "I also brought miso soup for every one of us." I took the thermos out of my bag and placed it in front of us. Timothy clapped his hands together and smiled, "I'm so glad you guys are my friends." 

"Shut it, Tim," Yasmine said, shaking her head. I laughed and handed Tim some chopsticks. He thanked me and started eating before any of us did. Yasmine and I exchanged looks and laughed, starting to eat too. I have to say, it is pretty good. Probably much better than cafetaria food too (and cheaper!). 

Not even 10 minutes later and all the food was gone, including the miso soup. Our tummies were filled and we cleaned up the table again. We had a 2-hour break, so we decided to do some schoolwork. The deadline for a very important project was coming up soon, so we had to prepare a lot. Luckily, the three of us were placed in the same group. All the teachers know about our teamwork. Every single time we work together for a project, the grade turns out to be excellent. Of course teachers encourage this, so they place us in the same group. I'm really glad they do, because there are no other people I could hang out with for longer than 2 hours. 

A few minutes in and I started getting distracted by a group of guys sitting at the table behind Yasmine. Yasmine was sitting opposite of me, so I could see the guys very clearly. At first, I checked for cute guys (of course). All of them seemed to be pretty good-looking. I was just drifting away into imagination land, until someone struck my attention. We had eye-contact for like five seconds, until I looked away and put my focus on my laptop again. I was panicking inside, and it seemed like Tim and Yasmine noticed. Instead of talking, they went ahead and started messaging in our skype groupchat. The three of us made eye contact and started intensively typing. 

Skype conversation

Yasmine: Ariel, what's up?? I can see the panic in your eyes
Tim: Yeah, same here.. what's up? Did you see a ghost? 
Ariel: You guys know the guy I broke up with after senior year, right? 
Tim: Yes ofc
Ariel: Fun fact: He's sitting at the table behind Yasmine.... *SIGHS*
Yasmine: You serious? What the hell? Did you know he was attending the same school???
Tim: Do I need to someone up
Ariel: No no, I didn't know.. and definitely no to your question Timmy, you're not even capable of ing someone up 

I looked away from my screen and Tim was looking at me with a death glare. After ten seconds of looking at his "death glare", Yasmine and I burst out laughing. It was the cutest thing ever, since he never gets mad. I've only seen him mad once, when someone made fun of Yasmine when she was doing a presentation in front of the class. It looked like there was a hidden satan in Tim that suddenly came out. It was so scary, but my heart melted when I realized he did it for Yasmine. I know the two have something going on, but they both don't want to admit it. There's something in the look of their eyes when they have eye contact and it's so obvious for me, but probably so not obvious for other people. 

When I looked at the table behind Yasmine again, my ex was looking again. He slowly raised his hand and waved, but I just quickly looked away once again. I don't feel like facing him after all these months. The reason for that? I am most likely still not over him. It's not like I was depressed for the past few months, but more like I couldn't stop thinking of him and our relationship. Our relationship was honestly really good, but Summer break happened and he went out partying a lot and kind of neglected me for a whole month. After that month he suddenly texted me again and he gave me an explanation for his "absence", which was "I hadn't had any alone-time with my friends ever since getting with you, so we spent a whole month hanging out". I was having none of it, so I broke it off. I mean, how are you gonna ignore your girlfriend for a whole month? I wasn't spamming him with texts either. I occasionally send him a message, maybe once a week? But he never responded, so I broke it off. If you're busy, at least tell me so I can take that into consideration, instead of ignoring me for a whole month while going out to party. If you're in a relationship, you should commit to that relationship and you have to realize that a relationship takes up a lot of time and effort. It's not just a one-sided thing. The time and effort has to come from both sides, and if it doesn't, it's not a relationship. 

"I'm going to the bathroom for a bit," I said, getting up from my seat.

Yasmine and Tim nodded, "Take care, okay? You don't want me to go with you or something?" Yasmine asked. I shook my head and gave her a small smile. I just needed a little bit of space to breathe and relax, and the only place for that is the bathroom. A college is hectic and there are people everywhere, except for the bathrooms, because who wants to hang out in the bathroom during lunch break? Well, no one. It's not like our bathrooms are dirty, they are actually really clean. It's just not a place to spend lunch break in.

