Please listen to a sad song.

…………

It was ridiculous. Hilarious. Absolutely laughable.

It was painful. Sad. Terribly disappointing.

And also very, very wrong. Jungkook knew it was, right the moment he left the house and stormed through the streets aimlessly, just to be as far from the man as he could. Like any other second in his presence would burn him to ashes, corrupt his mind – he couldn’t hear any other complaint or an excuse Seokjin was so readily spouting all the time.

It was brash, alright. He was looking forward to the weekend together, he really was. But once they were talking about the bond, suddenly there was so much anger Jungkook just couldn’t keep it to himself any longer. Those things were still very much alive in his mind – Seokjin's bad attitude, his utter dismissal, his obvious disgust with the whole issue when it started.

Jungkook wanted to say it was better – there were touches and kisses and he actually brought him to his house to spend time together, but why? Because Jungkook was relentless and pushed him into it. Because he kept on nagging and nagging and Seokjin decided that fine, it was apparently immoral to leave them without contact, so fine, let’s do this; I’ll live through it somehow. Like it was such a ing ordeal.

It shouldn’t be, alright? Having a soulmate was not an ordeal. And as ing stupid as it sounded – it was a goddamn blessing to have somebody so close to you, somebody with who you could share everything, the same tastes, the perfect harmony.

And yet for Seokjin it was a hardship. Jungkook was pretty sure if there was a way how to take back time he would do it in a blink of an eye.

Was he really trying to convince him that he never done those things? Or that what he was doing now justified them? From the first ing moment they found each other, when they realized they were soulmates, he was immediately against it. Ignore it. Was it the first thing that flashed through his mind? A loud and clear oh no, please not me? Because that was exactly how it seemed.

their age, the status; this was above all those unimportant things. They meant to belong. They meant to be together because fate wished for it. And yes, okay, Jungkook had been terrified at first too. He had been scared less because he knew how bad it could get, and because his ing mark had been on the back of his neck like Seokjin wanted to hurt him instead of fulfilling the soulmate role, and because he felt sick for several days straight with no means to get better.

But now he had a soulmate. And he wanted it to be perfect. Because his parents were perfect – their bond was freaking amazing, okay? If his dad didn’t die… no wonder it made his mum lose her mind. And there was this fear of ending up the same; he never said there wasn’t – especially when Seokjin had been such a at the beginning.

He thought the bumpy ride they went through was just that – a past. But apparently it wasn’t and it bubbled on the surface like lava, because Jungkook had been in pain, cranky and tired, and the conversation just poured the oil to the fire, making him angry and simply spiteful enough to throw it to Seokjin's face without mercy.

He probably regretted it as well. Or he was going to the next day, or an hour later, he didn’t know. When he was just running through streets with no real place in mind, nothing really had the right form or time.

Was the mark acting up so much because they were so ed up? Because both of them took it as something they had to do, instead of something they wished for? Well, Seokjin probably really didn’t wish for anybody anymore, if he ever did. And Jungkook got it, he really did – being used to solitude was quite difficult to overcome. Even his mum had troubles with it when she came back from the hospital, like Jungkook's sudden presence and child-like needs were too much for her to bear. It took some time, and Namjoon's help, but it got better, because they both tried their best. With In Sung, it was worse again, but it brought them closer despite the tough time they went through with him.

He stopped at the corner of some random street, not even bothering to look which one was it, and fished for his phone with trembling fingers.

Four calls. Five messages.

Seokjin.

“No,” he mumbled to himself, hiding the notifications unhappily, and dialed his literature teacher's number instead. He didn’t want to see him. He didn’t want to talk to him. He needed time to get himself under control, to lessen the burning that kept on spreading through his body, causing him uncomfortable pain – not sharp or unbearable, just very unpleasant – like an itch you couldn’t get rid of somewhere deep inside of you.

