I don’t know why I always get worried about him for no reason. His cheerful face never failed to cross my mind every day. I really wonder if he is doing fine. It is hard to believe how such a vulnerable soul can be so secretive with the pain that he is enduring alone. I want to go home now and check on him – and the time is not helping, rather it is dragging.

 I stood from my seat once the hands of the clock hit the mark. I chased the bus immediately and bounced in as soon as the doors opened. I don’t care anymore even if I will be standing for 2 hours; I don’t have the luxury of patience to keep myself from waiting. I wanted to see him so bad.

I want to go home and see his smiling face. I want to reach our front door and be greeted with his childish grin. I want to go home and pretentiously dodge his warm hugs. I want to go home and tell him that everything will be alright.

“NOONAAAA!!!” he screamed.

He doesn’t know how much I miss him. I tried to slow down my pace while I walk towards him. He could have jumped off the fence to meet me half way but he chose to open it like a man. I guess he is trying his best to mature. I feel touched with his effort.

He looked at me with a shy glance yet he cannot really help but to let that infectious beam of him escape his trembling lips. Junjin – he is such a sweet dongsaeng. He was the kid from our neighbourhood who always begged for my hand ever since my family took care of him whenever he was left alone in their house.

I will always remember seeing him crying while staring blankly outside their window waiting for his parents to return from work. Since my mother was a housewife, she thought that taking him in our house instead of being left alone will make him feel better. She find it helpful too since both of us were only child in our own households.

He was never awkward from the beginning; he always made all sorts of things to make our time worthwhile. He took care of me more than I took care of him; I guess it is because he is such a guy who is full of love and affection.

I wasn’t aware of his sorrow until that day when we had a misunderstanding. I don’t clearly remember how it started but I ended up yelling at him – “FINE! YOU WILL NEVER SEE ME EVER AGAIN!”

His body stiffened right away. It was like I have said something that I shouldn’t. He got pale and started to stutter – he mumbled something that I didn’t comprehend and he run towards me helplessly. He fell down on his knees and burst in tears while saying sorry. I was – I was stunned to see him act that way.

“Please, please don’t say that. I – I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I – please. I beg you. Don’t leave me like she did. I – I don’t want to be alone again. I –” he went hysterical while sobbing.

I ended up embracing him, as tight as I could; as sincere as I should. I regretted saying that. I stubbornly stabbed him with my words. I accidentally rubbed salt on his wound and that day, I knew how he skilfully covered the hole in his heart. This kid, this fragile gem is in agony and nobody knows.

From that day, I started to root for him. I tried my best to always be there for him when he needed for someone to cheer him up. I always made sure to keep my promises even to our slightest pinky-swear deals. I will never know what is going on inside his mind, he and his cruel past never reflected again ever since the last time it happened. I am waiting for him to open up and I will always be here to let him feel loved.

“How’s your day?” I asked while trying to control my nostalgic blow.

“Today was amazing Noona! I met great people at the agency! Now I have four hyungs and a friend of the same age. I hope I can introduce them to you soon.” He told me with his excited voice.

“Oh! That’s great! I am so happy for you! You really worked hard. Is it final? I mean, are you going to spend the rest of your career with them after your training?” I inquired some more. Junjin looks like he is overwhelmed with his achievement that day.

“Yes! It’s like a dream come true meeting them Noona  - ahh we are like a  real family even in our dorm!” He exclaimed. He almost hopped like he won a lottery jackpot.

I touched his smooth cheeks like what I always did and traced his thick eyebrows with both of my thumbs. Cupping his face between my hands is the way how I praise him for a job well done. I smiled at my angel and asked – “So what do you call yourselves?”

“SHINHWA.”