Tim put his hand up for a high-five, so I gave him one before leaving to the bathroom. I quickly walked past the table where my ex was and went down all the stairs to get to the bathroom. The cafetaria was slowly emptying, because people needed to go to their classes. My class, on the other hand, had a two-hour break, so we didn't have classes for another 1,5 hours. 

I arrived to the bathroom safely and went inside. I checked if any of the stalls were occupied, but none of them were so I let out a breath of relief. I looked at myself in the mirror and breathed in and out, trying to calm myself down. I washed my hands, splashed a bit of water on my face and dried it off with some paper towels. I looked at myself again and felt much calmer. 

"It's all good, Ariel. You're okay and this is nothing you have to worry about," I softly said to myself. It was weird, talking to myself, but there weren't any people here, so I didn't care. 

I took one last big breath and closed my eyes for a few seconds. After that, I opened the door and exited the bathroom. I turned the corner and accidentally bumped into someone. I fell to the ground and landed on my . How embarrassing...

"Ouch.." I softly mumbled, not wanting to make the person feel bad. It's not their fault either, because none of us were expecting another person around the corner. 

"I'm so sorry," the guy said. He extended his hand and helped me up. Once I was standing on my feet again, I saw who it was. My heart accelerated out of my chest and I wanted to run back to the bathroom. However, I couldn't, because it would show that something was bothering me. 

"Ariel.." He softly said. 

"Jungkook.. Sorry for bumping into you," I replied. I was trying to get past him, but he didn't seem to want to move, "Can I please pass you.." He was silent. I assumed his silence was a 'yes', so I stepped aside and was going for another step forward, when Jungkook suddenly took a step to the side to block me. I looked at him with a frown and took another step to the side. Unfortunately, he followed. I sighed and accepted defeat. "What do you want, Jungkook," I said (for the people that don't know, Jungkook is the ex who I saw in the cafetaria, just mere minutes ago).

"Can we talk for a bit? Somewhere else?" Jungkook asked. My whole body felt like trembling. I didn't know how to respond. I honestly didn't want to, because it made me really nervous, but on the other side I did want to talk, so I could hear what he had to say. I eventually went for the latter and accepted his suggestion. We exited the school building and walked around the school. I barely said a word and let him do all the talking.

"So... you probably already know what I want to talk about," he carefully said. I just nodded and continued walking and listening at the same time. "I first want to apologize again. I'm really sorry for what I did. We graduated and I felt like there was a need to celebrate it, so I booked a ticket to Ibiza with my friends. Turns out my mom got really sick, so we cancelled it all. I spend the majority of my time in the hospital, to keep my mom company. I didn't want to tell you, because I felt like I would bother you. In that time I spent with my mom, I reflected a lot on myself and got to know a lot more about myself and about my mom. After 3 weeks of me staying in the hospital with my mom, my mom told me to go and celebrate my graduation with my friends, so that's what I did. Somehow, partying with my friends didn't feel right, so instead I went to bars and spent my time drinking away my sorrows. After a week of treating myself like , I went back to the hospital and got scolded by my mom for drinking that much. She gave me a whole lecture on why I shouldn't be drinking that much. She also asked a lot about you, but since we didn't speak for a whole month, I couldn't give her an answer. She gave me a lecture on how I should appreciate and respect my girlfriend and apologize, so that's what I did. Not because my mom told me to, but because I genuinely felt bad. Too bad it was too late and you broke up with me. I know it was my own fault, so that made it even worse. I'm so sorry, Ariel. I really am." We slowed down and Jungkook was now standing in front of me, looking me directly in the eyes.

"Okay.. thank you for your apology and for clearing everything up. Can I go now?" I asked. I knew it sounded very insensitive and rude, but I really didn't feel like spending any more time with him. My heart already started aching the moment he started his apology and I can't bear hearing more of him talking about his mom. He sounded so sad and regretful. 

"I'm sorry, Ariel, I really am. If you ever want to give me a second chance, I'll be here in school. I still have the same number, so you can call me or text me too and I'll be sure to reply within a day." I nodded and was about to walk back to the school when I had the urge to say something too. I stopped in my tracks and let out a breath before turning around. When I turned around, he was still standing there, but with his head down and his eyes looking over the ground. 