The closeness usually helped, he had to admit. Kissing made it worse though. At least the proper kissing on board of making out, which didn’t make any sense. It had been a week already, shouldn’t it be better by now? How long were they going to suffer? Or was it meant to be just… platonic? That was not what soulmates were about, was it? Or it could, probably, why not? Soulmates didn’t need to be together on a ual basis, he was sure there were pairs like that. But he wanted to and Seokjin seemed like he didn’t mind the intimate part of it, so where was the problem?

“Jungkook?” you's voice almost made him drop his phone how she startled him. “What’s up?”

“Hey,” he greeted her quietly, turning towards the wall, away from passing people. “Sorry to bother ya, but are you busy?”

“No, not at all,” she replied with a worry in her tone, and he felt a bit better when he knew he didn’t need to pretend with her. He wasn’t alright. She knew it. “Want to meet up somewhere? Or stop by?”

“Are you home?” he asked hopefully. Being in a public place surrounded by constant buzzing seemed like a bad idea.

“Not yet, but I will be in half an hour or so. Wanna meet up there?” she offered without a single excuse and he hummed, thankful beyond words. He wasn’t even sure if he had anything to say, but he just had to do something. Even if it meant crying on her shoulder, which actually seemed like a viable option right now, with how strained his body felt and how his mind was jumbled.

“See you at home then,” she said gently and Jungkook finally started looking around for a clue where exactly he had ended up.

***

“So you’ve ran away," you concluded simply when there was nothing more Jungkook could tell her. He sat curled up on her sofa, a blanket was thrown over his shoulders securely, but somehow it wasn’t enough to warm him up, and he kept on sipping terribly tasting tea – for nerves, she said. The taste was horrible enough to forget about other problems, so he thought it kind of worked.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, staring into his mug with a slight frown.

“And you feel better?” she asked quietly and Jungkook shook his head. “Your bond is so weird.”

“Tell me about it,” he breathed out tiredly. He felt rather sluggish still, but the burning somehow lessened along with his anger, which was at least a small win. His phone buzzed from time to time with a new message, but he didn’t look.

“I’ve read that the settling phase is about a week long,” she continued in a lot more serious voice, almost the same she used when she was teaching. “Which would correspond with yours, right?”

“More or less,” he shrugged. Even that simple motion hurt a bit, as if his body went through a very strenuous exercise and the muscles protested loudly.

“But how people felt during it… it’s rather individual,” she dragged her knees under her chin, humming thoughtfully. “So with your experience it’s probably one of those rarer cases.”

“What rarer cases?” he demanded unhappily and she shrugged.

“You haven’t started very well, so it may be fighting a bit with those attitudes of yours?” she offered. “I mean, like, you didn’t want it---,”

“I did.”

“Okay, then Seokjin didn’t want it,” she placated him calmly. “And you fought with him about it. You think that’s a good thing for the settling phase? I think not.”

“Do you have something stronger than this ?” he put the mug down bitterly. He had enough of the bad taste and all the talk was making him pissy. He knew they were probably the worst soulmate pair ever, but hearing about it definitely didn’t help – although he knew you was only trying to make him understand. He wondered if there was anything to understand about it though, except the fact they simply .

She gave him a wary look, but when his expression didn’t change, she just let out a sigh and disappeared in the kitchen, leaving him alone.

He seriously didn’t know what to do now – it called for a mind-bleach at the best. Just forget for a while, stop stressing about every little thing he did around Seokjin while expecting the worse. It couldn’t be healthy. The mark was probably a sign how much it , punishing them so thoroughly.

At first Jungkook really thought it had been merely his fault for kissing Minah – or, to be completely honest, her kissing him while he did against it, so it was basically him kissing her anyway – but when Seokjin said the burning was the same for him, there had to be something more.

Could Seokjin do something… with somebody else?

That mere thought made his blood run cold. He didn’t know if Seokjin had been dabbling with somebody – he wasn’t living with them, alright, but there could be a buddy, right? He was a pretty attractive guy, and charming when he wasn’t behaving like a freaking kid (although that seemed like Jungkook-exclusive behavior anyway), so why wouldn’t he be ing with random people? Or just one person, without proper ties?

