January 1, 2015

Dear Kyungsoo,

 

It’s finally the new year. The night before I went to a party with Chanyeol and Baekhyun and Sehun, but they all left me after awhile. Chanyeol and Baekhyun got drunk and started making out, and Sehun found some chick. I just stayed in the corner. Luhan called me over for beer pong, but I wasn’t in the mood. It’s not as fun anymore.

I redecorated the house. All the walls are painted blue now. I finally got rid of the horrendous puke green couch in the hallway, like you said to do. It’s been replaced with a white one. And I also got new curtains. My sister came over and told me to change them. We argued for a bit, but I gave up. Nobody can win against my sister. Not even you, and you’re both stubborn as hell. Remember when the two of you disagreed about which color to use for the wedding? She suggested eggshell white, but you wanted whipped cream white. God, it took forever for you guys to finally make a decision.

Some new neighbors moved in next door. They’re really loud. Like ultra mega loud. The couple has three kids, all really young, so it makes sense. Can you imagine three kids? That’s like taking care of fifty Monggus. I can barely take care of one Monggu. Fifty would be suicide.

 

                            Love,

                            Jongin

 

January 13, 2015

Dear Kyungsoo,

 

    I’m finally 22! My birthday was yesterday, but your birthday is tomorrow, so I told everyone just to celebrate it today. You know, since the thirteenth is perfectly in between. Luhan and Yixing are flying over from China, so they’re coming over too. Baekhyun told me that we weren’t doing anything fancy. It’s just going to be a little get-together at his house. For old time’s sake.

    A while back, a dance academy hired me to be an instructor and I’ve accepted it. It’s the right thing to do, isn’t it? Teaching kids is a lot more fun than being a cashier register, and it also earns a lot more money. A win-win situation.

    Baekhyun’s expecting me to be at his house soon, so I have to get going now. He’s always ranting about punctuality, and how “people these days don’t understand that arriving on time makes for a great first impression”. God, I wish I had a remote control to shut him off sometimes. You tuned him out really well. How is that even possible?

    Anyway, happy early birthday! The angels better throw you an amazing party up there.

 

                                Your one and only,

                                Jongin

 

January 18, 2015

Dear Kyungsoo,

 

    Guess what! Chanyeol finally proposed. It took him long enough. Baekhyun has been waiting for ages. Guess he decided to pluck up his courage and do it. Although, we all knew Baekhyun was going to say yes. I mean honestly, what was Chanyeol afraid of? Their wedding is going to be in a couple months. I think I’ll get to be Baekhyun’s best man. I’ve known Baekhyun for practically my entire life. Chanyeol will probably pick Sehun. They act like they’re real brothers. Seriously. Bro goals.

    Remember that cafe we used to go to? The one that closed for repairs? You were really upset, because they made good coffee. Well, it reopened! I went there and I saw the owner, you know, Sohyun. She still knows my usual, a caramel latte with whipped cream. I was always the one with a sweet tooth. Anyway, the new interior is really pretty! The walls are this light blue, and it gives the cafe a calm atmosphere. You would love it.

    I have to go now. Everyone is going for a get-together, and it would be mean if I didn’t go. Plus, Baekhyun would probably come over and drag my out of the apartment. But he’s a good friend. Just super feisty.

 

                                <3 Jongin

 

 

 

January 21, 2015

Dear Kyungsoo,

 

    I feel like I’m still hungover, even though it has already been three days. I shouldn’t have drank so much that day. It’s a good thing Jongdae only had one glass. Someone had to be sober enough to bring us all back home. He’s usually the most trustworthy designated driver.

    Are you doing alright up there? I hope you miss me, because I miss you a lot. I miss you when I go to sleep at night and I miss you when I wake up in the morning. I miss the way that you used to laugh when I tickled you, and I even miss when you punched me. You miss me, right? There’s no way you don’t miss me. I’m Jongin. Your Jongin.

    God, I could write a book about all the things I miss about you. But don’t worry. I’m going to stay strong. For you. Because I know you wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

                                Jonginnie

 

January 23, 2015

Dear Kyungsoo,

 

    My mom died today. I just got the call. My sister was the one who told me. She said that Dad was barely holding himself together during her last moments. And she said that Dad wants me to go.

    Why is life so unfair to me? I’ve been good my whole life. What have I done wrong to deserve this? I lost you, and now I’ve lost my mom.

    But I’m also so scared, Kyungsoo. Why can’t you be here to pat me on the back and tell me that everything will be okay? Why can’t you be here to hold me as I cry? Why can’t you just be here? Why were you taken away from me? I can’t face my dad. The last time I saw him, he kicked me out of the house. I don’t want to see him.

    I’ll only go to oversee the funeral. After that, I’ll leave immediately. There’s no use staying in a house where you’re not wanted at all.

 

                                Jongin

 

February 9, 2015

Dear Kyungsoo,

 

I’m sorry I haven’t written in a while. My mind has been a mess ever since the funeral. When they carried the casket in I tried not to cry, but you know me. I cried when Bing Bong disappeared in Inside Out. It was impossible for me not to cry then.

Dad and I didn’t reconcile. He yelled at me, and told me I was responsible for mom’s death. That I was the one who made her die. And then punched me and kicked me and I was so afraid that he would kill me.

But he didn’t.

My sister came in and told Dad to stop what he was doing and then she took me to some tiny restaurant far away and bought dinner. We didn’t talk all that much, but she did say that I wasn’t responsible for Mom’s death. Dad was just angry and drunk, that’s why he was spewing out nonsense.

I know my sister’s right. But sometimes, I feel guilty.

 

                        Love,

                        Jongin

 

February 10, 2015

Dear Kyungsoo,

 

    I feel empty.

    Like there’s a hole in my heart that I can’t patch up. When you left, I felt empty too. I thought that I would never be able to survive without you. I cried a lot. And slept a lot. But my friends helped me to patch that hole up. I still miss you, of course, but I know that you will always love me, and that my friends are here to help.

    But my mom being gone, that’s a different kind of empty.

    You only have one mom. Your mom is the mom you get for the rest of your life. And you can’t replace her. I can’t fill this emptiness. It’s hard to believe that I will never get to see her again.

Kyungsoo, if you see her, can you tell her that I love her? Can you tell my mom that she has a son who loves her? That is the only thing that can ease my conscious.

    I hope my mom passed peacefully, knowing that I loved her.

 

                            Jongin

 

 

 

 

Author's Note:

i finally updated yaaaaayyyyyyy

please enjoy the first chapter!

plz comment and subscribe!

 

-Ying