Luhan would like to think that he’s a very independent man ever since he had his first period, not the bloody aching period every girl goes through every ing month— no, not that, he’s very much relieved when he discovered that he’s got another head down south instead of another pair of lips beneath—but period in which his briefs fell off of him at the sight of his very edible, very fantasy worthy, math teacher during his middle school when asked by one of his peers if he likes someone from their female classmates. Yes, that period.

 

There was no hesitation, no second thoughts, as he stood in front of his bathroom mirror and stared at himself for that one on one— you’re a very pretty boy Luhan, it’s not a pity that you’re not a girl, but it would be a pity if he does not notice you from this day forward. He’s gay, not just the happy and carefree person that some dictionaries describe it as, but ghei as in he appreciates and lusts after his own gender, gay read as ɡā. Period.

 

His parents had been a mixture of both disappointed and joyful—his father sulked for three months at his loss of positively continuing their magnificent genes, while his mother cooed and called him her princess (Luhan secretly thinks it was his mother’s doing that he’s gay, those baby pictures of him in dresses looks very much suspicious).

 

Needless to say, he had no friend to confide his situation, but had so much confidence in himself that he did not need anyone. And his math teacher did, technically, noticed him (and sent him to detention, when he purposefully sat in front of the male teacher and on a lollipop during class. Imagine that.)

 

So after that, whispers spread around school pretty much like a wildfire in California and he was bullied by the big guys that Luhan thinks had a secret crush on him—they always look out for him and he cannot help it if he’s so much better than those girls in pigtails. But he survived that hell with his chin higher than the rest of his pathetic class and went to high school wherein he happily discovered, he was not alone in his land of rainbows. Thank Gawd and hail the Holy Mother of Gays.

 

He’s still pretty much independent though.

 

Still that lone man standing on his island, but he’s got friends, only that they’re all in a boat sailing around his pretty white sand that could put shame on El Nido’s *coughs*. He went to parties, met some dudes that were curious of their own uality—because Luhan rarely admits this fact in fear of being shunned but, he can turn them straight pasta into an overcooked noodles—made out with a few that were worthy (worthy that’s not afraid to treat him like a princess for Luhan likes to parade his jewel when he sees one and his momma told him that he is indeed a princess worthy of a crown) of his pink lips, and went to a few exclusive relationships.

 

High school was waaaaay better than middle school.

 

And now that he’s in college, Luhan had been more beautiful than all the Miss Universe combined (and he ain’t even wearing a crown) and a lot surer than ever in his fairytale like life that he’s a very independ—

 

“Are you praising yourself once again?”

 

—or not. This is where it all crashes down. The Kim Jongin, all six foot tall of adorable and the epitome of iness. The pohrn on legs. The guy that can make women pregnant with just one tilt of his ing kissable lips. The one that is practically the wet dream himself. The y baby that makes everyone giddy. Oh, did I also say that he’s my kind of, sort of, partner in bed? Wherein we make a mess and I’m always sore the other day, because , he’s such a monster I don’t know if I’ve hit the jackpot or not.

 

But yeah, this is where my confidence and independency falls down like a waterfall, because when feelings are involve, then that is where it starts getting complicated. And that ’s a ing headache.

 

He’s not one for commitments and I, myself, haven’t been this ready to enter a relationship ever since well, Kim Jongin. Not only because I get to feel all of his six inches (you all should know that I almost cried in relief when I saw that baby creator, because on normal occasions, one would wonder if he’s got any, I mean, hello where’s the bulge? No matter how tight his pants were, there’s always NO indication that there’s another whole anatomy behind that clothing—but I’ve learned in the most iest way that Kim Jongin is a grower, thank goodness), though that was also a part of it, but mostly because, Kim Jongin is just the man.

 

He’s not afraid to have me sit on his lap and feed me calories, nor is he shy to hold my hand or my things. He’s also definitely one giant gentleman and I knew for sure I would be in heaven by the way he treats his mother and sister—I was kind of introduced to the family as a close friend so yeah, all them ing haters to the left thank you for your presence. Did I also mention that he never leaves right after the hot ? No, he does not, he spoons me and talks to me about the little things until we both fell asleep. ing cliché, I know.

 

So tell me how can I not have feelings for him?

 

But sadly, he doesn’t want relationships and leaves eventually to make himself available to other people until he deems me worthy again. , my allowance are mostly spent on basic make-ups just to lure him back to me. The struggle is real guys. And I always get the ear whenever I crash in Baekhyun’s couch at night because my bed just has to smell a lot like Kim Jongin and I ain’t gonna sleep on that knowing he’s sleeping on another ’s bed.

 

He’s such a douche, but I have feelings for him so I guess that’s irrelevant and technically, he doesn’t like anyone in particular so I still have the upper hand against his flings. Ain’t I a genius?

 

Oh how feelings can ruin people. Only if this bastard can take me more seriously, I swear I’d worship his body every night. All puns intended.

 

“So what if I am?” I felt the mattress dip behind me and I was just right on time to close the document and discard my laptop somewhere safe from our limbs before lips are pressed against my nape.

 

His arms knows perfectly their way around me to pull me against his chest and cradle me from side to side while his lips nips on my neck. Damn, how can I not feel the butterflies when a man I’m sort of having feelz with is showing me this kind of affection?

 

There was nothing ual about it, not even if we’re both almost . The warmth on his skin was the gentle kind that I would definitely fall asleep to any time of day. I feel like a baby, literally a baby.

 

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers and I think I heard my heart stopping at the middle of the road.

 

The warmth remains there, but the butterflies were chased away by the fear that blocked the road, it was big and heavy.

 

“I know,” I refused to hold his hand but somehow, he figured how to unclasped my fingers.

 

“And y.”

 

I try not to get swayed and be fooled for this has happened a lot of times before that it only takes a few more seconds before he says the words. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

 

“I like looking at you.”

 

“You’re always looking at me.”

 

He smiles on my skin. “Our hands fits perfectly together.”

 

I looked down and my lips curves up bitterly. “They do.”

 

“I miss you when I’m with you.”

 

“I miss you when you’re not with me,” I swallowed as soon as the words left me and felt him froze in his place. Maybe he knows, maybe he does not know, but what does it take for a man to feel what others are trying to tell him?

 

I’ve given him hints and although it’s not in my nature to feel jealous, I am. It’s impossible not to when what you want for yourself is being shared to the public. Also, knowing that I’m the only one he constantly comes back too, it doesn’t make me feel any less jealous, if anything, it only makes me want him all for myself. I can be a possessive if I want to.

 

“Taemin asked me to help him with his dance.” And there it is, the name of his next victim. Hah, I knew that wants Jongin’s . He’s been ogling it in every dance practice that they have that I always survey—what can I say? Where his highness wants me, then her majesty ought to be there.

 

We were also kind of bestfriends so screwing each other is weird and awkward during the first trial, but as I have said, seeing him growing made the huge push and knowing what we both want just spices our nights together—or days. So he tells me whose hole he’s gonna burry his stick in after finding his balance in me.

 

Can he be more an insensitive jerk?

 

But yeah, love moves in mysterious ways that it had me ing blinded. I hate going through this after all the bliss but I cannot help it. Once you Kim Jong-in you can’t Kim Jong-out, or so they ing say. However, it’s proving to me very true.

 

“Good luck then.”

 

He squeezes me tight, guiding my lips towards his. This is how we always end, he gives me chaste kisses and a promise to call every night.

 

He never calls though.

 

Ooohhhh the drama.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

However, I don’t dwell on them that much, or at least that’s what other people thinks. People that are not Byun Baekhyun, Byun, Baek, and Hyun. Because I can never stay safe and private when it comes to the other. HE JUST KNOWS EVERYTHING.

 

That’s ing scary most of the times, a lot scarier than when I was first kissed by Jongin—would anyone believe me if I say that the awkwardly vanilla happened first before we shared our somehow not awkward anymore first kiss? No? Well, I guess that’s one fact about our complicated relationship already. Woohoo. Nah.

 

And to add more drama, that caused Baekhyun’s blood pressure to rise against the roof, I had discovered that my father and Jongin’s father were in fact, bff, and the princess’ father is actually his highness’ godfather. Ain’t I living a perfect life? Please, try to catch the sarcasm raining on that question.

 

Baekhyun had forbade me to meet Jongin privately for months. It was the saddest year of my life. No live action , no mesmerizing muscles to ogle, and realizing that I’ve been screwing with the person my father treated as his own son without me knowing brought an ample of guilt.

 

(FYI, Jongin calls my father, pops, and dear old father calls him, son—I should be in jail.)

 

Damn, every night I was having bad dreams about .

 

But dang, they’re all like me calling him hyung and begging for that piece of him to screw me on the table, against the bathroom sink, on the couch, on top of my scattered papers, and they’re all hot and I have to change bed sheets every ing time that I, at one point in time, didn’t even bother laying the but that had been a bad idea when I spilled straight to the mattress.