Maybe that was why their bond didn’t work? Because Seokjin liked somebody else, soulmate or not?

He took in a shuddering breath, the sudden image of Seokjin only tolerating Jungkook because it was what had been expected, while pining after his beloved person hidden somewhere, was enough for him to feel even sicker and shaking and only barely containing the sudden rush of jealousy that overcame him.

Serves me right, Jungkook thought. It was him who proposed kissing anyway, and from there he found out Seokjin had actually been a decent human being and not just a strict er who tend to kick him out of his class while looking like he was capable of murder.

No, Seokjin had been… he was… oh man. He was nice. He seemed like a caring, smart and reliable person who liked his peace and quiet. Having Jungkook suddenly trashing this carefully maintained balance had to be a shock, so no wonder he started to push back.

But today… today he didn’t, right? Today he started with the touching all by himself. And he had been jealous of you too. And he even watched Saving Private Ryan with Jungkook, even though he disliked war themed movies or TV shows.

Jungkook whined and reached for his phone with a huff. It wasn’t ing alright though. Seokjin had to understand. And if there was somebody else his soulmate was interested in… it had to be dealt with too, somehow. The least painful way possible for all of them.

He opened Seokjin's messages thread and scrolled at the beginning with a pounding heart.

Seokjin – 21:20 – Jungkook, please pick up your phone.

Seokjin – 21:25 – This is not how it should go. We have to talk, you understand that, right?

Seokjin – 21:31 – Jungkook, please, just answer me.

Seokjin – 21:40 – I swear you’re making me crazy with this ignoring. At least send a text that you’re alright!

Seokjin – 21:45 – Please, be okay. Where have you disappeared to?

Seokjin – 22:10 – Okay, I understand you are mad, but things have changed. I have changed. I’m really trying for it to work out and as much as you had a point today, it’s already in the past. I’ve wanted to spend more time together and I was wrong about you before I got to know you, and I’m sorry.

Seokjin – 22:20 – Please, come back.

“.”

I‘m done for.

*****

A proper definition of a word helplessness was :

1. unable to help oneself; weak or dependent;

2.Deprived of strength or power; powerless; incapacitated;

3.Affording no help;

Seokjin felt like all of those. He was distressed and helpless on board of desperation the longer the time ran without any answer from his soulmate. Not even a beep – nothing. His phone remained silent even after all those messages he sent to him, all missed calls and attempts to reach him, like a severe punishment he didn’t expect even in the wildest nightmares.

It would be easier, he thought, if the boy shouted at him through the line, or the texts, if he was genuinely angry and fighting over it, but he was silent and shut him out, ignoring him so well Seokjin couldn’t help but feel thoroughly disconnected.

And he hated it.

After about seven or eight messages he left hanging in the air between them, not receiving any feedback that would help him to relax at least a little, he forced himself to drop the phone next to him and refrain from touching it again. His hands itched to do it, but he always pulled back fast enough, curling up his hands in fists and taking deep, supposedly calming breaths.

He was supposed to make things right. His mind was firmly set on that simple goal of changing his comfort zone, to let Jungkook in, because that was how it supposed to go, and that was also something he found himself inclined to, surprisingly. The moment Jungkook left he felt at loss with scary coldness engulfing him, and not even the burn on his mark could help him change it. All he wanted to do was to pull him back to his arms and keep him there, and that simple knowledge was hitting him so obviously now he almost couldn’t believe himself not seeing it before.

The longer Jungkook was gone, the more he suffered through it. The longer he was being ignored, the more desperate he became. He paced, he sat down, and he paced again. He considered going to Jungkook's house, but he was almost too sure Jungkook wasn’t at home, no matter what he said. That was also a reason why fear gripped him so tightly – with no knowledge where the boy could be and what was he doing – he left in pain and left Seokjin in pain too, and this situation only made it worse.

