The white walls are bright, too bright, as though the sun is hiding behind the stucco structure, causing it to shine from the inside out. Jungkook blinks once, twice, staring, almost mesmerized by the dazzling glow. The exam room is cold and sterile, and he wonders if there’s a special white paint that’s just for hospitals and doctors’ offices. When he blinks for the third time, Jungkook’s eyes fall from the white structure before him and land on Kim Seokjin, his doctor and Taehyung’s brother. Guilt fills him, and it’s the high tide rolling in, crashing against the shores of his heart and soul.

The air between them is thick, heavy, weighing Jungkook down and threatening to push him through the paneled wood floors. They haven’t conversed beyond the doctor-patient necessity. The cuff around his upper arm starts to tighten. The apparatus is like a noose around his arm, and he momentarily ponders whether the doctor has somehow tampered with the device.

“Take a deep breath,” Jin orders, and Jungkook obeys instantly without making the mistake of looking the man in the eye.

Jin places the stem of the stethoscope on his chest. The cold of the metal seeps in through his cotton tee, and Jungkook jumps, startled at the contact.

“Sorry,” Jin says, and Jungkooks wonders if he means it sincerely or if the man’s just being polite. “Okay, your vitals are good. Near perfect. How are things going? Has any portion of your memory come back?” the doctor asks, leaning back in his chair which squeaks under the pressure.

“Uhm, yes and no. I have flashes and things that I know are true but not actual memories that go with them. Does that make sense?” Jungkook’s hot under the collar. Defeat and disappointment have become he close companions. He’s trying; he wants to remember, but apart from the times with Hoseok and Namjoon, he’s no closer to remembering what he’s forgotten.

It’s a staring match now, with Jin looking at him and Jungkook trying to avoid the eye contact. The problem is that Jin has that thing, the same thing that Taehyung has, the thing where even if you don’t want to, you can’t look away. Jin’s eyes are kind but stern as they take him in. Jungkook has a million and one, make that two, questions that he wants to ask. Things he wants to know, things that Jin could answer, but he doesn’t ask, doesn’t move, and is almost too afraid to breathe.

Jin inhales. It’s weighted, and Jungkook prepares himself, holding his head down.

“I thought about letting another doctor handle your case when they brought you into the ER that night,” Jin starts, and Jungkook says nothing, “but I knew if I did, Namjoon and Taehyung would never forgive me.” The doctor laughs, and it feels like a bee sting to Jungkook.

Jin tsks, clicking his tongue, and Jungkook looks up to find the man staring, yet again. It’s unnerving. He looks back down and fidgets with his fingers. Jin sighs loudly, and Jungkook forces himself to keep his gaze on his hands. Jin begins to speak.

“When you left, it broke Taehyung, devasted him.” Jin sighs yet again, and Jungkook looks through his lashes, watching as the man runs a hand through his soft looking golden brown hair. “He doesn’t smile like he used to or laugh like he used to; I was angry at you for taking that away. In some ways I still am, I guess. I was sure you didn’t care, that you weren’t suffering the way he was, and I thought several times about finding you and beating the out of you. Namjoon, he saved you. He told me you were hurting, that you just dealt with pain differently. I didn’t believe him, not really, not until you woke up, looked at Taehyung, and had no idea who he was. That was the moment I knew that leaving hurt you more than it ever did Tae.”

“Why didn’t you?” Jungkook finds his voice and a bit of bravery. “Why didn’t you find me? Every day since opening my eyes and seeing Taehyung hovering above me with worried eyes, I've wondered why I left. It makes no sense. Why did you even treat me? More than all of that, why did you send me to live in Taehyung’s house? Isn’t that just hurting him more?”

Jin laughs, and it’s forced, as though he’s trying to cover up the answer he truly wants to give.

“I’m not sure, to be honest. I know in my head that I made the right choice, but even now it feels like I’ve betrayed Taehyung.” Jin’s eyes are cast downward.

“How can this be the right decision? I don’t understand.”

“Because, Jungkook, you both need to either move on or figure this out, whatever it is.” Jungkook wants to understand Jin’s response, but he can’t. “Look,” Jin starts again and leans in closer. The action causes Jungkook to hold his breath. “Do you know why you remember everything in your life, but Taehyung?”

Jungkook shakes his head.

“You don’t remember, Jungkook, because your body is an amazing machine that will do whatever is necessary to protect itself. You don’t remember, Jungkook, because the thought of Taehyung not being in your life hurts you so badly that you’d rather forget he ever existed than live knowing he’s not with you. You don’t remember, Jungkook, because your heart is splintered and broken and it’s just trying to keep itself safe.”

Jin slumps back in his chair, and Jungkook inhales and exhales, trying to regain his center. He feels off, lost like a branch in the sea, floating without direction.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I don