Intestinal Betrayals

Summary: Soo Young's day gets thrown upside down when she is struck with the sudden call of nature. She stumbles into a strange cottage in the middle of nowhere and weirdness ensues from there. Will her life ever be the same again after her strange encounter with the owner of the cottage? Read on to find out!

Loosely based on an incident that happened to me when I was younger.

“Why… am… I… even… doing this.”

“This is torture”

“That's it, I’m done. I am never running long distance ever again. Wait, I’m never running again, period. ”

I, Choi Soo Young was by no means athletic. Despite being blessed with long limbs, I had no idea how to make use of them. In other words, I was a mess when it came to anything physical. The only reason I was torturing myself this early in the morning was to catch a few glimpses of my longtime crush on her routine early morning run in an attempt to show off my non-existent athleticism in front of her.

I stopped at the side of the pavement and bent over while trying to take in deep breaths of fresh air. I wasn’t sure what I was going to collapse from - the lack of oxygen or my aching muscles. I leaned backwards and rested my hands on my hips as I tried to catch my breath when a voice suddenly called out to me. I spun around and came face to face with Kwon Yu Ri in all of her sweaty glory. My flushed face managed to become a shade darker as she drew closer, her expression wrought with concern.

“Hey Choi, you feeling ok there?”

“Yeah… just fine and dandy” I wheezed.

‘What? Who even uses words like dandy in this era? Great going Choi Soo Young. Way to act like a total dork in front of your crush.’ I grimaced while mentally berating myself. Yu Ri mistook my grimace to be a sign of pain and immediately rushed over to my side. She placed her arm around my waist and used her other hand to gently support me. My stupid hormones were kicked into overdrive and it felt like a million butterflies were waging a war in my stomach.

“You sure? Your face looks pretty red. Let's go over there to rest ok?”

I dumbly nodded and let her support me until we sat down on a nearby park bench. I opened my mouth to thank her but the words got stuck in my throat when I felt a surge of pain in my abdomen and the clenching of my bowels.

‘Crap, not now stupid digestive system. Don't you dare make me fart in front of her!’ I quickly distanced myself from Yu Ri and gave her a constipated smile.

“Thank you so much for your help Kwon, I have really urgent business to attend to right now so I have to go. Bye!”

“Take care of yourself Choi!” Yu Ri shot me a puzzled look before waving goodbye at my retreating figure.

‘Crap, crap, crap. Where's a toilet when you need one? There’s no way I’m doing my business out here in the open’

I frantically brisk-walked through a shortcut from the park to my house, worried that I would upset my stomach even more if I ran. My meeting with Yu Ri must have fried my sense of direction because I had absolutely no idea where I was anymore.

‘I’m positive that the shortcut was in this direction? Where am I? Oh no, I don't think I can hold it in any longer… I NEED A TOILET NOW! N-O-W, RIGHT NOW!’

At that moment, a quaint little sugarcube-like cottage appeared in the middle in the clearing in front of me. I couldn't spend much time on studying the exterior of the oddly located structure with my bowels doing their best to empty themselves. I hurriedly banged my fist on the front door of the cottage only to find that it was unlocked. I thanked the heavens as I flung my shoes and socks off and dashed into the cottage. Even in a hurry, I didn’t want to mess up someone else’s floor with my muddy track shoes. I made a beeline for the toilet that was conveniently located in front of what appeared to be a kitchen. I was in the midst of pulling down my pants when I felt my bowels finally releasing its contents with a powerful blast all over the toilet bowl and into my pants.

“No no no, crap this can't be happening!” I cried out in embarrassment as I stepped out of my soiled track pants and undergarments. I quickly flushed the toilet and grabbed the showerhead that was located next to me. I switched on the showerhead and started washing off the remnants of my fecal matter from my buttocks, soiled clothes and toilet floor.

I was about to put the showerhead back in it’s place when a sudden high-pitched shriek erupted from behind. My eyes widened in horror as I realised that the owner of the cottage had returned.

“Who are you? What are you doing here? Why aren't you wearing pants? You’re gonna get it if you’re a psychotic ert!” The owner of the cottage, presumably female, shrieked at me at the top of her lungs. I winced and had to cover my ears to save my eardrums from her high-pitched screeches.

“Wait! Wait! Don't do anything! I’m sorry and I swear I’m not a ert!” I frantically exclaimed as I tried to turn around to face her.

“Don't turn around!”

“Right, no pants. I’m so sorry about that.”

“You’d better start explaining yourself this instant.” She demanded with  an icy tone in her voice.

“Well, about that… long story short I really needed to poop and your cottage was at the right place at the right time but my intestines betrayed me and I um… sort of made a mess in your bathroom. I cleaned it up! I swear! Please don't hurt me, all I wanted was to have a good poop!” I threw my hands up in surrender and prepared for the worst case scenario.

‘My stainless police record is going to be ruined. I’ll be branded a criminal for the rest of my life. I’m too young and pretty to go to jail! This can’t be happening to me!’

A few moments had passed and there was no response. I was beginning to think that she had left to call the cops when a sudden burst of laughter exploded from her.

“Wh… what intestinal betrayals? This is so ridiculous. Ahhh this is so amusing. You humans are so entertaining.” she said in between peals of laughter.