"Jungkook.." 

His head shot up and it was like he had the surprise of his life. "Hm?" 

"I.. I want to apologize too. I'm sorry for breaking it off that fast. I didn't even hear your full explanation and I already broke up with you. Sorry for being selfish and insensitive," I said, genuinely meaning everything I said. After hearing his apologize, I realized a few things about myself.

Jungkook took a few steps forward and his hands slowly went up, suddenly cupping my face. "You don't have to apologize for anything, Ariel. You had every right to feel the way you did and I clearly neglected you and I was too busy with other things. You are not selfish nor insensitive, okay? I just needed to talk to you to apologize, you have nothing to apologize for." The only things I could see in his eyes were sincerity and maybe even a hint of love? Does he still love me after more than half a year? Or am I actually being delusional?

"Yes, Ariel. I still love you, a lot. To the moon and even further. How could I ever stop loving you after you showed me all the finer things in life? After you brightened up my life as if it was the easiest thing to do? After you effortlessly struck me with just your existence?" At that moment, I knew I wasn't hallucinating when I saw a hint of love in his eyes. My heart was beating abnormally fast and I felt butterflies, not just in my stomach, but all over my body. Within merely an hour, he had won me back. I wasn't going to admit that, though, because I didn't want to get back yet. I still needed to figure out if I even wanted to get together with him again. Jungkook was never one to lie, so I believe him a 100%. He just has to show me that he is indeed still in love with me and I need to make sure that I am still in love with him. I cannot commit to another relationship with him and then halfass it. I want to be a 100% sure of his feelings and my own feelings, whatever time that may take. 

"Me too, I still love you. Do you know how much I thought of you the past 6 or 7 months? Basically non-stop. I wasn't just in love with you, but also with our relationship and our friendship. I felt so bad for breaking up with you, but I couldn't do it to myself to be in a one-sided relationship." 

"I swear it wasn't one-sided. I loved you so much, and I still do. My mind wasn't really thinking clearly and the only thing I could think of was my mom's well-being.. I'm still so sorry. I hope you can forgive me in the future," Jungkook said, still cupping my face, but this time standing closer. 

"I already forgave you, Jungkook. You know I don't like holding grudges and at least you weren't disloyal. You're forgiven, don't worry about that. The moment you apologized was the moment I forgave you," I said. Jungkook's face lit up and he pulled me in a hug, one that I haven't had in a long time. It felt nice, warm and comfortable. I put my arms around him too and hugged him back. 

"Let's get back to school," Jungkook said, after we had been standing there for at least a minute, hugging. I nodded. We walked back, hand-in-hand. We weren't back together yet, and I don't want to get back this fast either. I was just gonna wait it out and see if everything he said was actually sincere. I saw the sincerity in his eyes, but just to be sure. 

Once we entered the cafetaria, I let go of his hand and went back to my friends first. Jungkook followed later, sitting with his own friends. He smiled at me before sitting down and talking to his friends. I smiled back.

"Girl, what is up with you?" Yasmine asked. Tim nodded, "You look happier, why's that?" 

"Jungkook and I talked. We talked it all out and we're on good terms again. Please don't judge me, guys.." I said. They looked at me, then at each other and then back at me again.

"Ariel, you know we would never judge you for your choices, unless they're really bad choices like doing drugs or something. We know you still love him and you two being on good terms again probably means a lot to you. We're here to support you," Tim said. He scooted closer to me, about to ruffle my hair. "Can I get a hug instead?" I asked, smiling. His words, or should I say 'their words', meant the world to me. It was so nice to hear something like that from them. Especially how he said they were there to support me. I love them so much..

Tim laughed and put his arms tightly around me, hugging me and kissing me on top of my head. "We will never ever judge you, remember that, okay?" I nodded and hugged him even tighter. After a while, we let go and I looked at Yasmine with a pout and my arms spread wide. Yasmine laughed and came over to give me a hug too. 

When each of them went back to their seats, I saw Jungkook looking from the other table, smiling at me. I smiled back and almost melted away.

And that is how my day ended on a good note. I was happy and content.