Mom once told me about the story before I was born to this world. I am the first child along the line of my younger brothers and sisters. But, according to mom, the truth is I was her third. I should have a sister and a brother or two brothers before me. The first child my mother gave birth to – they couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl because when the baby died in my mother’s womb, the wasn’t shaped well enough to be identified as male or female. I think he (or she) hadn’t lived for 120 days but, well, who knows. My mother named him Talhah, after one of the holy Prophet’s friends. A few years later, my mother got pregnant again and it’s a boy. We called him Muhammad. How I wish he had survived. Then, maybe the pain of losing Talhah would heal.

Sometimes I think about them, Talhah and Muhammad. How would my life be if they were alive? But that thought doesn’t always linger in my mind. I’m still okay with my current life. Maybe there is some reason why this happened. I just hope I can meet them someday.

Ever since I was little, I always watch people I love die by my side. My grandmother got sick on my birthday; and was gone when I was going to my chess competition. Then I had a cousin I was close to named Mu’min who was like a big brother to me and he eventually died in an accident. The brothers of mine gone before I got to meet them. People always say that I must be strong and not be sad about their demise but it made me cry even harder. Once, a kid from my class approached me when I was still sad about my grandmother and said, “Don’t be sad. There will be another one.” I punched him in the face. I hated him by the way.
It was a normal night in my dorm. Some of my roommates were already asleep and some were still awake, studying or talking. Like always, at around 11 to 12 o’clock, I went to sleep on my bunk beds. Below me was a senior who I supposed was still studying, maybe. I didn’t really notice. Covering my body with my blanket, I went to sleep and my spirit slipped off somewhere.

Somewhere very far, far away.


· · · ·

I could feel the cool breeze dancing around me. When I opened my eyes, an unusual yet unique view filled my eyes. The ground I was lying on was so soft and comfortable like pillow but not exactly pillow. I rolled on the ground, feeling happy, contented, excited yet calm. I didn’t know where I was or what was I doing here but I was so happy. I stopped rolling around on the ground and opened my eyes as I took a deep, refreshing breath. Two pairs of eyes came into my view along with their lovely smiles. I was rather surprised with their presence but it was pleasing seeing them. It was like a nostalgic reunion.

Both of them gave me their hands and helped me to stand up. The scenery of the unique world was fully visible and it took my breath away. When the whole view came to my eyes, I just realized that I was smiling all the time. A smile so wide which I think I had never done before or maybe just a couple of times. I turned around and faced the kids who approached me earlier. Their faces were in daze but somehow I could read their feeling; and both of them were smiling lovely smiles to me.

One boy was wearing a handsome traditional Malay male attire in beautiful colours of white and green, the holy Prophet’s favourite colours

Another child appeared to be half male and half female. Like the Fallen Five-Pointed Star in the series ‘Kamisama no Inai Nichiyoubi’. On the right was a girl, wearing a white veil with gray beadings. A beautiful robe with diamond shining on the fabric matched the veil she was wearing and she was so pretty, not like any other female I ever met. On the left was a smart-looking boy with his white and gray coloured male robe looking at me like an older brother watching his younger sister with love.

The boy with the handsome Malay attire took a step towards me and gave me a sign to climb on his back. I did as he told and had one of the best, beautiful moments of my life. I held on him while he ran around the field. The other child followed us from behind, trying to catch up with the speed. We ran and ran and ran like we were infinite. What’s more, I felt like flying.

We arrived at a lake. A lake so big, I could not see the other side of it. Behind us was a river, flowing freely and the colour was like honey gold. The boy dropped me down and all of us admired the beautiful scenery. A dolphin jumped out of the water, splashing the colourful waterdrops in front of us. Shrills of laughter echoed and we took cover from the splash. I never saw a dolphin in front of my eyes and this was a great, pleasant show. The three of us went closer to the water. Crystal clear water shone and small fishes were swimming by the shallow water. We sat down by the lake and slowly dipped our legs in the warm water.

It felt ticklish and soon I realized a group of fish playing around our toes. Like a mix of angelfish and goldfish, I thought. We giggled as the little fishes tickled our feet and we kept splashing the water playfully. Suddenly some cold water were sprayed at me and I squealed in surprise. A fish actually sprayed water at me! All of us giggled and our feets dangled in the water, making ripples and small waves. Our shadows were reflected in the water and I could see the water rippled the reflection.

I was so happy, like pure happiness was flowing in me.

Then the three of us made our way to the river. Out of sudden I got throw into the water and I saw the two of them laughing as they watch me struggling in the water. My clothes was wet and I don’t feel comfortable because the water made my clothes feel heavy. The girl side offer he hand to help get out of the water while her boy side and the other were still giggling. She is such a caring girl, like a kind sister.

She took a leaf from the nearest tree and she brought it over my head. Then the magic happen. It as if she made me wear another piece of clothing just by bringing the leaf from my head all the way to my feet. The next thing I know is that I am wearing another piece of beautiful dress and the girl hold my clothes and gently lay it down on the grass. Magically it gone between the dancing green without any trace.