 

That was in the early years of knowing the Kim Jongin, and all I did after was not to dwell on it too much. Getting used to was a big help, but I doubt I could get used to hearing the names of the people Jongin would for the time being. They just strike the bull’s eye in my paper heart and twist my guts into knots that is hard to undo unless Jongin’s safe and sated by my side.

 

“You have that look on your face that says, behave Luhan, be a good boy and daddy will reward you when he comes home.”

 

I did not shiver at Baekhyun’s breath ghosting down my neck, I shivered at the thought of our darkest secret: the . At first, I thought that they’re too lenient compared to the other kinks I had discovered with the people I had shared obscene acts with, but oh boy how wrong I was. The moment Kim Jongin walked down the ing hallway like the ing model he could be with his (other) equally popular and smoking hot bestfriend (a.k.a. Byun Baekhyun’s owner) Oh Sehun wearing casual clothes that looked like rags on normal people (the peasants beneath my pretty toenails, haters to the left) with just the right Ray Bans, I was back in middle school.

 

Only that this one is a lot dirtier than before, dirtier in a way that me, daddy, please, Luhannie’s been a good boy, he prepared himself for you, is only one of the mild imaginations I had sprouted from that moment onwards.

 

That was also the time fate decided to make a bridge between my pretty sand castle and the boat floating around my crystal clear water to introduce the Byun Baekhyun to me and have him serve as my loyal guard. (I do not know—and I don’t want to know—what would become of me if people saw me literally drooling on the sides as the on legs duo grace human race of their presence.) Kim Jongin brought more than just the hard-ons I suffered for months with that grand entrance of him.

 

And that was three years ago, now, the things that I’ve faced because of him are the things I’d rather not have faced. Not only they’re a pain in my beautiful —yes people, I also have a despite the lack of evidence—but they’re also heavier than my own weight. Maybe I should eat more, but Jongin likes my legs skinny so maybe, no. Not gonna happen.

 

What’s a little drama to my wonderful life, right?

 

Sadly, the duo has yet to learn about this wild fantasy of ours being their little babies (and feeding on their ing milks). I’ve been praying for this certain dream of mine to come true that Lady Gaga would literally go gaga if it is answered positively. , hashtagthefeelz hashtagwetdreams.

 

“Taemin’s been smug since yesterday, I wanna slap him so hard and wake him up. But Jongin looks genuinely happy that I couldn’t do it.”

 

Baekhyun grabs his fork and starts pampering me, feeding me my lunch like the baby I am. Sehun’s figure appears near our table staring at us and looking pretty amused. That hot motherer looks like he’d ask for a at the end of the day. I have to admit, I wouldn’t mind just to see who’s more blessed between him and Jongin (Baekhyun, that ing , doesn’t share all the details.)

 

Would Jongin get jealous if he knew?

 

But Sehun, Oh Sehun, was a one woman (gay, correctly) man, and I hate to admit that I’m jealous of Baekhyun on this one. The dude caught the best fish out there in the ocean! I wish Sehun had influenced his bestfriend on that sense.

 

“I’ve told you many times before, either stop it or tell him.” The frown on Baekhyun’s forehead disappears when Sehun pecks his temple that has the former chasing his lips for a proper kiss. Do they not realize that I’m suffering some incurable disease wildly spread amongst those lonely soul that happy people dubbed as jealousy?

 

“Unless you two want me to kill you both, I suggest you put both of your tongues back to your own mouth.”

 

It took five more seconds—I ing counted—before Baekhyun released Sehun from his arms (how did his hands came up to Sehun’s neck by the way?) and make a face towards my direction.

 

“Jealous .”

 

“I’m only a concerned citizen of this planet, Byun.” Sehun leans down on me and leaves a print of his lips on my temple and pats on my shoulder as his way of greeting and apologizing. I SWEAR TO GOD, I AM NOT JEALOUS OF BAEKHYUN AND HIS BAE. Sehun smiles at me and holds Baekhyun’s middle as he take his seat and—I AM.

 

FML

 

Okay, so maybe Baekhyun got more than lucky not just by getting banged by the Oh Sehun three times a week, with more than two rounds, but also for having a real relationship with him. So what? I got to be banged by the KIM JONGIN, a.k.a. repeat the name and put ing at the middle before the given name because he was born with it, four times a week with moar than four rounds and never less than three rounds (quickies not included as I would like to look quite humble).

 

I sound so much like a second-rate jealous . /goodbye life/

 

“Concerned my ,” he clicks his tongue but resumes on feeding me the greens and leaving the ham on Sehun’s plate. I glared at him, he raised an eyebrow. “Taemin’s skinnier than you because he burns them while you eat all the food and sleep on them. I see why Jongin choose him.”

 

“I’m a lot skinnier than ing Taemin, you.” And that is true, Baekhyun just didn’t want to give his boyfriend his meat. That selfish puppy.

 

“Luhan,” Sehun suddenly calls out, looking disturb and silencing the little atmosphere we had around. I’ve never seen him look at me that way and it brings a sudden dread the more he glances back between me and Baekhyun.

 

“Nothing,” he ends after Baekhyun grabbed his hand.

 

Oh hell no, no one calls me like that then leaves it at nothing. “It’s either you tell me or I’ll have it force out of you. You choose.”

 

“Luhan, let’s drop the topic, okay?” Baekhyun insists, opting to feed me the tomato.

 

I held his hand down and stared at them both. “You know I’m not very good at handling curiosity. So tell me before I stress myself out.”

 

“It’s really nothing, c’mon finish this one.” He tried again but I didn’t budge.

 

“No. Tell me.”

 

“There’s nothing to tell you.”

 

“You clearly know that there is.”

 

“And I know that it is nothing.”

 

Baekhyun’s hand that he held out to feed me gets stopped by Sehun’s and we both look back at him. He looks somber, almost like sorry. I hate the twisting in my gut, it’s different than before. “That’s enough Baek, Luhan has to know.”

 

Baekhyun tries to argue silently with his gaze but Sehun stares at me in a way that scares me more than the realization that Jongin might not fit inside me—really irrelevant. “Stop scaring me Sehun, what is it?”

 

He heaves a sigh, deep and somehow long. “Jongin, he—he really likes Taemin. He told me.” Oh.

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’m sorry, Luhan.”

 

“And that was nothing?”

 

“Luhan.”

 

“You really did emphasized on your words huh. Ha. Ha.” Was that my heart giving up on those glue sticks? Because I think I just heard the joke of the year and I don’t think it was funny at all.

 

Not more than a second later, Baekhyun’s on my side, enveloping me in a side-way hug. He feels warm, comforting, I think I could sleep on his shoulder if I wasn’t so out of it. “I’m not gonna tell you that it is okay, Luhan. Because, clearly, it is not unless you go up to him and tell him how you really feel. Don’t let your heart break just yet, the fight isn’t over. Remember our phrase?”

 

I looked at Jongin and Taemin, watching something from Taemin’s phone, and nod at Baekhyun’s question voicing, “Even married couples breaks.”

 

“There,” he pats my head and smiles. “Don’t give up just yet, show Jongin what he’d be missing if he lets go of you.”

 

“Have I ever told you before that I love you?” I felt a relieved smile appearing on my lips and Sehun convinces me by the way he rolled his eyes upon us. Baekhyun’s beaming.

 

“Tell me!”

 

“Why do I even sit with you both? I only hear scheming plots every damn time, and the fact that they’re all against my bestfriend is alarming. I should tell Jongin this, but I think Baekhyun’s right Luhan. Tell him already.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

ing easier said than done.

 

Four weeks, and two days into their fifth, but Jongin’s very much still in Taemin’s shadows. His usual flings only lasts two weeks and the longest, so far, had been three weeks. Taemin’s beaten that ing record. ing unbelievable, I mean, I clearly did not saw the dancer capable. And Jongin had seenzoned me.

 

What the actual ?

 

He had only noticed me once, and that was because I had to actually call for his attention to pass me a copy of our lecture, after that brief eye contact and simple brush of our fingers that ing produced a series of fireworks in my belly, he was gone back to Taemin.

 

Whut the actual fcuk?

 

Hashtagseenzoned.

 

Hashtagfriendzoned.

 

But I’ve never seen Jongin this happy with his other flings, neither do I think he was that happy with me. His bright smiles relaxes me though, yet, let’s-slap-Taemin’s-face game is still pretty much very strong. VERY STRONG.

 

Why does having a beautiful face has to have a complicated life?

 

“Do you think it’s the ?”

 

Baekhyun pops a few butter popcorn onto his mouth, narrowing his eyes into slits while he scrutinizes the two people I would rather have placed on each side of this ing planet. “Well, he’s got one hand on Jongin’s thigh.”

 

“You’re joking.” I leaned closer and yep, definitely a hand on Jongin’s thigh—mid thigh to be exact. “What now? He rides him better than me?”