I slowly twisted my neck to get a look at her and was blown away by her beauty. Her features were delicate, as if they had been crafted to perfection by God himself. Her cold gaze bore into mine and I felt myself becoming a puddle under her intense stare. I tried turning my neck to face the front but I found myself mysteriously frozen in place.

“You wait here funny human. I’ll go fetch a suitable change of clothing for you.”

Here I am, stuck in some stranger's bathroom, baring my to the whole world. Not to mention that my neck was starting to cramp up due to the uncomfortable position I was in. I let out a groan at the realisation that I had basically just flashed myself in front of a total stranger. I wasn’t just a criminal; I was a -baring, diarrhea-splashing trespasser. I am a horrible person.

I was too immersed in my pool of self-loathing that I failed to notice the return of the mysterious stranger until a loud snap of her fingers alerted me of her presence. I immediately turned my head towards her and found that I could twist my head again. I attempted rolling my neck a few time to loosen the kinks. I will never take the mobility of my neck for granted ever again.

“Are you trying to seduce me?”

“W-what was that?”

“Are you trying to seduce me?” She drawled out.

“I heard you the first time! No I’m not!”

“Oh? Humans are so complex. Hmm… are you sure though? I’ve seen movies where the neck roll is an effective method of seduction, especially when articles of clothing have been removed.”

“No! Wait, yes! Yes I am very sure that I am not seducing you. May I please have my change of clothes now Ms…”

“Jung, Jessica Jung. Tell me your name as well funny human.”

“I am Choi Soo Young. Thank you for the change of clothing Ms Jung.”

“Jessica is fine.”

“Thank you Jessica-ssi.” I said with a small smile on my face. I turned around and face the other side but could still feel Jessica’s presence behind me. I looked behind me once again and found her staring off into space.

“Um… Jessica-ssi, could you please leave so that I can change?”

“I’m supposed to leave?”

“Um… yes, yes you are.”

“Oh. Please excuse my intrusion of your privacy. I will wait for you outside”

I let out a sigh of relief when she finally closed the bathroom door. I slipped on the pair of underwear I was given then tugged on the form-fitting pair of skinny jeans. She had also provided a plain white tee shirt so that I could change out of my sweat-stained hoodie. I picked up my soiled clothes and opened the bathroom door only to find Jessica staring at me with a blank look on her face.

“Oh my god! What were you doing in front of the door? I almost walked right into you!”  

“I told you that I would wait outside did I not?”

“I didn’t expect you to wait directly outside the door!”

“Are you defying me, human?”

“Of course not! I’m just a little surprised and overwhelmed right now.”

“Hmph good. Here is a bag for your soiled clothing. You may leave now.”

“You aren’t going to call the police?”

“Why should I?”

“I basically flashed myself in front of you and trespassed on your property. You’re supposed to call the cops!”

“Oh really? I was not aware of this protocol. I suppose I should make that call you suggested.”

“You don’t have to though! I’m not a ert or dangerous! There’s no need to call them!”

“Now you’re telling me not to? Make up your mind Choi Soo Young, you are testing my patience.”

“I assure you that you don’t need to make that call! I’ll be on my way now. Thank you so much for your hospitality Jessica-ssi.”

“Drop the formalities and I’ll let your indecisiveness slide.”

“Yes… Jessica.”

“Good, be on your way then. I’ll be seeing you very soon Choi Soo Young.”

“Goodbye... Jessica.”

The next moment, my shoes were on my feet again and I was back in the park. The mysterious cottage was nowhere in sight. My eyes threatened to pop out of their sockets as I surveyed my surroundings once again to confirm that I was indeed back in the park. I pinched myself just to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming.

“Running is evil. I am never doing this again. I try to be healthy and what do I get? Weird hallucinations and diarrhea! Ugh, I really need to go home and lay down.” I sighed as I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

I was about to turn around and head back home when a plume of smoke erupted in front of me. I had a coughing fit as the great Jessica Jung stepped out of the curtain of smoke and walked closer towards me.

“W-what the heck was that are you some sort of ma-mmph.” My eyes widened she leaned in and kissed me.

“Her lips feel so soft.” I thought as I slowly closed my eyes and starting kissing her back. Our lips separated with a loud smack as I suddenly pulled back after coming to my senses. That was my precious first kiss and it’s gone!

“What the heck was that! Why did you kiss me all of a sudden? How did you even appear out of the blue like that?” I yelled with a mix of shock, embarrassment and exasperation.

“Why do you funny humans have so many questions? It’s so bothersome answering them all.”

“Ok fine! Then why did you kiss me?”

“Don’t people kiss the ones that they find attractive or in other terms ‘cute’? I don’t have time to answer all of your questions now, I have pressing matters that I need to attend to. I’ll see you again Choi Soo Young. Have a pleasant day.”

She then turned and disappeared in a cloud of smoke once again to god knows where. My mind was reeling from the events that took place within the past 5 minutes and I felt like my brain was going to explode.

“I’m going to schedule my bowel movements from now on. Stupid digestive system. No more random people poofing in front of my face after using their bathroom. I really need to go home and sleep everything off.” I muttered to myself as I trudged my way home. Jessica Jung was a mystery and I planned to stay as far away from her as possible if I ever saw her again; I needed my sanity. This woman was going to be the death of me.

Till Next Time :)