While sitting at the bar, drinking my sorrows away, the only thing I could do was scroll through pictures we had taken in the past. There were three years worth of pictures and it's just thrown out the window like that. The only memories I have of him are these pictures. I also remember some things, but my mind could have distorted them the way I wanted to or the way I believed they were. I'm seriously just going through all our memories and picking out the flaws of those memories. 

The moment he broke up with me, I thought he might've found another girl. 'Till this day, I still believe he's happy with some other girl, while I'm just left behind, broken-hearted. I cannot believe I'm wasting my life like this. I haven't gone to college for two weeks and I basically lost all my friends because of this. I didn't keep in touch with anyone and I've just been isolating myself ever since the break-up. This is the first time a break-up was this bad. My break-ups in the past were never ever this bad. The longest heartache I experienced was like three weeks. This one is more than double of that. 

"Another one, please.." I said, my words sluggerish. I slammed my empty shot on the bar table, surprising the bartender as well as myself. 

"Uhm, are you sure? Are you okay?" The bartender asked. I know it was really nice of him to check up on me, but at least I'm making sure his bar gets some money. He should be happy I'm here, spending the majority of my money on drinks.

"Just give me another one, please." The bartender didn't argue any further and placed another shot in front of my face. I had no idea what he was giving me, but that's the least I could care about right now. I downed the shot and continued scrolling through the pictures on my phone. My heart broke more with each picture. We seemed like such a happy couple. I don't understand why he had to break up.. Of course, we had our ups and downs, but we always figured something out as our communication was reallly good. I know I'm just overthinking and overanalyzing everything, and it's making my head hurt and my heart ache. I just can't help it. I want answers..

Shots continued to go down my throat and I felt dizzier and dizzier the more time had passed. I still had my phone in my hand and I thought I was just scrolling through pictures and murmuring to myself. However, after a few minutes, I looked at my phone and realized I had been talking calling someone and talking to them for the past five minutes. I had no recollection of what I was talking about to him, so I was panicking while drunk. I was a hot mess and didn't even know what to do, so I just clicked on every possible button on my phone. When I felt like I was safe, I put my phone on the bar table and rested my head on the table. Everything seemed to be spinning, so I closed my eyes and breathed in and out. 

"Are you okay?" I looked up and saw the bartender looking at me. 

"Of course! Does it seem like I'm not okay? Who do you think you are for thinking that way? I'm perfectly fine! Besides from the fact that my boyfriend broke up with me two months ago and I'm still heartbroken over it and I feel like he is dating another girl, who's probably much prettier and smarter than I am and I just don't know how to deal with that. I've never been through anything like this, you know? Do you know what I mean? I would understand if you didn't. I'm just sad and I want another drink, thank you." 

"Wow, breathe. You could just answer with a yes or a no. I'll make you another drink," the bartender said. He turned his back on me and started making something for me. I listened to his words and breathed in and out to calm myself. I felt like I told him my whole life story in merely two seconds. I said it all in one breath and I was out of breath. "Here you go," he said, putting something in front of me. I took it and downed it in one go. It burned my throat, but the feeling was good. I felt like I was immortal now. I felt like I could overcome this heartbreak easily. 

"Keep them coming, bartender!" 

Again, shots after shots went down. I felt dead. Literally dead. My throat was dry, despite how much I had drank, my head was spinning, my surroundings were blurry. I put my head on the bar again while the bartender put another drink in my hand. I was about to grab it whilst with my head still on the table, but it seemed like it was impossible for me to touch. It didn't matter how far I extended my arm, I just couldn't seem to grab a hold of it. 

"What do you think you're doing?" A voice said. The voice triggered something in me. It was the feeling of familiarity and warmth. My head shot up and I was met with blurriness. I still couldn't make out who it was..

"It's me, babe. Jungkook," the voice spoke again. My mind blanked for a minute. 

"Jungkook?" Jungkook? My ex-boyfriend? Is he standing in front of me? Why is he here? Is he concerned? Or is he going out with his girlfriend?

"Yes, it's me. Can you come with me?" He spoke, his voice soft, radiating warmth and comfort. I felt compelled to follow him, but I couldn't.

"I can't.. Your girlfriend will be mad.." I mumbled, freeing myself from his grip. 

"What are you talking about?" He looked at me, confused and slightly hurt. I sighed, "Your new girlfriend, who is prettier, smarter and better. Why are you acting like you don't know what I'm talking about. Why are you even here? Can you please go?" Suddenly, both my hands were held. I looked up, staring right back at Jungkook.

"Babe, you're talking nonsense. I have no other girlfriend, I swear you were my last one and I am not planning on getting with anyone else besides you." Being in my stupid drunken state, I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. I stared him in the eyes and admired the face I had been missing for the past two months. I missed him so much and I still do. I still don't understand what he is doing here. The moment I saw his face in front of me, I felt like I was either hallucinating or dreaming. He even called me babe.. I'm so confused

"Let's go, shall we?" Jungkook said. I just followed him wherever he dragged me to, because I was too drunk to think for myself. He was holding me very gently, as if I was super fragile. He led me to his car and let me sit in the passenger seat next to him. He fastened my seatbelt, closed the door and then went over to the driver's side. He did his own seatbelt too and closed the door. In no time, we were driving off. Everything was still spinning, so I thought it would be better to just close my eyes and let my mind wander to whatever it wanted to. 

*a few moments later*

I felt someone tugging on my side. My eyes slowly opened an I saw someone leaning over me. After that, I realized I was in a car and the person was unfastening my seatbelt. The person was Jungkook. "Finally awake?" Jungkook said, smiling at me. I slowly nodded and got out of the car with the help of Jungkook. I looked at my surroundings and realized it was Jungkook's place. Of course I remembered his place. The only thing I'd been thinking about these past two months was him. 