 

“Luhan,” he pushes me back on the chair, inconspicuously wiping his fingers on my Marvel shirt. If Baek thinks I didn’t notice, then he ing knew I will not believe that. “He might just want to place his hand there. I do that to Sehun sometimes.”

 

“But you and Sehun are in a rela—, oh , fcuk—are they seriously dating now?”

 

“Calm, bro. What do you mean seriously da… ting. . How long has it been? I swear Sehun isn’t telling me anything.”

 

“What do I do now?”

 

Pause

 

Backtrack

 

Pause

 

Fast forward

 

Play

 

Baekhyun ing rolled his eyes in front of me as if I’m asking an old question that’s been answered a hundred years before. If I’m not worried over Jongin’s current relationship status—he made facebook, yes, but never touched it ever since OTL—I would’ve pinched his cheeks. “Surprisingly, you have two choices. You go up there and ask him if they’re dating, or you go up there and tell him your true feelings.”

 

I find myself taking Baekhyun’s advices seriously the longer I sit here in the corner to drink a nice tall glass of milkshake while conveniently watching the love—oh god, the four letter word has arrived—of my life have a nice brunch with his current interest. Baekhyun thought it was a movie marathon day and thus brought popcorn.

 

The he gives when the waiter eyed us is bigger than the mole on his upper left lip, none.

 

“I think I’m gonna go back and sleep, this is a bad dream I have to wake up from.”

 

There’s a deep sigh and a sound of slurping before the words were uttered, “It will not end unless you start something.”

 

But where do I start? I did not even know when my feelings turned serious.

 

Great, bring me the angst.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

As we entered week number nine, I was more than depressed. I swear I sulked more than I . Not that I couldn’t get any, it was just me not engaging into these filthy activities with other people ever since I had the arrangement with Jongin. I mean, why would I bother myself and want other people to touch me when there is a Kim Jongin?

 

Right.

 

But I realized that it was not just the that got me depressed. It was the affection Jongin was giving Taemin that I had wished for long to be poured upon me. The dream of me being together with him is playing in front of my ed up life every ing day, casting another lead role instead of honoring it to me. The is with the director above? Is he that high up above that he had mistaken Taemin as the ever beautiful me to set the movie and had it rolling?

 

People had also started making words, noticing the length of Jongin staying by Taemin’s side. They’d understand if it were with me because Jongin made sure everyone knew who I am in his life—except from what we do behind their backs that is, although, I knew others fantasize about the two of us getting it down and dirty. (Damn how I wish he never made the declaration.) So it’s not really unusual to them if he’s with me for a longer period of time than he was with his latest playmate. But Taemin, people only knew of them as classmates taking dance lessons together, they do not mingle around each other for long unless it has to do with their choreography. People from the same campus wouldn’t just start one baseless rumor.

 

And the funny thing is, I, for one, should be the first to know if anything is true. Hello, bestfriend? Bestfriends with benefits? Brothers with benefits? Doesn’t that ever ring a bell in Jongin’s head, even the one down South? I knew for a fact that he’s not that not-the-sharpest-tool-in-the-box kind of guy, he’s above average surprisingly, but it looked like he had suddenly sprouted a disease wherein he had a collective memory in which he had forgotten he’s got another bestfriend aside from Oh Sehun.

 

I am very much offended, by the way, I mean do I look like I could be forgotten easily? For the love of all gays, I’m the twinkest person in town! Never mind the ing feelings that brings so much drama to my colorful life, but seriously, I am a friend first and foremost. That should not be forgotten.

 

“If the drama version of my life gets unfold, pull me out immediately,” I breathed the same time I stood up from our lunch table.

 

Baekhyun looked puzzled, “Where are you going?”

 

“To tell Kim Jongin that he has an awesome friend named Lu ing Han,” from the corner of my eyes, I saw Sehun smiling faintly. Well, that boosted my conceited confidence.

 

Jongin and Taemin sits with the same people around lunch, one of them I recognized as another dancer named Yixing. He smiled immediately as soon as I neared their table, one hand waving me over rather enthusiastically that got the attention of a few people that were watching.

 

Hey, look, Luhan’s walking over their table, I hear people starts murmuring. I gave them one nod to let them know that I heard, and what do I get in return? A load of grins. Yes people, the majesty is walking.

 

The time I stopped just short of two feet from them, I’ve already got everyone’s attention—now go and tell me I can be easily forgotten—except for Jongin’s. It irked me more than Taemin’s pathetic face that could not be compared to my own. How dare that ignorant hot ignore me?

 

“Hello everyone,” they came out polite, though bearing so much authority. I am higher than these lowlifes. End of discussion.

 

“Luhan! Do you wanna sit with us?” Yixing’s so innocent I fear he might not survive in this world for long.

 

“Thank you,” I dare to give him one real smile and directed my gaze to his friend. “I’m just here to borrow Jongin, if it’s okay with you, Taemin.”

 

Taemin looked like he’d rather have me turn back on my soles and leave them be when he said, “Oh it’s Jongin you should ask, not me.”

 

At least he knows some decency.

 

“Jongin?” He has his back on attention that clearly told me he’s fighting against his own. It brought a crease in my forehead that I dismissed immediately. I could read his movements even behind his back.

 

It hurts to know that I am not welcomed.

 

“I’ll be right back Tae,” I hear him say, saw him squeezing Taemin’s hand, but I never saw his eyes as he stood and lead the way out of the lunch room.

 

I wanna smack him honestly, you know like a huge -slap to wake him up because clearly, he’s not the one dealing with pain every waking day of his ing life because of one ing unrequited love. He’s rather having the life I ing want while I cover myself with façade just to ing survive the cruelty of this called reality. And now he’s saying that he’d rather not know me? What a ing joke.

 

He stopped after turning around a corner and hiding underneath the stairs. The stairs in which we may or may not have had a quickie one too many times. , I better not get as flashbacks with him are quite vivid—.

 

“What is it?” He faced me but didn’t quite reached my eye. I felt my blood boil, the nerve of him.

 

“So no more pleasantries to at least make it look like you’re actually happy to see me?” I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.

 

He sighed. “Luhan—”

 

“Never mind, are you two dating?”

 

He had barely nodded his head when I turned back around and took a step out (I’m not gonna stay there and watch familiar pieces of a broken puzzle fall down on the ground to shatter further more) of that place—so much for reminiscing getting ed while the whole school has on-going classes. That explains everything and I guess I’m just a trash now. Will it ever stop hurting? My heart that is.

 

“Luhan! Wait,” he called and me being the educated that I am, have the decency to properly face him. It’s the only thing I could show him, after all. “Is that all you’re gonna ask me?” he continued.

 

“Why? Are you expecting me to ask you something else? Like maybe explain yourself why you’re ignoring me, your bestfriend as you say?” He diverted his gaze away from me and that’s answer enough. More than enough to attach the word ache at the end of my heart. “C’mon, I only asked to borrow you from Taemin. I never meant I’d steal you.”

 

I never looked back at him when I turned back around. I walked out of that place like the drama queen that I am.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The pain weighs heavier than Baekhyun’s fat-.

 

It ing punched my chest and left a gaping hole that mocks me every time I look in the mirror. One ing guy and I’m barely hanging to keep myself from completely falling down the edge. ing great. I did not work my off just to get thrown aside for a new piece of . I do not deserve this kind of treatment.

 

“I need to re-evaluate my life,” above me, Baekhyun snorted and shifted a little. I squirmed, “And you need to get off of me, like seriously you’re heavy, how does Sehun survive?”

 

He slapped my and I groaned, he’s still sitting on top of me, though. “Please try to give an ample of attention to when you decided that it’s better not telling Jongin your feelings ‘coz that’s where you ed up.”

 

“Shut up, fat-.”

 

“My is y,” he makes a point by wiggling it and that caused my groin to rub on my mattress. The friction damn hurts.

 

“Says who?” I blindly reached behind me and somehow caught a part of Baekhyun’s body and pinched it—hard. He squeaked and deliberately climbed down.

 

“ that hurt,” he was rubbing on the spot when I flipped on my back, turns out it was his left thigh.

 

I just stared at him and wondered why I have not followed Baekhyun from the start. Things would’ve been different, perhaps, be it a better one or something equally sad I think I would’ve liked that more than what had happened. I am regretting this, aren’t I? Funny how I’m so confident about myself but I can’t even stand up in front of the person I like and tell him that I fukcing like him.

 

The phrase, smart people are idiots in love, should’ve been the motto written beneath my name in those yearbooks. Fitted my ing life perfectly.

 

“You sad?” he asked quietly, reaching up to run his fingers on my hair.

 

I allowed him to continue it, feeling rather calm and sleepy—what with the low hum of music coming from his phone. Am I sad? I think that would’ve been an understatement. I’m more than just sad, I felt betrayed, ing played with. Was that all my worth for him? Did he laugh behind my back when I confessed that I actually do miss him whenever we’re not together? Or everything was just a plane old trick to get me hooked until he gets tired of me, because wow, three years and the only thing I get after he was satisfied with me was a cold shoulder.

