Looking down at his meal, he stared into it for the longest time. He didn’t really feel like eating since you weren’t going to eat either. But knowing that you would scold him if he didn’t eat, he brought the spoonful of food to his mouth and started to chew on it miserably.

 

You were in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. Standing under the warm water that hit against you sore muscles from all the work you’ve done, you closed your eyes and sighed heavily.

 

 

Without you noticing, a single drop of tear strolled down your left eye and mixed with the water.

 

 

Your past memories came flooding into your mind again as you felt your heart wrench for the nth time.

 

 

 

You were 17 years old when your life changed.

It had been more than 4 years since your parents had both passed away. Your parents passed away when you were 13 years old and Jungkook only six. He doesn’t really remember his parents as he was always closer to you than he was with anyone else.

Jungkook never really minded that he’s lost his parents at such a young age. All he remembers about his parents is having to come back home and hear both of them yell at each other.

They were abusive—he could only watch, helplessly, his only sister, you, as you were struck across the cheek with a stick. He never felt attached to his parents, and was actually glad that he didn’t have to watch his beloved sister get abused. However, the story was different for you.

 

You fell into despair when your parents left the world, not because you loved them, but rather you needed them. Though they were abusive and brutal, they were the ones who provided you and Jungkook a home, food, and clothing. The day after your parents’ death, you were kicked out onto the streets with your six year old brother.

 

So ever since you were 13, you dropped out of school and worked multiple part time jobs to support the two of you. You managed to get a small one-room place within the next year—which was a great success to you, you were glad Jungkook didn’t have to huddle next to you on the streets.

 

Then, after Jungkook turned 7, his interest in various sports and dance grew and he started to ask  you if you could send him to sports academy. It was nearly impossible with the little money you had to support the both of you. But one day Jungkook came running into the small room with the widest smile you’ve seen since.

 

“Noona! I won the soccer game between my friends!”

 

You couldn’t let him down when he loved exercising and moving around, so you worked twice as hard to collect money to register him under a soccer team.

 

By his 9th birthday, Jungkook was running on the children’s soccer team of Busan and also on the children’s badminton team.You would work all day, pick Jungkook up from school, take him to his game, cheer him on, drive him back home, watch him fall asleep, then head off to your night shift.

 

That was your life, and you thought you’d have to live like that till Jungkook was able to graduate high school. Your biggest fear was that you wouldn’t have enough saved up to send your dearest brother to college.

 

Then one day, everything changed.

 

Everything.

 

Completely changed.

 

 

You were wiping down the café tables when your manager shouted, “Junghee! You have a call!”

 

Tossing the towel into the sink, you picked up the phone and answered, “Hello? Jeon Junghee.”

 

“Hi, you are Jeon Jungkook’s older sister and guardian?”

 

“Yes, who is this?”

 

“Oh, hello Miss, this is Busan Veterans Hospital, and we would like to inform you that Jeon Jungkook has been hospitalized this morning. Could you possibly make it right now?”

 

Just like that, you felt the world come crashing down on you. Your whole body shook violently as you whispered, “Is he okay?”

 

“Yes, well, he just fell asleep due to the anesthetics. I can inform you more once you come in. When can you come?”

 

“Oh—um. W-well, I’ll be heading there right now. It’ll take me approximately 30 minutes to get there. Is my brother hurt badly?”

 

“No, Miss, we actually cannot verify the reason to your brother’s behavior. I will get into details as soon as you come in, but if I may explain briefly, your brother was rolled into our emergency room this morning. His school teacher explained that he was enjoying his break time—playing basketball with his friends, when Jungkook screamed. The teacher thought that he injured himself while playing, but when we ran him through various scans, there wasn’t a single scratch on his body. We want to carefully predict that he may have polymyalgia rheumatic—a disorder where the patient feels muscle pain and sudden stiffness, but I cannot confirm that, Miss; Jungkook’s only 11 years old, and typically patients diagnosed with the disorder is usually over the age of 50. So nothing has been confirmed yet. If you would, I can further elaborate once you arrive at the hospital.”

 

“I’ll be there in thirty minutes or so. Thank you.”