When the time reached midnight, Seokjin already threw up twice.

***

The distant ringing was awfully far from him and then got cut off suddenly, probably when he pressed something to stop it. It took him about five seconds before he realized he had been holding his phone close to his ear while answering automatically, his voice raspy.

“Jin?”

The voice shot through him like lightning and heart started pumping wildly, almost as if it was working out a heart attack. He scrambled upward to a sitting position – only vaguely noticing he had been lying sprawled on the couch until now with TV playing some nonsense in the background – and gripped the phone more firmly.

“Jungkook,” he managed to croak out and there was a surge of relief and dread combined, threatening to overwhelm him. He wasn’t sure how he even managed to fall asleep, but exhaustion probably did the trick. A quick glance towards the clock told him it was four in the morning and the sky was still dark.

He wanted to ask the boy about the condition, about his whereabouts, about anything, really, but words got stuck in his throat from the sheer pain of it. It was bitter but relieving, somehow, and he just wished not to live through it ever again. The obvious necessity of having Jungkook around was almost like a punishment, like it was telling him there was no damn way to fight this even just out of pride.

And quite frankly – fighting it was really something Seokjin didn’t want to do at all. Not anymore. Not ever.

There was silence over the line and Seokjin found himself keeping it with bated breath. He just couldn’t tell what was going to happen, what to expect from the boy, and for a moment it seemed like Jungkook didn’t know either, so the quiet stretched and filled them both.

“Aren’t you going to yell at me?” the boy finally said and Seokjin closed his eyes and let his breath out in a rush. He sounded meek, surprisingly so.

“Do you expect me to yell at you?” he asked - calmer than he thought he would - and heard Jungkook's breath hitching on the other side of the line.

“Kind of,” came a reply and Seokjin didn’t like it. Was he really waiting for him to lash out? Well, probably no wonder, after all those things they went through at the beginning, but now? He couldn’t be more against it. “Not like I’d blame you.”

“I’m not,” Seokjin assured him and realized his hands were trembling. He couldn’t still them no matter how hard he tried. “I’m not, so please. Just come back?”

“You really mean it.”

It wasn’t a question, Seokjin noted. It was a simple statement, maybe surprised one, but Jungkook wasn’t questioning him, it was more like he just found out. There was wonder in the tone, and maybe a hint of a slight disbelief too.

“I do,” he answered anyway and heard Jungkook chuckle, although without joy. It sounded a little broken.

“I’m sorry,” the boy said after and Seokjin's heart almost stopped.

Sorry?

Was he going to end it? Stay away forever? Leave him? That possibility made him physically sick and he could feel his stomach clenching like a fist.

“Jungkook---,” he tried weakly, but a hum stopped him.

“I'm not saying it was without a cause, but I shouldn’t have left,” the next sentence gave him hope, although just a slight one. “And ignore the texts too. But when I read them I just couldn’t… it took me a while.”

Seokjin remained quiet, even though the words were fighting their way up his throat, onto his tongue, tingling there to be spilled out. But the fear of Jungkook quieting down again – or hanging up on that matter – was stronger than the urge to demand answers.

“I know you’re trying now. I know you do,” the dark brown hair boy started talking again, gentler now, seemingly continuing their previous conversation before it all went to hell. “So I’m sorry for ruining that attempt. Usually it’s your job after all, freaking out and all.”

Seokjin couldn’t help but bark out a short laugh. He wasn’t wrong, was he? But it was in the past and he had to see it.

“Apparently,” he agreed softly. The tremors slowly stopped – or maybe only moved to his voice. He took a deep breath to still it somehow, and it sounded like Jungkook did the same on his side.

“Give me another chance?” Seokjin asked quietly. It was probably the most selfish thing he could ask for, but also the scariest thing – such decision was only Jungkook's to make and he felt like he lost all the rights to talk him into it or change his mind. If Jungkook decided it was not worth it, Seokjin couldn’t do anything about it – unless both participants were willing, any other way of keeping the bond was unacceptable. Painful, but a dead end as well. He knew that.