 

Give me some love, yo!

 

“Hey, turn up the sound. I know the song.”

 

Baekhyun looked confused but did as I said and before I knew it, I was singing.

 

I remember the days we spent together were not enough
And it used to feel like dreamin' except we always woke up
Never thought not having you here now, would hurt so much

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Surprisingly, I was back to the old me, parading the land with my awesomeness because let’s face it, the world will not wait for anyone, it will revolve day in and day out and I’m not about to mope forever just for one stupid guy that made the biggest mistake in his life of ever letting me go. I sound like I just had a break-up. Anyways, I deem a couple of days is sufficient to allow myself to drown in my own drama and figured that instead of getting ugly by thinking of those regretful thoughts, I’d rather show him that I could do better.

 

“Wit-wew~”

 

I spun around in my heels, “Was that a catcall? Oh my god, that’s awful!”

 

“Shut up, .” Baekhyun playfully slapped my arm, playfully that suspiciously hurt. He’s got not only a fat- now. “You’re looking good.”

 

I flipped my hair—like I got one, but that’s not the point. “I always look good. I beautify this world with my presence.”

 

“Haha funny.”

 

Well, at least I did laugh at him. The hallways, as expected in every Mean Girls movies, were already filled with noise, and as we head further towards our class, there’s quite a number of lingering stares that dare to follow me. Hah! I always make a great comeback.

 

I made sure to wiggle my cute and smiled prettily, knowing it’ll only be a matter of days (or time) to start getting the same questions.

 

“By the way, Sehun wants to know if you’re busy later after class.”

 

I pondered for a while, just to make it look like I actually have plans, biting the fat of my lip within the span of not less than five seconds—the rule I made for myself. Then I shook my head and, “I think I’m free, why?”

 

“He’s sorry he wasn’t there to comfort you, baby Luhannie,” he cooed the endearment close to my ear and I ing giggled.

 

I slapped his arm but the er dodged it by detaching himself from me and jumps a few feet away, bumping into someone that—OH HOLY MOTHER OF ALL HOLY COWS, AIN’T THAT AN EYE CANDY? WHERE THE HELL DID THIS GODDAMN ADONIS CAME FROM?! WHY DID I NOT KNOW HIS EXISTENCE—oh I think I was busy falling for Jongin that I forgot there’s other people aside from that motherer. .

 

“I’m sor—well if it isn’t you, Choi.” The I missed?!

 

“Oh, hey Byun,” and mister-tall-but-not-dark-yet-still-handsome guy smiled, all pearly white teeth. God even his voice was heavenly, deeper than the guy from our class last year—Chanyeol was the name, if I am not mistaken—but not deep enough to be compared in the vast of night painted in his irises that brought a ing load of thundering shiver across my very vulnerable body with just a single glance. Blame it on my ing delusional monthly period, but I held onto Baekhyun’s arm for support. my knees have turned jelly and oh dear Lord, mister-tall-but-not-dark-yet-still-handsome guy noticed that three seconds shameful moment of my fabulous life. “Are you okay?”

 

Of course, I squeaked.

 

Literally, my life.

 

This is middle school combined with first year of college time once again. Damn, and I just finished patching my sorry excuse of a heart and even though it’ll never be close to being new once again, I got it running and now, it’s beating quite erratically again. I swear, my cause of death will be heart failure.

 

“He means he’s fine,” Baekhyun translated, glancing at me and the smile he has just told me he knows what is happening. “By the way, this is Luhan, my friend, Luhan, meet the prince charming himself, Choi Seunghyun.”

 

Was his name Prince and last name Charming? Because I think that would fit perfectly. Goddammit I feel like I’m such a preteen experiencing my first pron and wanting to pee so badly while fearing for the beating of my heart.

 

Mister Prince Charming himself, snorted and it was music—don’t ask how that is music, just agree on this with me, ‘coz if you don’t imma kill you.

 

“Oh…kay?”

 

“Did I say that out loud?”

 

They’re both weirdly looking at me and the only confirmation I need was that stupid smile on stupid Baekhyun’s stupid face that makes me feel stupid. This is stupid. Why is it so hard being me?

 

I groaned, trying to hide behind Baekhyun but failed to do so when the faintest of chuckles reached my ear and Prince Charming has his mouth covered by a hand, eyes crinkling in crescents and aww he looks sooooo cute I think I’ll die if I don’t run away. But then he stopped, after noticing me, and schooled his stature—one hand reaching for a shake.

 

“It’ll be nice if you don’t kill me, Luhan.”

 

Let’s not venture on how my name rolled off of his tongue. That’s danger zone. “Depends, but if you decide to forget you heard anything, then I guess we won’t have a problem, Seunghyun.”

 

Wasn’t there a saying when a guy has big hands, the so called -hands?

 

“Byun Baekhyun is still here people.”

 

Of course, Baekhyun always knows how to ruin a moment. But sometimes, I’m glad he knows.

 

Prince Charming pulled his hand from mine—bummer—and casually tucked them inside his pockets. Is he a model or what?

 

“Right. Sorry.”

 

D’aww he’s awkward and he’s cute.

 

“So what brings you here, Choi?”

 

“I just delivered something to a friend and on my way to class when you decided that you’d bump into me, Byun.”

 

“Oh hush it, that was an accident, plus I’m not happy at all that my side is feeling sore.”

 

Prince Charming ruffled Baekhyun’s hair and started moving, I took a step back allowing him a clear path. He smiled at me and said, “Let’s hangout some time Luhan. I’ll make sure you wouldn’t kill me.”

 

And he ing winked before going into that direction that separated us. I watched him go—watched his jiggle inside his almost tight pants—then I turn around to Baekhyun. He has a knowing smirk and I had a knowing feeling.

 

“I just had a wet dream.”

 

The smirk widened. “C’mon, Mr. Bang knows how to chase any of your dreams away.”

 

“. I hate his subject.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Who the is Kim Jongin again?

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

As it turns out, Seunghyun’s friend was a close friend of Sehun as well. Still, how come people doesn’t know of Choi Seunhyun?

 

“How come people doesn’t know of Choi Seunghyun?”

 

The question did not stop Baekhyun from taking a bite of his chicken sandwich, but he stopped when Sehun leaned close to him trying to muffle his words but failed—I made sure he failed. “It’s been days but he’s still yapping about Seunghyun?” He had asked.

 

“The Choi Seunghyun struggle is real, Oh Sehun.”

 

Baekhyun rolled his eyes and dabbed the area around his lips with a tissue—Sehun picked a crumb that Baekhyun missed, I rowled my eyes. “How come QUEEN LUHAN doesn’t know of Choi Seunghyun, is what you really wanna ask, right?”

 

I blinked my eyes innocently.

 

He heaved a sigh. He’s so dramatic sometimes. “He’s as popular as Jongin could get, I mean, just look at him, he’s an Engineering student for crying out loud but you wouldn’t know unless he tells you so! He’s got the body, the face, he also has them brains. If there’s ever a Mister Universe—I’m sorry Sehoney—then I bet you he’d own the crown. Sadly, his name’s isn’t as noisy as Jongin, and you and I both knew why you don’t know him.” Not only does his eyes seem to bore on me but his words as well. I could just imagine a few new holes in my chest.

 

However, the sandwich wrap on Baekhyun’s looks artistic for a wrapper than the person holding it. “Still, if he’s popular too then I would’ve sure heard his name before.”

 

“Choi Seunghyun doesn’t do flings and that’s one reason his name isn’t as loud as Jongin’s. But if you want a real boyfriend, then Choi Seunghyun is the name.”

 

My eyes narrowed on a few words that cannot be true. “Are you sure he doesn’t do flings? Because I’m sure as that we had a moment.”

 

“Yes you had a moment, and you almost popped a too.”

 

Sehun doesn’t choke on anything anymore, too used to hearing such statements. I kind of missed laughing at his face. “Seungri’s throwing a beach birthday party, everyone’s invited. You should go.”

 

My, my, I could feel my eyes sparkling. Sehun’s always been reliable. “When is that?”

 

“Two weeks from now.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Why do people always forget things that should not be forgotten?

 

Seungri is a social butterfly!

 

And the first thing that greeted me was the sight of Jongin holding Taemin close as they exchange words with the birthday boy and wow there’s a stinging feeling. My life has been Jongin-stress free for the past couple of weeks and I’m swimming in Prince Charming’s daydream instead, so why now??? , why am I still affected? I did not pull myself out of that darkness just to be ruined again in one night.

 

Oh hell no.

 

Baekhyun didn’t look concerned and Sehun gave only one push for me to put my game on and mode on (though I think I never turned it off). So yeah, I strutted down the path that people made because I’m just like that and to my surprise, Choi Seunghyun broke into their crowd to welcome me and oh my, that arm that s on my waist pulled me off my feet. Damn this boy knew how to distract me.

