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I nod and laugh at some point necessary as I listen to Yoona. We let our feet walk with no place in mind. After an hour of walking and talking, Yoona whines for ice cream so we settle at Baskin-Robbins. We eat in silence and talk a little when something comes up in mind. I sometimes let my eyes roam in the crowd or scenery. I duck my head as I play my phone on the table. But, then, my ears perk up at a familiar voice not far.

I lift my head in reflex and look around until my eyes stop at a certain person. I let my eyes stop at her longer because she hasn’t noticed me yet. I realize that her hair is shorter and I have never seen her hair that short; her skin is also darken a bit; her clothing style is still the same; she looks more mature of course after eight years since the last I saw her.

At the sight of her, my mind goes back to my high school days unwillingly; the day when we were best friend and I thought that maybe we could stay forever; the funny moment of our crazy fangirling over hot and cute boys; the jokes that only we understood; and lastly, our fights.

I tear my eyes off her and talk about some celebrity that suddenly comes on my mind to Yoona. At the corner of my eyes, I catch a glimpse that she has also realized that I’m here but then she awkwardly looks away from me.

I glance at her one last time before she disappears from my sight. I glance at her friend who stands by her too. I find myself thinking is she still friend with Yeri?

I just finish my dinner and I go straight to my bed after that. An unexpected sight of Sunyoung is totally not what I have in mind. After eight years, I still can’t get the sadness of a lost friendship out of my chest. I reach out for my purse. I pull out my Polaroid photograph of Sunyoung, Jinri, Victoria, Amber and I which we took when we were still middle schoolers.

We didn’t have the chance to take a Polaroid photograph when we've reached high school. Sunyoung and I lost our friendship first before we have the chance. I remember on Teacher’s Day we supposed to take one but we couldn’t because at that time Sunyoung was a makeup artist for the school models. She was busy and couldn’t make it. We promised to take one on our school’s birthday, but s happened before we could.

I take a shaky breath when I realize tears start to build up and my sight turns blurry. I close my eyelids as a tear rolls down my cheek. Our friendship (We formed a group back then and called ourselves f(x)) didn’t make it to six years. When I was younger, I always thought that my group of girls could make a forever even though I don’t believe in forever. F(x) was the only thing I believe in forever. But who am I kidding? It was just my foolish imagination.

More tears roll down my cheeks as I think back to her words that leave a scar permanently in my heart.

“I just don’t want my last year of high school is ruined because of you because you are always angry.”

“I know you don’t like to be left behind but maybe I’m not your friend who could be with you every day. Why don’t you start hang out with Suzy and her friends instead?”

“,” I choke on my own tears as I think back to my high school days. I bring both of my hands to my face. Tears won’t stop rolling down my cheeks and they are streaming down more and more. I find myself crying.

I still hate her because of her, my life had been a nightmare; my last year of high school was ruined; I couldn’t enjoy my high school. I hate her. My cry gets louder. I want to hate her. She had been so scared and selfish about herself that she didn’t think about my feelings or my last year of high school.

I remember when I was happy because she and I were assigned at the same class in our second year of high school. I thought that to be in the same classroom with my best friend was going to be awesome. The first three and four months had been fun with her. At that time, we couldn’t make many friends in our class. We just had each other and then slowly we made new ones with the girls who sat behind us, and then the boys behind the girls.

The upcoming days though, I realize how distant she had become. She often spent time with Yeri and Seulgi more than me. Even if I sat only beside her, she always turned back and talked or gossiped with Yeri and Seulgi, leaving me behind. Even if I was obviously there, she always asked Yeri to accompany her to buy food or anything, didn’t bother to turn to look at me or ask me; again leaving me behind. At some point, I was scared –terrified even at the thought that Yeri had stolen her from me. Then, I got myself calm and thought that I had no rights to control Sunyoung who she wanted to spend her time with. So, I just being patient even if she got under my skin, ticking me off.

But, I couldn’t help not to notice the ball of fear in my stomach. In fact, the ball was getting bigger and bigger. There were days when we, f(x), hung out together. I noticed that she was avoiding me by not sitting next to me, not standing next to me, not talking to me. I didn’t know if she did it on purpose or not.

At one point, I started to get annoy at her attitude. So one day, I decided that I wouldn’t talk to her until she talked to me first. That thing led to our cold war. I talked to Victoria, Jinri, and Amber about this because I couldn’t take it anymore.

After a few days, Jinri said something that shocked me. At the day I decided that I wouldn’t talk to her until she talked to me first, I just arrived at my class and saw that Sunyoung didn’t sit on her spot, instead she sat besides Yeri. I stuck to my plan and sat on my seat, studying for the test that we would have later. Apparently, Sunyoung told Jinri that she did call for me but I didn’t reply. She thought that I was being moody and childish for not talking to her so she didn’t talk to me too.

“What?! I didn’t hear her call me or whatsoever!” I scoffed at her.

Jinri shrugged her shoulders and continued, “She said it that way.”

“Well, I didn’t hear it okay!” I thought back to that day. I clearly didn’t hear anyone or especially Sunyoung called me.

Victoria rolled her eyes, “Soojung probably didn’t hear it. Sunyoung could do something to get her attention, couldn't she? Why giving Soojung the cold shoulder instead.”

We hadn’t talked for months since that day. Jinri’s birthday party was coming up and we hadn’t made up. I didn’t want us to be quiet and awkward when the day came; I didn’t want me to be quiet and awkward. I could never act normal when I nearby with a person I was not in good terms with.

“What if we haven’t made up on your birthday party?!” panic was clearly noticed at the question.

Jinri, who had been an optimistic brat, calmly answered, “Relax. You guys will.”

I rolled my eyes and thought about how hopeless it was to talk with Jinri. Firstly, we would never make up until one of us stepped out and apologize. Secondly, I was 100% knew it wouldn’t be Sunyoung. Thirdly, because she was my best friend and I knew her very well and she was as stubborn as a mule!

Well, to save myself and our friendship, I stepped out to apologize first. I apologized; I said I was sorry for not talking to her and giving her the cold shoulders. I also apologized for that time when she called me but I didn't reply(even though I was 100% sure she didn't call me!). She apologized back and still had the nerve to advise me–to tell me, “Don’t be so moody.”

Bloody hell, you were the one who is being moody, I kept that for myself though.

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