 

You frantically ran your hand through your soft hair, and you felt tears start to form as your vision started to get blurry.

 

Stumbling to the café kitchen, you brought your violently shaking hands to the back of your apron and tore the cloth off of your body. You felt as if you couldn’t breathe.

 

“What’s wrong, Junghee?” Mr. Kang, your manager asked you, “Is everything alright?”

 

 

“Sir, I have to go to the hospital… now!”

 

“What’s wrong?” you could hear the concern in the manager’s voice.

 

“Ju-Jung…” you felt as if the world has knocked out the breath in you. “Jun.. What do I do!!”

 

With that, you collapsed to the ground, tears racing down your hollow cheeks, your hands trying to wipe them away. You didn’t even care if there were customers on the other side of the counter. Your breathing hitched and your felt your head pound onto your skull.

 

Nothing could have ever hurt you, for Lord’s sake, you were a girl that lived on her own since she was thirteen. But, knowing Jungkook was lying there in the hospital had you screaming and writhing in pain as you cried.

 

“Junghee! Get a grip!” you heard Mr. Kang yell at you. “What’s wrong? What about Jungkook?”

 

Mr. Kang apologized to the customers for causing a distraction, but he didn’t stop you. He knew you ever since you were fourteen. He knew your living circumstances and he knew how dearly you thought of your younger brother.

 

“Junghee, get up. You can leave early today. Get up and go see your brother wherever he is. Go, now.”

 

Mr. Kang pulled you up, handed you your phone and bag with a couple of tissues and hurried you out the door.

 

Once you were outside, you ran to the street and desperately searched the road for a taxi. Sure, with a taxi ride, you’d be paying more than what a bus ride could offer you, but you needed to make it to Jungkook quick.

 

Hailing a taxi, you got on and with a rushed voice you asked the driver to take you to the hospital.

 

Once the taxi pulled up, you reached for your wallet, pulled out the last remaining pieces of money paper in your wallet and shot through the hospital entrance.

 

“Where is he?! Jeon Jungkook!” you literally screamed your brother’s name when you reached the front desk.

 

“Jeon Jungkook… And may I ask your relationsh-?” The nurse patiently asked you.

 

“I’m his sister! Jeon Junghee. His guardian!”

 

“Oh, why you made it quicker than expected. He is in Room 321 which is down on the third floor emergency room. Please take this pass with you and you will be allowed into his room, ma’am,” the nurse politely informed you as she handed you a card.

 

“Thank you!”

 

“And Ms Jeon, don’t worry too much about your brother! I’m sure everything will be alright.”

 

 

 

As soon as you were in the emergency room, you showed the ER nurse your card and she led you to your brother’s room.

 

“This is where he is. He’s been given some anesthetics which is why he isn’t awake yet. Once the doctors discuss his condition further, I will come get you to talk to you about your brother. Feel free to stay with him, and if anything happens, please press that call button on the wall to reach me.”

 

When she closed the door, you dared yourself to glance over at your brother’s face.

 

 

He was deathly white. He looked horrible. He looked terrible.

With tubes all over his beautiful face and arms and an oxygen mask wrapped around his small face, your heart broke.

 

“Wha.. What the heck are you doing here Jeon Jungkook..” you whispered at the unresponsive boy. “Just what the hell happened to you.”

 

You slowly let your feet take you to the side of his bed. You closed your eyes and looked away. You couldn’t bear looking at your younger brother so vulnerable.

 

Reaching down, you grabbed his hand in yours and softly drew circles on the back of his hand. You couldn’t describe with words the pain you were feeling both physically and mentally.

“Jeon Jungkook… Just why? Why would you do this to me.”

 

You fell onto the chair and buried your face into the blanket as you tightened your grip on his hand.

 

You didn’t even believe you could cry again when you were crying all the way here, but seeing Jungkook again, you couldn’t bear it.

 

You tried your best to cry softly and not let the pain get the best of you, but you couldn’t help yourself from the hiccups, heavy breathing and sniffling from your cries.

 

Jungkook frowned as he shifted to his left. “Ais..So loud.”