 

“You’ve made it,” he breathed, more like he whispered hotly. he’s got firm muscles—yum.

 

I chuckled, placing one arm up and around his neck while the other held the side of his waist. “Of course I would.”

 

He smiled down on me, breaking our intimate distance only after Baekhyun the cleared his throat. , I could feel something dark seeping in my pores. Did I forgot something?

 

“Did I ever ed you and Sehun, Byun?” He threw in, but there’s a playful smile behind his annoyed question.

 

Baekhyun poked his tongue out and held Sehun closer, as if taunting the other what he can do to the man in his arms that Seunghyun, sadly, cannot do. I don’t mind though, perhaps it was the difference in courses but Seunghyun is so much mature when compared to Jongin. This one feels so much like a man and I wouldn’t mind turning into a girl—although that isn’t really necessary.

 

“C’mon, let’s get you to the birthday boy,” he led me down the way, the way that he made for himself like a true king. Is there anything higher than a queen?

 

Sehun and Baekhyun followed suit, on our side, catching stares for the four of us. I am used to the stares, but I am not used to these stares. It feels like they’re actually jealous of me, was this the effect Seunghyun have on them? Their stares made me feel, somehow, special.

 

Seungri is warm when he hugged me, saying, “I finally got to meet you, Luhan.”

 

“Yes, and it’s on your birthday. Happy Birthday.” I squeezed him gently and drew off.

 

That’s when the darkness felt tenfold, and it’s as clear as the fluorescent light that Jongin’s sending them over. So now he’s angry? him. He doesn’t have the right to be angry at me.

 

“Thank you,” Seungri’s voice dragged me back to him and the others. “I’ve been meaning to meet you since forever, but Jongin and Sehun doesn’t want me to,” he says. My brows arched, they stood on their feet much like how the atmosphere stirred on a different path. I didn’t know that.

 

Why did I not know that?

 

“That’s because he’s way out of your league,” Sehun choose that moment to divert the attention to him, shoving his birthday present in Seungri’s chest before the ‘bro-hug’.

 

But that did not deter me to look for Jongin’s reaction, reaction that I wish I did not sought for. The tight hold he got on Taemin tasted so sour in my buds. He was not looking at me, he never looked at me.

 

Ouch

 

The sound of waves crashing on the shore brings a gust of wind, cold and salty. It was only half past nine when we left for the party but it feels like it’s more than an hour had passed that I’ve been here, standing close to my desired sin. Jongin looks so cozy in his khaki pants and plain mint tee and I have this urge to go ahead of myself and just tell him that I failed in lying and that I really miss him like for real. But how do I say that without me resembling a desperate mistress?

 

God sometimes I hate my life.

 

I mean, I’m beautiful, y, fabulous, witty, and very much flexible. I’m pretty much flawless, that is if one would look past my conceitedness. But it can’t be helped that all of the things I boast about myself are true—haters to the left, thank you for keeping up with me. Oh damn I feel like flipping my hair.

 

Like an ant trying to subtly crawl on my skin before it would bit me, I felt a hand on my skin. Seunghyun has a smile on his face, a ing knowing smile and hold up, whatever the is going on? That smile clearly screams out that he knows something that I would not like.

 

“C’mon let’s get you something to eat,” he says, excusing us.

 

He brought me at the long table, grabbing a paper plate and my eyes watered immediately at the burgers and sausages on the grill. Now this is life. Without much preamble, I fixed myself a decent burger, forgoing the vegetable that looked lonely despite the ample of them and forked a couple of sausages. For someone as y as me, I sure eat a lot and unhealthily.

 

“Did you suppress your hunger for this?” There’s amusement in his voice and all I could do is grin at him while he tosses me a can of coke—diet coke. Yuck.

 

“If you’re gonna tell me that I’m a pig then I can assure you that I can forget easily and I wouldn’t even know who you are,” I threw him a look and all I get in return was a chuckle.

 

“I was gonna ask if you want a barbeque to go with that but I guess that could wait. C’mon.”

 

We sat by the shore, actually a little far off from the party that the noise was reduced to a low murmur of sounds. My feet are stuck into the sand, the grey Toms that I wore securely safe behind our backs. The waves turned small, almost lulled into a peaceful slumber by the twinkling stars, and the breeze mellowed down a bit. I can’t remember ever having a night like this before.

 

“If you’re gonna tell me that I’m beautiful, then I already know that.”

 

“Is that what he always tell you?”

 

The chunk of burger gets stuck in my throat, resulting in a fit of cough that if I would dare admit, not entirely accidental, some of them were intentional. I mean, what?

 

“What?”

 

He leans back a little, one hand anchored on the sand to support his weight. He’s curious I could tell from the way his head tilts on the side, but he’s also confident in a way that he’s not sorry for what happened to me. Is this the Prince Charming? Looks like a character suited for a developing villain.

 

“Kim Jongin. Is that what he always tell you?”

 

Whut the actual ing ?

 

“Uh… why would he tell me that?” I did not look away from him, wanting to make everything believable.

 

He shrugs his shoulders and man, does every little move he makes cannot be any way cooler than a normal human being? This guy, the way he handles himself is impossible. “I don’t know but I think I know how to observe people.”

 

. Did I get myself in trouble? “And what does that really say?”

 

“That…” he leans forward, closing the distance between us. His breath fans across my face as he arranges my fringe and stare into my eyes. I. AM. SHIVERING. Seunghyun could pass up as a Greek god. “You have feelings for your bestfriend.”

 

hashtagwhatislife

 

hashtagmylife

 

hashtagletmedie

 

He smiles and oh dear, I know I should be worrying about other things but , I think I would want to kiss those lips instead. “That’s bull.”

 

“Nah-uh,” he retreats back, finally allowing me to breathe properly. “You’re forgetting who you are. Everybody knows you.”

 

Oh I can literally feel my popularity—and I am being sarcastic. “So what, you’re a stalker now?”

 

“I don’t stoop that low. But you could say that I like appreciating beauty.”

 

My cheeks did not fire on that. They’re already burned. “Was that you flirting with me?”

 

He laughs, eyes crinkling in an upward smile. I took the time to drink, grasping the situation that I might’ve been caught without my knowledge and that Jongin could possibly be not dense at all. everything, this better be a big fat lie.

 

“You never miss anything, do you?” I smiled cheekily, though honestly speaking, I want Baekhyun to reassure me that not everyone knows what he knows. “But yeah, you could say that I did had a crush on you.”

 

“Had?”

 

He nods, brushing his fringes on the side. I looked down on my meal and suddenly, I don’t have any appetite at all. So what if everyone knows me? I still don’t get to have the hot ones, I’m still the unlucky one. Will I ever stop being friendzoned?

 

“Yeah, it was during the early years when you’re not making eyes to Jongin yet.”

 

“I do not make eyes at him!”

 

“Is what people in denial always says,” he chuckles again and I glared at him, he seems to be enjoying this. I do not. “Relax, we’re still pretty much young for a wrinkle.”

 

“You sound so convinced of yourself.”

 

“Well, am I not right, Luhan?”

 

The way he had challenged me by curling his tongue around my name, we both knew I would be blatantly lying if I denied it. I looked down on my toes and wondered when it was really that I started developing for Jongin. Seughyun mentioned years, does it mean I’ve been harboring feelings for Jongin and Seunghyun’s been watching it all those time?

 

“Why are you doing this?” I looked up, back at him and he looked like he wanted to hug me. I wouldn’t mind. “Do you feel sorry for me?”

 

“What—no. No. That’s not it.”

 

“Then what is it?”

 

“I just wanna be friends.”

 

He was honestly, honest.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

There should be a limitation on being a friendzoned, and I should not be one of them. But fuuuvck, after the little flirting, Seunghyun had established our relationship status and it hurt to know that I’ll be forever dreaming of them perfect guys. I will be forever chasing after those wet dreams, will be forever making bestfriends with my own hands—I am so deprived, by the way.

 

But it can’t be helped and I think I’m starting to like hanging with Seunghyun as a friend. He’s fun, cool, and doesn’t really mind me ing and although Baekhyun looked sad for a while when I told him this, he figured that the new friendship is way better than having me find a rebound for a distraction. Besides, I wouldn’t stomach it if I ended up using Seunghyun to, if not forget then at least, lie to myself.

 

People have feelings.

 

Yuck, I think I’m getting soft—I forgot the last time I was hard though.

 

And so, with the new friend I found, my life continued and I remained being beautiful.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

But of course, in every story, just because the drama faded doesn’t mean it’ll never come back.

 

It does, and it will.

 

The moment I received a message from my roommate that he will not spend the night there, I knew for a fact that Kim Jongin was in the room. My roommate’s weird fixation of leaving the room for us happened when he had walked in on Jongin’s boxers-clad body closing my door. I don’t know what Jongin told him but I never heard anything from him, I just knew the incident when I forced him to tell me and ever since that day, whenever Jongin drops by, he leaves and returns only if I told him so.