They brought me to the tree and there the boy with the green and white cloth climb the tree and he was having fun as if he was on the top of the world. I noticed several things about this two (or three) friends I met. The guy in the green and white is a little mischievious and he likes to prank others. I also think that he is the one that pushed me into the river. The half-and-a-half, to me, they are really like two different person, cut it half and glue the piece together. Something like that. The girl is very kind and polite like a lady. When she laugh, she covers and she looks very beautiful. The boy is like a big brother that will always be there to protect you all the time. He is also a gentleman. The funny thing is the way they act together. Imagine on the other is a girl sitting politely while on the other half is a boy who is sitting like other boys sit.

The boy in the green and white cloth jump out of the tree and he pluck a leaf from the tree and waves the leaf as if he want to spread a carpet. Magically a carpet full of food on it was spreading in front of our eyes. I look at the food with awe and excitement. After having been running and get throw into the water, my stomach growl and I happily fill it up with this amazing food. 

After we ate, the three of us start playing around the field. We play tag. We piggyback each other and I sit on the half-and-a-half while the boy in green and white carried them on his shoulders.
We play as if there is no tomorrow. Happiness tune along our laughter and giggle. The mockingbirds sing our moments. The wind made us fly to the highest sky. Water in the river reflect our figures playing with the flowers and blowing the dandelion. There were neither sadness or any bad feeling between us. Only joy and love exist in this moment. We run and jump and spin while the sky is watching us, the fortunate children being carried by the wind to touch the stars.

After leaping through the plays, we fall on the grass and stare at the sky and clouds riding above us. The breeze keep us cool and we close our eyes, enjoying the warm sensation. 

As if a bell ring, I got up and saw a middle-aged man in white looking at me from far. His eyes telling me like the time is up. My instinct told me the same thing too but I, myself couldn’t grasp the truth. What is it? What is happening? What ‘time’ is up? 

The grass were dancing and the wind made my dress waves. My chest tighten as I stare at the man in white, trying to understand more about what is happening. “What is it?” My heart called. He look at me right in the eyes and his mouth didn’t move as I listen to his whisper saying, “Come on, the time is up.” His voice were gentle as the feathers.

I turn around and look them. The boy in green and white put his arm on the boy’s shoulder and the girl were smiling a sad smile as if she was saying, “Good bye, our dearest Mai.” Their eyes were shining and they look beautiful and sad.

I look back at the man in white and he patiently wait for me to come. My eyes set back at the the friends I just met but felt like I have know them for years. My feet start to move towards the man and he welcomed me with a calming smile. I turn around and look at them for the last time. They are waving at me and their gaze promised me that a day like this will arrived again.

Pools of tears filled my eyes and I raise my hand and wave back at them. We didn’t cry though because we believe that someday we will meet. Either in dreams or while flashing back this sweet memories or when I can finally be one of them.

The man brought me to a huge gate. As I took a step closer, it spread by itself and slowly I took a step out of the boundary. The pure view I was seeing vanished as soon my feet were out of the region as if I enter into a whole new dimension. 

The last thing I saw was black, sharp rocks under my feet and my spine shudder.


· · · ·

I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart beating so fast and beads of sweat coming from my temple. My eyes were dripping the pools of tears it was holding and I cover my face with my two hands. I don’t really know why I cried but something was missing. It should be there it wasn’t.

Times pass by and I were talking with my roommate. We were talking and the topic made us remember about the dream I had. I told them and bit by bit I tried to explain simply so they could understand because I myself didn’t understand it much. 

One of my seniors were paying a real close attention to my narration. I think her eyes never blink since I started this story. When I finished the story, she clapped her hands and clicked her fingers. “Hey Mai, maybe those kids are your descended siblings? Maybe the half-and-a-half is… who was it, Muhammad? No, no. How was it again?” I told her again and her eyes brighten again. “Hah! The boy must be Muhammad and the half-and-a-half must be Talhah!”

All of them were in awe and let out a series of ‘whoo!’ and ‘oh yeah!’. “Wow! This is so interesting! Mai, don’t you see? Maybe Allah know that you want to meet you older siblings and he did it. He let you meet them and spent your time together with them. Oh my God, this is really amazing. Right everyone?”

“I never thought so.”

“You thought it was just a dream then?” I nodded.

My senior look at me and adjust her posture. “Mai, I think you have been a good girl, daughther and friend. So, maybe Allah want to repay your deeds by granting the wish you haven’t thought you were wishing. You’re very lucky. This is such a special gift deliver to you.”

That made stunted. I think I had learnt about the fact that I have been holding this kind of feeling for a long time. My wish to see the people I should have know in my life. I never realize about it and since I realized it now, I can feel the pain of longing aches but it didn’t hurt much because I had already received a very beautiful gift delivered just for me. My wish was granted and I feel relieved.

Thank you God, for making this possible.