 

You jerked your head towards his direction and froze on the spot.

“Wha, what did you just say?”

 

Jungkook shifted once more and scratched the back of his neck with his available hand.

 

Knowing that the anesthetics were wearing off, you slightly shook your brother.

“Jeon Jungkook, wake up. Jungkook. Jungkook! Look at me, Jungkook.”

 

He groaned and finally squinted his eyes in your direction. “Noona?”

 

You grabbed his head and hugged him tightly against you which surprised your little brother.

“What.. Ug, noona… I-I can’t breath-e”

 

You let go of him.

 

“Where am I?” he looked around as you helped him sit up on the bed.

 

“The hospital.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You okay?” You carefully asked him.

 

“Oh…oh. What the. Noona! I don’t feel pain in my legs anymore!!” Jungkook said happily as he clapped his two hands together.

“Well of course. You were given anesthetics to suppress the pain. Jeon Jungkook, just what happened in school?”

 

 

“Nothing.”

“Stop lying to me.”

“Really, nothing. I was playing basketball with my friends, then all of a sudden I felt a sharp pain in my right leg and then I couldn’t move it. I think it was cramp… I don’t get why I had to come all the way to the hospital for a cramp..”

 

“Cause you out.”

“Oh. I didn’t know.”

 

You sighed, “Well, at least you sound like nothing’s wrong. You had me worried sick.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’? I thought I was going to lose my only brother or something!”

 

Jungkook laughed, “Oh noona, how old are you. Like five? Don’t you know who I am? I’m THE Jeon Jungkook. I’m a strong Busan man. We, Busan men, don’t ever lose to anything! I wouldn’t lose to death.”

Jungkook laughed as he watched the concern on his sister’s face.

 

“You sure nothing’s hurting you right now?”

 

“Mhm.. Nothing. Honestly, I don’t think I can feel my legs right now. They feel numb.”

“Probably the anesthetics.”

“Yup.”

“So you sure you think they’re cramps? The nurse told me something else.”

“I’m pretty sure they were cramps. I didn’t stretch before I ran around the basketball court. They felt like cramps.”

 

You ruffled his hair, “Let me get the nurse for you. And then let’s get you home.”

 

Jungkook nodded his head and watched you close the door behind you.

As soon as he made sure you left, his face scrunched up in agony and he gripped onto his right thigh.

 

“Aish…” His knuckles turned white as he tightly held onto his thigh. He bit his lips to suppress the painful scream that was about to spill out every time something seemed to struck him in the muscle. He heaved his chest to breathe as the pain was spreading through his whole body. Jungkook knew that you’d be coming in with the nurse soon, so he had to act like nothing was wrong, but the pain was just too much for him. He writhed from side to side as he tried everything he can to get rid of the sharp, stab-like pain in his legs and arms.

 

“.......-and he said he doesn’t feel any pain anymore so I believe I can take my brother back home and maybe give him a massage to relieve the cra-”

 

The nurse stood by the doorway and frowned. Your eyes widened as you hurried over to the hunched Jungkook.

 

“-Jungkook! Jungkook, what’s wrong!? Tell me, what is it? Does it hurt?” You shook his shoulder and lifted his chin up to look at his eyes. As soon as you did that, you regretted it. The pain he was feeling was spilling out of his eyes as they seemed to beg you to stop the pain from him. His right hand was still on his thigh while he lifted his left one and grabbed on your arm.

Shaking, he tried to smile, “Noona, I’m… I’m fine. Let’s go home now.”

 

“Miss, I do not think those are cramps…” The nurse gently whispered as she neared you. “He may need a full treatment. We are not one hundred percent sure as to what he is going through right now, but if you give us some time and more checkups on him, we will try our best to come to a conclusion. Till then, I suggest that it is best your brother stay here for a couple of days where doctors can be there for him.”

 

You grabbed onto Jungkook’s shaking hands. Jungkook shook his stubborn little head at you and pouted, “No! I want to go home with you, noona. I don’t want to be hospitalized!”

 

You brushed the hair out of his eyes and smiled.