 

It makes me feel like a douche now that I realize this all.

 

But the real douche was indeed, there, perched on my study table like he has the rights after what he’s done. I can feel all my irritation just by the mere sight of him, never mind that him being here in my room means that he’s done with his latest fling. I will never forget the way he had treated our friendship.

 

“What are you doing here?” I did not bother closing the door, opting to discard my bag on my bed to fix him a look.

 

He stands and lightly dusts his pants all the while trying to look at me. I know this side of him, there should be an apology after the little show but I doubt I would hear one today, after all, I did not welcome him with a smile. “Mom wants me to invite you to dinner.”

 

So he was not yet done with Taemin.

 

Great. ing great.

 

“I’m busy—”

 

“It’s their wedding anniversary.”

 

“Then invite your boyfriend instead,” I turn around and fondled my bag for my phone. I don’t need this right now.

 

“They don’t know Tae.” Aww and he gave him a nickname—what a ing joke.

 

“Then it’s about time you introdu—”

 

The way he had grabbed my arm was harsh, the grip was tight and I sure as hell knew they would bruise. I glared at him, wanting to push him away but couldn’t. It hurts somewhere else.

 

“It’s you they want Luhan, so stop being a princess and come with me.”

 

Kim Jongin doesn’t own a car, but he owns my heart and it’s a little sad he doesn’t know how precious it is and only knows how to break it in pieces.

 

They were delighted to see me, his parents and my parents. It’s been a while since I last step feet in their humble abode, but the house didn’t changed that much, they still welcome me like their own blood and flesh.

 

“Luhan! Dear, it’s good to see you,” his mom had caught me in an embrace and I returned it politely. Honestly, her warmth makes me want to cry and I’d rather not. “Jongin said you were busy with your new friend, but I’m glad you could still come.”

 

“Happy anniversary,” I pulled out from her arms, trying to smile naturally. “Although I have to apologize I completely forgot what today was if not for Jongin.”

 

She pats my arm and glided her fingers down to my hand. “That’s okay honey, this celebration wasn’t planned anyway. We just really want to eat dinner together again, you kids are so busy now.”

 

I nodded and turned to my parents to give them a hug—an extra hug for my mom to somehow, tell her that I miss her.

 

We proceeded to dinner, a not so simple buffet—talk about not planned. They made us eat a lot, made us sit across from each other, they made me answer their questions, and made me share a look with him a couple of times. It was the most awkward dinner I had yet so far. I don’t know if our parents could sense it but I knew Jongin did, and by the time the table was cleaned except for cups of teas, I was already excusing myself.

 

“You don’t have to leave so early honey, tomorrow’s Saturday. Jongin said you don’t have classes on Saturdays.”

 

My head quickly shot across the table but Jongin’s sipping his tea, not directly addressing the situation. Forever running from his wrong doings.

 

“I know,” his dad finally said, “Why don’t the two of you go up to Jongin’s room.”

 

“Oh no, no, no. We’re both fine here.” Why is this dude not saying anything?

 

“Our conversations must be boring the two of you,” my dear old father smiled and I could feel my mom’s hand squeezing mine. “Go and spend time the way you youngsters do.” She had winked at me.

 

The ???

 

My queen mother just winked at me and my king father’s smiling like an idiot and was it just me or are they trying to sell me to the Kims?! And Jongin’s parents are all smiling knowingly and seriously, what the actual ? Yo, I already had with your son, why does it look like you want to hook us up?!

 

I will never get these old people’s minds.

 

What happened to the ‘We’re all a family here’?

 

Suddenly, there’s that familiar sound of wood scratching on tiles and all eyes are turned towards Jongin’s direction. But he’s just looking at me and it makes me want to curl up. Does he not feel ashamed anymore?

 

“C’mon.”

 

My mother was more than eager to push me off of my seat. And I swear, I heard someone whispered a ‘Be safe’ just before we head to the stairs. these wanna be cupids, my heart’s already been broken by this guy and said guy has a ing boyfriend and it’s not me for ’s sake.

 

I dare not to speak with him when we entered his room. I directly went to the sofa by his window and pulled out my phone, fingers busy dialing Seunghyun’s number.

 

He picked up just after two rings. It takes Jongin five.

 

“Hey, where are you?”

 

The neediness in his voice eases everything even if just by a little. “I’m still at Jongin’s place. Wait for me, I’ll go with you.”

 

“Ohh, having an affair behind my back, I see.”

 

“Shut up! You’ll wait for me right? You promise you’d take me there.”

 

“Alright, alright. Shall I pick you up from his house?”

 

“That’s a brilliant idea, actually. Okay, I’ll text you the address. Be safe.”

 

I ended the call, sending a message immediately right after. I could feel a small smile tugging on my lips as I stare out the window. Seunghyun’s voice over the phone is just deeper than the actual voice and the way his laughter sounds, makes me think that I was falling down an empty well.

 

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Seunghyun lately,” Jongin’s voice not only brought me back to his room but also the previous swirling emotions that I had.

 

“Yeah,” I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I’m allowed to find friends that makes me feel like I matter, right?”

 

“I did not mean to ignore you Luhan.”

 

“Oh save it Jongin, we just had dinner, I don’t wanna be sick.” The more I hear his voice the more it makes my blood boil.

 

He was about to make a comeback when he closed his lips again and I turn my eyes back to his window. My phone buzzed—Seunghyun’s name accompanied the new message—Jongin laid on his bed, and the silence nurtured into pregnancy.

 

It took a good twenty minutes before I hear a sound of tires screeching and another good minute for the bell to ring. I felt all giddy and stood up, facing the mirror in his room to fix my hair. Directly behind, I could see Jongin—he’s looking at me so I look at him and saw my world crashing.

 

“Seunghyun’s a good guy, he’s better for you.”

 

He knew after all.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

I got ing rejected, didn’t I?

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Seunghyun owns a car, but he doesn’t own my heart, still he tries to fix them each time I got tired doing it myself.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

This time, I did not mope around. What’s the use of moping if it’ll only make me look ugly, I do not need that. What I need is to completely leave what was yesterday and focus on the present day. So I will not think of what drunk me did in the club and instead, fix this ing headache that woke me up. this is like a .

 

Good thing Baekhyun decided I’m way better be disposed in his bed instead of mine.

 

“Here, drink this,” he gave me two pills and a glass of water that weirdly tastes like sugar.

 

This is bull, it’s hard not wondering what I did last night. “Did I puke?”

 

“Seunghyun got you in the men’s in record time,” he said, sitting down.

 

“Did I humiliate myself?”

 

“You just declared that you’re the twinkest gay in town.”

 

“, that’s totally me.”

 

He carded his fingers through my messy hair and I closed my eyes, headache slowly subsiding. “Jongin was there.” The headache returned as fast as lightning. I frowned. “He called Sehun and arrived late.”

 

“And let me guess, Taemin’s with him. I honestly don’t care about him anymore.”

 

He moved closer and I leaned into his side. “After what he did last night, are you sure?”

 

I kept mum, enjoying the fingers running through my scalp, they ease the ache. But curiosity killed the cat as they say for I couldn’t stay silent for long. “What did he do?”

 

I think I heard a smile more than I saw it. “Seungri was also drunk last night and he felt you up,” my eyes shot open and I feel very much violated. How dare that idiot touch this holy body of mine! “Jongin, he was watching you and saw everything. He marched on the scene and threw a fist in Seungri’s face.”

 

Wow.

 

I turned to look at him, “Do you have a video of that?”

 

He shook his head but there’s definitely a smile lingering in his lips. “I don’t have but I’m sure there’s already one revolving around campus. Sehun would get one, don’t worry. But the best thing happened right after.”

 

I frowned and he tapped my nose. “There’s more action?”

 

He nodded. “Taemin got in between and tried to pull Jongin while Seunghyun pulled Seungri and guess what, Jongin pushed Taemin away and instead pulled you into a kiss.”

 

“D’aww.” I did not say that.

 

“You’re weird.”

 

“And you just noticed that?”

 

He looked at me weirdly and decided to continue, “Taemin made a scene but Jongin completely broke it off with him and after that, you just out.”

 

An annoyed groan resounded from within me, why did I not remember that? That would’ve been a scene I’d very much pay just to watch up front. Furthermore, I don’t understand my own bestfriend. “I don’t understand Jongin. I’m pretty sure he rejected me in his room last night.”

 

He sighed, turning me to face him. “Let me tell you a secret. Sehun confronted him after we all left and Jongin confessed everything. It was true that he liked Taemin, but only dated him for long to keep himself away from you—”

 

“You see that er—”

 

“The reason why they didn’t introduced Seungri to you is because Seungri’s a player and he likes you. Jongin’s the same. He likes you the way you like him—”

 

“That’s bull.”

 

“What’s bull is how he tackled his problem. He pushed you Luhan not because he does not like you, but because he knows Seunghyun isn’t a player like him.”