“That sounds so cheesy,” Jungkook's voice was cheekier again, like his old self, and it send a wave of reassurance down Seokjin's spine. “It’s not like we are in a romance novel, yeah?”

“You never know,” Seokjin opposed with a small smile and felt the growing anticipation inside of him. There was definitely a yes hidden in there, just unsaid out loud, and he couldn’t wait to hear it, to soothe his anxiety at least a little bit, and to resume the closeness again. He needed that little sign to advance it further, but he wasn’t willing to demand it.

He heard Jungkook shifting there, walking, probably, and doors closing, and couldn’t help but wonder where he had been. With who? What was he doing until now?

“I’ll get to your place eventually,” a simple statement came, like it was no big deal, and Seokjin's blood roared loudly in his ears again.

“I’ll pick you up,” he quickly offered – without thinking, really, it just shot out of his mouth before he could stop himself. He wanted to know where Jungkook ran to, how far and if he was safe, and if there was a possibility to check by himself, he was ready to take it.

“I’m not a damsel in distress, Jin--,”

“Let me,” he interrupted Seokjin's resistance sharply. “So I know you’re okay.”

“You’ll know once I get to your place,” the boy pointed out. “It’s not like it’s a day trip or somethin’.”

“Maybe I just want to,” Seokjin didn’t let him to win now – and he was aware it wasn’t a fight, but he still considered it an important exchange. “It’s still dark anyway.”

“Yes,” Jungkook uttered dryly and Seokjin could imagine him rolling his eyes. “And you were sleeping, so you’re tired. Seriously, don’t sweat it-,”

“Jeon Jungkook.”

“Ugh, fine,” an exasperated reply, but Seokjin selfishly decided it was actually just an act from the boy, to seem tougher. Or maybe it was just Seokjin who grew so damn needy and overprotective – and really, wasn’t this the moment he was dreading at the beginning? The moment he decided that yes, this was it, his soulmate?

Because it awfully felt like it.

***

He saw him from the first moment he entered the parking lot – sitting quietly on the railing with his hood up to partially block the rain that was coming down heavy. He had his hands in pockets and eyes fixated on Seokjin's car, and for a moment he reminded him of a hunter watching its prey.

Seokjin didn’t bother with a proper parking and stopped right in front of him, exiting the car before the boy could hop down and board it. He felt his body tensing by each step he took, shoulders going up and pace quickening, and Jungkook remained frozen solid on his perch like he couldn’t move.

“You’re going to yell,” he said towards Seokjin's approaching form, and there was a slight panic in his voice, like he wasn’t sure how to react.

“No,” Seokjin refused that claim and reached him, stopping right in front of him with a frown. He raked over the boy’s features like radar, but when there was no sign of him being hurt, he could breathe a little lighter. The fact he was actually really far from Seokjin's place spoke volumes, although he couldn’t tell who lived there, who Jungkook visited, since he chose rather vague spot where to meet.

“You look like you want to,” Jungkook opposed, but he sounded smaller and younger.

“I want to take you home,” Seokjin ignored the claim and before Jungkook could react he grabbed him by the waist and lifted him up from the railing so he could set him down on the ground. The contact immediately sent a burning wave to his wrist – but not a painful one, more like a notice, especially when his hands remained on Jungkook's body, keeping the contact he craved so much.

“My mum--,”

“My house,” Seokjin interrupted the weak protest resolutely, “is home.”

He saw Jungkook gulp down, his eyes darken, and then he nodded and closed the distance between them, burying his face into Seokjin's jacket with a deep sigh.

“Take me home then,” he whispered from there and Seokjin circled his arms around his smaller form and rather cheesily had to admit that he felt home already.

 ………………

I'm crying. 

"Say something (I'm giving up on you)" didn't help me at all.

Lmao. So yeah, I'll update another one later. Maybe today.