 

‘Sorry,’ you mouthed at him and turned to the nurse. “Let’s get him hospitalized then.”

 

Pushing those memories away, you dried yourself up and dressed into comfortable clothing.

 

Walking out, you saw your brother stretched out across the floor with his hands folded on his stomach and eyes closed.

 

“You done?”

 

“Mhmm~”

“Jungkook, sit up, you need to digest before lying down.”

 

Jungkook sat up and looked at you. You were taking his dishes to the sink and folding up the dinner table.

 

Suddenly, “Noona.. Why don’t you ever eat with me?”

 

“C’mon Jungkook. You know I’ve never been a fan of dinners.”

 

“You don’t eat breakfast either though..”

 

“Yes I do. At the cafe,” you lied.

 

“Noona, you’re skinny enough. You look pretty and I bet you’d look even more breathtaking with some weight.”

 

“Well, thank you Jungkook.”

 

“I think my noona’s the prettiest woman on this earth,” he smiled at you.

 

“And I think my younger brother’s the most handsome. Now, let’s get you outside for a little walk.”

 

You brought over Jungkook’s shoes and sat in front of him.

 

“How’s your arm?”

“Hmm..” Jungkook looked up as he moved his arm around, “It doesn’t really hurt.. Just kind of sore?”

“ But you don’t feel any sharp pains?”

“Mhmm~” he watched as you slipped his shoe on his right foot.

“What abou-... Ha. What about your.. Your leg Jungkook?”

 

Jungkook looked down at his leg with sad eyes, “They feel stiff… Still.”

 

You patted his shoulder, “Don’t worry. You’re going to get better.”

 

“I wish.. But every doctor we met told us that they couldn’t do anything..”

 

“No Jungkook. I’m going to find a doctor who will help you. Now, done with that talk.. Let’s head out before it gets too cold for our night walk.”

 

You grabbed onto his hand and the two of you walked out.

 

Jungkook had a hard time walking through the streets, but you managed to hold onto him, tightly. It hurt you badly to watch the one that you loved suffer like he did. It killed you more knowing how much Jungkook loved to run on the soccer and badminton team. It pained you knowing that Jungkook was saddened by the fact that he couldn’t dance anymore.

But you had to put everything behind and even if he couldn’t walk well, you had to push him. Otherwise, the doctors told you, his leg muscles would stiffen completely and he’d have to live his life in a wheelchair.

You would do anything to keep him from getting worse to that point.

 

“Look!” Jungkook said as he pointed to the sky. “It’s snowing!”

 

You smiled as you watched him grin up into the sky. Oh! Just the things his smile does to you. His smile has the potential to brighten your worst days and it’s always contagious. Whenever Jungkook smiles, you smile. Whenever he laughs, you laugh with him.

You wake up everyday to see his smile.

His smile is your sole driving force that keeps you motivated.

He’s your only reason you continue to live this wretched life of yours.

 

“It’s the first snow of the year,” you replied to him.

 

“Yup!”

 

He had his arm around your shoulder as he heaved himself up the stairs. You hugged him tighter as you tried to help him up.

 

“Jungkook, you sure you don’t want to take the hill?”

 

“No. I’m going to make it up these stairs.”

“Alright, but once I see you struggling, we’re taking the hill.”

“You still say that yet you know how stubborn I am,” he grinned.

 

You guys barely made it up the last few steps before his body collapsed on you.

He was breathing heavily as you helped him sit up.

 

“See, I told you I could make it!” Jungkook stated proudly.

 

“Yes, yes you can Jungkook,” you smiled along with him.

 

You guys sat at the top of the stairs for a while until Jungkook was able to catch his breath.

 

You held the jacket tighter around his body as you felt the night breeze blow.

He leaned into you and closed his eyes as the cool wind struck his face.

 

“When will I ever live my regular life again..” Jungkook whispered, not expecting you to hear.

 

But you did, and you tightly closed your eyes as his words stabbed your poor heart again.

After a while, you quietly said, “You are living a regular life..”

 

Jungkook was startled to hear you. You hear him sigh.

 

“Let’s go home, noona. I want to go home.”

 

“Mhm, let’s go.”