 

I pulled his hand off my head and crooked my lips. “Okay that’s enough. I appreciate the thought but that doesn’t make sense.”

 

“Believe me it does, that’s why Sehun punched him. But not everything is Jongin’s fault, don’t make it hard for him. Remember, you did not confess after all.”

 

“But he knew! He ing knew, else why would he reject me?”

 

“You know what, I don’t have all the answers to your problem. Why don’t you go and question him to end this story once and for all.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Of course I did not went up to him, the all mighty Luhan do not bow down to anyone—except during when I’m creating sinful deeds with someone, read: Jongin. I have my man pride excuse me, besides it’s not me who kissed someone in front of everybody. Rather, I spend more time with Seunghyun, trying to clear my mind and send Taemin smug looks each time he glances my way that clearly states, , I’ll always be prettier than you.

 

I only feel sorry for Yixing because he thinks I’m the villain that ruined his friend’s story when it is my story and they’re just the extra characters.

 

Seungri came up to me, well, more like Seunghyun was pulling him by his collar, after he returned to campus looking decent enough to apologize and damn, I have all the cafeteria as witnesses. I am once again the lovable Luhan that looks so innocent and harmless and my crown just got replaced by a bigger one—I couldn’t fit my head in the old one.

 

I knew I was born to rule this world.

 

I see Kim Jongin now and then, but I never gave him time to reach me. Baekhyun says it’s unfair of me to give him a cold shoulder but I say it’s only fine he gets his own ing medicine.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The day turned into days, then prolonged to weeks, and extended into months. Every time Jongin looks like he might give up, he comes back looking all freshen up and ready for another battle with my unrelenting stubbornness. I would’ve stopped chasing if it were me, but he never quits and instead looks forward for the next day.

 

I don’t know how he does it but I find it admirable, his willingness to wait and to apologize.

 

But just like a candle, he ran out of it and I found myself trapped in my bedroom’s door kissing him back with fervor. I. CANNOT. BELIEVE. MYSELF. One touch and I gave in, I would’ve blamed the summer heat for causing the erratic beating of my heart and the need to take off my clothes, but it’s clearly not summer and everything was just so much more exciting when one runs out of patience.

 

Everything escalated so quickly that from kissing the next thing I knew I was being subjected to spread my knees apart because lo and behold, Kim Jongin Jr. is making his entrance.

 

ing , do I miss him or I’m just made to be a screamer?

 

I’ve never had angry before, neither did I had a make-up . But who knew that I would love the animalistic wildness and rawness of it and would beg for him to give me more when it’s already impossible. Perhaps, I was just really that deprived, needless to say, I had two rounds pure of instinct and another round filled with unspoken feelings with him.

 

The last one almost looked like we were making love and that he truly loves me. I am so into him.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered in the dark.

 

Like the drama queen that I am, I turned around and wrapped myself with my blanket wishing for sleep to take me away.

 

When I wake up the next day and found his arms all over me, I panicked. In my rush to get dress and leave, I woke him up but I never said anything to him and left even before he could open his lips.

 

Baekhyun’s room was locked by the time I reached him but it’s surprisingly quiet so I knocked furiously and, “Sehun! Get your ing out of Baekhyun’s !”

 

“It’s not in his !”

 

Ah that explains the silence. “Sehun! Get your ing out of Baekhyun’s mouth!”

 

Not a second later, Baekhyun’s shouting a, “What is it Luhan?”

 

“You would not believe what happened Baek!”

 

There was silence once again until Baekhyun moaned.

 

He was ing while here I am panicking because I just got ed and oh the nerve of these ers. “Sehun! I swear I’ll ing castrate you if you don’t put your ing inside your pants! This is urgent! Jongin and I just had ! Hot, angry, passionate —and it was three rounds by the way.”

 

The bewildered chorus of, WHAT?!, was more than music to my ears.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

I avoided Kim Jongin like he was some kind of plague once again and made sure to stick myself to Seunghyun like a ing leech. But this game of chase between us was getting older each day that Seunghyun, at one point in time, talked me some sense. But the fear of facing Jongin seriously is still bigger than my y bod. Seriously.

 

“Just give it a try Luhan, give yourself one last try and hear him out.”

 

I looked out the corridor to catch Jongin staring at us with a visible frown on his handsome face. Damn.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

It took me weeks to gather enough courage and face my fear. We sat on my bed and I asked him why.

 

He looks calm and collected, like he knew what will happen. He had prepared himself, I could tell.

 

“Do you ever liked someone so much that you don’t want them to get hurt?” I so wanted to scoff, he cannot be serious with that question. “I know my shortcomings, I know my flaws. We had an unhealthy relationship from the start and we kept on feeding on that one that it grew to a monster haunting me in daylight.

 

“I’m sorry if I mistreated you, it’s not enough to apologize for all the pain you had poured in Baekhyun’s shoulder. I would’ve asked you if you perhaps thought of me beating myself when I realized that what I want from you is nothing short of simple and that I have no idea on how commitment works but more than that, I just want you to know that I may have had took it the wrong way but still, I’ve made a U-turn and I’m here now, telling you that, simply because I like you Luhan. Because I seriously like you and I’m sorry we have to go through unnecessary hurdles just to get here.”

 

He took my hand and stared into my soul.

 

But he never saw my hand meeting his left cheek harshly.

 

“And who do you think you are? Runnin' round leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“That was a ing song Luhan.”

 

I rolled my eyes at him and, “Do I look like I care?”

 

I was a second too late to dodge the pack of gummy bears that came flying literally out of nowhere. “ING ! That hurt !” No it didn’t, but food is love so… yeah.

 

Baekhyun plopped his disgusting body on my bed and rolled around for a bit, mostly in irritation. “Urgh… I just… Luhan, oh Luhan, why are you so impossible?!?”

 

He was whining, I was busy plucking the green gummy bears out of the pack because they’re very much more important than the sorry excuse of a dying whale on my bed that so happens to be Byun . Nothing and no one can interrupt me with my beloved gummy bears. Sadly, while Jongin’s could be like a lollipop, it’s not edible and cannot tear me apart from my bears.

 

“The opportunity was already there! Don’t play the martyr Luhan, they’re not suitable in this generation. Jongin’s already gone down his throne what else do you want him to do? He had apologize and said he likes you, you not only like him but aside from lusting after him, also loves him. I don—”

 

“Hey, what should I do with these?” I raised the pack of colorful sweets while munching on a few green colored ones in his face and Baekhyun pretty much groaned in stress.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

They say don’t problem the problem, let the problem, problem itself.

 

Exactly how do they do that?

 

I try so hard not to think about it too much, but with Kim in’-perfect Jongin literally lingering around my kingdom, it was futile. The more I try to avoid it, the more it stresses me that I fear I’ve aged more than I beautify. Baekhyun’s subtle body language are not being very friendly either. Neither does my dreams containing Jongin impaling me on any surface that he deems solid enough to hold me.

 

We haven’t tried on the dining table yet but in my dream I looked so lewdly delectable.

 

I am so ing screwed like, no Sherlock.

 

“I’ve heard a word from Sehun but don’t tell him I told you,” I cocked an eyebrow and Baekhyun looked even more excited than he was prior. “Apparently, Jongin’s conspiring something for your birthday.”

 

Huh?

 

“But it’s only the tenth, there’s still a couple more days before my holy birthday.”

 

“Exactly!” Okay, so Baekhyun is excited, if the pointed glare we received from our professor is anything to go by. He tried to duck his head, even so, I can still see the grin and glint on his eyes.

 

ing , now I am excited (insert an imaginative pleasant groaning sound please)

 

Is this a sign saying that I really shouldn’t problem my freaking problem?

 

However, despite my awesome skills in reading Kim Jongin’s unnecessary behavior, he possesses everything but a hidden secret agenda. And I was left wondering if his passiveness means something more than just his new default facial expression because him, looking stoic is gorgeous and that hot fella knows he’s winning hearts yet again.

 

So for days, I was like some ninja detective trying to find new clues without the help of Dora the explorer and her magical backpack. I sing songs though, but just for the knack of it. Sehun’s birthday came and went without Jongin showing signs of suspiciousness, but Baekhyun was missing in action the very next day and I DON’T WANT TO KNOW BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW. , I wish I didn’t know, makes me wonder more if Sehun IS that good.

 

And the days continued like any other days until we reach the most celebrated day of the year because I AM that important and let’s face it, I ing rule this world—as if that isn’t clear enough. So here I am now, standing in front of my university while the whole campus sing me a happy birthday and oh god, I think I’m gonna cry. All those cute peasants are smiling on me and I feel so majestic I could turn them into a mess of blushing babies with just a single smile. Oh how easy it is to please these people.

 

Baekhyun tugged me and we walked inside, sending out smiles of appreciation as many as I can. Sehun stood as a chaperone behind us—I actually asked him to hold every gift that I’d receive and he weirdly agreed in a heartbeat. Upon entering our building, there stood Kim Jongin. I can feel my heart thundering inside my chest as we near and for a second there, I figured I’ve already forgiven this hot motherer. How can I not?