Jungkook had his arm around my waist and he was fumbling for his keys with his free hand. Once we were in front of his door, he opened it and led me in, closing the door behind him. Every single memory of us in his house flew by in front of my eyes, and my heart started aching again. Jungkook led me to his room and let me sit on his bed. I suddenly felt a tear falling onto my arm and it actually surprised me. I quickly wiped it away and blinked several times, hoping he wouldn't notice. 

"I'll get you some water," Jungkook said. He pulled the blanket up to my shoulders and went out of the room to get a glass of water. I looked around his room and the pictures of us were still there... We were smiling and laughing on the pictures. We seemed like such a lovely couple. But why does he have these pictures of us on the wall? Why does he break up with me and still keep those pictures for two whole months? Does he not go in this room or something? 

Again, tears fell and I was too busy trying to stop my tears to realize Jungkook coming into the room. 

"Babe? Why are you crying?" He quickly came towards me, placed the cup of water on the nightstand and cupped my face, wiping my tears away with his thumbs.

"Stop calling me babe, damn it! Can you just move a bit?" I said. I don't know why the sudden outburst, but I just felt like he was playing with my heart by calling me babe. Why am I even in his house to begin with? He could've brought me home.. 

I must admit, my mind is definitely clearing up now after the nap I took in the car. I just don't know how I could have been so stupid to go home with him. I know I missed him and I honestly do want him back, but I just feel like I'm easy now.

Jungkook sighed and took his hands off my face. "At least drink some water," he said, holding the glass of water in front of me. I took it and gulped it all down. I placed it back on the nightstand and looked everywhere but his face. The only thing was, every where I looked there were pictures of us.. 

"Do you promise me you're clearheaded now?" He asked, trying to make eye-contact with me but failing since I refused to look him in the eye.

"Not entirely," I answered, deciding to look at the blanket that was covering me. I heard him sigh and he scooted a bit closer to me. I didn't know what to do, so I just stayed still, not even daring to move an inch because my heart was going crazy. I'm not crazy, right? Everyone who is still not over their ex would be nervous as hell when seeing their ex again. At least, that's what I think. 

"Avi.. can you face me? I think I need to tell you something, and since you're already here and since you've probably seen the pictures of us still hanging around, I think this is the right time to say it." I hesitated, but still turned around. I was of course curious to what he wanted to say. When I was facing him, I saw an expression on his face I've never seen before. It was almost like he was regretful of something? There was also a hint of sadness. 

"Okay, so first I'd like to apologize for breaking up with you and leaving you in this state, still, after two months. I swear, I have a good reason. It might sound like an excuse to you now, but just hear me out. I hope you can forgive me after this. I am very well aware that it's a dickmove to do something like this, but-"

"Jungkook, just go ahead and tell me. I'll decide later if I'll forgive you or not," I said, eager to hear what he had to say. He nodded and held my hand with two hands. He rubbed circles on it with his thumb and it immediately reminded me of our past. He used to rub circles on my hand whenever he was nervous or really excited about something. 

"I do want you to know that I am doing better now. Not emotionally, but physically and internally. Okay, so about 2,5 months ago, I was suddenly hospitalized, because of a severe asthma attack. Turns out it was actually way worse than just asthma. The doctor told me I was in the beginning stage of lung cancer and of course I was shocked. I didn't know how to cope with it and I didn't dare to tell you, which is why I didn't. I felt like you had enough weight on your shoulders and enough stress, so I thought it would be a better idea to break up, so I can get better without you having to worry about me. I know it sounds stupid now, but at the time I thought it was smart. I'm so sorry for letting you go through heartache these two months.." 

My mouth fell open and I wanted to cry, but I held back everything. I didn't want to cry in front of him, because that will lead to him pitying me and him comforting me, which is not what I want. I was so shocked to hear it and I can't believe he went through it alone.. 

"J-Jungkook... You're all better now?" I carefully asked. He immediately nodded with a smile on his face. "I was lucky it was discovered in its early stage. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have survived it." 

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you," I said, pulling him in a hug, "Next time, if there is anything going on with you, just tell me okay? It must've been hard on you to go through that by yourself.." I held him so tight, I was scared he might suffocate. However, he didn't seem to mind. He put his arms around me as well and patted my head, "Don't worry, I'm all better now. Am I forgiven?" He asked.

"Are you kidding me? Of course. I understand why you did what you did. I'm glad you're healthy again, Jungkook." I nuzzled my face in his neck and he pulled me closer if that was even possible. 

"Thank you. I really missed you, you know that?" He pulled away from the hug and cupped my face, looking me directly in the eyes. All my feelings from two months ago came back and I was melting right in his hands. "Would you maybe be able to take me back? I would understand if you said no, though." 

I smiled at his second sentence. How could he think I wouldn't want him back? I've been yearning for him the past few months. I spent my time drinking, crying and sleeping. 

"Of course, Jungkook. I'd love to be your girlfriend again," I said, smiling affectionately at him. His cute smile appeared. His eyes turned into crescent moons and his whole expression just glowed. I was so happy to see him happy and healthy. There isn't anything else I'd wish for him. 

"Thank you, and sorry for giving you heartache for such a long time. I'll make up for it," Jungkook said. He leaned forward and gave me a peck on my forehead. I smiled. I scooted over for him to lay down with me, so we could cuddle. I missed this so much, it's indescribable. I know I wasted two months of my life, heartbroken, but it was all worth it. He got the opportunity to heal without having to worry about me and he got better in no time. I'm just really glad he's better now. I can't imagine how it must've looked to see him in pain. I don't think I could handle that.

"I love you, Aviana. A lot." 

"I love you too, Jungkook, more than you think."