 

I am so hopeless I cannot.

 

There’s someone pushing me and I stumbled on my feet but the very familiar warmth of comfort rescued me and then Jongin’s beside me, breathing down on my neck and the squealing sound in the background remained as a dull hum.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

In wanting to keep myself composed and look unaffected, I nodded and brushed his hand from my elbow. The moment our skins touched, I saw a romantic movie flashing across my eye. End of discussion.

 

“Wait,” the movie had a happy ending—just saying. “Happy birthday, Luhan.”

 

There was no surprises.

 

 

 

 

 

Or so I thought.

 

The traditional birthday dinner that my parents insists happened to be the most surprising. The KIM family was there with Jongin’s parents beaming at me and did I miss something huge? Because the last time I checked, this tradition is exclusively for family members only and not with the extended non-blood related family.

 

(The whole dinner I was freaking for some unknown reason and I hated the feeling.)

 

We had chocolate cake of course because, “It’s not a birthday without a cake!”

 

And the later the night became the more the oldies got into their conversation the more I feel anxious—Jongin’s so quiet and he has not spared me a glance ever since—

 

“Can I say something?”

 

—, my heart’s pounding with his sudden interruption. Our parents directed their eyes on Jongin and he looked eerily calm. Is doomsday nearing?

 

“I have a confession to make.”

 

Nope. It’s my end that’s nearing.

 

“What is it, son?”

 

I fidgeted on my seat and tried to calm my soul. I seriously need those #chillax pills.

 

“Before you all react, please hear me out and I apologize in advance.” He paused and deeply bowed in my parent’s direction.

 

Yup, definitely my end. What the is he planning?

 

“Luhan and I had slept together.”

 

What the—

 

#FML

 

#letmedie

 

“WHAT?!” My mother could fool us with her scandalous outburst but the mischief in her eyes can give her away in so many ways. Can she be a little angrier and less obvious? I mean, hello, the person you treats as a son is telling you that he’s ed your own son.

 

“What are you saying Jongin?” Yes, at least his father sounds mad. “When did this happen? Are you telling us that something happened in our last dinner together?”

 

Or not. God what is wrong with these people?! Why are you asking him when!? Why do they all look like they’re actually… happy? ! They’re all hiding a smile! Is my life a joke? Because I literally feel like a e getting sold off to a mighty family—though I wouldn’t mind riding Jongin’s /THAT DID NOT CAME OUT OF MY MIND/

 

“No. Nothing happened that night.”

 

Their faces looked down but there’s still hope in their eyes. ing fuuuuccckkkkk. “Then what are you talking about?”

 

Jongin sat up straight and inhaled deeply. Is he nervous?

 

“We’ve been sleeping together even before we discovered that you guys knew each other.” My mother’s lips are stretching further and I’m afraid it cannot be measure by a simple ruler. “It’s like those bestfriends with benefits. But I don’t only sleep with Luhan, I sleep with other guys too but I always sleep with him. That was our cycle. I don’t know how horrible I was until I knew I was hurting him.

 

“I’m sorry I caused your Luhan a heartache. I may not return to the past but I am willing to set everything straight in the present and future. That is if he give me another chance.”

 

He sneaked a little hopeful glance my way before diverting it back to our parents that looked like they’ve got no problem to what they just heard. Wow, aren’t they the coolest parents in the world?! Please catch the sarcasm.

 

“Are you telling us that you want Luhan, honey?”

 

He nodded meekly and aww, he’s cute. “I really like him too.”

 

There was silence as they all turn their eyes on me and I can just imagine myself shrinking with their gazes. “Luhan?”

 

I breathed, this must be the plan he was conspiring all those days that Sehun mentioned to Baekhyun. He was planning to corner me with our parents because he knew I couldn’t escape if that happens. Such a mischievous guy, that Kim Jongin. But I ain’t gonna stop fighting for what is right, people have their own human rights and although this unearthly beauty of mine cannot be considered as humane, I try to. For those people who worship me, I try to be humble.

 

“I don’t care what people think about me because I believe in myself. And I know that things are gonna be okay. But even though I have no family and no job and no money for college, it’s you that I feel sorry for. I know that guy that sent those e-mails is somewhere down inside you. But I can’t wait for him, because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing.”

 

Deep silence.

 

Damn I knew it! I’m such a showstopper. Ugh, this is such a good time to flip my ing hair if only I didn’t cut it short. Damnit I should’ve waited for this moment.

 

The awestruck expression on Jongin’s face, the confusion in his parent’s eyes, the white flag waving behind my father’s back, and the proud smile on my mother’s lips, spells it all out—I deserve a Grammy.

 

I deserve an explanation. I deserve an acceptable reason!

 

Say what???

 

“So…” my mom started, dragging the word out. “You’re giving him a second chance?”

 

“Did I say that?” I quirked an eyebrow. “I thought I was quoting Lizzie McGuire.”

 

“Wasn’t that Sam Montgomery?”

 

“Portrayed by the same person, what’s the difference?”

 

And then there’s an identical smile blooming on my father’s face and Jongin’s confused face innocently looking back and forth between us three made me aware how much I’m secretly searching for him. Have I mentioned that he looked formal tonight? Like, I could use a hundred and a million ways to open those buttons but I’d prefer to harshly pull the cloth to see them flying in my room.

 

My old man cleared his throat and pretended to be in control of the situation by looking rather strict. “I think you two need to talk.”

 

Nah, what I think is that I need to get in my birthday suit. This day wouldn’t end without me having my birthday .

 

I barely nodded, sending a look towards Jongin. A look that seems less obvious about my hunger and more of a serious talk for my crying heart. “If you’ll excuse me.”

 

Not a second later that I turned around, I could hear another chair screeching against tiles and a whispering, “Go get your tiger sweetheart!”

 

Are they seriously wanting to hear me praising Jongin’s marvelous talent like a mantra? Because I wouldn’t disappoint them.

 

They better prepare themselves for some rated SPG.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Boyfriends?”

 

Baekhyun didn’t even asked me what happened on my birthday, this is sad. “HAHAHA you’re so funny Baek!” But his unexplainable expression and the black liquid oozing from Sehun’s gaping mouth was more than compensation when I showed them my finger.

 

“Pfft what boyfriends? We’re practically engaged by our parents!”

 

“Is that—is that a ing ring?!” He stood up immediately and shoved Jongin aside to slot himself between us and grabbed my hand. “Kim Jongin put a ing ring on you?!”

 

The whole cafeteria heard those words.

 

Kim Jongin looks so damn proud of himself—guess I’m not the only conceited one—as he dusts his pants from some invisible bacteria.

 

I smiled beautifully and, “It was his mom’s engagement ring.”

 

Oh I feel so giddy, like a ing teenage girl. #Ilovemylife —haters to the left, thank you for making me so popular.

 

“Jongin you’re engaged,” Sehun sounds like he doesn’t want to believe it but Jongin sounds like,

 

“Yeah bro, I’m engaged.”

 

Like he really can’t believe it himself as well—

 

“I am engaged.”

 

—like he’s been dreaming of it.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Omake

 

 

 

“Princess, get up it’s the weekend.”

 

“Noooooo!”

 

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

Jongin was mortified to see crocodile tears on Luhan’s face when he turned around. “They’re having a concert!”

 

“Who?”

 

“Exo!”

 

“Ekso?”

 

“E-X-O”

 

“Oh! You mean the group where you ship skinny people.”

 

“How dare you, that group has Kim ing Kai and Sebutt!”

 

“Are you cursing me?”

 

“No! I’m telling you to blow me!”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I can’t get pregnant and I can’t see the live made by those two onlegs!”

 

“Luhan, are you cheating on me?”

 

“Noooooooo, in my dream we have foursome and you’re twins with Kai and the is intense. That is not cheating!”

 

“You’re sick.”

 

“Lovesick for yooouuuuuu.”

 

“Okay, that’s it, I’ll get back at you when you’re stable.”

 

“I’ll never be stable, you shake my world.”

 

“Stop it.”

 

“How can I stop the love I feel for you?”

 

“Honey, you’re being really weird right now.”

 

“It’s the concert!”

 

“ the concert.”

 

“Then ing the life and soul out of m—

 

“Are you writing again?” I looked up from the screen to smile at the person that up until now, I couldn’t believe took the liberty to move in with me and dispatched my old roommate. His reason being that we lost a lot of time and well, how can I say no to that glistening caramel body? “What are you writing?”

 

“Oh well you know, just you ing me.”

 

Is that even a word?

 

---

PS: Sorry i couldn't possibly write a heavier rated scene in this POV Steph, but i hope you liked it (it was kinda inspired by your story btw). Luna unnie, if you get my hints then congratulations! And Sammy Sam! good luck on your studies!